Earth Dies

Colin gave a dramatic flourish of an imaginary cloak, and bent forward, bowing to the two stunned ladies. "Colin Martin, Apprentice Elven Wizard, at your service, m'ladies."

"That is so cool!" Alice squealed, hugging her friend. "You can cast spells? Which ones? Do you get anything special from being an elf?"

"Well, according to my status sheet, I can see in the dark, have fantastic hearing, and I meditate instead of sleeping - all of which are pretty sweet, and also pretty classic Elf traits. Might be more, I'm not sure. I also have one called Voracious Knowledge but that might just be class-related instead of racial."

"What does that one do?"

"It says I can learn crafting or gathering skills faster, plus I do more damage with spells because I understand how the world works. Other than that, I think I have most of your basic RPG-trope cantrip and first level spells. I've been using this composition notebook as my spellbook for the moment, but I probably need something more official later. I can do freezing damage, I can create lights, minor illusions, charm spells, able to detect magic, plus the usual others."

"You're a wizard, Colin. That's so cool. It's what you've always wanted, plus - you know - elf ears."

Colin grinned, "I mean, as far as the end of the world goes, this is actually pretty fucking cool. I can't complain too much. But what about you guys? I know you've got some broken skills, with those interesting class names. Lay it on me."

Alice cleared her throat. "I only have one that seems relevant. It's super embarrassing, and I don't plan on ever using it, but... it's called Lusty Spell Preparation."

Colin and Bridgette looked at her, waiting, until finally Bridgette spoke. "Go on... what does it do?"

"Yes, well... it says that by engaging in lewd acts, I double the number of first level spells I can cast, and it also doubles their effectiveness, and it says it can be upgraded."

"Holy fuck. That is so OP. So all you gotta do is have Bridgette sex you up good every day, and you essentially quadruple your healing throughput?"

Alice squealed, "NO! That is so rude and inappropriate, Colin. I just said I don't plan on ever using it, I can heal just fine without that."

Bridgette let out a throaty laugh. "I can see the benefits of this relationship already. I'm going to enjoy this quite a lot."

Alice turned to Bridgette, blushing so furiously that her skin was almost the color of Bridgette's hair, as she hissed. "You and I will talk about this later, but don't you think I'm just going to let you do what you like with my body!"

Colin blushed deep red at that, coughing. "So uh ... anyway. How about you, Bridgette? Anything good?"

Bridgette crossed her arms under her breasts, jostling them in a very distracting manner, and glanced to the side, bringing up her status sheet, re-reading her skills. "Yea, I have two that look very similar, but related, then a third that might be. Lusty Unarmored Defense says I gain agility and fortitude as a bonus to my armor if I'm not wearing armor, but then it says if I'm wearing something lewd that I can add double my charm as a bonus to my armor as well. Then Lusty Weapons Proficiency is similar, it says I get agility and strength as bonuses to attack and damage, and if I'm wearing something lewd, I get double my charm. Oh, and a Lusty Gaze that seems like I can force a target to focus on me for up to three seconds, double that if I'm wearing something lewd."

Colin stared, open-mouthed at Bridgette, as the red-head finished matter-of-factly describing her skills. He finally closed his mouth and gathered his thoughts.

"Okay, I have two things to say. One, that's SO FUCKING BROKEN. I mean, good for you. But so broken. Two, I honestly don't know how I'm going to hang out with you two, if you're flouncing about in lewd outfits and doing lewd things to Alice on a regular basis. Not to mention that I'm just a normal wizard, not crazy overpowered like the two of you. I'm only human, and I don't know if I can take this. I will literally die of sexual frustration."

"I thought you were an elf now? And really into elf girls?" Bridgette quirked an eyebrow at the boy, teasing.

"Okay, I'm only a lonely elf boy, looking for his one true love in this world, but you two are enough to monk renounce his vows of celibacy. I'm glad the two of you found yourselves, now I'm going to be in my bunk, trying to ignore the sounds of sapphic passion I'm sure will be a regular feature in my nightmares."

"Oh don't be like that, Colin. I'll make sure to put a gag on Alice so she's not so loud. I'm very considerate like that." Bridgette joked.

Alice glared at Bridgette, "I am right here, you know."

"Yes, yes. I'll get to you and your lusty needs later, darling."

"That's not what I meant." Alice said, crossly.

Bridgette laughed, linking her arms through Alice and Colin's. "Okay, friends. Now where do we go from here? How do we spend the next few days preparing to save the world?"