Discount Dan

Although the Codex regularly provided me with valuable insights about the Dwellers who inhabited the Backrooms, this was the first time I’d seen a direct research report. It lacked the general assholishness of most of the entries, which meant it probably wasn’t being delivered by my Localized Administrator. This was also the first time I’d ever seen an inquiry directly contributed to the Researcher—though interestingly, it was marked as a Junior Researcher.

I’d always just assumed there was only one Researcher, but according to the date on the report, this entry was over five thousand years old. What if, once upon a time, there had been more than one Researcher? I wasn’t exactly sure what the broader implications of that would be, but it would help to explain why everything was such a shit show now.

There was also an interesting tidbit about early trauma inhibiting the proper formation of the Mimicore Node, which probably explained why Croc was the way it was. There was nothing I could with that information at this point, but I tucked it away for later.

Now I had a working idea of how mimics were able to do what they did, though, I was reasonably confident I could reproduce that effect with my fancy new door minions.

First, I harvested all of the Nodes I could find. Although many had been badly damaged or outright destroyed, I found thirteen that were still intact. More than enough for what I had in mind. Next, I started collecting mimic eyes. The report had mentioned that those eyes served an important role in the creature’s ability to “more seamlessly integrate with its natural environment,” so I figured the more the merrier. And I had a lot of mimic eyes to work with.

I added them to Horror’s arms and legs, then shaped pieces of crustacean exoskeleton for extra protection. By the time I was done, the door looked like some kind of biblically accurate angel. Which is to say, absolutely fucking terrifying. In the case, however, that was actually a plus. As a boy, I’d read the Bible cover to cover at least one time through on the instances of my mother. Honestly, a lot of it hadn’t made a lick of sense, but if I’d learned one thing, it was that no one—and I mean no one—wanted to fuck around with a biblically accurate angel.

Figuring out how to attach the Mimicore Node took a lot longer than I’d like to admit, but eventually I found a way to integrate it with the creature’s broader nervous system. All it required was a little open head surgery and a very strong stomach. Once I was reasonable sure everything worked properly, I added a Basic Camo Kit Relic to power my newest Frankenstein monstrosity.

The Undead Doorway Sentinel was… Horrifying didn’t seem quite strong enough. Keeping with the whole biblical theme, an Abomination unto the Lord seemed like the only phrase that truly fit.

But thankfully, my scheme worked like charm, and the creature was able to transform just like a normal mimic would. With a command, its gangly arms and segmented crab legs disappeared, and its malformed head merged seamlessly with wood, until all that remained was a single, freestanding hotel door. Then, to finish off my masterpiece, I slapped one of my available Doorway Anchors to the front, and mumbled a soft prayer that this would work.

The anchor plate attached without an issue and when I tested the door, I couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of smug satisfaction as it connected to the shop’s main entryway.

It was… Perfect.

A thing of true beauty and wonder.

Now, instead of simply plastering my anchors on random doors, I’d be able to plant Doorway Sentinels. To most casual observers, the Sentinels would look like an ordinary doorway, but they’d also be able to serve as added security against the Aspirants who were busy trying to blockade my entryways. If any Aspirants showed up to fuck with my customers, the doors would simply go into attack mode and start butchering anything that got in their way.

And, if the Aspirants managed to kill one of the Sentinels. So what? It would simply return to its own storage container, where I could repair it and redeploy it elsewhere. The Sentinels would also be able to relocate at all, moving locations when one spot became compromised. Best of all, the security camera still worked even while the Sentinel was “cloaked,” which meant I’d have real time surveillance monitoring of all of my entries and exits. This wouldn’t fix all of my problems, but it was certainly a step in the right direction.

With my proof of concept complete and functional, I spent the next eight hours painstakingly crafting more of the Sentinels.

I only had enough material for four more, but that was plenty for now.

Once the gory work was complete, I spent another hour removing previously established doorway anchors, then plastering them onto my new security team. I planted one Doorway Sentinel in the Lobby, and another on floors one, three, four, and five. I skipped the second floor entirely, because that whole level could suck a bagful of dicks, and decided against planting one on level seven, since that door was already close to Howlers Hold and I planned to relocate it inside of safe harbor before much longer.

At my current level, I had eleven total Doorway anchors plus my personal VIP anchor, so I still had several regular doors scattered across the floors. Thankfully, I also had enough security cameras to go around. Installing them was a gamble, since it was possible my enemies could destroy the cameras, but that was a risk I was willing to take. Until I could get more Doorway Sentinels up and running, I needed a way to keep an eye out for potential threats and this was the easiest way to do it.

