Born of Silicon

“Sorry it took so long. The security in here was crazy, but it’s gone now.” 

Kara, Simon, and Jared are all huddled behind Finn’s laptop. They give a small jolt of surprise at the sound of my voice. Deep lines of worry in Kara’s face disappear nearly instantly when she sees me. I didn’t mean to make her worry.

“I assume you were successful.” Monroe’s voice fills the room from behind me. I don’t think he’s moved since I started my hack.

“Of course.” That’s technically not a lie. I did what he asked, I just went a little further than I was supposed to. I even manage to keep my voice even and calm.

“Good. Jared, tell lab three to take another look at this. You’re all dismissed.”

Monroe turns on his heel and marches out the door with Jared practically running behind him to fulfill his demand.

“Well done, Blue.” Kara places a hand on my shoulder. 

“You’ve got to tell me what you found in there!” Finn’s voice is pure excitement. “The security was unlike anything I’ve ever seen! If we could recreate it-”

“Finn.” Kara cuts him off before crouching down in front of me. “What’s wrong?”

“Are there cameras in here?” I ask.

“No.” Kara shakes her head. “I took them out when I started sleeping in here. Nobody’s listening.”

Where do I even start? With the good news that we can save Kara? Or with the bad news that it doesn’t matter. Someone has the end of the world at their fingers and there’s nothing we can do but hope. 

I guess that’s not actually any different from how it was before I learned about it. Nukes can do the same thing and have been able to for years. That doesn’t make me feel any better though.

“I don’t want the world to end.” My voice comes out barely louder than a whisper.

That wasn’t the best way to start this conversation. Finn and Simons faces scrunch up with concern and fear. Kara, on the other hand, keeps her expression neutral.

“What did you find in there?” She asks softly. I don’t know how she’s so good at hiding her emotions.

“Over a hundred ways of ending the world. They didn’t even try to create countermeasures for most of them.”

I can see the fear on Finn’s face even clearer than when he was over-acting to teach me. However, he stays quiet and lets Kara talk despite his fear.

“Who has access to the data?” She asks gently.

“I don’t know. There was no identifying information or locations. It’s just scientific papers.”

“Did you give the military access?” Finn asks quietly. 

“No.” I give a small shake of my head. “It’s going to be impossible for them to decode.”

“Well that’s good at least.” Finn lets out a small sigh.

“What? No! That’s not good!” Simon speaks up for the first time. “Monroe needs to be informed, let me go get him.”

“You really think it’s better for the military to have access to more ways to end the world? They have enough.” Finn pushes himself to his feet.

“Someone has to figure out how to fight this, or would you rather we be at the mercy of some unknown group?” Simon asks.

“How exactly do you think they’ll make a countermeasure? Testing on some third world country again? Or maybe on US citizens like we did in the 60’s. Or maybe we’ll just go after whoever we got the laptop from! There’s no way attacking someone with world-ending tools could go poorly.” Finn is barely holding himself back from yelling, and with every word he gets more animated. By the end of his speech he’s flailing his arms around wildly.

“You can’t be serious. Kara, help me talk some sense into him.” Simon makes a vague gesture towards Finn, before turning back to face him.

“I support Blue.” Kara says simply. What would I ever do without her?

Simon's head whips back to look at Kara in disbelief. Finn fights to keep a grin off his face, but is unable to keep the edges of his mouth from curling upwards.

“Kara! Think about the future!”

“You think I’m not?” Kara’s face darkens. “I’m not going to be there, you’re right, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want the best for the future. I want the best for Blue, hell, at this point she’s basically my-” She cuts herself off and shakes her head at the floor, letting out a large sigh before continuing. “I’m leaving the future in the hands of the next generation.”

“The next generation.” Simon scoffs. “It’s not the next generation, it’s something I made a month ago. We’re not leaving the future to some unstable creation.”

It. It feels like a spike is being driven into my mind with every utterance. Even after everything he’s seen me do, I’m still just an it to him. Not alive, just some experiment. Kara, Finn, and Simon’s argument gets a lot more intense, but I tune it out. I drop myself in the nearest chair and retreat into my mind, blocking out everything.

Is it my fault I’m not human enough? I don’t even know what that means, much less how to be human. It doesn’t matter though. Maybe he’s right. I’m not human, maybe I don’t deserve a gender. I don’t deserve anything. Maybe this whole thing is just some make believe delusion I’ve been having.

