Cultivation Retirement Plan (BL)

bgm: thoughts of the gentleman

At the center of Star Pavilion Sect was the main courtyard where the disciples gathered for sect-wide events and proclamations. It was also the first place visitors stepped foot upon entering the sect and gave them an impressive view of the nine peaks that towered over the arena on all sides. Unbeknownst to outsiders, Ye Xinglin had also built the sect’s ice prisons right beneath the courtyard. Here were imprisoned the worst offenders, usually captives from any of the demonic cultivation ways in the Middle Realm or disciples who had committed grievous crimes.

Ouyang Che led him to the entrance and stopped, saying he’d wait outside until Mo Yixuan finished. The latter followed his directions and eventually ended up in front of the cell containing Nan Wuyue. Most of the prisons were empty, there being no reason in peacetime to fill up the rooms. All Mo Yixuan saw was the young 15-year-old sitting cross-legged in the center of a blue seal array etched into the ground. His hair and face were tinged with frost, his lips and fingers blue. 

The reason these were called the ice prisons was because Ye Xinglin had buried the beast core of an ice serpent into its foundations. The seal arrays in each of the prison cells were designed to restrain its occupants in absolute frost, halting their qi circulation and rendering them immobile. Depending on the cultivation level of its prisoner, the prolonged freezing could permanently damage their spiritual veins and even render them crippled for life. For the likes of Nan Wuyue, whose cultivation level could barely be on par with a paltry outer disciple, such torment was simply courting death.

Mo Yixuan took a long look at the boy’s taut expression and shut eyes before moving to dispel the array as Ouyang Che had instructed. The seals abruptly faded and their prisoner toppled forward with a gasp. The next second, he scrambled to his knees and peered out the cell with wide eyes.

“...Shizun.”

The moniker chafed at him now, making Mo Yixuan crease his brows slightly. But Nan Wuyue all but half-ran, half-crawled to the bars and clutched them with his hands.

“Shizun, you—you’re alright? I thought—” Nan Wuyue bit his lip, his eyes staring intensely at Mo Yixuan’s face. “I didn’t expect you to come…”

“Because you thought I’d be dead?” Mo Yixuan countered.

“No!” Nan Wuyue almost wanted to reach out and clutch the silk robes just on the other side. Yet he controlled himself with a violent shudder and shook his head. “I was wrong. I never meant to—if I’d know it was you…”

How could he explain himself in a way that mattered? He wanted Mo Yixuan dead, not this—whoever it was that had replaced him. He was sure now more than ever that this man was different. When faced with pain—with suffering—he had shown defiance and then tried to embrace his own death. His original master would never go to such lengths when his life was in danger.

“...who are you?” Nan Wuyue finally croaked out.

Mo Yixuan felt like mocking him. “I am Mo Yixuan.”

“Impossible!” Nan Wuyue rejected instantly. “I know what he—what my master was like. You aren’t him. You haven’t been like him since that day in the Qi Refining Pool.”

Four days in excruciatingly cold isolation was enough time to reconsider many things. Thinking back on all that had happened, Nan Wuyue came to the startling realization that this Mo Yixuan hadn’t done anything to actually hurt him in the time they’d spent together. This man had cooked for him, fixed his training, and took care of him after his kneeling stunt in the rain. In return Nan Wuyue had stolen, stabbed, and tried to manipulate him with a literal vise around his heart. He was the metaphorical serpent biting the hand that tried to warm his icy world.

“You aren’t him, are you?” Nan Wuyue asked again, almost desperately. “You’re different somehow...changed since you came out of that pool.”

“What exactly did I do to you?” Mo Yixuan asked instead.

To Nan Wuyue, his question was more or less a tacit admission. The boy’s heart surged with mixed emotions—surprise, relief, silent anticipation—but he schooled his features and went on. 

“Shizun, I promise you, I never meant to injure an innocent person.” That was partially a lie. He was ready to raze Star Pavilion Sect to the ground in his last life, but his ultimate goal had always been self preservation. “I was forced to act in order to survive.”

“What did I do?” Mo Yixuan repeated. To him, this was the crux of the conflict. More than Ouyang Che’s insinuations or his flashes of intuition, he needed to hear the story in Nan Wuyue’s own words.

Nan Wuyue faltered as his inner doubts flared up again. If this ends up being a trap…

But the next second he wanted to laugh at himself. He’d already attacked a peak lord and gotten thrown into the ice prisons. It was only a matter of time before Fei Chenling came down on him with a vengeance and expelled him from the sect. How much worse could it get? Of course, he could always run off to the demon realm afterwards and establish his footing there, but what if? 

