Godsforsaken

Chapter 17: Dreaming Of A Fox

Even though the Jabberwock's head was missing it took the thing quite a while to actually die. The beast went through some very concerning spasms and several times it tried to get back up but then it seemed to remember that it was missing its head and collapsed again.

We'd started stabbing the cankers on its underbelly every time it twitched and after we'd taken souvenirs from it I had Alisha cast her Cleanse miracle on it for good measure, just to make sure. Only then did it finally start to dissolve into ectoplasm, the way all true Outsiders did when killed. That calmed me down some, as it showed me that Jabberwocks weren't corrupted dragons the way that Hecatoncheires were corrupted giants but that they were simply pure-blooded Outsider filth.

Once we were sure we'd beaten all assailants and no more were going to show up we started to loot the orcs and goblins and I cut the eye out of the one cyclops I hadn't yet gotten to. I was more than a little upset that the Chosen One had blown a hole clean through the fourth cyclops' head but decided not to say anything. I'd rather keep the three eyes I had instead of admitting how much they were worth and potentially having to share the loot with him. On top of the three cyclops eyes, the Jabberwock's horns, fangs and hooves and the orc chieftain's tusks and machete we managed to secure about two thousand mun and a couple of healing potions. Apparently that chieftain hadn't planned on dying any time soon and had kept quite the stash of potions on his person.

Less fortunate was the fact that the remaining guards of Odin's Crown refused to let us in even after we broke the siege for them. At first I thought they were just stupidly following orders but after a short and terse conversation I found out that no, they were just that obstinate.

“You're fucking welcome!”, I yelled at them before we left.

I consoled myself with the knowledge that the Jabberwock's fire breath had melted their guards and their walls to such an extent that staying in that village was only barely safer than camping outside would be. Oh, and the fact that we left all the rotting corpses in a pile in front of their gates. They'd have to open the fucking gates to get rid of those before they started decomposing, else their farmland would be ruined for the foreseeable future.

So once more we had to camp under the stars and I thanked a few choice gods for the good weather we'd been enjoying. Camping in the rain was no fun at all, especially for the few hours of the watch shift.

For dinner I offered some of the boar meat I'd collected while alone with Yume and some dried mushrooms I'd picked up in Shackled Hollow. Alisha added some wine, vegetables and cream and in a few short hours we had a phenomenal boar stew cooking. It was the kind of dish you'd normally want to start preparing the day before, marinating the meat for many hours to soften it up, but we made do. From the way her tails were wagging Yume was just happy for a meat dish she could eat with a spoon. The Chosen One had once again not helped and once again decided not to take a watch shift.

I wanted to be upset but I really couldn't care anymore. Just two more days and he'd be getting his comeuppance, right after I found out why the fuck a Dark Lord was running around recruiting Outsiders to his cause.

When my watch shift came I grabbed a handful of pebbles I'd collected on the way. I wasn't one to carve or draw during watches but this time I wanted to experiment a little. Using Qi Projection on the ballista bolt had been a resounding success, which had given me a whole host of ideas on how to use my Qi abilities in clever ways and the pebbles were one of these ideas. They were tiny little stones, just barely as big as a fingernail. Throwing such tiny little stones was surprisingly complicated and it took me three throws just to find a good way to throw them. I eventually settled on throwing them over my shoulder. It wasn't really necessary for such small rocks but if I could make these work I'd be using the trick with larger ones anyway. I raised my arm and then channeled Qi into my arm for a Qi Burst. I didn't send it all the way into the rock, though. I just sent it into my hand and then threw the rock.

Just like I'd expected it flew through the air as fast as a crossbow bolt and the sound when it smacked against a tree was like the crack of a whip. When I went to inspect the tree I found that the tiny little pebble had sunk several inches into the tree and I concluded that I had managed to accelerate that little rock to hit as hard as the metal balls that dwarven muskets fired.

“Only you could figure out how to turn a pebble into a lethal weapon”, Syr said as she appeared next to me.

“These techniques are unbelievable”, I told her. “If this is what a pebble can do, imagine if I were to throw rocks with a bit more heft to them.”

“You'd have a very scary weapon on your hands, I'm guessing”, she said. “But you don't seem satisfied with that.”

I nodded. “My biggest issue right now is that these techniques exhaust me too fast. Just ten uses and I'm breathing like a bellows. Yume told me it was like flexing a muscle and if I kept using it I would slowly increase my capacity, but it's so slow.”

