An actress in our midst! (web version)

Pitch black hair with glowing white dots floated around her as she grinned down at the quartet of brightly dressed girls. Her own black and purple dress hugged her body and her trusty spear rested in her hand like a royal scepter.

She chuckled with an evil smirk and it echoed all across the city. Not because she was amplifying her voice using magic that much, but because Cody stood on a nearby building with a camera and the big screens all around the city were streaming this entire event.

“We meet again, magical girls! Just in time for the show to start! Oh, it’s going to be so much fun! Are you prepared to meet your end?!” Jessica howled.

Spark looked at her deadpan with lidded eyes before flicking them to Flame. Frost and Bloom were not so subtly holding hands and giving matching amused smiles.

“Tepes! We won’t be losing this time! Your reign of evil ends today!” Flame howled back, perfectly in character unlike the others.

“...So anyway, how’s this gonna work…?” Spark asked, ignoring the dramatics of the two. “And how did you even get enough time off for this nonsense?”

Jessica… No, the demon queen Tepes, momentarily scowled at Spark before returning to her previous haughty bravado. “Hmph! A queen has her minions she can delegate to. No problems there.”

“Yeah, you just don’t wanna do paperwork,” Spark jibed dryly.

“Anyway,” Teles barrelled on, ignoring the jabs. “Today, I prepared something special for you, magical girls!” She then ominously chuckled. “You see, I’ve recently come into possession of some interesting information.”

“Information…?” Flame obediently asked.

“That’s right! Information about a powerful demonic artifact that found its way into this very city!”

Even Spark frowned in concern now, thinking that maybe the old king’s cronies were back. Have they escaped their seals?

“Of course, I’m talking about the great, the legendary, the all-powerful, the one-of-a-kind…” She paused for a beat as all four magical girls leaned in in anticipation. “...MacGuffin!”

The four would have faceplanted if they weren’t flying in the air.

The demon queen splayed her hands outwards as a three-dimensional projection of a fancy golden scepter studded with gems appeared above her.

It somehow managed to look incredibly generic despite screaming ‘important’.

“Are you fucking seriou–”

“The great MacGuffin–” Jessica interrupted Spark’s complaint. “– is legendary and all powerful! Indeed! It can do anything! Including–” She peered slyly at Flame. “– letting you decide where exactly you and your new wife–” A brief glance at Spark. “– or husband, should go on your honeymoon!”

There was a moment of stunned silence as the four stared at the insane demon queen.

“...Seriously? Mark and I already decided–”

“And not only that!” Jessica once again interrupted Spark, making the magical girl scowl. “It gives the user the right to give one command to one other person if they manage to hit their butt with it!” “What.” “It works on anyone from among the magical girls or the demon army! Even the demon queen herself!” She hmmphed. “That’s me! Oh, how dreadful! I will need to make sure that this ancient artifact doesn’t fall to your grubby little hands, magical girls!”

Now Spark was interested. Okay, even if the butt-hitting requirement was really dumb, and even if the command thing was likely just a stipulation and not the actual effect of the ‘legendary artifact’, she was sure Cody would play along if she gave him a command with it.

Spark briefly glanced at the cameraman filming their ‘epic showdown’ and gave him a grin. Spark could have sworn he momentarily shivered.

“We will stop you, Tepes!” Flame valiantly shouted. “We’ll be the one to recover the artifact and then finally put an end to your reign!”

“Hah! I would love to see you try, magical girls!” Tepes then gave the classic three-stage villainous laugh and Spark couldn’t help but roll her eyes.

“Ah, what is this? It seems like one of my minions found the artifact's location!” Tepes declared. “Splendid! Now I just need to recover it for myself and then there will be nothing you can do! Mwahahaha!”

Everyone tensed and there was a beat of silence before Tepes suddenly gathered her magic and fired off dark magic shaped like fog in all directions, blinding the magical girls and forcing them to shield their eyes. By the time the smokescreen was over, they looked around and noticed with alarm that the demon queen was gone.

“Down there!” Frost shouted whilst pointing at a nearby building.

Tepes glanced back at them and gave them a cheeky smirk before floating inside through one of the open windows.

“Quickly, everyone! We have to get the MacGuffin before she does!” Flame declared and flew after her fiance.

“Oh my god, you’re actually calling it that…?” Spark grumbled and followed after her.

Frost and Bloom also followed with amused smiles on their faces.

