Dungeon 42

Co-workers

Chapter 30

Neutrality was humming to himself as he picked out his vending machine lunch. His work on the dungeon core Evil had pushed off on him was proving interesting.

He'd expected to find most of the issues with it were due to Evil's sabotage. The truth was turning out to be more complicated.

Evil had certainly disadvantaged the core, but not in particularly profound ways. Turning off the help desk was annoying, but it wouldn't have mattered much if it were on. Not with how they closed ninety percent of tickets.

The real problems Neutrality noticed had deeper roots than he'd expected. They laid not in the top-level settings but in the code of the interface itself. That was a place that Evil didn't venture casually, if only because of laziness.

Some unexpected changes and faults were to be expected. Any system Chaos had significant influence over would alter and shift no matter what anyone did. What Neutrality had found wasn't random mutations, though. What he was combating were intentional changes.

To that end, Neutrality had moved all of the core's data off the central server into a sandbox. Running it on a system mirror, he didn't have to worry about an update ruining his work by restoring the faults.

"Nuuu!" Evil hissed in bored annoyance. They were waiting for their turn at the vending machine, but Neutrality ignored them. He'd felt annoyed with Evil at first, but now it settled down to his default level of mistrustful dislike.

Neutrality glanced back with pursed lips but didn't say anything. Despite the incident with the password, Evil hadn't used his name since. He didn't mind it but couldn't understand why.

It seemed like an obvious way to make insults more personal. That was the sort of thing Evil adored. On second thought, he reconsidered. He'd seen them reduce an intern to tears with a slight head tilt once. Maybe his name was too much of a low-hanging fruit.

"Nu, everything in that machine tastes like shit. Punch some buttons already," Evil complained.

"Yeah, but if you get the right combination of shit, it tastes okay," Neutrality replied with false innocence. Even he didn't believe that magic formula existed. His only problem was that he couldn't decide if he wanted savory or sweet.

Evil raised a disbelieving ocular ridge. They didn't complain further, and Neutrality did try to make up his mind quicker. If he was too long about it, they might demand he prove his claim.

Neutrality chuckled a little at that. As much as Neutrality disliked Evil, nothing they did fell strictly outside of what could be called work. The same could not be said of Chaos.

The last time Chaos had looked like they were working for a prolonged period still made him shudder. All of the interfaces in the office had started vomiting raspberry jam.

Neutrality had spent a very sticky week learning four coding languages and two actual languages to sort it out. That Neutrality was accepting intentional sabotage as "work" by comparison was a sad thing. Yet, such was life.

"Fuck, look who's gracing us with their presence," Evil groaned theatrically. The vending machines were located in a nook just past the lounge and elevator lobby. Plenty of other employees were present, but Neutrality had a bad feeling about Evil's tone.

It was an odd thing, being a system admin. You had your side, but you also had to play nice with ones you were in opposition to. The powers that be said, keeping the system up and running was the priority rather than factions. So like it or not, everyone played along.

Mulling over the various strange bedfellows he had to deal with, Neutrality caught sight of Good. They were moving with purpose through the lounge toward the vending machine nook. The nook they had no reason to even acknowledge because they always brought their lunch.

"Oh," Neutrality squeaked, failing to keep his discomfort in check. Showing weakness in front of Evil wasn't a bright idea, but he couldn't help it. Where people slunk away from Evil's path, they sought out Good with open affection. They basked in Good's grace, saying hello or stopping them for a quick chat.

Neutrality was trying to become one with the shadows and drab wallpaper of the nook.

"Neutrality, that's your lunch? You have to eat the best to be at your best," Neutrality flinched at the memory of Good's words. Every day at lunch, he'd heard them, just after that reassuring hand landed on his shoulder out of nowhere.

Neutrality had taken to eating in the bathroom to avoid that. He'd asked for a transfer to a new office to avoid that. Now months later, Good was looking for him, and Neutrality felt nothing but dread.

"Times up," Evil said suddenly. They reached over and pushed some buttons at seeming random. Food fell down, and they grabbed it from the slot and shoved it at Neutrality.

Despite the rough gesture, Evil didn't actually touch him. Neutrality had to scramble to catch the food as it slid down his chest. The shock of it broke Neutrality out of his thoughts.

Good looked away as someone greeted them. Neutrality took the opportunity to make a break for it. He could eat hiding under his desk as easily he normally ate at it. He'd done an emergency drill to that effect just after his transfer.

Neutrality knew there was no honor to be had in avoiding his problems but didn't care. It wasn't until he was almost to the office that he noticed Chaos running toward him. Or at least making motions like someone running. The way they were flapping their appendages implied an attempt at speed, even if it didn't quite manifest.

"Where's the fire-" Neutrality was cut off as he was shoved hard. Instead of slamming into the wall, he found himself tripping across an unexpected distance. He landed heavily on thick carpet. For several jarring seconds, he wondered if he'd died. It felt like he'd landed in hell, between the red lighting and faint smell of piss.

The blare of metal music and mirror gave away he was just in Evil's bathroom. It was filled with the melodic growl of Cuked by Death. It wasn't his idea of a good time, but he often heard it leaking out of Evil's headphones to recognize the metal band.

Chaos had shoved him through a wall. The how was best not thought about. The why was a more troubling issue.

