NOVEL SIMPLE Chapter 2 – The Great Horny Doge
"Wa- u-"
The faint whispers of some talking stirred Leon form his slumped. He rolled over on his hard bed, trying his best to ignore whatever the noise was and go back to sleep.
"Wake up, Leon."
The voice seemingly came from directly in front of Leon's face, so he turned around again, trying to put as much distance as possible between him and the source of his irritation. Leon's hand darted around him, looking for the covers he could draw over his body and head to smother out some of the light and sound. Sadly, his covers were nowhere to be found.
"This bi- I don't have the time for this shit."
Now that Leon thought about it, this didn't feel like his bed either... it was stiff like a board, not like his very comfy memory foam mattress. And where were his pillows?
*BONK*
Something long and hard smacked Leon in the center of his face, the pain jolting him fully awake. Shooting up from lying down to sitting, Leon quickly scanned his surroundings. He found that he was in some space stretching into infinity, with an orange backdrop and white floors. Leon was also able to quickly find the culprit responsible for assaulting him, which was a baseball bat seemingly floating in mid-air as if it were magic.
Reaching out, Leon tried to grab the bat, but it swerved out of the way before *poof* it just disappeared.
"Good; now that you are awake, we can get on with business."
It took Leon a few seconds to orient himself, and when he finally did, he realized that a booming voice was coming from above him. Craning his neck up, Leon's eyes bulged as his jaw dropped open in shock. The backdrop in this strange space wasn't orange; it was just the color of what was in his way.
Sitting before him was a Shiba Inu that was so large that colossal was the only way to describe it. The animal only seemed close, but it must have been miles away; otherwise, Leon wouldn't have been able to fit all of it in his line of sight. The scale was truly incomprehensible.
"Wha- what are you?"
Those words were the only thing Leon could squeeze out in this situation.
He wasn't sure how the animal could understand him or why it could convey emotion so well, but upon hearing his question, the Shiba Inu gave off a smug smile.
"I am the God of Horni, and I have decided to bestow upon you the great honor of my sponsorship in your next life."
"The God of whatnow? Wait, next life? Does that mean I'm..."
Then, it all came back to Leon. He recalled himself slinging mad rope to Harley Quinn porn before someone was about to barge into his room. The last thing he could remember was tripping and hitting his head on something hard.
"Dead, yes. You died a tragic death. The person who uploaded the video you were masturbating to had thought it clever to prank people by including a fake knocking noise and someone saying they were coming into the viewer's room."
Leon's mouth was agape. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.
"In you're bumbling attempt to stop a nonexistent intruder from coming into your space, you tripped on your own underwear and slammed your head hard into your desk, killing you."
"I- Tha- ... Huh?"
"Do not worry. The person who made such a nefarious creation has been punished, and he now has an incurable affliction that causes their genitals to wither away. Cursed to forever be horny but have no way of releasing their frustration."
At this point, Leon wasn't really paying any attention to what the giant Doge had to say anymore. The absolute ridiculousness of the situation finally broke him. He wrapped his arms around his legs in the fetal position, and he quietly sobbed.
"I can't believe I fucking died to a prank in a porno."
"Do not fret; while your life has been wasted, I have deemed you to have died for the cause. Because of the manner in which you died and the fact that you were denied your release, I was able to take custodianship of your soul through my authority on all matters, Horni. With my powers, I can send you to a world of your choosing, with your memories and ability of your choosing, as long as it is reasonable."
That caught Leon's attention. Looking up from where he lay, he rubbed a tear from his eyes and looked at the massive Shiba Inu.
"You mean you can send me to the DC universe?"
"Of course, but it will be a world that resembles various forms of the media, you know, and not a specific world. Even the multiverse has its rules, and you can not be allowed somewhere directly connected to your past life as it might alter the space-time continuum."
Leon didn't understand the logic, but it was clearly above his pay grade, so he didn't spend too much time thinking about it. And frankly, who cares? He was told he could travel to a place where the DC characters are real. Superman, Batman, Powergirl, Raven, Wonder Woman, and the list goes on and on.
Thinking about his favorite female characters also got his mind spinning.
"You said I could have an ability. Does that mean I can have any ability I want? Can I be a Kryptonian?"
"No, to bestow upon you an ability, it must be something that dwells within my realm of control. Meaning it must be related to being horni."
That... That was something Leon could work with.
Upon hearing that, Leon got up from the ground. There were already a hundred ideas buzzing through his mind. Things he could do, and more importantly, who he could do it to. Leon had to calm himself down before his imagination could run too wild.
"Thank you so much for the opportunity. How does the process work?"
Seeing Leon recover, the God of Horni gave a satisfied nod.
"We will go over the specifics like your looks, the world, and power. When you are satisfied, I will send your soul to your new home where you can live your best life. We will start now."
Just as the God finished his sentence, a game-like screen popped up before Leon. On it was a non-descript body and sliders like in video game character creators. Rubbing his hands and grinning, Leon got to work right away.
-SOMETIME LATER-
"Are you satisfied?"
Leon turned his face left and right in a mirror that the God of Horni summoned. Looking back at him was a striking, handsome man with grey eyes, black hair, strong jawline, and fit as a whistle. It had taken a while, but Leon could tweak his form until it resembled an idealized version of himself.
Besides being taller, more fit, and generally better looking, the God of Horni also guaranteed that this was the body's baseline and couldn't be altered without extreme circumstances or through a system Leon would get once he was in the new world.
Sure, if his old and new selves stood next to each other, they would look like separate people instead of twins, but the resemblance was still there. He still wanted to take advantage of the chance to modify his looks. Still, he didn't want identity disorder, after all.
"Very"
"Then it is time for you to leave."
Whisps of purple matter appeared in front of Leon. The strands circled each other and grew denser until they coalesced into a portal.
"The best of luck to you, Leon. May you live a long and full life in this new world."
Leon turned to The Great Doge and gave a short bow. He wasn't sure the best way to express his thanks to the God of Horni, but he hoped his sincerity would be displayed.
"Thank you."
After giving his thanks, Leon faced the portal and walked through with a grin on his face, ready to make this new world his bitch.