“Now you know how every mage in the world feels”, she teased.

“I guess you're right”, I said. “It's just frustrating. It's so useful, it's so easy to get used to using it and then you can't just keep using it. And even if I train myself to be able to use more, I'll apparently never reach Yume's capacity because I was born human.”

“Are you feeling inadequate?”, she asked and I chuckled.

“No guy ever wants to hear that and Alisha and Selene can probably attest that I am more than adequate.”

She stuck her tongue out at me since she couldn't shove me. “You know what I mean”, she said.

“Yeah, I know.” I said. “They're all stronger than me. Alisha is a prodigy with her magic and soon enough her miracles will make her a force of nature. Selene is a paladin without the drawbacks of being a paladin and is a gifted learner. Sooner or later I'll have to find her an instructor when I've run out of things to teach her. And Yume is just perfect. She has magic, she has Qi, if she had the kind of sword she's used to she'd probably be a better swordswoman than me and I haven't even seen how strong she is when she transforms. All of them are stronger than I am. But that doesn't get me down. I still have my gear and my experience and know how to handle myself. It's just... I thought I finally had a way that would let me catch up to them, even just a little bit, but I'm still lagging behind in terms of pure power... it's frustrating.”

“You're beating yourself up over nothing”, Syr said. “Yes, they're all strong and capable, but you were the one who killed a giant on his own. You killed more wendigo than Yume did while using the techniques she'd only just taught you. You're used to being underpowered. Now you've got a massive boost in power and you can only think in terms of power. But that's wrong. You're still underpowered in the grand scheme of things. You're the one who outsmarts his enemies and that's what you need to keep doing. These techniques are the perfect proof of that. You have a way to move fast and to deal incredible damage, but it hasn't made you any bigger or tougher. You're a rogue, not a fighter.”

I reached out and patted her head, which was made slightly awkward by the fact that Syr was fairly tall, barely shorter than me and more so by the fact that her body was just an illusion inside my head, but the gesture still counted.

“You're right”, I said. “I've been obsessed with getting stronger, but this is just not what I am. I really need to keep using the same tactics I've always used, except that I now have a new, powerful tool in my arsenal.”

“You've always known this”, Syr chided. “You have been using your old tactics in all these fights, you've just been assigning higher priority to your own fighting prowess, as you deserve now.”

I smiled. “I guess I have. But I still think the ability to kill a giant on my own is amazing.”

She rolled her eyes. “Of course it is, but that's just my point. You were able to kill a giant. You would not have been able to fight a giant on even footing.”

“Yeah, you're right”, I said, then after a beat I said: “And now that we've talked about what's bothering me, wanna talk about that Jabberwock?”

She was caught off guard by the change in topic. “What do you mean?”, she asked. “The 'little sister' thing?”

I nodded.

“I... I know how it sounds, alright?”, she said. “It sounds as if I have something to do with these things, but I swear I don't. I want to know what's going on just as much as you do.”

I said nothing and just let her speak her mind.

“Do you think... oh gods, what if I'm one of them? What if I'm like those wendigo or that poor giant, just some sort of hybrid, some Outsider thing grafted onto a human body? I wondered sometimes if I might be adopted. What if I am? What if my real parents were cultists?” She looked at me with wild eyes.

I just reached out and stroked her cheek. “Now you're the one getting worked up over nothing”, I said. “First of all, those are a lot of very big 'if's. But even if you truly were the child of some Outsider cultists, what's it matter? You decide who you are and what you make of your life. You are your own person. You're Syr. The one who gave you that name? She's your mother no matter who gave birth to you.”

She looked at me, searching my face for any hint of deceit, but she could look as long as she wanted. I'd meant every word.

“And what about you?”, she asked. “You hate all spawn of the Outsiders. If it were true, would you hate me, too?”

I stepped close to her and wrapped my arms around her as best I could. “Just so we're clear”, I said. “I hate Outsiders and their cultists because they want to destroy the world. The Outsiders because that's just what they do and the cultists because they're expecting some sort of reward for it. You are miles away from being like them.” I paused, then added: “And hate is kind of the opposite of what I'm feeling for you.”

She grumbled into my chest and it was pretty impressive that she actually managed to make her voice sound muffled as she asked: “How can you say all of this embarrassing stuff with a straight face?”

“Because it's true”, I told her.

She was quiet for a long time before she said: “Me too.”

“You too what?”, I asked, confused.

