NOVEL SIMPLE Vol.3 Ch.9 – Blades And Brothels
Chapter 9: Blades And Brothels
After we left the Plucked Cockatrice we went back to the palace to grab the messenger and leave for Calice. Now that we no longer had to worry about being late to an audience I noticed how short a trip it actually was. Just twenty minutes on foot brought us back to the enormous stairway that led up to the palace gates. The stairs were clearly designed to make the palace look more imposing, not that that was necessary with the Crystal Crown looming over the enormous structure.
The messenger, as expected, was a young man, clearly some minor noble's son trying to work his way up by working for the royal family. We approached him and he looked at us all indignantly.
“Kindly don't bother me," he said in a high voice. “I am waiting here for the princess. I can't bother with peasants like you.”
I couldn't suppress a chuckle as Annabella crossed her arms.
“Is that any way to speak to royalty?" she asked, though I could tell from her tone that she was amused.
“Royalty?" the messenger asked dubiously.
“This is Third Princess Annabella Zafira Trismegistus," I told the boy, whose face immediately lost all color. He was about to throw himself to the ground to ask forgiveness, even though he would have broken his fool neck if he tried that while standing on stairs but Annabella chuckled and said:
“Relax. I guess that means my disguise is working as intended.”
The boy still looked mortified but nodded at her.
“Now, you are from Calice, correct?" Annabella asked.
“That is correct, your highness," the boy said.
“Good," she said. “My companion here is going to cast the Homeward miracle on you and then you can tell us where the delegation from Albion is staying.”
“Yes, your highness," the boy said and Alisha began casting her miracle.
The Homeward miracle was one of the more interesting tricks clerics could use. It came out of their daily allowance of miracles and allowed them to transport an entire group to whatever the target of the miracle considered their home. So, by keeping a messenger around a group could then cast Homeward on that messenger to immediately go back to where the messenger was from, skipping the travel time. Normally we used it to immediately go back home after a quest took us far from home, but with the help of the royal family's messengers it was possible to travel far and wide with it. The main issue with the miracle was that a person's definition of “home” was fluid and could change over time. In our travels we'd even met a cute lamia whose definition of “home” was by her girlfriend's side, so the miracle would always transport her back to her lover.
Having Homeward used on me was a weird experience and I honestly didn't know how much of it was from the miracle itself, how much was from Alisha casting it and how much came from her goddess Brigid granting it to her, but whenever I was transported through the miracle I felt an overwhelming sense of warmth, nostalgia and belonging, far greater than for any other miracle Alisha could cast. It was even stronger when she used it to travel to what I considered “home," as if the miracle was searching through all my memories and dredging up all the best ones.
And just as the warmth faded, my vision returned from the orange haze of the miracle back to normal and suddenly we were no longer on the stairs leading to the royal palace but in front of a pretty little building in the middle of the westernmost city of the kingdom, Calice.
**
While most of the great cities in the kingdom were laid out in a roughly circular shape Calice was more of a bell shape, stretched out to touch as much of the shoreline as possible. Their most common trade good was fish and the most attractive tourist spots were close to the stony beaches, so it only made sense for them to encompass as much of the shore as they could reach.
The climate of Calice was a little cooler than places like Aphrodite's Orchard, but during this time of year it was still warm enough to enjoy the beach and it would be a few months yet before the sea would become a chore rather than a blessing to the residents.
My favorite part of the city was that no matter where you were within it, the sound of the waves echoed throughout and the fresh ocean air overpowered any unpleasant smells a city might otherwise accumulate. Though, truth be told, most of the unpleasant smells came from the harbor district with its fishmongers, bars and brothels, but it did mean that, if you weren't in the harbor district, its smells wouldn't reach you.
Of course, one downside of the Homeward miracle was that it transported people directly to a person's home, so instead of reaching some sort of official facility we appeared right in front of the poor messenger boy's childhood home, quite a ways away from where we needed to be, but it did give us time to see more of the city.
