Chapter 28

<Half of Love>

One of my strengths was that I was quick to forget the past. No matter how amazing it is, it's like something out of a movie.

‘The boss is really great. How can you go through something like that and not feel anything? If it were me, I would have reported it on TV, posted my experience on the Internet, and made a fuss.'

So why bother doing that? No one will believe it anyway. It already feels like a dream that I lived in Taek-in’s body. But it didn't matter because everything went well. The important thing was vacation. This vacation was special because I experienced amazing things and went through hardships that I couldn't tell others about. Of course, I had a great plan to spend my days doing nothing but eating and sleeping, but I couldn't have this kind of leisure from the first day. It was because of Woo Min-je. That damn bastard came into the store at dawn and said, I missed you. My heart was pounding and heat rushed to my face, as if I were Taek-in again. And then I realized. I guess I like that guy too. There is no problem up to this point. Because that guy seems to like me too. He actually said this.

“I don’t think you understand yet, but it means I like you.”

I don't understand. I know. When I answered, he looked at me with serious eyes.

“Aren’t you going to throw a punch?”

Why are you fisting? ...........ah. I said if you don't like it, I'll punch you. I remembered what I had said before and just shrugged my shoulders.

“I don’t want to fly.”

"............"

“Aren’t you asking why?”

If you didn't ask, I was going to tell you. I think I like you too. No, I'm sure I like it. This is the same as Taekin's reaction...

"I knew it."

“What? You thought I liked you?”

“No. I thought you were mistaken.”

mistaken? I looked at him wondering what he meant, and he calmly explained.

“You felt the exact same reaction of Taekin who likes me. I’ve experienced my heart trembling and pounding every time he saw me for over a month. So, you could easily be mistaken.”

“What nonsense are you talking about? When did I come out of Taek-in’s body? And do I look like the kind of person who would imitate other people’s reactions like an asshole?”

"Things like that happen, too."

I was moved to tears.

“Fuck. Why are you even saying you like me? You say you like me too? Then that’s great.”

“Do you really think so?”

“Then you think it’s fake?”

“If I like you, it means I want to have sex with you.”

what? Sex......S......La.

“I want to kiss you. I want to take you to the hotel right now and cuddle with you. Do you too?”

"............"

“You can’t answer that, right? You’re not sincere yet. When a man loves with his heart, his body also responds.”

"............"

“I’m human too, so I want to hear you say you like me, but I don’t want you to say it with uncertainty.”

The guy spoke clearly, then looked at me and added with an expressionless expression.

“I have a great desire for you. To the point where I want to be next to you rather than exercise. From now on, I will slowly work hard to keep you from leaving me.”

Take your time and work hard. For a moment, a chill went down my spine. But this is not what is important. It's not even a question of whether my feelings are actually my feelings. Strangely enough, this didn't bother me too much. Time will tell. Because I wanted to. The problem is that I couldn't tell him the answer until the end. How can I tell you that the moment he said sex, his sex video came to mind? And that became a big problem for me.

The first day of the vacation marked his friend's birthday. He gathered together for a long time and drank alcohol. We're all getting older and busy, so we don't see each other as often as before. Even when we met, it was as comfortable as if we had met before. One person hasn't arrived yet, but the three of them were already busy drinking and talking to each other. The person who talks the most is Cheol-hwan, who got married early and has a 3-year-old child. He had to go in before the 12 o'clock curfew, so he drank quickly and spoke quickly. Thanks to this, Jihong and I have not been able to open our mouths since we arrived.

“Hey, think about it. Does this make sense? It’s okay to buy a 500,000 won children’s book set, but not a 48,000 won robot? The kid said he wanted it so much. I promised to buy it for him! What am I supposed to do!”

Cheol-hwan's wife must have bought an expensive children's book set.

“Of course, it’s good to be a fairy tale prodigy like me. You guys know that, right? I’m good at fairy tales, right?”

know. We admit what we have to admit.

“If I caught the lion idiom, you caught the fairy tale.”

“That’s right. But who would have thought that at the age of five, Gooneotaeggi would come and let go of my hand. Is there a law that says my son shouldn’t do the same?”

“No. How precocious the kids are these days.”

