Growing Lilies

Lily awoke to the sound of her alarm. For a terrible second she panicked, but it was just the alarm that she had set to make sure she didn’t sleep too long. With a groan she sat up and looked at her new stuffed friend.

“I’m still so tired. How about you, huh?”

The seal didn’t respond. She was still dead, but she’d awoken feeling so much better than earlier. If she wasn’t probably losing opportunities by the second she wouldn’t get up. But, a short recharge was still a recharge and she’d take what she could get. She rose, grabbed her things, and found her way to the soda isle. There she grabbed a Rockstar, and headed back to the van.

Once she was behind the wheel, she faced the same question as earlier. Where was she most likely to find a working internet connection? Maybe the library? Santa Del Mar had a university too, but Lily was a little nervous about going there. She’d heard it was pretty big and she didn’t want to get lost. Plus, she wasn’t totally sure even how to get in. Why was this so hard? Just make a decision. First one that came to mind was the library. Do that.

She popped open her GPS and directed herself to the library. It was only a short drive. At one point, her seal fell off the passenger seat, so she parked and buckled it in, but otherwise the trip was uneventful. That is, until she arrived. The library was a smoldering ruin. But that wasn’t all, it was also the source of the purple smoke she had spotted earlier.

Lily sat in her car staring at the plumes of dark purple billowing out of the husk of the library. Should she go in? She kind of wanted to see what was causing such strange smoke. On the other hand, what if it was poison? Or some strange chemical? Or worse?

“What kind of strange chemical would be in a library…?”

More than that, given the everburning fire she already found, what if this was another anomaly? If things like this were going to be commonplace for her, shouldn’t she try to learn about them? But, she sat in her car, frozen. She was scared! It could be dangerous. But, she should at least try to get close enough to see what it was, right?

“Okay Lily. You’ve gotta do this. Just get out of the car, and go take a look. Easy.” She didn’t move. She willed herself to get out and go look. She couldn’t. Staring at the smoke, she wondered why this was so hard.

“I did so many scary things yesterday. Why is this different?” Exhaustion? No. She’d been exhausted then too. Stress build up? Hah, she’d been riding 100% stress capacity since the world ended. So, what? If anything this should be easier! There was nothing pushing her to do it or die!

“...oh.” There was nothing pushing her to do it or die. That’s why it was so much harder. Yesterday, everything she’d done she had no other choice but to do. Today she was languishing on every decision, freezing up, unsure of herself.

“It’s because I’m not going to die if I don’t do it?” Yes. That was it. Lily had always been controlled by her fears and anxieties. It had trapped her in her apartment for years! While the entire world kept going and passed her by. The only thing that eventually got her to MOVE was the threat of burning alive.

Now that that threat was gone, things were different. It was like a river. Normally she was confined to her little riverbed, flowing along a well worn path, with no deviation. Yesterday there was a flood, and for the first time in forever she broke free of that. But now that she wasn’t in mortal danger, she was sinking back into that confinement.

“No.” She refused. This might be a stupid place to make her stand, but she was going to make her stand right now. This was the turning point. Either be brave and go examine this strange smoke, or it was only going to be easier to turn tail and run next time. This was the time. This was it. It was either break free of her fears right now, or sink back into them for the rest of her life here.

Lily could see two paths ahead of her. The one where she learned everything there was to know about this new world. Explore it. Conquer it. Make it hers. The whole world, her new containment. Or, the one where she didn’t. She could leave. She could make herself comfortable. She could live in a little house, and make sure she had enough food and water to survive until she eventually died, never having left for more than basic needs. She had to choose, right now.

“I’m going.” She didn’t move.

“I said I’m going!” Still nothing. Why was this so hard? She wasn’t held by anything. It was in her head! She railed against it. All of the things that always kept her from doing what she wanted to do. Fear. Anxiety. Self hatred. Depression. It was all there. It was a cage. And right now, she had to hit it hard enough to make a dent, or she knew she would never be strong enough again.

In her mind, chains creaked. Metal bent. She shoved her phone in her pocket, grabbed her everburning flame vase and her seal. She opened the door and got out, breaking into a run. About three steps later, she had to slow down. Her body was exhausted to the point of being near broken still. She doubled over and caught her breath, but then continued forward. She wasn’t going to lose this momentum. Slow or not, she would break through. She had to break through. It was stupid to run towards a fire like this. Lily didn’t care. This was about more than that! She was going to claim agency over her life right now even if it killed her!