In most of the great cities the nobles had their own little quarter that they tried desperately to keep the peasants out of, but the only way to keep the peasants out of your part of town was to build either no stores or only horribly overpriced stores, ones that nobody with an idea of the value of money would willingly shop at. For us, this meant that it took quite a bit of walking to even find a part of town that was good for more than just passing through.
My girls seemed excited by the stores they found and were gawking a little. On men I would have thought that country bumpkin behavior like that was unseemly, but my women were so adorably excited I couldn't fault them. Alisha found herself some fruits she'd never seen and stored them in her bag of holding, but the real surprise came when I suddenly felt Yume tug on my sleeve as we passed by a store.
I paused and looked down at her, then followed her gaze. The name of the store was Southern Gems and it promised to have trade goods from the southern realms and, sure enough, there was a slender sword on display in the shop window.
“This is the kind you need?" I asked.
“Yes," she said. “That's what I've been looking for.”
“I'll go barter for it then," I said.
“No," she said vehemently. “I need to do this for myself.”
“Relax," I said. “I said I'm going to barter for it. You can pay for it yourself. But if the owner sees how desperate you are for that sword, he's going to fleece you.”
Her fiery gaze softened at that. “I..." she paused. “Thank you.”
We walked into the store, Yume trailing quietly behind me, a light blue mist rising up around her.
“I'll be right there," a gravelly voice said when he heard the door chime.
Soon enough, he came out of the back room. The voice suited the man just fine. Old, with a neatly trimmed white beard, a bald head and clunky spectacles on his nose. The guy was rail thin and I briefly wondered whether he even made enough money to eat, but the spryness in his movements showed that he was merely lean and fit.
When he reached us I was casually examining a bottle of a dark brown, almost black sauce. I was pretty sure Yume had told me about this stuff before.
“Ah," the old man said, “I see you are interested in some traditional southern condiments. This one is used to flavor dishes, makes them more savory. It's also quite salty.”
“I see," I said. “That does sound interesting.” In fact, it sounded like exactly the kind of sauce Yume had described to me, but I would be tipping my hand by asking her in that store. “How much?”
“Just ten mun for a bottle," the old man said. Next to me I could see Yume trembling ever-so-slightly, telling me she thought the price was obscene. Good. If the guy thought I was a clueless tourist, so much the better.
“I'll take one then," I said.
He grabbed a bottle and packed it up, then asked: “Can I maybe interest you in some other southern foodstuffs? Maybe some spicy chili paste?”
I considered. “Maybe another time," I said. “I'd rather try this here first. However, I would like a souvenir, something interesting to talk about. Would you have something for me?”
He seemed eager. “Of course," he said and then began showing us several items, each one more bizarre than the last.
The first one was a statue of a weird raccoon-like animal with a giant pair of balls. Apparently it was a creature from the Tenno's realm called a tanuki. I would have to ask Yume about that later, when she didn't need to pretend not to know anything of this culture.
He then went on to show me some weirdly shaped throwing knives, one of them the shape of a small star, and explained in detail what the weird shapes were meant for. From Yume's frown he was clearly talking out of his ass.
Finally, finally he noticed the sword on my belt and decided to show us some proper weapons. After the sixth sword that wasn't what I was looking for I decided to nudge him:
“What about the one you have on display over there?”
“Oh, this one?" he asked, suddenly with a shrewd glint in his eyes. “Well, this one is special.” He grabbed it and pulled it out of its sheath. I was half expecting to find a rusted blade but no, the blade was pristine. The hilt and sheath were both black, the hilt decorated with crisscrossing strips of cloth to give it a better grip and the sheath decorated with white flower designs. The blade was smooth and looked slightly weird to me, but the weirdest part was the guard, which was just a rectangular flat piece of metal with rounded edges, only just barely wide enough to get the job done.
“What's up with the blade?" I asked.
“Oh, right," he said. “This isn't like the swords of our kingdom. Where we take a slab of metal and then just hammer it into shape, they fold the metal over itself, again and again, which lets them sharpen it much farther than our blacksmiths can manage.” I noticed that he didn't mention that this same technique also made the sword brittle and prone to breaking. “So a weapon like this is truly exceptional, much better than a curiosity.”
