A New Kind Of Grind

I woke up the next morning with my dick firmly lodged in some poor alpha's asshole. An initial attempt to tug myself out was initially unsuccessful, and drew a moan from the poor alpha I was stuck inside. Further attempts to dislodge myself were interrupted by that alpha kissing me deeply and hungrily.

I grabbed her hips firmly, cast a wordless [Grease] spell, and started to rock my hips; if she wanted me, then she could goddamn have me.

I was clearly still bleary and tired, because I didn't full remember the time between deciding to fuck her again, and cumming inside her asshole. Thankfully... that did wake me up.

"Morning," the alpha purred, as I carefully pushed myself up to see just who the fuck I'd-

Ah.

"So you do recognize me," King Rebecca Dorn said, grinning at me.

"...You know what," I said, "as much as this is clearly the result of me making several bad decisions in a row... This is not, in any specific regard, a uniquely bad idea. I have done most of the individual aspects of this before."

"Right, right, you have fucked a king before," Rebecca said, pointing at The Red King, Rachel Carmine, who was still asleep beside us. "I'm told you've also fucked a girlfriend's father before, too." Thankfully, Usagi did not seem to be in the room with us. "Now, fucking your wife's father, who is a king, on your wedding night, that is a pretty unique confluence of circumstances..."

"Incidentally, regarding my other liege, the Red King...?"

"We spoke, and I reaffirmed my house's commitment to aiding her people as necessary," Rebecca assured me. "She was very pleased with the help you gave her, and has been... shall we say, very accommodating, in attributing your help to me."

"Yeah, she was like that when we met, too," I said. "I don't think she would've liked the truth that Dorn was in no way, shape, or form planning to fight Vega for her sake."

"Well," Rebecca said. "That's not... strictly true. House Dorn's overarching ideological project does involve building up our military capacity to the point where we're confident that we can take on whatever army Vega musters, and force them to the negotiating table. If I'd known that guns weren't the dead end they seemed like, then I would've demanded greater research into pushing them further."

"Ah," I said. "So, my head full of advanced military technology...?"

"I am very grateful that I managed to convince you to build a futuristic army that would end up controlled by my daughter. I'll admit that I wasn't expecting all of this, but I'm certainly not unhappy with the surprise. Instead of just a temporary spouse my daughter was likely to like, followed by the sort of ongoing intellectual challenge I knew she'd love, I got all that and an army equipped with power armor."

"It'll also involve a navy capable of decisively destroying pretty much any wooden ship currently on the seven seas," I said.

"I wouldn't be so certain about that one," Rebecca said. "The Dark Elves have been the undisputed masters of the waves for the past three thousand years; their ships may be wooden, but they're also alive, made from an awakened tree spirit with its own potent magics and System access. Even with adamantine bullets, I wouldn't like our chances against a Level 15 Druid who's a thousand years old and shaped like a warship that's also carrying a crew of well-seasoned corsairs. I do know that Vega has a few living ships of its own, but... I'm less worried about those, and they are the ones we intend to fight. Still, perhaps be careful before picking a fight with the Dark Elves; I've heard enough rumors about their better firearms that I'm suspecting there's some truth to it."

"...I mean, to hear you tell the story, the Dark Elves are pirates, and I'm a representative of a state that has a navy. Fighting pirates to protect shipping is, uh. Kinda one of the big peacetime use-cases for a navy. I'm reasonably confident that, if we use my new navy to patrol against piracy, then we're going to have to fight the Dark Elves at some point. Which isn't getting into my complicated feelings about bandits, and my moral compass, but since I'm not going to be the commander in chief for that much longer..."

Rachel started to stir beside us, and blearily mumbled something out.

"Good morning, Rachel," I said. "I'm knotted inside the King of Dorn's asshole, and we're currently talking about naval warfare."

"That's m'girl," Rachel said, before yawning.

I was, thankfully, not the last to recover enough to get up and out of bed, nor was I the worst off after last night's revelries.

"You're the worst," Akane said simply as I approached the table.

"I'll take you at your word if I must, but... what is it this time?" I asked.

"We've been comparing notes," Akane said.

"I was accosted by three older bunnygirls who were quite eager to pass me around between them, using me like a toy," Nicky said. "And then a fourth woman, this one an alpha, showed up, and fucked all of us."

"Oh, I fucked your dad when I was drunk last night, didn't I?" I asked, addressing Akane.

"More than just me, but we're pretty sure," Usagi said, setting a plate of hearty breakfast foods in front of me.

"On a completely unrelated note, all three of us are pregnant again," Cecilia said. "This is despite none of us fucking each other, and having dragged ourselves and our little blonde toy off to bed after that alpha was done with us."

"...Well, Roxy, I'll grant you this," Rebecca said. "As ill-advised as fucking your king and father-in-law might've been, at least you didn't get me pregnant."