If there was a chance to salvage his mistakes and rebuild the past, wouldn’t he seize the chance? Hadn’t he been aiming for that with his revenge all along before this man upset his expectations? Nan Wuyue’s smile turned bitter as his eyes drooped. “What did you do…? What didn’t you do?”

Mo Yixuan had heard his tone of hopelessness before. But while he faced injustice with despair and now indifference, Nan Wuyue was still caught up in the throes of hurt and rage. 

Despite this, his story was short and succinct like a report. The original Mo Yixuan seemed to have his sights set against the boy as soon as he was taken in. He was never mistreated in public, but intentionally misguided and misled. Three months ago, he discovered his master had been purposely teaching him the wrong things to sabotage his training. Not only that, he had been crippling Nan Wuyue’s cultivation base with special pills every month that supposedly boosted his qi reserves while damaging his spiritual roots over time. That didn’t include the multiple ways in which Mo Yixuan turned the sect against him, painting him as incompetent or stupid and making him a target for abuse and jealousy. 

For the boy with no family or friends, his shizun was his entire world, even if that had long turned into a living Hell. Eventually, his respect and admiration for his master quickly shifted to pure hatred.

“I stopped taking those pills already,” Nan Wuyue finished. “But at the rate he was going, I’d probably be dead within a few years. And for what? If he wasn’t happy with me, why keep me around at all? What kind of sick bastard gets satisfaction from beating down someone who can’t fight back?”

Ironically, that was an answer Mo Yixuan wanted to know himself. Why would a man like Shangguan Yin derive so much pleasure from leading him on, only to crush his hopes and will to live at every step? Sadly, both of them were forcibly separated from their tormentors before they could ask any questions.

Nan Wuyue hesitated. His story was incomplete—speaking only of his days in the sect and nothing about what happened in the ten years afterwards. As much as he needed to explain himself to this man, there were some secrets he would take to the grave. “After this, I—what will you do?”

“What do you mean?” Mo Yixuan continued to regard him calmly. Even the flare of defiance he’d shown Nan Wuyue at their last confrontation was nowhere to be seen.

“You and I—what happened in the past…” Nan Wuyue trailed off. “Will I be expelled from the sect?”

“Do you still want to cultivate?” Mo Yixuan asked. “When you know it’s brought you nothing but grief?”

“Yes!” Nan Wuyue sat up a little straight despite the freezing pain running through his veins. “I have nothing left in this world… I used to think, I could cultivate and make something of my life. At least, I thought I had the potential.”

Mo Yixuan closed his eyes and rubbed his temples. He couldn’t even be surprised considering how much of Nan Wuyue’s stubbornness he witnessed in person. This was the kind of person who held onto a thought and never let go.

“Even if I have to die for my actions, at least let me die a disciple of Star Pavilion Sect,” Nan Wuyue added quietly. I’ll curse it with my body and stain it with my blood.

“Why go so far?” Mo Yixuan asked. “Won’t you be happier with a normal life?”

“How would I be happy seeing everyone else leave me behind?” Nan Wuyue retorted. Let him grow old while his tormentors cultivated in the Way and outlived him for hundreds of years? He might as well cut himself to pieces to serve his enemies on a platter! Vultures would always be vultures, eager to tear into the human heart.

Everyone dies eventually, Mo Yixuan thought. Out loud he said, “If the sect leader took you in—”

“Not him!” Nan Wuyue exclaimed before doubling over in pain. “Ugh...”

Sensing the boy’s qi growing unstable, Mo Yixuan silently moved to channel some of his own internal energy to stabilize his flow. Ouyang Che had mentioned how harsh the ice prisons could be, so this must be Nan Wuyue’s body finally giving out against his restraints. 

The boy gave a start as the warm fingers caught hold of him, gaze suddenly softening as he flickered to Mo Yixuan’s face. Although the other’s expression was wooden and even cold, he suddenly felt that this man had treated him gentler than anyone else in his two lives. 

In the silence, Mo Yixuan looked up questioningly. “Better?”

“Yes, shizun,” Nan Wuyue replied and saw how Mo Yixuan half-frowned.

That’s right, from the start he never considered himself to be my master. But if he was?

If he...actually cared…

Nan Wuyue quickly woke from his thoughts when Mo Yixuan withdrew his hands back into his sleeves and out of sight. It was then that he noticed the man was dressed differently than usual. Before he could ask, Mo Yixuan spoke up. “Why not the sect leader?”

“Because he doesn’t trust me,” Nan Wuyue muttered.

“I don’t trust you either,” Mo Yixuan pointed out mercilessly. Nor did he plan to again, knowing how Nan Wuyue could go berzerk in an instant. He could accept outbursts and even deal with violence, but the idea of anyone forcing him to do something he didn’t want repulsed him at the core. Shangguan Yin had toyed with him enough in the first life; he’d be an idiot to let that happen again.