“How much?" I asked.
“Well..." he hedged. “There's been another buyer interested in it, so you'd have to pay more than him. Let's say... five hundred mun.”
I rolled my eyes. “There's a half inch coating of dust on the thing. I can see the imprints in the dust where you grabbed it," I said. “You didn't touch this thing in weeks or months. Nobody has been interested in this sword in forever.”
It was then that he realized that, while I wasn't an expert in southern blades, I was at least a savvy enough barterer that he couldn't pull his most obvious tricks.
“Well, you're right," he admitted, rubbing the back of his head, “but I did pay quite a bit for this thing when I got it.”
“I believe you," I said. “But the fact of the matter is that now nobody wants it, so any price is better than it clogging up your store further, wouldn't you agree?”
“Well... alright then," he said. “How does three hundred sound?”
I made a face.
“Two hundred and fifty?”
“A hundred and fifty," I said.
“I really can't let it go under two hundred," he countered.
“Two hundred and I get two of those sauce bottles for free with it," I said.
He grumbled about that but finally said: “Fine.”
He packed up everything and only once I paid him the two hundred mun did I toss the sword to Yume, who immediately fastened it to her belt. Only then did the merchant notice my companion. When she wanted to go unnoticed there weren't many who would notice her. Though I assumed it'd had more to do with the light blue haze that had surrounded her during the negotiations. The moment he saw her facial features he glared at me. I shrugged and his glare turned into a hearty belly laugh when he realized I'd played him.
“Is the sword everything you wished for, young lady?" he asked.
In response Yume drew the blade and spun it through a series of swings I could only barely follow. “It's not the best I've ever held," she said bluntly. “But given that I've held swords crafted by a divine blacksmith that doesn't mean much. As you said, it is an exceptional sword.”
His eyes were glaring at me but his mouth was stretched wide in a grin. “Come by again," he told us as we left. “I need people like you to keep me on my toes.”
**
“Do you want to get it enchanted?" I asked as Yume handed me the two hundred mun she owed me. I had been hoping she'd forget about that, but her pride wouldn't let her.
“What enchantments would you suggest?" she asked.
“Well, you said these swords are brittle so I was thinking a major durability enchantment and a major armor-piercing enchantment," I said. “From what you said, sharpness isn't really an issue with them.”
“But that's expensive, isn't it?" she asked. She did gain quite a windfall from our last quest, but the kinds of enchantments we were talking about would run a couple thousand mun.
“We've still got a few of the enchanted weapons from the Dark Lord's treasure hoard," I said. “If we trade them in we might get it pretty cheap. Athena's bush, we could use that magic channeling enchantment we found on one of the short swords. A wizard like you might be able to make use of that.”
She bit her lip and I could already tell what she was thinking. Magic channeling enchantments like the one on Alisha's rapier were obscenely powerful for a mage. They allowed the user to strengthen their spells by running them through the tool, which would go a long way towards making her fire magic better and, even better, they allowed a mage to channel their spells into the weapon without damaging the weapon in the process. In Yume's case, it would allow her to use fire magic to heat up her blade without the risk of actually melting it down.
“Let's do it," she finally said.
Finding a master enchanter ended up taking longer than actually getting the sword enchanted. Trading in weapons with four minor durability enchantments, two with minor armor-piercing enchantments and the sword with the magic channeling enchantment ended up pushing the price down to a mere 1500 mun, which sounded pretty steep but was actually fairly cheap. Thanks to the capital's lower taxes I could have probably found a better deal in the capital, but for Calice the price was fine.
All in all, Yume now possessed a magic weapon just one step below legendary rank and the enchanter actually had some training dummies to test out her new weapon.
“I promised I'd give you a show if you found me a proper blade, didn't I?" she asked as she looked at the dummies.
“You did," I agreed. She turned back to the enchanter and asked:
“How durable are these dummies?”
“They aren't," he replied. “But they have a time enchantment on them. If you break them they return to before they broke. Go wild.” From his expression he seemed pretty sure the petite fox girl wouldn't be able to so much as scratch them but I knew better.
