Enlightenment Through BDSM

I was starting to think I was going to miss Dreck, at least if we were going to have to be carrying around rabbits the size of me more often. “I still can’t believe we got attacked by monster bunnies,” I muttered as we trodded back towards town.

“Bunnies?” Dreck said. “You hit your head? These aren’t bunnies, they’re rabbits.”

My confusion must have been visible, but Kalia whispered the answer to my question. “Here, bunny is to rabbit what dog is to wolf.”

“Ah,” I said, sighing into the ground. I was still upset about… well, everything. Rabbit hunting had sounded easy enough, apparently was easy enough according to how Dreck talked about it, but I’d still been basically useless, except for once at the very end. 

“Cheer up, cat,” Dreck said, giving me a pat on the shoulder. “I’m sure with some practice, some EXP, you’ll be able to fight rabbits in no time. Bunnies too, if you really work hard,” he added with a grin at the end. I tried not to smile, tried to continue to be mopey since I felt I didn’t deserve to smile, but I did anyway. His big green grin was just too dopey.

“Anyway, guess I’ll be headed to outer market to sell these,” Dreck said. “You two go collect the Guild reward, and then meet back there later today?”

“Yeah, sounds good,” Kalia replied. “I’ll probably try and get a lead on how her skill works too.” Dreck grunted in approval, then split off, dragging the rabbits around the outskirts of the town.

“Where’s he going, exactly?” I asked.

“To find someone who’ll buy rabbit meat. Not exactly proper to drag them through the town square, so it’ll be some butcher on the outskirts out here most likely.”

It made sense, of course. For all the medieval-ish flair, the streets and town had been surprisingly clean, more like you’d imagine an artist to paint it like than it actually was back then. Maybe people are just good about littering? I wondered.

I couldn’t help but notice Kalia seem a little more at ease once she collected payment for the mission. “Two hundred seeds,” she said with a smile as she turned around, holding a pile of coins in her hand. Even with seven intelligence, I was able to figure from the different color coins, the bronze ones with shelled seeds, silver ones with sprouted seeds, and gold ones with full-blown trees on them that “seeds” was a currency, not a trail mix ingredient.

“Is… that a lot?” I asked.

“I mean, not really, but the rabbits should fetch another hundred or so. It’s enough to get us by for a few days before I find some better work, and it’ll definitely get us some lunch.” That sounded good. My stomach hadn’t repeated its mortifying display from the night before, but I hadn’t eaten since then either.

The food we got from the Guild serving counter was, once again, wonderful. Another stew that was fatty, savory, with spices and herbs that weren’t too intense, but still in a mixture I’d never had before. I even had bread this time, bread that was admittedly a little stale, but a good enough vehicle for sopping up the bottom of my bowl regardless. I wondered if things tasted so different because they actually were, or just because I had a different tongue now.

As we finished up eating, Kalia pushed her bowl forward and closed her eyes. I took a moment to savor the peace as well, a hard earned lunch break as far as I was concerned.

“So,” Kalia finally said, swinging her leg over the bench and facing me directly. “What happened with your skill?”

“I don’t know… It wasn’t there sometimes, recharging or something. And when it works, it’s not exactly consistent either.”

“Well, the first part’s probably just a cooldown. Not every skill can be used over and over, and Soul Strike must be one of them. The second part though, I’m not really sure what’s up, but I asked reception  and they said there’s a monastery not too far from here. If anyone’s gonna be able to help you figure it out, they’ll be there. We’ll take a couple days to rest, and then see about getting you over there.”

“I was scared.” It just sort of came out, not really something I meant to say. I knew I wasn’t supposed to say that, wasn’t supposed to show fear. I felt even worse once I saw Kalia’s reaction, the despair in her eyes. “No, I’m sorry. I wasn’t scared, just confused, and—”

“It’s okay to be scared,” she said, grabbing me and pulling me onto her shoulder. “And don’t be sorry. I’m sorry. I knew you’d be okay, that Dreck and I could protect you, but I should’ve realized you wouldn’t really understand… I’m still kind of getting used to how new this all is to you.”

I could feel the tears flowing despite my best efforts. God, why was I doing this, in public of all places? I couldn’t cry, I needed to act like— No. I didn’t need to act like anything that wasn’t me. Kalia said it was okay to be scared, and that meant it was okay to cry too.

We didn’t talk while I cried it out. That was strange, because my whole life someone would always try to stop me whenever I did cry. Either my mom trying to convince me it was okay, doing her best to make be believe three was nothing to cry about, or my dad trying to convince me it was unbecoming to cry, yelling at me until I stopped. That last one didn’t work as well, and I usually just kept crying until I physically couldn’t anymore.

This time was different though. I was physically exhausted from the act, but I wasn’t still trying to hold it back either. I was just just done, a little more at peace, my mind calmed after working things out on its own.

I still did a double take around the room, convinced I would be the center of attention like the ringleader in some circus, but the tavern area was still the way it was when we’d first arrived, a handful of people sitting at their tables, talking with each other and drinking and eating away.

“You’re not the first person to cry after coming back from a job,” Kalia said, finally pulling away and sitting forward again. “You won’t be the last either.”

“That still felt weird,” I said, taking a drink of water and wiping off my eyes. I could feel myself blushing from embarrassment, and not the slightly fun kind either.

“I won’t make you go on another job until you’re ready,” Kalia said, rapping her knuckles against the table as she took a drink from her own water. “I think I underestimated how unprepared you were… And I’m sorry.”

A part of me wanted to take her up on that offer, to never go back out there again. But a bigger part wasn’t going to have that. Still, she was right about one thing, that I very much wasn’t ready, not yet.

“The monastery,” I said. “I want to go now.”