Casual Heroing

“Gaius, it would mean a lot to me if you were to keep this conversation to yourself. You are a good friend to Joey, and I didn’t want to knock you out. I’m not disguising my stupid niece – it shall be a humbling experience, this one. But I would prefer if you could keep the details of everything you just heard to yourself.”

Stan has a kind hand on Gaius’s shoulder, and I swear I have never seen the big Elf so close to crying.

“Yes. Yes. Sure. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry,” Gaius apologizes profusely.

“It’s fine,” Stan nods amiably. “Your family is noble not just in name, Gaius. Carry your name with pride and conduct yourself as it befits your heritage.”

Dude, Stan has gone full-Gandalf wisdom, I swear.

“You all,” Stan turns to the Royal Guard. “Scutter off. The best of you shall come back in civilian clothes to work here and keep an eye on your Princess. If she attempts to escape, you have orders to restrain her with force.”

Then, Stanimal sorts out five people who will be the security detail of the woman by my side. Said woman is finally catching up to reality.

“What’s happening?” she whispers, incredulous.

“Stan will teach you not to hate Humans by making you work with me, I guess. Plus, he’s going to make you not disguise yourself. So, everyone will know that the Princess is working in a little bakery in Amorium. If I had to guess further, I’d say that we are going to see an awful lot of each other since the rest of the people working with you will be too scared of you to treat you normally—I mean, wait. I’d say that most of the ex-homeless employees probably won’t care too much.”

“That is a good point, Joey,” Stanimal finally addresses me directly.

The Royal Guard has been shown the door, and even Gaius is going now.

The few employees staring from the kitchen, mainly Tiberius and Quintus, are frozen stiff. Luckily, we didn’t plan to open for lunch. It was just those two workaholics. Still, we might have a lot to explain to the others too.

“Tiberius, Quintus, I don’t need to explain anything to you, do I?” Stan stares at them, and the kitchen door shuts immediately. “Good.”

Stan turns back to us.

“You took the looks after your mother, Laura. But it seems you have taken after her the venomous heart too. I believed in Julius, but it seems like he failed to raise you properly. Your father is a good man, but his wife snaked the control of his daughter away from him. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be so disrespectful, arrogant, and hateful.”

“Man, Stanimal, go easy on her,” I say, feeling bad for the poor girl. Her mother has just been dethroned.

Stan smiles at me.

“She wanted to have you murdered, Joey. The Royal Guards would have killed you without batting an eyelid. If I hadn’t been there, you would have died.”

I wave a hand.

“Stuff happens; forget about it.”

Stan stares at me with his deep eyes while stroking his silvery beard.

“Grigio, pick up her scent,” Stan says suddenly. “If she tries to run, drag her back by the leg through mud and filth. She will have a very interesting walk of shame if she decides to go against my orders.”

Man, that sounds nasty.

“Joey, I believe I have a lot to explain to you,” Stan dips his head almost imperceptibly.

“What? Are you resigning?” I laugh. “If you are not, Stanimal, you have nothing to explain. This is quite the common trope. The choice not to disguise the princess earns you points for originality. But the rest is pretty standard. So, why should we talk about it? You just threatened the King of Elves to change who’s sitting on the throne and basically spanked him. If someone has anything to say, it’s me.”

Stan raises his eyebrows at my words.

“I messed up, Stanimal. I shouldn’t have attacked. It’s just, you know, when it comes to my mother, something goes off in me. I feel really bad for almost blinding her permanently,” I grimace at the thought that I could have caused permanent damage.

The old, silvery man stops for a second to look at me with a compassionate expression.

“The truth in your words, Joey, is worth all my trouble,” he replies with a more relaxed expression. “As for you, child.”

Stan looks around before going to a table where he gets an apron and a headband. Both are not particularly clean.

“Strip off your armor and wear this. You will scrub the floor until Grigio can see his big snout in it.”

Oh, man, Stanimal.

This is going to get very ugly and embarrassing, isn’t it?

“Yo, Stanimal,” I intercept the order before the old man can lose his marbles again. “Why don’t I show the ropes to the Princess? You were supposed to come with Lakaris and Claudius, right? Just leave her to me and go fetch them.”

“I’ll stab your guts at the first chance I get,” the idiotic woman hisses.

“See, we are already friends, Stanimal; off you go!” I smile. “Princess, there’s a free room above; it’s the last to the right. You can use that if you are going to stay here. You can change there. Maybe wear something casual? I’ll get you a clean apron.”

Look, I don’t care about this woman, but I also don’t like to witness too much conflict. With her character and Stanimal’s stubbornness, this thing could get really stupid really fast. So, I’ll try to help her a little, ok?

“Spoiled child, if you touch one hair on Joey’s head, I’ll have your mother executed. Is that clear?” Stan thunders.

This time, reality seems to sink into Laura’s heart.

Her visage trembles for a second, but then she nods briefly.

“Come on, Stanimal. Leave her to me,” I flash a thumb up to the man before hurrying him to the door. Grigio shows his teeth to me, but I reply in tone with a tongue.

As soon as I see Stan out of the door, I let out a big sigh.

“So, before you think about stabbing me,” I turn around, but I find tears on the woman’s face.

Oh, shoot.

I make my way toward the kitchen door and peek inside. Tiberius and Quintus have left, thankfully.

“Yo, Princess, come with me, please.”

I keep a safe distance from the crying woman. She doesn’t even pay attention to what I just said, so I add: “I’ll be making something in the kitchen for you. You are free to join when you feel better.”

Sometimes it’s better to leave some space for grieving people. This girl just cost her mother’s throne.