NOVEL SIMPLE Military Service Records: [ALPHA-555-12-4412] (Page 3)
Name: ALPHA-555-12-4412
Special Designation: Special Extraterrestrial Annexation Unit (SEAU)-01; “Star Conquer”
Species of Birth: Self-Actualizing Digital Lifeform (Sub-Designation: Sapient Artificial Intelligence)
Date of Birth: Feb 29, 6232 SFY-Third Era
Place of Birth: Orion Sector, Mintaka System, Third Orbital Military Observation Station, RR-4345-21
Department: Federation Expeditionary Forces - Vanguard
Rank: Lieutenant Colonel
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3003rd Federation Vanguard Battalion [First Contact]. - Commander
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201st Federation Special Operations [Expeditionary Military Intelligence Brigade] - Second-in-Command under General [REDACTED].
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Place of Service
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Deployment Location - Rotanev Prime (High-Orbit Elementary Academy)
Length of Service - 2 days
Notes - ALPHA-555-12-4412 is hereby banned from all future educational public service events.
Absconding with (without proper authorization) entire elementary classes and bringing them to active war zones does NOT constitute an age-appropriate field trip, no matter how educational orbital bombardments are. Or how much of a “Blast” the kids had.
Capturing dangerous, hive-mind Insectoid species and starting an illegal underground fighting ring is not the same thing as a beetle fight!
And genetically modified, 35-ton, fire-breathing lizards are NOT appropriate gifts for 8-year-olds, regardless of whether they “asked for a Dragon for Christmas.”
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Deployment Location - Antares (Alpha Scorpii)
Length of Service - 3 months, 2 days on-world. 5 months, 4 days with the target.
Notes - Alpha and all of his equipment are to be thoroughly searched at random intervals after missions. The last “Pet” he snuck back happened to be the crown prince of one of the largest kingdoms on the planet.
The paperwork alone has already filled up one of the storage units, to say nothing of the diplomatic and integration issues this is causing. Have a bloody Psionic scan everything if you have to!
Admin Addendum - Alpha, if this happens again, I'm going to install realistic bionics on your recreational android personally, and make you fill out the paperwork yourself. BY HAND!
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Deployment Location - Homam - 2
Length of Service - 1 year, 2 months
Notes - Articulate has formally requested that ALPHA-555-12-4412 reframe from posing as the “Demon King” and convince the native population that they need to “summon a Hero from another world.”
The Logistic and Diplomatic issues caused by deprogramming the populace and deconstructing the various statues and temples dedicated to Private Jackson are not worth the time and effort.
ALPHA-555-12-4412 is also ordered to return the “Grand Heart of the Old God” to the Jade Temple city as soon as possible. We don’t take war trophies, Alpha…
Admin Addendum: Si’dia’s suggestion to auction off the story right to several publishing companies has greatly subsidized the acclimation project. You got lucky, Alpha. Don’t make a habit of it... - Haldorðr
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Deployment Location - Altais (Delta Draconis)
Length of Service - 3 months, 7 days.
Notes - I’m surprised. For all intents and purposes, this was a near flawless mission. SEAU-2 has reported that the general population is extremely receptive to Federation help and is slowly recovering after you wrestled control of the army from that psychopath. Smart move to install the previous King’s daughter as Reagent as well. All reports suggest she’ll make a talented governor once things settle down. Well done, Alpha.
Just… try not to be so cliche about how you do it next time? Your report read more like a fantasy novel than it did a professional after-missions report. We don’t want a repeat of the Rorschach incident.
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Deployment Location - Atik (Omicron Persei)
Length of Service - 7 months, 3 days.
Notes - Two in a row! Again, well done! I knew you could do it! Good work, and do us proud! Be sure to stop by the Quartermaster later. I’ve prepared something special that should help ensure similar results next time. Good luck!
Admin Addendum-… It has been brought to my attention that this report is a near-verbatim copy of the previous report. Alpha, I don’t care how much you have to do; hiring ghostwriters to file your after-mission reports is not appropriate Expeditionary behavior. Or if they’re going to use the same story, at least change things up more… No one likes a lazy writer.
I expect an accurate, personal report on my desk by the end of the day, or the next report you will file will be by ink and quill.
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Deployment Location - Electra System
Length of Service - 203,453 years, 3 months, 3 days, 2 hours, 32 mins, and 56 seconds. (Alleged)
Notes - ALPHA-555-12-4412 was reported to have landed on an Unknown Suborbital Station in orbit around 17 Tauri (Electra) without proper authorization or precautionary measures.
Alpha then alleges to have been stuck in a Time-Loop aboard the station, forced to learn the “Power of Friendship and Sacrifice” by a previously unrecorded Sapient AI.
After breaking the Time-Loop after an alleged 203,453 years, 3 months, 3 days, 2 hours 32 mins, and 56 seconds, Alpha was returned to the point in time corresponding to his arrival in the system, at which point he checked it.
Later investigation of the station revealed its Quantum Batteries completely drained (previously thought impossible), and the monitoring AI had gone irrecoverably insane. Said AI was later humanly decommissioned.
Admin Addendum: Be advised that all events recorded in the following Action Report are purely based on the testimony of ALPHA-555-12-4412 and are not substantiable. Unfortunately, because of the nature of the supposed event, it is not possible to disprove them either. Leave this one to the Eggheads, fellows. - Admin Mark
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