Dungeon 42

Our Sweet Burning Home

Chapter 60

In the morning, after the game, I went to find Agony in the lava area and see him off. He looked as reluctant as I felt, but I didn't say anything. He'd already explained that he had to go back, and drawing things out would only make it harder. So instead, I gave him a cheek nuzzle that he returned with a hug.

Weirdly Agony had also seemed to have made friends with Christopher. The troublesome skeleton showed up to send him off of his own volition. I hadn't stayed for much of the after-party for the league so I’d missed out on the apparent bonding.

"Thought you might like this," I said, offering Agony a can of chaos soda.

"Thanks, 42," Agony said appreciatively. I watched him head for the portal when I noticed something odd. Usually, the can said soda on it when I bothered looking. Not a frequent occurrence since it didn't indicate the flavor.

"Whis" was partly visible in the cola font. If I was right about what I was seeing, it was more likely that Agony was just hungover rather than feeling sentimental about departing. It also explained why he'd asked me to talk softer though my average volume didn't bother him before.

"Hey-" I started a moment too late. Agony waved to me as he disappeared into the vortex of the portal.

"I think I just gave him a can of booze bigger than he is," I said to no one in particular.

"Heh, was wondering if you'd catch that," Chris replied and made a grinding chuckle noise. Like the other skeletons, he was physically mute. Despite that, he somehow managed to create approximations of the teeth sucking 'tch' sound and laughter.

Both were feats he'd accomplished without any of the fleshy components or breathing customarily associated. I got the feeling that if he'd had them, he'd be the guy who could make all manner of sounds with alarming accuracy at parties.

"I'm very observant," I replied with a sigh. Since it was cola for me, I'd assumed it would be for everyone who tried one. I was going to have to think of something new to call it. That "Chaos Beverage" was the first thing that popped into my head confirmed I was still bad at naming things.

"Anyway, since you're here, you're going to be my assistant today," I said flatly. By assistant, I meant I was going to drag Chris around with me to keep an eye on him. He seemed to be at the epicenter of most shitstorms. I figured I'd give the rest of the skeletons a break. That didn't mean I couldn't phrase it nicely, though.

"Oooh! Can I make traps!?" Chris asked, excited.

"We'll see, though I'll definitely let you have input in picking them. I'm working on the lowest layers today. I've been neglecting the hounds a bit," I explained.

"So I can help with their stuff?" Chris asked, excitement growing.

"Yes," I said decisively. It didn't matter that this had started as a thinly veiled punishment. Chris was responsive. That was more than I usually got out of him if mayhem wasn't involved. I wanted to see where this would go.

Chris followed after me happily as we headed down into the red stacks. I could have teleported us, but I liked the act of moving around manually, as Agony had put it. At least when I wasn't pressed for time or needed to get somewhere otherwise challenging to reach.

The bottom layer of the red stacks where my core was left a lot to be desired. I'd spruced it up as I went to make the hounds more comfortable, but that was a relative statement. It had none of the separations or spaces.

"So, the first thing is going to be making an employee-only space. Like the necropolis," I explained while I worked. It was easy to make an empty chamber then slide all the lava stuff over and into it.

"It's a little trickier than with you guys, though, because they need a lot of space for running and puppies," I continued. That got me yanked around without warning. Chris had a hand on my shoulder, which was more than enough to overpower my weird physics be damned body.

"They have puppies?" Chris asked me in a deathly serious tone. I felt my orbs flutter. This was the kind of voice that actually lent a bit of credence to the idea he'd have been the sort of person who desired to be an assassin in life. I struggled mightily not to laugh at the incongruity of the question.

"Not yet, they want to, but this place isn't suitable yet," I replied with false calm. Chris let go of my shoulder, nodding as he did. I didn't expect him to be an animal lover, and it might only apply to these particular burniation machines, but it was cute.

"So, with that in mind, we need to make their private area secure. That means looking through the shop to find something to hide the entrance. Hopefully, with an option to make it so the pups can't get out," I continued as I opened my store in share mode. Chris looked with interest as I started using filters to narrow down the items on display.

"I'm not going to let some asshat farm them for XP. I don't care that they respawn. There's no way that wouldn't be traumatic," I mumbled. Lots of animals and monsters were entirely happy to fight. There was no sense in going after the vulnerable or harmless ones.

