DxD: Matsuda!

     So I stroll into the school like I am a rock star and ignore the random whispers about me. Wait why would students be talking about me? This makes no sense, shit I have not even been in school?! Well I try to overhear anything I can and what I manage to hear makes me want to go and take a bath with a toaster!

     "Yes that is the guy, see he is the Pink Zombie, look at my phone!" And many other variations of this truth-full slander!

     Was this all? Nope, I could live with this, but the next set of rumors made me want to call Precious over now, and find two bastards, and yell 'Sick Balls!'

     "Is that the guy who sold himself to a supermodel for money? Why would she want him?" And,"He blackmailed an American actress to sleep with him then she got deported, What a scumbag!"

     Oh wait there's more where that came from,"WHAT his older lover died and he was out for the week at her funeral!"

      I-I know this stuff would happen in the show, but why me? I do not think I did anything wrong, right? Did I make some bad life choices? No, it is definitely those two jealous bastards fault! Oh wait the 'Pink Zombie' was all me, so I will cut their punishment in half!

      So I spent the whole day in class giving the two future dead men [Penetrating] gazes, and I know they know I know, because not one time did those idiots turn to look at me......

     Of course while I was hatching my dastardly plan, all the students continued to gossip.

     You two prepare yourself, WEDGIES INBOUND!!!!!!!! I had thought of sicking bees on them but I definitely would feel bad if that killed them, so I will use classic hazing!

     During history class, my teacher Mr Mai said,"Wow he got away!"

     He was being super polite to me, and even gave me a pillow to sleep on! He said nothing that night but I got it. I hope he was too frightened to notice I was the attacker........

     Funnily when a student protested the pillow, the teacher just said"If you can get perfect scores like young hero Mr Tanaka then you may do as you please!" Yup he knows, damn!

    Shit, the lunch-bell rang and my 'FRIENDS' used the speed-force to escape. Wow Is Motohama a devil?

      Well here I am at a lunch table, by myself, literally everyone is avoiding my table, like I am an axe murderer... sigh.

     Damn this is like high school on my Earth zero. I was a nerd back then and had few friends, and it kinda sucked, this is feeling like that again.

     A very nice smell fills my nose, even over the decent lunch I am eating, then I hear an unexpected voice.

     "Hello Mr Tanaka, how have you been doing recently? Mind if I sit next to you?" It was none other than Rias?!

     Why is she talking to me? I only sell her books, and I did not stalk her or any nonsense like that!

     I said sadly,"Um, seniors, you are always welcome, but I would advise against it. I seem to attract many bad rumors about myself."

     Rias sat at my side with her box lunch and asked,"Bad rumors? They do not affect me! Oh may my friend join as well?" I just silently nodded my head.

      As I am eating another piece of my boxed lunch, I made of course, a long black haired girl sat to my right, while Rias sat to my left.

     Seeing Akeno at my side caught me off guard and I swallowed the wrong way, gaining the attention of the WHOLE fucking lunchroom! It's over, my school life is done!

      With her Yamato nadeshiko smile she asks,"Are you OK Mr Tanaka?" Damn her! She did that on purpose, that's how my mother looks at my dad when she does the same thing!

     Cough "Um, I am incredible ha-ha, with the top two most beautiful girls at my table, right Miss Akeno Himejima?!" Followed by a minute or two of comfortable silence while they prep the boxes.

     Of course all good things must end and Akeno asks,"You have come to my mountain a few times, Tanaka, but you have not come to say hello to my cat Shiro?"

     She said this with subtle seduction, I know it's fake, but even fake is real right? Kala, save me!

     "Oh I am sorry if I was trespassing or something! I just really love that part of the forest. If you want me to stop coming then I will! As far as visiting Shiro, he has forgotten me by now so no problem there ha-ha. I did not want to approach your place of work and make you feel uncomfortable!"

     Big G's curse continues,"Damn I am talking too much again!" Then Akeno covers her mouth and giggles.

     I look at Rias and ask,"What did I say to make her laugh at me?"

