Genshin Impact: Villain Life Simulator

Lucas: "How could that be? I've done this many times before, and every time the other person said it felt great, wanting more."

Chunxiang: "But... how do I know you're not lying to me?"

Lucas: "Didn't those last few moves feel good?"

Chunxiang: "Well... they were quite pleasant. Fine, go ahead, but if you hurt me, I won't let you off!"

Lucas: "Don't worry. Turn your back to me, I'll start from behind."

Chunxiang: "Mm..."

Oh no!

What kind of awful conversation is this?

Even though Chunxiang's tone didn't sound coerced, Keqing knew very well that Chunxiang was quite naive and had little contact with men from outside. It wasn't impossible that she could be deceived by sweet talk.

The thought that Chunxiang might be about to fall into Lucas's trap was enough to make Keqing lose her composure. She kicked open the door with a loud bang, angrily shouting, "Let go of that girl... huh?"

However, upon entering the room, Keqing didn't find the inappropriate scene she had imagined.

Instead, she saw Chunxiang sitting on a chair with her back to Lucas, while Lucas gently massaged the back of her neck. Chunxiang, meanwhile, wore a look of enjoyment on her face.

Startled by Keqing's sudden intrusion, both Lucas and Chunxiang froze in place, the three of them staring at one another in confusion. After a moment, Keqing awkwardly cleared her throat and asked, "What... what are you two doing?"

"Miss!" Chunxiang's face flushed as she hurriedly explained, "Young Master Lucas said my neck was stiff and that if I left it unchecked, it might be bad for my health, so he kindly offered me a massage."

Well now...

A moment ago, she was calling him "that guy," but now, suddenly, it's "Young Master Lucas"?

How did that change so fast?

"Exactly," Lucas said with a smile, seemingly oblivious to any awkwardness. "My grandfather is a well-known massage therapist, and this is a skill passed down through my family."

"Yes, yes!" Chunxiang quickly nodded in agreement, "Young Master Lucas's skills are extraordinary..."

"Ahem!"

Keqing coughed heavily, shooting Chunxiang a sharp look. Chunxiang then seemed to realize that she hadn't come all the way here in the middle of the night just to enjoy a massage. Her face flushed even more, and she fell silent.

"Sorry, I seem to have misunderstood," Keqing said with an embarrassed expression. "I happened to pass by and overheard some unusual sounds from this room, so I barged in. I hope you don't mind." Then, turning to Chunxiang, she added sternly, "And you! Coming to a man's room in the middle of the night—what are you thinking?"

Upon hearing this, Chunxiang felt incredibly wronged. 'Wasn't this your idea? And now that things don't look suspicious, you're blaming me for it?'

"No, no, it's alright," Lucas said with a smile, showing no sign of taking offense. "Miss Chunxiang has been quite considerate, perhaps wanting to explain the rules of the residence to me so I wouldn't accidentally offend anyone. That might be why she visited at this late hour."

This guy...

Keqing frowned slightly, unsure whether Lucas was being naive or just cleverly making up an excuse for Chunxiang.

Either way, one thing was clear: Lucas hadn't done anything inappropriate to Chunxiang.

"Y-yes, that's exactly it!" Chunxiang quickly nodded again. "That's what happened!"

"But you still didn't need to come so late at night. What if someone finds out and starts gossiping? What then?" Keqing said flatly. "Alright, let's go. You're coming with me."

"Yes, Miss!" Chunxiang stood up immediately, but as she left, she couldn't resist glancing back at Lucas and saying, "We'll continue next time..."

"Are you coming or not?" Keqing shot her a glare, causing Chunxiang to quickly scurry out of the room after her.

A little while later, Chunxiang and Keqing found themselves back in the study.

Bang!

Keqing slammed the door shut and frowned. "Chunxiang... I sent you to probe Lucas, so what on earth were you doing?"

"You can't blame me! His massage skills are just so good..." Chunxiang sheepishly stuck out her tongue. "Miss, you should try it sometime. It feels like all my muscles were completely rejuvenated—so relaxing."

"I would never do such a thing!" Keqing's face reddened slightly. "And don't let his innocent act fool you. Maybe he's onto you and is just pretending to be harmless."

"Maybe you're overthinking it?" Chunxiang shook her head. "Even when he was massaging me just now, he wasn't the least bit inappropriate. He might actually be a good person, just as his name suggests."

Keqing felt something strange stir inside her. Just a short while ago, Chunxiang had shared her suspicions that Lucas was a scoundrel, but now, after spending just a little time in his room, she seemed to be defending him.

"Forget it," Keqing said, shaking her head. "Time will tell. Lucas... I'll catch you slipping one day!"

Meanwhile, back in his room, Lucas lay down again, his sleepiness mostly gone after the little commotion earlier.

"Whatever, I can't sleep anyway..." He sat up and called out, "You there?"

[Just ask what you need. Don't keep checking if I'm around, especially if you're planning to borrow money. Should I say yes or no in that case?]

To be fair, this system had quite a personality.

Most systems served their hosts like dutiful servants, always eager to please. His, however, was more like a rebellious child, always talking back.

"Hey..."

[What do you mean 'hey'? I have a name.]

Lucas said casually. "You know, since we'll probably be spending a lot of time together, why don't I give you a proper name?"

[Fine, as long as your naming skills don't make me regret it.]

With a sharp tongue like that... maybe "Orochimaru" would be a fitting name?

"Ahem..." Lucas nodded. "How about 'Xiong'?" 

[...]

[I can't believe I expected something decent from you. Fine, just call me Xiao Xi.]

"Why not Xiao Tong?" Lucas teased.

[If you keep going, I might just 'stab' you.]