Chris caught my orbs and nodded gravely in agreement. He really did seem significantly more intimidating when he wasn't acting like a jackass. Another dog-loving assassin would likely approve.

I did my best to make the experience more collaborative. Not just more than my usual process but even more so than when I'd let Agony observe. Chris watched with interest as I painted outlines on the floor. This let him see what I was planning to do at the proper scale. Something hard to get a feel for if you were looking at the map or art interface.

It still wasn't Chris's idea of a good time, but he seemed like he was trying to play along. He was too energetic and fidgety by half but mostly behaved. When he finally got too squirrely, I let him run off to play fetch with Stalin and Blackmoor.

Stalin was more of a fan of the game than Blackmoor. So she came over to see what I was up to instead. The lady was definitely the curious one in the family.

"Mistress! What are you doing?" Blackmore called out. Her tone was excited rather than worried. She liked it when I made changes.

"I moved your area over to the left, and I'm about to put a seal on the passage between it and the boss room to keep adventurers out," I said, distracted as lines of paint appeared on the placeholder tiles.

I'd started physically painting things out for Chris's benefit, but now I found I liked it. It was more interesting to sketch things out on the actual floor and saved me some time. If I didn't like the proportions of a design or the flow, then I hadn't wasted time or mana buying and manipulating tiles.

"What kind of seal?" Blackmoor asked.

"Hm? Good question," I said and started looking through my options. I was torn between buying it now or waiting and getting it at refresh. I could use my mana on tiles for the layout and make things homier for the hounds if I waited.

On the other hand, if I bought the seal first, I could play with the security settings now. That was technically more important. Not that I had a hard deadline. The other issue was aesthetic.

The mirror was handy in the skeletons area since it suggested that the skeletons were spawned by magic rather than walking through a portal. I need something that would be camouflaged for the hounds and keep adventurers out even if they did find it.

I settled on a portal enchantment at the back of a lava fall that I placed against the wall. I decided to go with safety over aesthetic for the moment and set it. It cost half my mana, but I was pleased to find it had quite a few customizable settings.

Like the mirror, I could designate that only dungeon denizens were allowed to pass through it. Figuring out how to make it into a baby gated door instead of a free passage took a couple tries. There was a setting for it, thankfully. Developmental stage, buried in other filtering options.

Only monsters at the young adult level of maturity and over could pass through it into the boss room. Blackmoor helped me make the entrance comfortable for a hound while thoroughly discouraging anything else. Even with heat resistance magic maxed out, an adventurer would find the portal nearly impossible to reach.

Chris rejoined me along with Stalin. He took a hand in making some of the rock formations. To mark the entrance a little more clearly for the hound's benefit, I added a hound-like shape to the rock the lava fall flowed from. Nothing sculptural, just a vague sense of what it might be like when you stared at clouds.

My efforts were appreciated, but the hounds had their own method. Stalin, in a generous mood, pissed all over the area.

"Thanks, buddy," I said deadpan. Hearing that, Stalin started getting excited, expecting to be pet. Knowing he was just doing what was natural, I laughed and gave in to his expectation. Blackmore hurriedly followed suit, wanting to be a good girl too, and soon I was petting both.

"Uhm, mistress? I meant to ask sooner, but Agony gave me an idea for a better bone for my last name," Chris started, and I went still, listening with interest and wondering what sort of awkward thing they'd cooked up.

"Coccyx, because rogues do it from behind!" Chris said dramatically. He seemed pleased when I giggled on cue. A pleasure I suspected would have wilted if he had any idea that I was laughing because of his unbridled enthusiasm for the joke.

"I thought it was going to be something weird like a baculum," I replied. Stalin and Blackmoor didn't care about our conversation, just wanting more pats, and they were happy to bowl me over to get them.

"What the fuck is a baculum?" Chris asked, obviously confused by the foreign word.

"A bone for fucking," I chirped. Chris paused, jaw hanging down in shock. I realized a little late that I'd just effectively signed up to explain the weirdness of animal anatomy. Something I'd rather not do.

"Whaaaat!?" Chris asked, just a ball of gleeful curiosity. Going by how he'd hunkered down, chin on palms and elbows on knees, I wasn't going to get out of it.