Casual Heroing

Now, the chances of my second enemy being a [Pyromancer] are not that high, but neither are they low, right? But what are the chances of this man being a [Pyromancer] and being even fatter than the first? Like, is this the Nine Towers Academy, or is this a boot camp for overweight [Mages]? Next thing you know, Disney and HBO are making a documentary about this.

A very menacing young Danny De Vito look-a-like strides to his position, his double chin held high and complacent.

“You might have bested that shrew, but you are dreaming if you think you can do the same with me! I’ll show you the difference between an incompetent [Mage] and one that has trained for a decade! You buffoon! That pathetic display will not save you from…”

I stop listening.

Man, is this the Pokémon league? Did I miss something on the way? Like, how is this not the most cliché response? Shouldn’t there be more personalities among my opponents? Or are they all the cringy type of villain? I mean, maybe they were cherry-picked based on how much they hate Humans.

Mh. That could be.

Talking about Humans—wasn’t this place supposed to be more multicultural—

“Begin!”

Adriana’s abrupt shout startles me.

The man has already conjured a flaming shield and is quickly creating a giant and dangerous [Fireball]. Said [Fireball] never materializes. I was distracted when he made the shield, but now, I’m here.

The [Pyromancer] tries to conjure [Fireballs] so hard I’m getting worried. What if this guy has a stroke, and I kill him just like that? Man, I don’t want an idiot like that weighing down on my conscience.

[Greater Chain Flash]

This is my signature spell to take care of stupid monsters in the Dungeon. Monsters don’t really have any way to dodge a [Flash] variation to their eyes. And this is just brighter and repeated. I’m immune to it by now. Lord Juler told me that even the most idiotic [Mage] should have wards against that type of attack. In fact, he went on a massive tirade about personal wards during duels. That’s part of the reason I was so sick on the trip to the academ—

“AHHHH!”

Huh?

The man is on the ground, clawing at his eyes.

“I’m blind! I’m blind!”

What?

I haven’t even put the [Flashes] near his eyes. I have learned my lesson from that time with Princess Laura. I wouldn’t risk this idiot losing his eyes even if he looked like he ate pastries all day instead of practicing [Fireballs].

I look at Adriana, who’s standing at the edge of the arena and looking at me with a stunned expression again.

? Wasn’t I supposed to do that?

“Is there a problem?” I ask her.

“Ahem! Joey Luciani blinds his enemy and wins!”

Once again, I raise my big belt in the air and let the metal boxes run the chant. Then, I do the celebration once again while they ferry away the poor [Pyromancer]. That guy is going to hate light for a while.

This time, I take my time parading around shirtless and hat-full, with the belt above my head. I try to look as smug as possible, hoping that my personal smack-talk-cum-show will unsettle not just these opponents but also the actually dangerous ones. Yeah. It’s tactics. I mean, 50-50. Part of it is tactics to make them underestimate what I’m capable of—the other part is just me being myself.

Ohhh. Shoot. I should have oiled up my torso. That would have made me look all shiny, Lord Juler.

Noted.

…

As soon as they sort some stuff out, my next opponent is announced. Apparently, three out of three are [Pyromancers]. And fat. Is this a thing? Am I missing something? Are they fat because they can cook stuff on their own? Do [Pyromancers] have something to do with burning calories? Like, their class?

A [Pyromancer] doesn’t need to be fat. Nor is there any benefit to it.

Well, that’s an interesting lesson.

Why are they fat, then?

Elves. Like Teiko, they are a bunch of effeminate—

And here we go with the casual sexism. I mean, not that you would expect any super-progressive stances from a medieval [Lord] and [Supreme Archmagus], would you?

As I’m considering how to school Lord Juler on the importance of gender equality, something happens. Adriana has not announced the start of the match yet, but the fat [Pyromancer] raises a wand toward me and insta-casts a [Fireball].

Little piece of sh—

I’ve trained my reflexes with the goddamn book and Lord Juler, you bastard. Did you think you could get away with this just because? And this idiot has not even raised his shield yet! He just wants to hit me with a [Fireball].

Through [Advanced Mana Sense], I can see that his wand dies immediately after one use. In fact, the [Fireball] coming out of it is no common [Fireball].

That’s a siege spell.

A [Siege Fireball] the size of two tall Elves starts moving toward me. I don’t think I have to explain that if that hit me without any ward or protection on my body, it would cook me alive in less than a second. This is not something you use in a duel; this is something you use to kill.

Anger courses through my veins at the sight of so much pettiness. How can a stupid Elf try to kill me just because I’m being an idiot? What’s in your head, sawdust?

And do you think you can kill me with a pathetic [Siege Fireball]?

[Siege Fireballs] are very slow, especially when cast from wands. The polarity needed to move such behemoths is greater than one might think. And this idiot cast it in a straight line – if you want to make it efficient, you should cast it high up in the sky and let gravity help.

The matrix of this whole thing is loose and shoddy, but it’s already in the real world. There’s no dispelling such a huge thing before it reaches me. I could have done it if I had been more distant. But, alas, I’ll have to brute-force it.

[Advanced Light Lance]

[Overcharged Polarization Field]

That’s a sweet skill I have acquired while messing with photons and whatnot. And do you know what it does?

I overcharge the Mana in my [Advanced Light Lance], keeping it at its neutral element. Then, I shape an [Overcharged Polarization Field] as you would with a portal. Think of it as a donut. And when [Advanced Light Lance] goes through it…