Fate weaver’s convergence

“So how can I help the rookie team leader for ‘Hollow-point?”

 

Lorn asked, leaning forward over her desk, with her usual exhaustion-filled voice heavily betraying her look of enthusiasm. I was seated across from her, my legs crossed as I pondered how to even broach the subject of ‘my’ past. Lorn seemed like she was anticipating some kind of question, so I was guessing at this rate, with our silence, that she may have already known what I was going to ask. That being said, I was unsure she really expected how I asked.

 

“How long?”

 

I asked, posting my chin in one of my hands. I did my best to hold it back, but as opposed to my expectation of calming myself over the week and a half of travel, I only managed to rile the spite even further.

 

“Pardon?”

 

She seemed thrown off, that I’d actually carried anger in my words. Even though it wasn't the first time.

 

“How long did you know? And how much?”

 

Lorn raised, squinted, and then brought a hand to her neck. 

 

“Didn't think you had it in you to talk like that. It's been a while since you've wielded any of your gumption at me.”

 

I turned my head.

 

“Sure, maybe one of the training sessions a few months ago? But don’t change the subject. How long? And how much do you know?”

 

Lorn smirked.

 

“About winter coming back on? Just about a month ago, actually, the chills in the evening—”

 

“Lorn, for fucks sake, this isn't some joke. How long did you know that much about my past? How fucking long has it been since you've withheld my life from me!”

 

Not ‘my’ life, but one I could've been helping all the same. Years of studying, years of trying to find any inkling of information I could about her!

 

My outburst came with a wave of actual anger, that she possibly didn't realize what it was that I was mentioning. I backed away from her desk’s edge just as quickly as I’d jumped up from my seat.

 

“Sorry, I— If you don’t know, that was out of step for—“

 

I clenched my fists as I reigned myself in.

 

Calm down! I can’t assume she just knows! That kind of shit doesn’t bode well, no outbursts! Calm down, if we have a bone to pick, we’ll pick it properly. We can’t go causing trouble with Solah’s shit-stirring.

 

“Kiyomi.”

 

Lorn’s voice rang in my ears all too clearly in a strangely quiet tone, and when I looked up to match her gaze, she appeared as tired as usual. No anger at the outburst, no show of anger or spite present. 

 

 “ I beg you, consider my words as we speak.”

 

She settled herself back in her chair, and opened a drawer, producing two objects. A leather-bound folder, damn near packed to capacity with paper. Then, immediately after, something I’d thought I would never see again, the mention of which I thought was a lie.

 

You did keep it from me… Lorn…

 

“So you did know.”

 

“Not long after we found you, and it didn't take much after that to piece things together, especially as the years dragged on.”

 

“So why?”

 

Lorn looked me in my eyes and damn near wielded the first thing marketable as a frown for the first time in years.

 

“Sit.”

 

She motioned to the chair, and I did as she asked, trying my best to maintain an even posture

 

“When I first saw you, you were in bed, Hatsumi damn near falling asleep over you. She’d been watching you since Chessa first stabilized you, and she gave me this.”

 

She placed her hand on the red book, turning it to show the runes on its spine.

 

Kiyomi.

 

I crossed my arms, looking away from it like seeing the object was a lie manifest. 

 

“You recognize it?”

 

Had I not been simmering on this life’s memories, I wouldn’t have. You said it was lost… You both said it was lost. That— 

 

I bit at my cheek, squeezing my eyes shut to avoid the sense of anger. I nodded and waited for Lorn to continue. 

 

“I withheld this, until I thought you strong enough to see its contents.”

 

Lorn went quiet for a second, shifting it in her hands.

 

“Kiyomi, I want you to know we didn't withhold this for some idea of turning it against you. To protect you, we needed to know what we could about you, and—“

 

Lorn paused.

 

“Hatsumi wanted to protect you, from your memories… Something I no doubt believe are well and clear now, am I correct?”

 

Memories I don’t want. But–

 

I nodded and looked back at her as I spoke.

 

“More than I would have appreciated.”

 

“You were hunted.”

 

I nodded as if what she posed was a question when she must have already known.

