First Times

Andrew ordered a long black, so Vic did too, even though she would have preferred hot chocolate. Coffee in the morning always gave her a sore tummy, which was not a fun combination with cycling. Just the latest in a long line of stupid decisions.

The cafe was alive with the bustle of office workers rushing to fuel up before work. Vic and Andrew sat at a little table in the corner, where the commotion was the least intense.

Andrew took a sip of his coffee. He looked exhausted.

"We really should have done this on the weekend," Vic said.

Andrew's mouth curled into a sly smile. His eyes were half-closed from tiredness, but they still sparkled a little.

"Maybe I couldn't wait that long to see you," he said

Vic tried to ignore the pity-flirt, "I just didn't realise you worked that late. Staying back until midnight is crazy."

"It happens," Andrew shrugged, "When we have a big project to work on, sometimes I don't see the sun for days. I'm like a vampire. Except I suck numbers instead of blood."

Vic smirked, "You suck 'em?"

Andrew grinned, showing off his mismatched canines, "Suck em right up."

Vic laughed for a second, before she remembered how that made her chin look. She clamped it down and had a sip of coffee. When she looked up Andrew's smile had faded.

"So," he said, "Is it alright if we talk about the... trans thing?"

Vic's stomach twisted. The coffee was already doing its work.

"Yeah, sure," she said, as casually as possible.

"I just wanted to apologise if I was being weird about it," said Andrew.

"I mean, I get it," Vic shrugged, "It's weird."

"Nah, dude. Not at all," said Andrew, "That's who you are, you know? It's cool."

Vic nodded slowly. 

"So you're basically a guy who looks like a girl, right?" he said.

Something about the way he said it was so innocent. He was smiling at her with that cheerful, lopsided smile, and the look in his eyes was so genuine and curious. There wasn't a hint of malice in his words, Vic could tell. That made it hurt about a hundred times more.

"Yeah," Vic said flatly, "Pretty much."

"Okay," Andrew nodded, "That's cool. So are you gay, or...?"

Vic chuckled despite herself. She didn't worry about how her chin looked this time. 

"Uh-huh," she said, "You nailed it."

Andrew smiled, "Cool. Yeah. Okay."

Vic's phone buzzed and she almost cried with relief. A delivery. She got up, slinging her jacket over her shoulders. Andrew followed suit.

"I gotta go," she said, "This was fun."

She reached for her coffee at the same time Andrew reached down to pass it to her. His hand caught hers. 

"I got it," she said.

"I know," he said, and didn't let go. 

They stood there for a moment. Andrew's hand squeezed Vic's gently but firmly against the warmth of the coffee cup. Such a tight grip for such slender fingers.

"Okay, what the fuck," she said, "How are your hands so strong?"

—

"Alright, you son of a bitch," Andrew muttered.

He reached down to the bag at his waist, digging his fingers into the white chalk. He brought his hands together and smacked them back and forwards a couple of times, working the dust into the sweaty musculature of his palms.

Vic laid back against a crash mat and watched him. It was the only thing she felt capable of doing. Bouldering was exhausting, it turned out. And it seemed to require exactly the same muscles that cycling didn't.

Andrew noticed her staring and flashed her a cocky grin. She blushed. 

"You alright?" he said, "I can make this the last attempt."

Vic shrugged, "It's okay. It's fun watching you fall."

Andrew laughed, "Nice. Too bad I'm gonna get it this time."

"We'll see," Vic smirked. 

For a while they just looked at each other. Andrew had a dark gleam in his eye, and Vic wasn't sure if he was thinking about the wall, or thinking about her. Maybe it was just the clammy sweat on her back, but she shivered a little.

"Last one," Andrew said, "You'll see."

"Sure," said Vic, "You want me to help push you up there?"

Andrew laughed, "Yeah. Use those big boy muscles."

Vic's heart sank. Andrew blew her a kiss and headed back to the wall. 

—

Vic had a headache, but she wasn't sure if it was from the music or trying to talk to Andrew's coworkers. Andrew had given her a prep course on the way in, letting her know which ones were dickheads and which ones were cool, but even the cool ones seemed haughty to her. Maybe it was because they were all dressed like models, while she was wearing jeans and a top she had copped on sale at Cotton On. Maybe it was because it was immediately apparent which of them were boys, and which were girls. 

When they made their way to the dancefloor, Vic stayed at the table. After a while Andrew came back and joined her. 

"Hey Vic!" he said, the words coming out sloppy. He didn't handle his liquor as well as she did, but then she had had a lot of practice. 

Vic smirked, "Hey Andrew."

Andrew grinned, "Can I tell you something kinda horny?"

"No," said Vic.

Andrew's eyes widened, then he nodded and mimed zipping his lips.

Vic laughed, "Okay, what?"

Andrew shook his head and pointed to his zipped lips. Vic gave him a look. He shrugged helplessly. Vic sighed, got up, and mimed unzipping him. She felt her fingers brush ever-so-gently against Andrew's lips. Andrew's mouth cracked open and he grinned, showing off his uneven teeth. For some reason, Vic's heart fluttered.

"So what is it?" she asked.

"I never thought I was gay at all," Andrew said, "But I'm really into you."

Vic frowned, "I mean, that's not really gay."

"Hey," Andrew pointed a finger at her, unsteady, "I am mad fucking gay for you."

Vic's head was still pounding, and maybe that's why she didn't know how to feel. She should just leave. Just tell Andrew to go fuck himself and walk out. Instead, she finished her drink and locked eyes with him.

"I'm gay for you too," she said.

"Hell yeah," Andrew grinned, "Now come dance with me, you sexy motherfucker."

He grabbed her hand and dragged her out to the dancefloor. 

—

"Why the hell are you still seeing this guy?" said Elizabeth, "You can't let him keep saying this shit to you!"

Vic shrugged, "I mean, is he wrong?"

"I don't know, Victoria!" Liz snapped, "Is he? Are you a fucking man again?"

Vic threw up her arms, "So what are my other options, Liz? Nobody's ever gonna pick me over a real woman."

Elizabeth scoffed, "That's a really—"

"Not my words, Liz," said Vic. 

Elizabeth sighed and sat back in her chair. Vic got up and leaned over the balcony railing. She looked out at other blocks of flats, lit up unevenly from the inside. Every now and then a light would blink out, as the people inside went to sleep.

"He's so nice, otherwise," said Vic, "And he's funny. He's an idiot, but he's funny."

"I know guys like that," Elizabeth muttered.

"I might as well fuck him," said Vic.