The following wild goose chase – to which the editors then played appropriate music – received rave reviews. Especially when Carol, the minion with the MacGuffin, suddenly decided that she wanted to use the artifact herself and started swinging it around to hit someone.

Obviously, that was when the old guard got involved and Olivia somehow managed to wrangle the MacGuffin for herself and narrowly missed Jessica when she swung it.

And because that apparently wasn’t enough yet, Cody then abandoned the camera duty and joined the fray, screaming something incoherent about saving his own ass. Luckily, he wasn’t the only cameraman hired for this.

And as a grand finale, two adult women, barely even trying to disguise themselves, came out of nowhere and yoinked the MacGuffin right out of their daughter’s hands.

“Wha– Moms?!” Frost sputtered in indignation.

Things were just starting to heat up. The MacGuffin got passed around several more times without anyone managing to hit anyone’s butt. Everyone ravaged through the building booked for this event to get the MacGuffin for themselves in total chaos. The only people actually working as a team were the magical girls.

And then finally, the magical girls reacquired the forbidden artifact through impeccable teamwork, where Spark and Flame acted as a distraction, Frost created a path with her ice, and Bloom stole it right from Jessica’s hands.

“Ack! Curse you magical girls! I’ll get–”

Smack.

Jessica blinked mid-pose as the magically amplified sound of a butt-smack froze everyone in place.

“Wha– Why?!” Spark yelled in outrage as the MacGuffin exuded a bubble of golden magic that stuck to her butt and then quickly enveloped her whole, trapping her inside. “What the hell, Bloom?!”

Everyone stared at Pretty Bloom, who simply stood there, her Blossom Wand in one hand and the MacGuffin in the other, with a serene smile as she watched Spark get gobbled by the bubble.

“I win,” she then declared, breaking the silence.

“...Uh, yeah… I guess you do…?” Tepes confirmed, at a loss for any more words at the sudden betrayal.

“What is with the bubble?! I thought this was just a prop!”

Jessica sniffed and crossed her arms.

“Of course not! I don’t do half-measures! I made it myself…! Uh, I mean, I discovered it in an ancient ritual site here on Earth! Anyway, whatever! The winner of the Great MacGuffin hunt is Pretty Bloom! And the loser is Pretty Spark! Now you can order her to do anything you want! And she won’t be able to get free until she agrees to do it!”

Bloom’s smile turned wider and Spark couldn’t help but gulp. Was this some kind of karma coming to bite her for wanting to beat up Cody?

“Say, Spark… What happened to the BittyGame I lent you a month ago?” Bloom asked.

“...Uhm…” Spark suddenly felt very small. “I, uh, didn’t finish that one game on it yet…”

“Ah, I see. Why not? I thought you were very excited to play it?”

“Erm, well, I was, but you know how it is… Being a magical girl is tough work and I got too busy to play it… you know?”

“Hmm, I see, I see. So it’s not because you put it into the washing machine and completely destroyed it then?”

Spark paled.

How did she know?!

“Oooh… A sudden revenge subplot,” Jessica commented as she glanced at a camera. “Can’t say I expected that.”

“I… Uh… That’s not… I’m sorry! I forgot to take it out of the pocket! I didn’t do it on purpose!”

“Hmm. I see. Why didn’t you tell me though?”

“I… I was hoping you would forget about it…”

Were Nicole’s eyes always this cold and murderous? Why was she still smiling?!

“That was my very first BittyGame, you know…? My very first handheld console…”

Spark gulped.

“I-I’m sorry…”

“Are you…?”

“Yes!”

“Hmm… Well, how about you prove it then? Here’s my command: Bring me a heartfelt hand-written apology and an essay on the safe handling of handheld consoles and then recite them both in front of me–”

“Okay! Okay I can do that–!”

“– at the main city square while wearing a clown outfit.”

“Huh?! Why?!”

Bloom said nothing. She only continued to smile and stare Spark down.

“I… But… Why clown outfit?!”

She kept staring.

Spark wilted further and further until she broke.

“Okay, fine! I’ll do it!”

And with that, the bubble popped and she landed on her butt before she could catch herself with flight.

“...Well, that’s that, ladies and gentlemen!” Jessica announced to a camera while Spark lay on the floor, her expression twisted in anticipated agony. “That concludes the Great MacGuffin hunt! The winners and losers somehow both ended up being magical girls! We’ll see you later at the next event! Bye!”

The cameras turned off.