Something inside her snapped.

The library was set in one of the nicer parts of town. It had been a very nice building, if not a particularly large one. On the outside the gardeners had made a considerable effort. There was ample greenery, a few benches to sit on, and even some carefully trimmed bushes that provided some natural containment and privacy for those reading outside. Of course, now all that remained were the melted remnants of the benches, the metal guides for the plants to grow along, and ash.

The building didn’t hold up much better. Four large concrete pillars that had helped bear the load of the roof remained standing, but the roof had caved in, and the flammable material had all burned away. If any books remained, which was unlikely, they’d be buried under the remains of the roof.

Climbing carefully onto the rubble was a girl holding a chubby seal plushie in front of her like a shield. Lily was careful to touch each new foothold gently before applying pressure, to make sure it would hold her weight and wouldn’t be burning hot. The view from the inside was more of the same. It was devastation. Nothing had survived. It pained Lily to see, there had been so much knowledge and creativity here that was now lost. Sure, copies of the same materials probably still existed. She would find them too. But, every lost library, every lost archive, every lost database, even every lost personal PC was worth mourning. Humanity might be gone, but she could at least preserve the ghosts.

As she grew closer to the center, where the mass of purple smoke was still rising, she could see flames licking up from underneath it, despite there likely not being anything left to burn. While that was strange enough, the flames were green. She did a quick google search on her phone, but nothing particularly useful came up. Especially not for these two colors together.

Lily drew closer. The fire was emitting some kind of… sparks? Well, no, not sparks. They didn’t look electric. More like the kind of sparks you’d get from one of those hand held firework sparkler toys. But they were smaller and went out quickly.

“Okay… this is definitely not normal. But what is it?” Lily inched closer. Unlike her personal flame, this was putting off heat and she had no intention of getting too close. This was definitely another anomaly. Strange things had been happening constantly since yesterday, and Lily wanted answers! Any answers at all! So, she observed. Then, something caught her eye.

She’d been so focused on the green fire that she hadn’t noticed, her eternal flame was reacting. She lifted it in front of her. It still looked the same, but the flames were quite a bit larger than earlier. “Huh. What the heck…? Do you just like other fires?” She took a few steps away, and held the flame further from the green fire. It went down slightly. She brought it closer again, and it flared up once more.

“Weird…” She stared at the green fire again. Tucking her seal under one arm she took out her phone and snapped a picture of the green fire. The picture came out showing clearly what she saw with her own two eyes. Okay, still not an illusion, probably. Then what was going on? Lily was pretty sure that nothing in a library would normally burn like that. So, there was something more to this. She was determined to figure it out.

“I have to live in a world full of junk like this now. So I’m not giving up! You hear me, green fire? I’m not leaving until I understand even a little bit how you work! So, what are you? Tell me your secrets!” She expected nothing, and was really just speaking out loud for the comfort of it, but the green fire reacted.

She could swear it did! It burned lower for a moment and then redoubled, raging even stronger. That had to be a coincidence, right? She knew human brains were wired to find patterns, even if there were none there. So, she was skeptical, even if it seemed so obviously related to her.

“Hello? Can you hear me?” Nothing changed. Okay, so just speaking wasn’t enough. What had it been then? Desire to understand?

“Fire, I demand to know how you work!” That wasn’t it either. Or maybe it was more than just her words. She focused, trying to build the same intensity she had had when it did react.

“I’m not leaving until I understand something. Even one small piece of this puzzle. I worked hard to get here, and I’m not leaving empty handed.” She felt it. It was building inside her. Not just words, but genuine feelings. She stepped closer to the fire, and could feel the heat on her face, but she stood her ground. “I’m scared. I am always so scared. But I’m here anyway! I’ve fought this battle tooth and nail. I broke free of that cage just for a moment to be here and get knowledge. I won’t let that go to waste. What are you? Show me!”