She grumbled, upset at having to spell it out, but then she said, her voice very nearly a whisper: “Hate is quite far from what I'm feeling for you, too.”

I just kept holding her for quite a while, glad that nobody could see us because it must have looked ridiculous, me standing there hugging the air.

Finally, after what felt like an eternity of just holding her and listening to her breathing calm down she said: “I should warn you. Yume and I have cooked up a little working together.”

“What kind of working?”, I asked, a touch of worry in my voice.

“She said she wanted to talk to you but she's not really been able to so we forged a little dreamscape”, she explained. “When you fall asleep I'm going to guide you there so you two can talk.”

If she expected me to be upset she was in for a surprise. I wasn't upset, I was impressed. “I didn't even know you could do that. I mean, I know what a dreamscape is, but wow.”

“Honestly I couldn't have done it without her”, Syr said. “But my abilities combined with her illusions are capable of some pretty amazing things.”

“I'm looking forward to it”, I said.

I was also aware that it would soon be time for Selene's shift and, sure enough, when I glanced back Selene stepped out of her tent and walked over to us. Syr vanished into smoke the way she always did when I was with someone else who couldn't interact with her.

“Good night”, Selene told me as she drew near and I kissed her before making my way back to the tent and slid in next to Alisha, making sure not to wake her.

I fell asleep almost instantly. I was tired, sure, but I assumed it had more to do with the light blue haze drifting up to me when I laid down.

**

I woke up in an unfamiliar place. A small meadow of grass and flowers was laid out before me. A majestic mountain with a snowy peak loomed over us, so close that I assumed we were directly on the side of the mountain, and I heard a small brook babbling nearby. Behind me was a building in an architectural style I'd never seen. The roof was triangular as I knew it but the shingles had a weird shape to them and the building itself was made of wood. The weirdest part was the door though. It looked like a wooden frame that could be slid sideways, but the actual wall looked to be made of white paper, which didn't make sense. Paper was expensive and difficult to make, that's why people used parchment. The house also stood on stilts. Not large stilts, but the house itself was a foot off the ground, the wooden stilts keeping the structure from laying directly on the ground.

Even more bizarre, in the distance I could see a tall red arc, something like a gate, the tops curling up like a bull's horns.

But when I looked down at the meadow I saw Yume. She was sitting with her legs under her on a fluffy cushion. In front of her sat the shortest little table I'd ever seen. It was six inches tall, tops. On the other side of the table was another one of those fluffy cushions and I assumed that would be my spot, so I strolled over.

I sat, or rather knelt, down just the way she was, down on my knees, my butt resting on my lower legs and I was grateful for the soft grass and the softer cushion.

“This place is beautiful”, I said by way of greeting. “Did you make this?”

She'd had her eyes closed but at my words she opened them and gave me a slight smile. “This is where I used to live”, she told me. “Could you wash up in the stream for me? It's customary to serve tea only to those who have recently cleaned themselves. I've prepared a washcloth for you.”

I nodded and made my way over. I wasn't sure how far she wanted me to clean but the moment I knelt down by the stream the information flooded into me and I knew exactly what she expected and began. The manipulation was a little disconcerting but this was a dream and even more it was her dreamscape, so I didn't fight it. I leaned down, cupped a hand of water and used it to rinse out my mouth. Good gods but the water was cold, but it was also clean and refreshing. When I was done I knew spitting back in the stream was considered rude so I spat it out into a small bucket next to me. Then I washed my hands and my face before drying off with the cloth.

When I was done I got up and sat back down at the table where a small mug of tea waited for me. The other utensils on the table were completely unfamiliar to me and even the mug looked weird since it had no handle. I had no idea how I was supposed to grab this without burning my hand.

She drank from her mug and I followed suit. It was horribly bitter and I cringed.

“It's an acquired taste, I admit”, she told me but as the bitterness receded I felt a complex flavor fill my mouth that was quite refreshing.

She pushed a small porcelain dish towards me that held three colored spheres with a toothpick in each and I was pretty sure they were sweets. That knowledge she'd shoved into my head also told me it would be rude not to accept. In fact, it would be rude to leave any of them. So I picked up one by the toothpick and popped it into my mouth. The outside was chewy. Unexpectedly chewy but not bad. The inside meanwhile was a sweet paste that helped a lot with the bitterness of the tea.

“It's great”, I said as I nodded my head and then took another sip of the tea.