“I…” Nan Wuyue couldn’t refute that. “I’m sorry, it was this disciple’s fault…”

“Nor do you trust me,” Mo Yixuan added.

“Shizun,” Nan Wuyue argued, because despite all differences they were still master and disciple now, “I’ll...I can change. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to again—I’ll listen to whatever you say, and just focus on cultivation. Is that all right?”

Mo Yixuan looked at him and shook his head. “You’re not suited for cultivating at Star Pavilion Sect.”

“You!” Something tight and terrible seized Nan Wuyue’s heart. Was Mo Yixuan cutting off all paths for him?! How was a direct rejection any better than his original master’s schemes?

“I’m not finished,” Mo Yixuan went on when he saw Nan Wuyue getting agitated. “You’re quick to emotion and impulsive; you’d be better off cultivating in one of the demonic Ways.”

It was as if cold water had been dumped on Nan Wuyue’s head. He looked at Mo Yixuan and doubted his hearing. “What?”

“Demonic cultivation,” Mo Yixuan went on calmly, “focuses on harnessing the emotions and indulging one’s desires. It’s the complete opposite of celestial Ways that sever sentimentality. Don’t you think you’re more suited for that instead?”

A low laugh rose from Nan Wuyue’s throat as his eyes grew dark. “Is shizun saying that I’m better off as a demon?”

“You don’t want to?” Mo Yixuan’s reply was perfectly serious.

“Demonic and celestial sects have always been enemies!” Nan Wuyue cried. “Aren’t you worried I’ll become a full-fledged cultivator one day and slaughter my way to Star Pavilion Sect?”

“And then?” Mo Yixuan’s eyelids didn’t even flutter. “You’ll kill us all?”

“Sure,” Nan Wuyue hissed back. “Every single one.”

“You really are better suited to be a demon,” Mo Yixuan sighed.

“Shizun, are you that anxious to see me fall from grace?” Nan Wuyue demanded. 

“What you do is none of my business,” Mo Yixuan’s tone was crisp.

“Even if I threaten your life one day?” Nan Wuyue challenged.

“If and when that day comes, I’ll end my life personally,” Mo Yixuan replied. It wouldn’t be the first time.

“Do you hate me that much!?” Nan Wuyue couldn’t believe it. 

“When was this ever about you?” For the first time in their conversation, Mo Yixuan’s expression shifted. His brows creased as his mouth pursed into a line. “Your life is your own, to keep or kill as you see fit. Don’t drag me into it.”

“You…” Nan Wuyue’s eyes widened.

“That’s right, I don’t care.” Mo Yixuan rose to his feet. “Dead or alive, demon or deity, your path is yours alone. The most I can do is start you walking.”

“And what if I don’t want to leave?” Nan Wuyue asked instead. “If I’d rather walk with you as master and disciple, just like before?”

Mo Yixuan’s frown deepened. “You don’t want that.”

“I do!”

“You almost killed me over it.”

“I never meant to kill you. You’re different. Everything about you is...not like him,” Nan Wuyue said quickly. “Shizun, give me another chance—”

“No.”

“I don’t have anyone else left!” Nan Wuyue finally grew desperate. “My family is dead. I’ve never made any friends. After everything that’s happened, who will accept this disciple after you abandon me? The sect leader’s so fond of you that he’ll hold a grudge against me no matter what he teaches. Even if I make it to the demon realm, what are the chances I’ll survive there without any strength or support?”

Mo Yixuan remained silent.

“One year!” Nan Wuyue went on. “Just give me one more year. Let me join the Inner Disciple trials and qualify for the inter-sect competitions. When I’m strong enough to stand on my own, we can part ways. Everything you do for me, I’ll pay back double!”

“One year…” Mo Yixuan echoed. He looked at Nan Wuyue who seemed on the verge of falling apart and felt a dull jolt in his heart.

He’s still only a boy, after all…

“Shizun.” Nan Wuyue pled. There was no anger or arrogance in his tone—only a childish anguish.

Mo Yixuan might be indifferent, but he wasn’t heartless. He knelt down and studied Nan Wuyue thoughtfully while the other held his breath. The wide-eyes on the too-thin face stuck out prominently in the shadowy depths of the frigid jail cell.

In the end, he wasn’t a complete monster.

“Then let’s make a deal,” Mo Yixuan compromised. “Until you reach adulthood—or grow stronger, whichever comes first—you can stay by my side.”

“As your disciple?”

“Yes.”

“And you’ll teach me?”

“...as best as I can.”

—

{extra}

[Mt. Jingting Disciple] Nan Wuyue has changed his relationship status from Core Disciple to It’s Complicated.

[Lord Amidst the Clouds] Shi Feng has changed his relationship status from [redacted] to Single and Looking.

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