"You can thank your lack of a vagina for that," I said, burying my face in my palms. "If it was possible, I most definitely would've tried."

"There's a possibility that I'm the father," Nicky said, trying to help me out.

"That would only change which of you I'm mad at," Akane said dryly.

"Point."

"If it's any consolation, Akane," I said, "you're not the only one whose mom I knocked up."

"...Oh," Nicky whispered. "Oh no, no no no, Roxy no..."

"I don't like that the fact you haven't fucked one of my immediate family members puts me in a special club," Nel said.

"That's not a fact," I said simply. "I did in fact fuck your sister."

"Oh you cunt."

"Eyup," I said, nodding. "So anyway, I'm never drinking again. I'm not going to blame every poor decision I made last night on the alcohol, because I was sober when I fucked Valerie Vega, but good god was the alcohol not helping."

"I think," Haruna suggested, "for the sake of not aggravating anyone's hangovers too badly, perhaps we should table the arguments for now, and focus on eating breakfast."

The reprieve was welcome, and I began to eat.

"It's come to my attention, at long last, that you, Duke Roxanne, are planning for a war with Vega at some point in the near future," Rebecca said, that afternoon. "And that you, King Rachel, are also party to these plans. Duchess Penelope, did you know about this?"

"I wasn't aware, no," Penelope said. Aside from her, the fourth and last person in this very well-secured room was Rachel Carmine, who was now wearing her crown. "But... it does explain a few things."

"The plan is, ultimately, quite simple," I said, conjuring a simple illusory map of upper Azel, where Vega, the Red Forest, and a few other minor polities were, the borders clearly marked. "The Red Army has been kitted out with advanced weapons, weapons platforms, and other advanced military equipment courtesy of myself. Given this advantage, in addition to the brand new industrial base that has banished the harsh edges of subsistence and hunger from the Red Forest, it's my belief that the Red Army can, and will, conclusively defeat the Army of Vega in any battle that Vega chooses to give. Once the war starts, rolling the Red Army out to defeat the Army of Vega in whatever battles are given before the Red Army takes the capital would be fairly easy, and from there, the problem stops being military and starts being political." Accompanying this was a little animation of a human knight on horseback with a sword charging against an elfish soldier with a gun, who shot the knight right off her horse and started calmly walking towards the capital of Vega, whereupon a flagpole was raised, and a round table appeared with a bunch of humans and elves arguing with each other.

"And I take it you're making preparations for the political half of the war?" Rebecca asked.

"I am, yes," I said, nodding. I dismissed the current illusion, and replaced it with a family tree of House Vega, showing the current monarch, and the line of succession. "As you can see, the current King of Vega, by the name of Valencia of all things, is the younger sister of Valerie Vega, who quite firmly belongs to us. However, we are not going to put Valerie herself on the throne; she's agreed to marry Penelope after I divorce her, and instead, we will put Vanessa Vega on the throne. Partly because she's younger, and will be on the throne for far longer before a possible succession crisis, and mainly because I find her to be more generally tractable. Once we do ensconce Vanessa on the throne as the 'rightful' King of Vega, it'll be a slow but sure process of un-fucking Vega's governmental culture, until we can be certain that, even if Vanessa dies childless, and a more traditional Vega takes the throne, then we can still be confident Vega will never again make war upon the Red Forest."

"Hrm..." Rebecca hummed, pondering the situation carefully.

"I take it you'll want the use of the navy you've built, to blockade Vega's ports?" Penelope asked.

"That's not a given," Rebecca said immediately. "While Dorn joining this war would mean Dorn stands to benefit from it, should it go well, it would also mean that the Red Forest has to give us a seat at the table to determine what happens next, which they may not want to do, as they can't guarantee that we'd demand a war reparation from Vega that would be very politically inconvenient."

"Precisely," I said, nodding. "Ultimately, while this is the conclusion to the centuries-long war that gave birth to Dorn as a kingdom, it is not, actually, the case that Dorn has a material stake in the issue. Dorn doesn't like Vega, for historical and ideological reasons, but Dorn doesn't share a continent with Vega, and honestly simply isn't that affected by whatever happens in Vega."

"Which is why it's taken this long for Vega to face any serious comeuppance," Rebecca admitted. "Most Dornish Kings, myself included, treated the issue of Vega like a problem for future generations, to be dealt with once Dornish supremacy was more firmly established. Considering the relatively recent destruction of Shang... ultimately, if Roxy hadn't forced the issue, it could've been another four hundred years before Dorn finally dealt with Vega. We have been derelict in our promise to the Red King, and for that... I think they're well entitled to cutting us out of this."

"I do think there's a role the Dornish military could still play," Rachel said. "It is... a bit underhanded, but... it's worth considering, I think."

"Oh?"

"So, if you initially declare neutrality in the conflict..."