Yume nodded and then got into a stance. Her sword was bound to the left of the ribbon that held her kimono closed, at the same height where one would normally wear a belt. She bent her knees and grabbed the sheath with her left and the hilt with her right and then used her left thumb to push the sword out of its sheath just an inch.
She took a deep breath and announced: “Second Form," and then she vanished.
Whatever she was doing wasn't a Qi Dash. A Qi Dash was fast, but just barely slow enough that I could track the movement if I was carefully observing the user. But Yume just straight-up vanished, then reappeared behind the first dummy and slashed at it, then vanished again to reappear beside the second, slashed at that one and then vanished and reappeared beside the third to slash it. Of course, all of this takes a lot longer to write and read than it took for Yume to act, as it all happened in barely over a second. Then she vanished again and reappeared in the middle of the dummies, her sword back in its sheath.
“Gale!" she called and pulled the sword out again, slashing in the same motion that unsheathed the blade. The slash spread out farther than it should have, no doubt assisted by Qi Projection, and passed through all three dummies.
At first I thought nothing had happened but then all three dummies fell apart, slashed into three pieces each, the top two pieces slowly sliding off the one part still bolted to the ground.
“Ah," Yume cooed, “it's like losing a limb and finally getting it back.” She examined the blade again while the enchanter as well as Alisha, Selene and Annabella all picked their jaws up off the floor. Finally she told the sword: “I shall call you Kageshiro, White Shadow.”
**
With our little errand completed we were finally free to head to the harbor district. As we walked I took notice of how much more confident Yume suddenly seemed. She still backed away from larger groups, but she no longer clung to me and held her head higher than she had before. It really only occurred to me then how much missing her blade had affected her. And that was despite her being a force of nature even bare-handed. I felt the sudden desire to do unspeakable things to Ares and those slavers for what they had done to her. Yes, I couldn't kill a god, but that didn't mean I couldn't hurt one. In fact, if he couldn't die that meant his torture would never have to end.
At that moment I decided that if I ever got my hands on Ares I would make him fucking wish he could die. I'd make the story of Prometheus seem like a children's tale by comparison.
And, I thought as I felt the connection inside my mind, I couldn't forget that Ares shared the top spot on my shit list with the so-called Holy Maiden, the bitch who had stolen Syr's body and was now using it to corrupt the world, one little corner at a time.
Finally I was pulled out of my musings when we reached the harbor district. It was easy to notice the change, because not only was the ocean scent overpowered by spilled booze, day-old fish and perfume but also because the shops and galleries gave way to bars and brothels.
Even though our party consisted of mostly women we were still propositioned by some of the workers and yes, just like I remembered, Calice had some top-notch ladies working the streets, even early in the evening.
“Can't they see you're with us?" Alisha asked as we passed by a particularly aggressive cat-folk woman with a black and orange striped tail. Good gods was she attractive, all tan skin and fit body. If I was still single I would have followed her and her dog-folk and rabbit-folk companions in a heartbeat.
“You assume they wouldn't prefer to join a mixed group," I said. “The way they see it, I can be trusted because you trust me. Plus, like you, a lot of them have no issue being with other women.”
Alisha thought about that for a while before she said: “But it's still weird. Sex is supposed to be intimate, done with people you trust, not something that's bought and sold.”
“Don't be so quick to judge," I said. “Most of them do this because they enjoy it and because it pays well.”
Now it was Annabella's turn to scoff. “I hear many of these women are forced into this line of work," she said.
“Some? Yes," I said. “Many? No. Look at that sign there next to the nameplate.” I pointed up to a... well, it was supposed to be a womb, but it was deliberately drawn to look like a heart. “That means they're certified by the guild. All the workers are clean and work under fair conditions of their own free will and there are enchantments in the door frame that cure most sexually transmissible diseases the moment you step through the door and turn away patrons whose afflictions they can't cure. And the entire building is covered in a field that prevents pregnancy.”
The women looked around and saw that every single establishment on the street bore this sign somewhere.
“And that can be trusted?" Selene asked.
“Absolutely," I said. “The guild controls the conditions regularly. So long as you stick to establishments with this sign, you can have a clean conscience.”