“Thank you”, she said, nodding her head as well. The ritual was now apparently taken care of as she returned to her usual smile when I was around and asked: “Better than me?”

I smirked. “It's sweet”, I said, “but you're much sweeter my little fox.” She blushed under the compliment and her tails wagged softly. “But before we do anything else”, I said, then looked behind me and called out: “You can come out, Syr.”

Sure enough, when I called her Syr stepped out from behind the small building and walked over to us. Yume waved her hand and a moment later another cushion appeared and the table shifted to hold a third mug of tea and another small dish of sweets. As Syr saw this she turned away from us and cleaned herself up just as I had and then came over and repeated the same ceremony. Afterwards she picked up another of the sweets and studied it before popping it in her mouth.

“You have to tell me what's in them”, she said to Yume and Yume's tails wagged again.

“Red bean paste”, she told us.

“Beans?”, Syr and I asked at the same time.

Yume nodded. “These beans are very sweet and the paste is used exclusively for sweets”, she explained. “I was missing the flavors of my youth so I brought you here, into this memory.”

“Thank you for sharing it”, I told her. “Syr said you wanted to talk to me?”

She nodded. “I did.” Then she got up, walked around the little table and laid down beside me, resting her head on my lap. “It's so exhausting being owned by him when I know I'm yours.”

I reached down and patted her head, then scratched behind her fluffy fox ears. “I'm sorry”, I said. “Just a little while longer and this farce will be over.”

“I know”, she said. “It's just so frustrating.” She paused, then added: “I know what you were doing with Selene before I called for your help.”

I blushed. “Are you upset?”, I asked.

“Yes. No. Sort of”, she explained expertly. “I'm fine with you being with your other women, but... I wish I would have been able to join you.”

“We'll make up for lost time soon”, I told her, then turned to Syr. “Are you just going to keep sitting all the way over there when we can actually touch you for once?”

Syr startled when I spoke to her, but then blinked several times. “I hadn't thought of that”, she said, then came over and leaned against me. Really leaned against me this time. This was a dream and so her projection was just as tangible as everything else. Her body was soft, so unbelievably soft. She didn't have the muscles Selene did and she wasn't thin and lithe like Alisha. Her curves were more generous even than those of Yume and so her entire body felt soft and I just wanted to sink into her. But instead I just held her. Our previous discussion had shaken her and what she needed right now wasn't some lecher but someone to be there for her and hold her tight.

“What did you want to talk about?”, I asked Yume as Syr leaned against me.

“Oh right”, Yume said, but didn't get up from where she was lying. From this angle I could see down her cleavage as her breasts rose and fell. “I wanted to tell you how proud I am of your progress. Don't think I didn't see that Qi Projection you used on the bolt you fired. That was great work. Once we're rid of that piece of shit who thinks he owns me” – apparently the effect of the collar that forced her to call him Master didn't extend to her dreams – “I will show you another technique as a reward.”

“I'm looking forward to it”, I said.

“Then I actually wanted to tell you that you were overdoing it with the Qi techniques, but I've seen that you noticed that yourself”, she said.

“Yes”, I said. “If it wasn't for Alisha's miracle Selene and I might have died because I overdid it.”

“Let that be a lesson to you”, she said. “As I said, no mortal has the kinds of Qi reserves that would let them be this strong all the time.”

A thought occurred to me. “What about immortals, then? Can they do that?”

She nodded. “Yes. If a god were to learn these techniques they would be able to use them constantly. It's one of the reasons I made sure to learn them.”

“You learned them for when you become a goddess in four hundred years?”, I asked.

“Best to start early”, she said with a wink. “No, but seriously. I learned them so I could defend myself. The knowledge that they'd make me that much stronger when I become a tenko was secondary.”

“Well, you certainly know how to defend yourself”, I said.

“I wasn't good enough to stop those slavers from taking me”, she said quietly.

“Oh right, that reminds me”, I said. “Does the name 'Ares' ring a bell?”

She instantly let out a low growl that made her entire body vibrate. “The one who bought me from the slavers gave me to a man named Ares and he then handed me over to the Chosen One like a gift. As I understand this Ares is one of your gods, right?”

“Yes”, I said. “He's the Olympian god of war. What did he do to you?”

“He did nothing”, she said. “He just told me how much fun his Chosen One was going to have with me.”

“He didn't touch you?”, I asked, a little surprised.