When Jihong agreed, he added.

“But you said you already bought it? I just read that you bought it. Why are you talking so much about what your wife did?”

“They won’t buy you a robot, right?”

Cheolhwan shouted as if he was aggrieved. At this point, I began to doubt whether it was that bastard who wanted a robot. I wanted to put an end to this story that seemed like it would never end.

“Hey. I’ll buy you a robot. That’s okay, right? Huh?”

“It’s okay, Kwon Hee-chan. I can buy my son a toy.”

“Who says they bought you something because you’re a beggar? They say you’re an uncle who couldn’t buy a toy for his nephew. Take a picture of what kind of robot it is and send it to me. Then I…”

It was then. Jihong interrupted what I was saying.

“Okay, I’ll add too.”

​

 

There was silence for a moment. Cheolhwan and I could not believe our ears.

“What are you adding? Hey, Sim Cheol-hwan. Did that guy say he’s adding something now?”

“No, it’s just an auditory hallucination. Ignore it.”

However, after Cheol-hwan confirmed, Ji-hong once again had auditory hallucinations.

“I said I’d like to add too. I’ll just add half of it. I’ll give you 23,000 won.”

Lee Ji-hong was right when I saw him making a futile effort to cut off 1,000 won by saying it was half the price.

“Shut up. If you want to send it, send the entire 24,000 won.”

“But the fee...”

“I know you use a fee-free bank account.”

Jihong closed her eyes tightly, as if she was angry. Looking at that reaction, it's clear that he's in his right mind, right? But the salty Lee Ji-hong is paying? I still looked at him with suspicious eyes, and Cheolhwan emptied his drink in one go and set it down with a loud thud.

“Hey. Be honest with me. What did you do?”

“What did you do? You didn’t do anything.”

“I haven’t done anything, so why do you suddenly want to spend such a large amount of money?”

“Well, it’s a lot of money, but…”

but? We strained our ears to hear the answer that would follow. But before the answer, Jihong’s expression caught my eye. The guy couldn't control himself and was twitching his lips. What is that?

“Did you win the lottery?”

Unlike me who asked, Cheolhwan's eyes widened as if he had found the real reason.

“You’re dating!”

romantic relationship?! slap. When she turned her head, Lee Ji-hong's face was full of laughter. Then he said with his mouth:

“What is love... Just something. I confessed to him, but he just said he found out about it.”

“That’s love.”

“Is that so? That’s it?”

Why are you asking us that? The guy was so happy that he couldn't close his mouth.

“I said that because I was really prepared to be rejected. I’m so popular, so I didn’t know that you would like me too.”

The guy was embarrassed. We got chicken skin. Cheolhwan and I threw down the puffed rice cakes that were served as a snack at the same time.

“Shiba. Who are you blushing in front of?”

“Right now. Can’t you put that sly smile away?”

However, despite our mistreatment, Jihong could not keep his vicious mouth shut.

“When on earth did you confess?”

“Last night.”

Jihong felt embarrassed again. What on earth is good about confessing like that... Ah, that's right. Now that I think about it, I also received and confessed to myself early in the morning. What Minjae Woo said in a sweet voice came to mind.

'I miss you.'

Oh fuck. I was so fucking nervous again. His face heated up and a big smile appeared on his lips. However, I could barely bear it when I saw Jihong being mistreated. As she covered her mouth while drinking, she heard Cheol-hwan's advice.

“You do better this time. Spend some money. Don’t get kicked for trying to save a few hundred won again.”

It was amazing. Even though he suffered all kinds of abuse from us, he never gave up his spirit of saving money.

“Okay, take this opportunity to completely fix your pettiness.”

But Jihong immediately shook his head at my words.

“You’re not going to fix it? Why am I fixing it?”

“You said you really like it?”

“Yeah. So I’m going to pretend like that. I’m going to spend a lot of money because I’m going to flirt with you at first.”

“Hey, you cheater.”

I was shocked and said something, but Cheolhwan, who was eating snacks next to me, shook his head.

“No, this is not a scam. Heechan, I don’t know because you have little dating experience, but at first, you did things you wouldn’t normally do to make someone your own. It’s not like you’re intentionally trying to deceive, but because you really like that person, it just happens on its own. "

“Then we should keep going like that. If we come back to normal later, won’t that be a big deal?”