My thoughts swirl around me, ever replicating themselves, drowning me in them. It’s all I can do to cull the worst of them and prevent myself from overheating. Maybe I deserve to feel like this for how dumb I’ve been. 

After a few minutes of my thoughts torturing me, I’m brought back to reality by a gentle tap on my shoulder. That alone is enough to wipe away my thoughts. I look up to Kara slowly, her face red with anger and the red spots on her scalp are glowing brighter than ever.

“Hey,” She says quietly. She’s out of breath, how long was she yelling for? “We need to head back to the lab, ok?”

“Ok.” I let her help me to my feet and watch Simon march out of the room. He turns right towards the stairs instead of left towards the lab. “Is he going to tell Monroe what I did?”

“I don’t think so. He’s just heading home to get some sleep.” Kara keeps her hands near me, ready to catch me if I fall. Unless my servos give out I’m not sure if it’s possible for me to trip on flat surfaces. “Are you ok?”

I give a small shrug in response.

“I blocked most of it out.” My voice sounds so tired. I didn’t even know I could feel this way.

“That’s probably for the best.” Finn pipes up from behind us. “It got a little heated.”

“Sorry.”

“Oh no, it’s not your fault.” Finn reassures me. “It’s far from the first argument we’ve had, and I’d be amazed if it’s the last. If anyone should be sorry it’s us, I know how much it sucks to be seen as less than human.”

“Do you?”

“Yeah, unfortunately. Kara can tell you the story sometime.”

The door to the lab slides open and we head inside. It doesn’t calm me down at all to be back in here. This isn’t my home, it’s closer to a prison that I’m never going to be allowed to leave. I lean against the wall and slide down to the floor. 

Instead of talking, Kara sits down next to me and places an arm around my shoulders. Her warmth and pressure helps to keep my thoughts at bay.

“Hey kara?” I break the silence after a minute..

“Yeah?”

“I kept a secret from you. I made a second voice. Is it- is it ok if I use it?” 

“Of course.” She reassures me.

“Thank you.” It feels good to show her my true voice, although now that I’ve used it I’m not sure what there is to say. “Am I warm?” I eventually ask her quietly.

“Mm hm. Very warm.”

I fully lean into her. She’s so skinny I can feel her ribs beneath my fake skin. I’m way heavier than my slim frame lets on, so I can’t put all my weight onto her. I don’t know how I’m going to handle it when she’s gone. I guess Finn will still be here, but he’s not the same. Hopefully I won’t have to find out.

Speaking of Finn, he’s sitting at his desk with his leg bouncing incredibly quickly. He’s looking over at the two of us regularly, with a concerned look on his face. He’s doing his best to not stare though, which I appreciate.

Only a few minutes later, I hear a soft snoring from behind me. It’s so good to see Kara actually sleeping for once. I close my eyes as well and just enjoy this feeling. This nice moment can’t last forever of course. Soon enough Kara jolts back awake from the sound of the door opening. 

Jared steps through, making no attempt at being quiet. Why does he always have to interrupt? I know he had no way of knowing Kara was sleeping, but that doesn’t stop me from being a little mad at him.

I guess I should have talked to Kara about the AI while he was gone, but her sleep is much more important. I’m certain she’ll stay late tonight though, so it’s fine.

“You did good today.” Jared says as he walks right up to Kara and I. I’m not sure what he’d say if he knew what I actually did. “Where’s Simon?”

“He went home early.” Kara informs him as she extracts herself from behind me. I make sure to help her stand up the best I can from my sitting position.

“What? Why?”

“Said he needed some time to think.”

I guess that’s technically not a lie, I’m sure he is thinking.

“Fine. He should have informed me first though. Get Blue put away, we have a meeting to attend, without Simon I suppose.”

“No time to celebrate?” Finn asks from his desk.

“Of course not, there never is. We’re leaving in five, get ready.”

“Sorry Blue, don’t think I can blow this off.” She reaches down to try to help me up. I make sure she doesn’t actually take any of my weight. “Let’s get you to bed.”

“Are you going to stay late?” I ask quietly. I know it doesn’t matter if the others hear, but it’s probably better to pretend to keep it a secret.