"Alright, alright, Xiao Xi it is." Lucas chuckled. "Is the cooldown over? I'd like to start the next simulation."

[Of course. It's nice to see you eager.]

[Command received. Life Simulator will now begin.]

[Please choose three talents from the following options. After the simulation, one will be randomly retained as a permanent talent.]

[Musical Genius (Green): You have better-than-average musical talent.]

[Dual Citizenship (Green): You can hold citizenship in two countries simultaneously.]

[Masochist (Green): You derive pleasure from being mistreated.]

[Medical Sage (Gold): You have an extraordinary medical gift, destined to change the course of history through medicine.]

[Die of Old Age (Green): Unless you are killed, you will only die of natural aging.]

[Strong at Fifty (Green): After the age of fifty, your stats will steadily improve.]

[Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (White): You will develop obsessive-compulsive tendencies.]

[Unmotivated (White): You lack the drive to accomplish anything.]

[Ambitions of Chancellor Cao (Blue): You gain extra rewards when pursuing romantically involved individuals.]

[Minotaur Slayer (Green): You enjoy killing minotaurs.]

Wow!

A golden talent!

Finally, on his third run of the Villain Simulator, Lucas saw his first golden talent.

But it's Medical Sage, huh?

Though a gold-tier talent, it didn't seem to directly enhance his strength. It was entirely a support ability. Still, for someone like Lucas, who enjoyed helping others, this talent suited him well. Though he wasn't a medical student, he had learned some massage and chiropractic techniques from a family member who was a doctor. Now, with the chance to become a legendary healer, how could he pass it up?

As for the other two talents...

Should he pick two to complement Medical Sage? Or should he keep just one and focus on choosing a permanent talent?

Wait...

Suddenly, a flash of insight crossed Lucas's mind.

If his hunch was right, this selection could make him invincible...
"I choose [Medical Sage], [Die of Old Age], and [Strong at Fifty]," Lucas said.

[You're not picking a blue talent? (Annoyed)]

"Hey, come on! That 'Ambitions of Chancellor Cao' is totally absurd!" Lucas replied, half-laughing, half-exasperated. "The activation condition is even harder than the previous [Mischievous Shiba Inu]!"

Indeed, with [Mischievous Shiba Inu], all you had to do was flirt to get a reward. But with this one, you not only had to flirt, you also had to flirt with someone else's partner.

Of course, there was logic behind Lucas's choice of these two green talents.

[Die of Old Age] may seem unremarkable—"unless killed, you'll only die of natural aging"—but that also meant that as long as the character in the simulator didn't do anything reckless, they wouldn't die from some random accident.

After all, there were too many unpredictable factors in the Villain Simulator. You could even get hit by a falling flowerpot while walking down the street. With this talent, paired with [Medical Sage] and [Strong at Fifty], if the character made it past sixty years old, they would only get stronger!

It seems when choosing talents, you can't just focus on rarity and effects. If two talents complement each other, they might create a "1 + 1 ≥ 2" synergy.

This isn't even the Villain Simulator anymore; it's basically the Retirement Simulator!

In Lucas's mind, he pictured an elderly, kind-hearted doctor murmuring, "The older you get, the more you need to nourish yourself!"

[Talents selected. Generating character template.]

[Life simulation is about to begin.]

[Age 0: You were born in a village near Mondstadt. Your father is a village doctor, and your mother is an ordinary farmer.]

This start seemed pretty normal.

In previous life simulations, Lucas either came from a wealthy merchant family or a scholarly household, which made it easier for him to play the "villain" role. This time, though, being an ordinary villager meant it would be hard to do anything villainous, right?

[Age 1: A new neighbor moved in next door. They are tenants of a Mondstadt noble family and have a son the same age as you named Rostam.]

Rostam?

Why does that name sound familiar?

Although Lucas wasn't a "lore master," he did remember a few well-known characters from game history.

Wait a second…

Wolf Pup Rostam!

That's right, Lucas suddenly recalled that this was the same Rostam who, 500 years ago, was the deputy leader of the Knights of Favonius and the founder of the Wind Swordsmanship style!

It's possible the name could be a coincidence, but given how the life simulator usually works, it's unlikely they would assign an NPC with the same name as an important historical figure.

Which means...

"Xiao Xi! Is this life simulation... taking place 500 years ago?"

[All life simulation timelines are randomized. The exact time is up to the host to figure out.]

As expected... trying to get any crucial information out of the system was nearly impossible.

Oh well, better keep going.

[Age 2: Under your father's guidance, you began learning about pharmacology. Surprisingly, you showed a natural talent for it. Even before you could speak clearly, you were already able to identify various medicinal herbs and their properties.]

[Age 3: Since you lived nearby, you quickly became good friends with Rostam. Unlike you, who preferred peace and quiet, Rostam was energetic and loved hearing stories of heroes. He told you that one day he would become a great hero protecting Mondstadt.]

[Age 4: You, too, wanted to become the hero of Rostam's dreams. However, being frail and often sick, you weren't suited for martial training. So, you focused even more on medicine, hoping to use it to help others.]

Reading this, Lucas was nearly moved to tears. This is the ideal life simulation!

Helping others through medicine, saving lives with golden needles—there's no way this could turn into a villain's story!

[Age 5: You adopted a pet rabbit and named it "Snowball." However, your purpose for raising it wasn't because you liked animals, but to conduct various medical experiments on it. Your father, the village doctor, could no longer satisfy your thirst for knowledge.]

-----

Xiong = Bear

Xiao = Small or Little

Xi = Hope or Rare

Tong = Red or Beautiful

If you have a better suggestion for the system name please tell so I will consider changing it.