 

“Not in my life here did I anticipate having this conversation.”

 

I took a mental step back, putting my chin on my hand again.

 

“Had a fun little moment of clarity in Krakow.”

 

Lorn sat back in her chair.

 

“No one approached you, trying to pry for anything, did they?”

 

“No, we left without an issue beyond that.”

 

“Good.”

 

She placed the book back on the table's surface, pushing it towards me. 

 

“The more I looked, the more we became concerned for your well-being, both physically and mentally. We felt, or at least I judged, that if I gave you this—“

 

She placed her fingers at the book’s edge.

 

“That it would give you nothing but grief when all you could remember was your words.”

 

Lorn cleared her throat.

 

“I take full responsibility for hiding it. Hatsumi was never fully on board with the idea. Please don’t blame her.”

 

I wanted to flinch for some odd reason like mother’s mention was a confirmation of the idea that she hid it from me. 

 

“You already know what’s in this book, don’t you?”

 

I nodded quietly. 

 

“Then do you know what is in this?”

 

She pushed forward the folder, and actually had me curious of its contents. Unlike Kiyomi’s diary, the binder was clean, managed, and stained only with the coffee of a spilled cup from some late-night mishap on Lorn’s part. 

 

“No, I don’t.”

 

Lorn seemed to smile at my reaction.

 

What’s that for?

 

“I’ve done some work, over the years, for you. I believe you will appreciate that I never really did step back with looking into you.”

 

She tapped the folder.

 

“While the past may be hard to discuss, and that is your mother's place to comfort you, I can at least do what I’ve done for a few centuries now.”

 

Lorn smiled, a surprising breadth of gentleness in it as she looked at its leather surface.

 

“I will not lie that I’ve got a soft spot for you by proximity alone, and I’ll take what venom you have to give later. But for now, please, read this and consider that I have tried to help in my own way.”

 

What the fuck is this?! What is— Don’t be like that all of a sudden, for fuck’s sake, you bitch! I wanted a fight over the secret you kept. 

 

“I—“

 

“Kiyomi, I implore you. Read the file first, please?”

 

I looked up at her, swaying back and forth between anger and the feeling of wanting to relent. Had I really become meek in their presence? Regardless of who it was? I wasn’t as close with Lorn as I was with the others, but actually acting on my impulses to confront them? It was a harder sell, even to myself at the height of emotion. I reached forward, taking the file and diary in hand. The diary held some strange feeling of weight, like I wanted to avoid it.

 

“That aside, you were approached about your nobility. How much do they know?” 

 

I settled the book and folder in my lap.

 

“‘I’m unsure. They never mentioned my surname, yet they acted as if they knew it entirely.”

 

Lorn leaned back further.

 

“Do you know how they found out?”

 

She asked, placing her knuckles under her chin in a mirror of my posture as soon as I seated myself.

 

“I don’t.”

 

Lorn nodded to herself, looking into her fireplace.

 

“Then I have work to do.”

 

She spoke in a near whisper as she said it.

 

“I will take care of it, Kiyomi.”

 

She seemed sure of herself, even after the admission of her hiding so much from me. 

 

“Will you?”

 

Her eyes fell to the floor.

 

“I’m sorry’ are not the correct words, not yet. Give it time, and it will be made right.”

 

I stood, the folder and book in hand, each awkwardly dangling in my grip as I moved them to the side, I kept the buckler strapped. I made for the door, and just as I moved to open it, Lorn added her final words on the topic.

 

“Kiyomi.”

 

I turned.

 

“Yes?”

 

“That book still has a mana rune on it.”

 

She didn’t turn her head in my direction, only her eyes.

 

“Whatever it is, I believe you shouldn’t open that diary until you believe you are ready. You understand, yes?”

 

I looked down at the diary, knowing already what Wyrmstooth alone had done to me at this point. What my incessant need to ‘discover’ seemed to give me, a fucked head, even more fucked memories, and for all my worth, I really wanted to throw it into a fire at this point. But that wouldn’t have been right. It is hers, not mine.

 

“Talk to you later, Lorn.”

 

“Have a good evening.”