Getting to his feet, Neutrality made a point of washing his hands. He had no desire whatsoever to know what kind of horrors the black shag might have been marinated in. He also studiously refused to look at the toilet.

It would be clean, but he couldn't get over the horror of the padded shag carpet seat cover that matched the lid cover. He'd used it once before in desperation. He hadn't been able to shake the sinister feeling of a furry toilet seat for the rest of the day.

Compared to that sensation, whatever was dripping down the walls was easier to process. The faint oozing gave off a sweet scent and never quite touched any of the metal posters pinned up.

Neutrality finished scrubbing his hands nearly raw. As clean as he was going to be with burning his clothes and giving the rest of his body the same treatment, it was time to go. He did his best to ignore his environment as he headed for the door. It was locked.

"Seriously?" Neutrality muttered to himself, head resting against the door. Chaos was Chaos, but they'd never done anything like this before. It was one of the things that made the change in office assignment bearable.

As much as they might distract him, waste his time, or ask him to do things for them, his new coworkers didn't interfere. Or at least they hadn't before. Locking him in a bathroom was definitely interference.

"Oh my, is Neutrality not back yet?" Law's voice faintly filtered through the door. Neutrality felt himself freeze. Seeing Law in the building usually didn't bother him, but this was the office, not some random elevator or hallway.

Neutrality couldn't help a shiver. He recognized Law's tone of voice even before he heard a rustle of paper. It was the one sound that always heralded bureaucratic doom.

Outside the bathroom in the office, Law surveyed the area without apparent emotion. Non-regulation appliances, excessive personal effects, several fire hazards, there was a lot to take in. Especially since one of the fire hazards appeared to be escalating into an actual fire.

There was a lot to see, but Law wasn't interested. They gave the code violation rich office a cursory visual scan before they focused on their target. The single clean and orderly desk in the whole room.

Neutrality's, with its neat name plaque, stood empty along with the rest of the room. Only a multitude of cold ceramic eyes from the gnomes on Chaos's desks seemed to be watching.

Law shifted their weight, a stack of paper reaching from their navel to clavicles resting in their hands. A brief smile flitted across their lips as they looked at the 'in' tray on Neutrality's desk with ill intent.

"Then I'll-" Law took a few steps closer to their target. A slight tingle of pain in their hand gave them pause. A misaligned staple had pricked their thumb. They ignored the annoyance, ready to set the stack down as a hand slammed down, blocking the tray.

"Whatcha doin?" a sinister voice inquired, words rolling like molasses or congealed blood from their lips. Evil was standing close enough that Law could feel the chill radiating from their body. Close but not quite touching, mouth set in a display of teeth that couldn't be mistaken for a smile. One just shy of wide enough to qualify as hostility, according to the employee manual.

"Neutrality has made some errors in his recent work. Particularly in regard to the use of proper forms," Law said but didn't try to set anything down. Instead, they backed up half a step to try and establish a personal bubble. Evil slid into the gap, both shielding the desk and continuing to violate Laws personal space without contact in a single move.

"Are you his immediate supervisor?" Evil asked.

"You're aware I'm not. I'm a system admin," Law said as if unbothered despite their earlier retreat. Respect for personal space, like holding elevators, was not a rule but rather a social convention. As long as Evil didn't touch them, no law was broken.

"Did a supervisor or other superior designate you to bring Neutrality anything on their behalf?" Evil continued.

"No," Law said flatly.

"So you took it on yourself to... what? Compile a mountain of who knows what and force it on him like you had some kind of authority?" Evil asked and laughed with cold eyes. Evil didn't seem to move, but even as Law stepped back again, the distance between them didn't decrease.

"I get it Law, you're used to dealing with everyone being in spineless awe. Neutrality never questioned anything you dumped on him when he worked in your office, but this isn't your domain. I will bring you up on harassment charges," Evil leaned in and purred the last part in Law's ear. Law drew back as if they'd been burned, shivering with a look of disgust.

Threatening Law with a rule wasn't something many would ever think to try. From under their desk, Chaos let out an eerie giggle, and Law felt the eyes of the various gnomes turn hostile. No, this office was not part of the domain of Law, let alone order.

"Do let Neutrality know I stopped by," Law said before turning to leave. Evil waved as they left. The smile they'd pasted on dropped as soon as Law was out of sight. They had kept it out of their voice, but now they were panting from having dashed from the lounge.

"I'm going to jam that stack up their ass in triplicate if they try that again," Evil growled. Chaos nodded as they came out of hiding. Evil's eyes drifted to the bathroom door before returning to Chaos.

"Good came sniffing around earlier too," Evil said matter of factly. Done speaking, they went back to their desk and put on headphones. It was a quarter of an hour before Chaos finally let Neutrality out of the bathroom.

Neutrality didn't complain about how long it had taken. He gave Chaos a thankful smile and got a nod in return. Toward Evil, he didn't quite know what expression to make. Evil didn't do things they didn't want. By the same token, that didn't mean their motives were benign, even if what they did was helpful.

It didn't matter, though. Going back to his desk, Neutrality took a can of Chaos beverage from his stash. He debated a moment then and set it down across the divider on Evil's desk along with one of his vending machine trail mix bars.

Neutrality wasn't thanking them for the save with Good or Law. Evil likely had personal or work-related reasons for that. No, he was thankful for something different. The debt of gratitude satisfied it was time to figure out what had prompted Good and Law to take an interest in him.