The flame shrunk drastically for just a second, and Lily felt herself get pulled toward the center of it. With a cry of surprise, she tried to hold herself back but stumbled forward despite herself. As she felt herself drop to her knees roughly, the flame burst back to life twice as strong as before. Pain. Searing pain covered Lily for a moment and she screamed. She scrambled back away from the fire as quickly as she could, sure that she was burning alive. But, as she got some distance she realized the flames hadn’t touched her. Despite that, she was certain she had burns, even if minor. That had been painful. Inventory check! Her phone was fine, the glass of her everburning vase had chipped slightly where it scraped the ground, and her seal was… covered in ash but unharmed.

Lily let out a nervous laugh. She was… okay! Well, okay enough. Not dead! Not burned beyond repair. She’d take it! She looked up at the fire. It was still burning brightly. Okay, well, that had been a reaction. That had definitely, definitely been the flame reacting to what she had said and done. Was the key emotion? No, it didn’t feel like that was quite right. It was more than that. She tried to hold onto the feeling.

There she sat, staring at the fire, covered in ash when she realized something else. The fire was doing something new! It was subtle, but it was there. She could see it. Just barely. It was… breathing? No, that wasn’t quite right. It was more like a whirlpool. Or… She couldn’t quite wrap her head around it. But, she watched carefully. It was drawing something into it. She couldn’t see what. It was like the air around it was being sucked into it. But it wasn’t the air. Well, the air was as well, because that’s how fire works. But this was something deeper.

She concentrated, and tried to see. The fire was growing larger. It was pulling more and more of this… stuff into it. At a faster and faster rate, and as it pulled the stuff in faster it was burning higher and hotter. She could see it. She didn’t have words to describe it, but she had a sense for it now. This… fuel. Whatever it was, was pouring into the flame, and the flame was burning it! That’s why it wasn’t burning anything else to sustain itself! There wasn’t anything left in the library that was on fire, this fire was burning this stuff out of the air! And it was going faster and faster. Exponentially. Wasn’t that… bad?

Lily’s eyes went wide. “Uh oh.” She jumped to her feet as fast as she could, and ran across the rubble. Stumbling a little bit, and slightly twisting an ankle she jumped clear of the ruined library, and made a mad dash to her van. She got it started, threw it in reverse, and swerved out into the street.

Lily floored it. She wasn’t sure what she thought was going to happen was really going to happen, but if she did she wanted to be nowhere near–

THOOM

Her van shook with the impact of the blast, throwing off her steering for a moment. The van fishtailed as Lily struggled to get a hold of it again. She was lucky she didn’t flip! But, once she got control she hit the gas again. She wanted to be far away before she turned to look. Chancing a glance at the rear view mirror, she saw a wave of purple smoke pouring down the road after her. The Van wouldn’t accelerate fast enough! It was going to hit her! Well, she could at least be as far away as she could!

It was catching up. It was gonna catch up! Three. Two. One. A wave of dark purple engulfed her. It was impossible to see through. She kept going, blind but unwilling to stop and see if flames followed the smoke! For a few agonizing seconds, she floored it into the abyss. Then… THUNK. She hit something. The van popped up as it hit the rubble in the road. Lily slammed on the breaks to try and mitigate the crash, but she was no expert driver. The van immediately went into a spin. Lily screamed, and held on for dear life.

The van came to a stop. She wasn’t even sure which direction she was pointed in this smoke, but she was just thankful not to be dead, or upside down. But now she was trapped. The purple smoke was so thick around the windows and windshield that it was as if someone had painted them. There was no telling what direction was safe to drive in. So, she waited to see if she’d start feeling heat.

Tense overwhelming silence for a few minutes was Lily’s entire world. All she could see was purple black smoke. All she could hear was her own ragged breathing. What if… it was permanent? Just as she tried hard not to have that thought, she caught a sight that gave her hope. She thought she could sort of make out the sky!

She put the car back in drive and inched forward. Yes! She was sure now, the smoke was starting to clear a little. She patiently waited until she could make out the road a little, and then turned onto it. A few minutes later, she was driving clear of the smoke.

She parked and turned to get a good look back. It was clear where the explosion had been. A large purple black crater was visible from here. It’d taken out at least a block. But, it hadn’t gotten her.

She carefully climbed back into her van, and looked into the passenger seat. Her seal looked back at her, covered in black purple ash.

“Hah. Rough day huh?”