     She giggled,"You're thinking out loud again!"

     And the look of realization hit me like a fucking truck! Did Big G curse me to spout bull shit around Rias!

     I look Rias in the eyes, focus myself and say,"This is your fault!"

     Fuck now both of them are laughing like tinkling fairies  with bouncing breasts, and the whole lunch room is staring at the 3 of us! Now I am just pouting, like a child!

     Akeno pulls herself together and suggests,"You may come to my temple any time, in fact I insist, don't be shy ok?!"

     "Fuck I am not shy I am just not that bold......." My mouth betrayed me again!

     Rias shoots back,"Out loud again!" OK I am going to stop talking altogether! And I ignore them! Just eat and run.

     Rias casually asks,"I do not want to seem too intrusive but I am just too curious, can you clear up some rumors for me?" Oh shit my eyes just wigged out a bit I felt that magic from Akeno.......

     So I try to control the topic,"Like the one about blackmail?".....

     I boldly state,"I swear on my family name I would never blackmail, pay, or force any woman to do anything against their will. I am not a degenerate piece of crap!"  "Damn that stung."

     "I am very sorry, and you thought out loud again." Rias says with a warm smile. OK I am half as mad now!

     However, like a good cop and a bad cop, the sexy Akeno puts her phone camera playing a video in my face and asks,"Oh about this one?" DEVIL!

     What Akeno is showing me is a very sad limping and crying pink zombie with a very happy mastiff playfully talking about the mounting master crap!

     And the whole school is deathly silent watching this travesty play out! And these two bimbos cant read the room and notice the audience and the death of any social life I could have recovered! FUCK IT LETS MAKE LEMONADE!

     I put on a sad face for my acting career,"I-I was coming from my wife's house..... I was cleaning the place out this last week, and since poor Precious and I were left behind, I-I Had to move everything by myself... That's why I was crying.... I had my clothes destroyed, and I had to wear her tracksuit she left behind, so I and the dog could come back to my house." NAILED IT!!!!!!!!

     Do not think I did not notice the truth detection spell you cast Akeno! All I have to do is not lie! Sure I just ruined my harem rout, but fuck it my back hurts!!!! MWAHAHA!

     While I basked in my greatness, Rias followed with,"Where is your wife now?" Rias the caring airhead! Um..... shit.... oh well.

     With my awkward face I mutter,"She is in.... Heaven....." I said in a small voice. If I say anything else it will be a lie. This is bad right?

     However I underestimated the DxD world! Oh I am so naive! After I said those words the whole fucking place broke out in a sad sigh.

     In my confusion I see a lot of girls crying? What DA-fuck.... OH SHEET I SEE! (insert mental facepalm here)

     Rias had a tear in her eye, and said,"I am terribly sorry for your loss. It will get better I hope!"

     Akeno hugged my shoulder and said,"If you ever just need to talk, this big sister is here for you!" Are you pressing your BIG ASS BOOBS on intentionally lady? Damn they are fucking big!

     Holycow my wife is ALIVE in heaven you idiots. Well that will teach you to try and use a lie detector on a white liar!

     I then to escape the range of the spell say,"I am going back to class. Thank you for your company, goodbye!" Then I beat my feet, and tried to remember if I told any lie since the spell turned on.....

     After Matsuda bailed, before laughter could explode and bust him...............................

     Akeno remembering the day at her first meeting with the boy says,"Sadly he told no lies after I cast the spell, that is tragic to lose a wife so early. As for sacred gear, I was unable to detect one when I touched him, but I will watch further if you want?"

     Rias put her finger on her chin in thought and said,"It is weird though, his dad said he never had a girlfriend? And yes, watch him. Sona already has a full peerage from what my brother just told me!"

     Akeno cleaned up her box lunch and said,"Yes President, oh and maybe his dad did not know about her? Marriage and girlfriend are two different things after all? How did Matsuda act when his dad said that?"

     "OH that's right he was actually shocked stiff! Ah, so that's why! His parents did not know!!!!!!" Rias smiled at her BRILLIANT  deduction!