“You know an awful lot about this," Alisha accused. “Why is that?”
“Because I used to go to places like this before we met," I said and Alisha paused and stared at me. “Is that really such a shock?”
“Yes," she said, outraged. “I refuse to believe that you would ever have to pay for sex.”
I shrugged. “It's not like I had to," I said. “It was simply easier than finding a real relationship.”
“That reminds me," she said. “Why were you even single when we met?”
“Because I'm an adventurer," I replied. “Most of my relationships either ended the moment I went on another quest or once I came back and my girl told me she couldn't bear the worry of whether I'd come back or not.”
Alisha considered that, then said: “Alright, I grant you that. But then why didn't you just date another adventurer?”
I snorted. “Most female adventurers are unavailable for one reason or another.”
“Like?" she demanded.
“First of all, most female adventurers are already in a relationship with another adventurer. For proof, see the three of you.”
She nodded her head, conceding the point.
“Of the available ones, most of the rest are interested in women.” I felt four pairs of eyes glaring at me and I quickly explained: “It's the truth. They grow up in small remote villages where they are shunned for their," I air-quoted, “'deviant tastes', so they go adventuring, thinking they can find themselves a damsel in need of rescuing who is then grateful enough to let them live out their fantasies, never knowing that most people in this enlightened age have no problem with that sort of thing. For proof, see Thea and Silvia back in Lycia.”
Alisha frowned a bit longer but then conceded that point, too.
Of course I didn't mention the cautionary tale of the Hero who called herself Blade, a vile woman who used to drug and then rape other women for fun and who had then been killed horrifically when she had tried to pull that shit on someone who could fight back. That bitch had done more harm to the reputation of lesbian adventurers than any other person in living memory.
“And of the other female adventurers, most of the rest are...” I paused, thinking of a tactful way to phrase it but then gave up because there was no tactful way to phrase it. “They're the real deviants. Women who fantasize about monsters violating them. Most of them end up badly hurt or dead when they find out that no, human women aren't equipped to take a centaur after all or that 'rough' means something else entirely to a dragon than it does to a human.” Of course I didn't mention the most unfortunate ones of that group, the ones who thought that letting goblins use them as breeding stock could be fun only to find out too late that no, it really really wasn't. “So single female adventurers interested in humanoid males are an incredibly rare breed.”
“So, which one of these do you think I am?" Annabella asked, half curious and half wryly amused.
I considered her. “You don't strike me as a deviant, so I'm going to assume you're interested in mortals. I can't tell if you're interested in men, women or both, though.”
“And if you had to make a guess?" she asked, a hint of challenge in her voice.
I looked her over again and finally I said: “Then I'd say you're interested in both, but leaning towards women.” From the way she averted her gaze I was pretty sure I'd been right on the mun.
“But seriously," Alisha said, bringing us back on track, “paying for sex?”
I shrugged. “It can be fun," I said. “It's not a replacement for real relationships but if you want to try out something new? Sure.”
“Something new?" Alisha asked. “Like?”
“Sleeping with an alraune, for example," I replied.
At that, Annabella's cheeks got so red I was worried she'd pass out. I'd have to ask about that later.
“They're plant monsters, aren't they?" Alisha asked.
“I really wouldn't call them monsters," I said. “They're green humanoids with a coat of leaves over parts of their bodies. They have a really hard time moving around since they can't move far from their flower so a lot of them find a place they like and stay there. And for a few of them, that place ends up being the backyard of a brothel.”
“Hold on," Selene said. “I remember eating meat with alraune herb butter at the Plucked Cockatrice. Isn't that a little barbaric?”
I shook my head. “No," I said. “They shed leaves on their own. When an alraune feels really good the leaves just fall off her. Nobody needs to hurt an alraune to harvest their leaves, quite the opposite in fact.”
At that, the redness had crept all over Annabella's face, all the way down to her throat, and she said: “A-anyway, how about we go find an inn close to where the delegation is staying? I don't want to be late tomorrow.”
There was definitely a story there and I absolutely had to learn it.