Her growl became slightly more intense. “He took other women in front of me and had me hold a tray of refreshments as he did. He said that if he did lay with me he'd ruin me for all other men so he wouldn't touch me until I'd served some of his Chosen Ones.”

“Yeah, that sounds more like the Ares I know”, I said, nodding. “Well, this is about what I figured. Ares is now at the very top of my shit list.”

“There's nothing you can do to a god”, Syr said quietly and I chuckled mirthlessly.

“Just because they can't die doesn't mean I can't hurt them.”

“Don't let any gods hear you speak that way”, she chided.

“Why bother curbing my tongue?”, I asked. “There's a reason the gods can't stand me.”

“The scary thing is that I know you're not joking”, she said, reminding me that she shared my feelings.

“You'd offend a god for me?”, Yume asked quietly.

“It wouldn't be the first time I'd offended a god for one of my women”, I said. “Just ask Selene.”

Yume was quiet for a little while, then said: “Thank you. And thank you for keeping the Chosen One away from me.”

I smiled and patted her head. “I promised, didn't I?”

“You did”, she said.

We were quiet for a while before I said: “Speaking of offending a god, there was something else I wanted to talk to you about.”

She tilted her head to the side like a dog who'd heard a new noise. “What is it?”, she asked.

“That sword the Chosen One wields. I want it.”

She shrugged. “It's yours. Once I've had my revenge you can help yourself to his belongings.”

I shook my head. “It's not that easy”, I said. “Legendary weapons have a will of their own and, well, there's another reason they call me the Godsforsaken. Legendary weapons usually refuse to work for me.”

Her brow furrowed. “Alright, but I don't really see how I can help with that. I'm not an enchanter.”

I smiled. “See, Ares is a god of war. No matter what kind of asshole he is there are certain rules he has to adhere to and one of those is that of martial prowess. If I were to challenge the Chosen One for his sword and won he'd have to give it to me and since I would have won it through single combat it would have to work for me.”

She opened her mouth to protest but I kept going:

“However, that would mean taking your revenge away from you and I'm not about to do that.”

She relaxed at that.

“So if I want to be able to use that weapon you have to, ah, deal with him, take his sword and then offer it to me. In that case he lost the sword to someone who bested him and you then go on to give it to someone who bested you.”

She frowned. “Those are a lot of technicalities. Would that even work?”, she asked.

I shrugged. “It's my best bet”, I said.

“Can I ask why you want that sword so badly?”, she asked.

“Mine broke when we fought the cyclopes”, I explained. “Those Qi techniques you taught me are really rough on weapons that aren't enchanted for durability. But with a legendary weapon that would no longer be an issue, they're basically unbreakable. Plus, I really want to use those fire lances. I think I might be able to apply Qi techniques to them.”

Finally she smiled. “Alright, I'll help you get your hands on that sword.”

“Thank you. And I'll make sure you get your revenge”, I said and cupped her cheek.

She smiled at me and I pulled her closer, cuddling her into me. We were quiet for a long while, just basking in our mutual company, Syr's softness on one side and Yume's warmth on the other. Eventually Yume broke the silence:

“I've never lain with the Chosen One”

“You haven't?”, I asked. It just slipped out. I knew I should have just let her speak her mind but I was too surprised. I would never have expected that with how possessive he was of her.

But she shook her head. “He made me pleasure him, but I've never lain with him.”

“I'm surprised he didn't try to force you”, Syr said. “It seems oddly decent of him."

Yume snorted. “Oh, he tried, but... well, he could order me not to resist him but he couldn't stop me from staring at him until he wilted.” She smiled, showing off her sharp canines.

“What a pathetic man”, I said. “I'm sure your defiant glare is incredibly hot.”

“Maybe I'll show you next time”, she said, a hint of challenge in her voice.

“I'll make sure to toss you around a little to earn a look like that”, I told her as I tried desperately to think of anything but doing that. I was already certain she could feel my erection pressing against the back of her head and from the sudden smell of cinnamon around us I was fairly certain she was feeling much the same.

“So”, Syr said, reminding us that she was here. “We have about four hours in this place. What are you two planning on doing with them?”

She was probably worried we were about to start fucking right next to her. Under normal circumstances I would have and would have invited her to join us, but I could tell she was still rattled from before. So I looked down at Yume and gave her a gentle loving look, which she returned.

“Cuddling”, we both said at the same time.

“Good”, Syr said and leaned against us, snuggling in. “That's... good...”