I also installed five of the remaining eight security cams inside the store as well, just to be on the safe side. I doubted the Aspirants would be able to get inside but in my experience, people could get up to all kinds of trouble even if they weren’t part of a demonic death cult. I placed one up by the checkout counter, another in the pharmacy, one more in the employee breakroom, then two inside the storage-room-turned-Delver-hostile.

Once I was finally finished, I walked Camo Joe through my new upgrades and gave the golem standing orders to radio me if he spotted any of those twatwaffles from the Skinless Court screwing around with my doors.

Satisfied with the changes I’d made, the only thing left to do now was take care of my personal stats. I’d leveled up after obliterating the Shart-Stain Golem and I still needed to deal with my outstanding Titles situation. The mysterious VIRUS system that governed the Backrooms allowed me to amass Titles like a prepper hoarding rolls of toilet paper, but I could only have ten active title effects at any given time. Thanks to my new Profane Purifier Title, I now officially had eleven, which meant it was time to cull herd.

The store only had a single Progenitor Monolith, located at the front of store. Sandwiched right between the checkout counter and the concession stand. It was a blocky, slate-gray box which resembled an old-school ATM. The machines were extremely dated but despite their rather humble appearance, they served as the sole access point to the VIRUS Upgrade Interface Portal. Having one in my store was a godsend for newer Delvers who couldn’t finish integrating without access to a Monolith.

I pressed my hand against the scanner and waited as a faint thrum of arcane power surged through my arm. The sensation was warm, but not altogether unpleasant.

The customary welcome message flickered across the digital display.

Welcome to your Personal Upgrade Interface Portal, Dan Woodridge, Specimen Biotag ID #03A-01-B00R7T569C! As always, the VRD is dedicated to making the best version of you through the multidimensional technological innovations of the VIRUS (Variant Individual Registry Upgrade System, Iteration 21.2). Please use the Monolith Keypad to select an available option from the menu below:

Subspace Storage System

Delver Interface Portal

Research Department Job Board

Learn About the Variant Research Project!

Prize Gallery

I pressed number 2.

The menu disappeared, quickly replaced by my Specimen Bio-Report.

Every Delver had their own SBR, which was a comprehensive personal file, containing dozens of different tabs documenting everything from biometric and medical readouts to meta-reality information—whatever the hell that was—and completed Research Achievements. I didn’t pay much attention to any of that garbage, though.

Instead, I toggled over to the Overview Screen.

A floating 3D avatar of myself appeared above the Monolith; beside it was my Specimen Tab, which was basically a fancy-ass character sheet. It listed all of the most pertinent information I needed—name, race, attribute stats, equipped Relics and, of course, Titles. I had five Personal Enhancement Points to spend, and even though I’d been putting most of them into Resonance and Perception, I decided to drop the whole lot directly into Grit, bringing it up from 12 to 17.

Maybe it was a rash choice, but I was tired of getting kicked in the metaphorical teeth by psychic attacks and after tangling with the Hotel Lodger on the fifth floor, I’d made a pact to do something about it. An increased Grit score would help me do exactly that.

Dan Woodridge

Specimen Biotag ID #03A-01-B00R7T569C

Variant Assimilation Level: 23

Race: Human, Archetypal

Current Experience: 36,250

Next Level: 41,500

Personal Enhancement Points: 5

__ __ __

Health: 77

Health-Regen/Hour: 3.35

__ __ __

Stamina Reserve: 47

Stamina-Regen/Minute: 3.75

__ __ __

Mana Pool: 122

Mana-Regen/Minute: 9.75

Individual Adaptative Stats

Grit: 17

Athleticism: 16

Toughness: 15

Perception: 24

Resonance: 55

Preservation: 8

Spatial Core - Active

(U) Runic Resonance Trap – Level 5

(U) Fault Spike – Level 5

(R) Unhinged Taxidermist – Level 5

(R) Mental Micromanagement – Level 2

(R) Existential Dread – Level 5

(R) Pressure Washer – Level 5

(R) Sterilization Field – Level 5

(F) Neural Slip Stream – Level 5 (Fully Tempered)

(F) StainSlayer Maelstrom – Level 5 (Fully Tempered)

(ME) Compass of the Catacomber (Fully Tempered)

!!! Current Titles – Passive !!!