“Of course” she shoots me a wink. “I’ll be back soon. Now come on.”

I let her lead me over to the harness and step in. Only a few seconds later and my limbs are hooked in.

“Pretend to be asleep.” Kara whispers in my ear, so quietly that even I can barely hear her. “So what’s this meeting about?” She turns to Jared.

“Is Blue off already?” A hint of surprise in his voice.

“She turns off fast these days.” Kara gives me a small tap on my shoulder. Kara does an awful lot of lying for someone who doesn’t lie. “So what does Monroe want?”

“Cornel Monroe wants a full debriefing on today and Blue’s progress overall.”

“Again?” Finn’s voice is full of annoyance. “We just did one.”

“Well now we’re doing another. Now get ready-”

Jared is cut off by a blaring siren and flashing lights. I can’t help but open my eyes to watch.

“Fuck, is that-” Finn lets his sentence trail off into nothing.

“Finn! Get the barriers ready outside. Kara! With me! This isn’t a drill!” Jared springs into motion immediately heading to one of the walls of the room. He pulls a hidden handle in the wall, causing a small section of it to drop downwards. Behind the panel sits five sets of guns and armor, which Jared begins to put on.

“Blue! Wake up!” Kara’s hands land roughly on both my shoulders. Her face dominates my vision, filled with thinly veiled terror. “You need to stay quiet, alright? No matter what happens, don’t say a word and you’re going to be safe.”

“What’s happening?” I can’t keep the fear out of my voice.

“I wish I knew. That siren means an attack, but I don’t know anything beyond that. We’re going to keep you safe and hidden, just stay quiet. We’ll be back soon. I promise.”

Kara runs over to the wall, grabbing a bulletproof vest and throwing it on. She grabs a rifle as well, preparing it quickly with practiced motions. 

“Wait!” I desperately yell out, panic threatening to consume my mind. “Wait, let me come with you! Let me help!”

“Sorry kid, that’s too dangerous. If any of your cooling pipes get ruptured, your core would overheat within minutes. Little bit of an oversight, but we’ll take care of it when I get back, alright?” The first hints of tears have started to well in her eyes. 

She’s lying.

“I can stay safe! Just let me help, please.” Artificial tears begin to roll down my face once again.

“Hey, there’s no need to cry.” She reaches up to gently wipe away my tears just as the first faint sounds of gunfire reaches our ears. “I need you to listen. Whatever happens, I’ve always seen you as my daughter, and always will. Even if I don’t deserve to. I’ll be right back, love you kid.”

She turns around and begins to run towards the front door, followed closely by Jared who's carrying equipment for Finn in his arms.

“Please come back! Please. Don’t leave me.”

Kara doesn’t even look back as she leaves. The door slides shut and a loud grinding noise comes from the other side of it. I’m alone.

Gunfire can faintly be heard in the distance, and explosions rock the earth. Each quiet crack is a violent end to a life that drives itself into my mind like a spike. An end I’m hopeless to prevent. An end nobody can prevent. An end growing ever louder, ever closer.

After only a few eternal seconds the fighting slowly starts to die down, tiny moments of silence fill the air. It only lasts long enough for the smallest seed of hope to spout, only to be crushed beneath another explosion. The bursts of fighting get shorter every time, and every bullet fired is louder than the last.

Why do they just keep getting closer? Why aren’t we able to stop whoever’s attacking? If the guards can’t stop them, what chance does Kara have? I have to get out, I have to help. Or at least convince her and Finn to come back and hide.

My servos are designed for strength, but even running them at full force does nothing to free me. No matter how much I thrash and fight against my bonds, it’s impossible to escape. With every failed attempt, the bullets only grow closer.

Single bullets break up the growing silence, a transition from fighting to an execution. Why aren’t Kara and the others coming back inside? She promised. She can’t die.

A sudden increase of volume in the fighting marks that they’ve entered the building. One large burst of gunfire, followed once again by the scattered single shots. The sound is almost deafening, I can feel each shockwave pierce straight to my core. All I can do is sit here silently.

Another sudden increase in volume marks them reaching another floor closer. Another floor. A third, a fourth. One last burst of fire right outside my door and the world falls silent.

Kara has to be ok. She would never break a promise, never lie. She’s going to tell me all about how she hid, and about how silly I am for worrying. 

Any moment now, the door will open.