Punch-Out!! Champion, Deathwish, Marked for Death, Weapon of Opportunity, Legend in the Making, Overkill Overlord, Barracuda in a Barrel (E), Human Cannonball, Cold-Blooded Murderer (E), Bloodbath, Profane Purifier

I quickly scrolled to the bottom of the SBR, where my Current Active Titles were displayed. That whole section of the report was an angry red color and strobed like a police siren. A new message appeared immediately below the title section.

You have earned 11 Titles! You may only have 10 Active Titles Equipped at any given time. Please select a title to remove. You have twenty-four hours to comply. Failure to do so will result in all of your titles being rendered inactive until the issue is resolved. Please note that Barracuda in a Barrel (Evolving Title) cannot be unequipped at this time.

I scanned through the list and whenever my gaze lingered a little too long, a description would populate.

Overkill Overlord – Gain a 2x Experience Bonus when dealing more than 10 times the amount of damage necessary to kill any opponent.

Flicker…

Marked for Death – Deal 15% additional damage to all Aspirants of the Skinless Court!

Flicker…

Weapon of Opportunity – Deal 5% additional physical damage when using a melee weapon that can also be classified as a tool.

All of the titles were zany and insane. Some were basically worthless, like Human Cannonball—which decreased fall damage, but only when I was bodily used as a projectile weapon—while others, like Punch-Out!! Champion, were considerably overpowered. But this wasn’t a hard choice to make. I knew exactly what title I wanted to do away with.

It stood out like a festering wound.

Cold-Blooded Murderer (E).

I’d earned that one by killing my first Delver—a member of the Red Hands, named Natasha Anno. She was an Aspirant and one of the shitheads who’d tried to murder Temperance for the unforgiveable crime of having one of my Twinning Rings. Despite being in the Marine Corps and serving overseas in an active warzone, I’d never actually taken a human life before. I’d been a truck driver, not some hard-charging grunt, kicking in doors and tossing frag grenades.

Natasha had been my first kill and I still saw her face in my nightmares.

I couldn’t take back what I’d done, and I wouldn’t even if I could. Natasha had been a bad person, and there was no doubt in my mind that she would’ve killed me if I hadn’t killed her first. Despite the unsettling dreams, I had no regrets. I’d done what I had to do. Period. End of story. Still, I wasn’t proud of killing her either and seeing that title, Cold Blooded Murderer, every single time I opened my SBR felt like having someone stick a knife into an unhealed wound.

The worst thing was, the title was powerful. Far better than most of the others.

Cold-Blooded Murderer (E) – Earn 2 x Experience Points for Delver Deaths. Like I said, this shit gets easier and easier every time. This is an (E)volving title.

Not only did it grant double experience for all Delver kills, it was an evolving title, which likely meant the more Delvers I killed, the better the Experience Point boost would become. Honestly, getting rid of it was probably a stupid idea. I was at war, after all. But it didn’t matter. It was the right choice. I was more than happy to engage in some light bribery with Ajax and, unlike Jakob, I would absolutely kill other Delvers if push came to shove.

This, though, was a line in the sand for me.

Natasha Anno hadn’t always been a bad person. Once upon a time, she’d been a hapless newb like me. Just another poor schmuck who’d had the terrible misfortunate to noclip into the Backrooms. Before that, she’d had a life of her own. Probably, a normal life with a nine to five job, a boyfriend or a husband, and a few hobbies she liked to do on the weekends. Maybe she’d enjoyed knitting or playing tennis. Maybe she’d volunteered at her local foodbank.

I’d never know for sure.

But she ended up becoming a monster, and if I leaned into the Cold-Blooded Murder Title, I had a feeling my road would lead to the same destination. Make no mistake, I would do what was necessary to survive, but I also needed to be able to look at myself in the mirror at the end of the day. Better to die as a man with some semblance of honor, than to live as a monster with a conscience so dirty not even a bunch of Lundry Brownies could get it clean.

Removing the Cold-Blooded Murderer Title didn’t permanently get rid of the thing—in theory I could restore it at any point—but watching it disappear from my Current Titles was rewarding as hell.

With a self-satisfied grin, I closed out of the Monolith Interface and went to find Croc. It was finally time to pay the Hold another visit and settle up with Ajax. I had a trade empire to build and the sooner I could settle things with the Howlers, the better off I’d be.