“President Kwon, who is in a tight spot, has come out again.”

Cheolhwan shook his head and opened his mouth again.

“You don’t know because you haven’t been in a proper relationship yet. Are you saying there’s nothing I can do to make the other person like me?”

that's right. Jihong nodded.

“If there’s a girl you like, you’ll know.”

“There are no women, but there are men.”

There was silence. Cheol-hwan, who was eating snacks, stopped moving, and Ji-hong froze with his mouth half-open. After a while, Jihong asked Cheolhwan.

“Hey, what did Heechan say just now? The guy you like?”

“No. It’s an auditory hallucination. The air in this store must be thick today. Why do I often hear nonsense like this?”

It's not bullshit. He said something, took a sip of his drink, and added.

“So, if you’re disgusted by me dating a guy, tell me right now. I’ll make sure you never see that disgusting guy’s face again.”

"..........hey."

Jihong called me and I swallowed.

“Fuck. Who’s disgusted? I’m just surprised. Isn’t that right, Cheol-hwan?”

However, Cheolhwan looked at me with shocked eyes and could not answer. Is it difficult to accept that he is married and has a child? Sure enough, a loud sound suddenly came out of the guy's mouth.

“I’m against it!”

​

 

“Even though you were against it, I already have someone I like...”

“Namsu is not allowed!”

"..........what?"

“Shit. I will never see my two friends doing something like that!”

“What are you talking about? Why do I have to do something like that with Han Nam-su?!”

I also screamed. People's eyes were fixed on us, but we had no intention of lowering our voices. Namsu? Namsu!

“Are you crazy? Why does Han Nam-su appear out of nowhere?”

“Why did he come out?! That’s because Namsu is gay!”

Friday evening. About 10 citizens who gathered at oo Hope to leisurely drink beer learned that Namsu was gay. I already knew, so I asked back in surprise.

“You? Did you know that Namsu Han was gay?”

“Isn’t your opponent a bastard?”

“Fuck. What are you talking about? Do I look like a guy who hangs out with his friends?”

“Otherwise, that’s okay!”

Cheolhwan accepted it eagerly, sat down, and ate the snacks he had finished.

“Wow. But you were gay too. How can two of you be gay?”

After hearing Jihong’s words, I also asked the guy. Did you know? He nodded his head as if it was obvious.

“Only you didn’t know. Me and Cheolhwan noticed it to some extent. But you. Wow. It’s really amazing.”

what. Because I’m also amazed.

“Since when are we dating?”

Let’s date. After hearing the question, I got excited again. Minjae Woo, what is this guy? I need to check my heart more?

“I got confessed to liking him early in the morning, and he said I liked him too, so he told me to think about it some more. Damn it.”

"why?"

"That's Taek-in... Well, there's an incident that could be a little misunderstanding, but he said he doesn't believe it yet because he likes to be certain."

“So you’re saying we’re not dating?”

“I’m sure I’ll make it so you can’t leave. Slowly and painstakingly.”

The two blinked for a moment and then exhaled in exclamation.

“Oh~~~ It’s strong?”

“Wow. How great of a guy is he that he would declare war on you?”

What a great guy.

“He’s just an unlucky guy.”

“But you like that unlucky guy.”

"huh"

The two looked at me again in silence. And Cheolhwan just tapped my shoulder. Jihong poured alcohol into an empty glass and drank it.

“Congratulations. You have entered the world of fucking dating.”

“Yes. It’s time for you to struggle in the fire pit of love.”

I looked at the two and expressed my impressions.

“Don’t be ridiculous. What’s the big deal about dating?”

“Puhahaha~~ Separate deal. Separate deal.”

“Oh my. President Kwon, you have to shed blood and tears over a trivial love affair to come to your senses, right?”

I couldn't understand their reactions.

"What's the problem? If we like each other, it's over."

"It's not the end? It's not at all? It's good at first. It's happy. Just thinking about it makes you excited and makes you feel good, right? But the thing about love is that the more you like it, the more it's not just filled with that."

Cheol-hwan, who got married after a long relationship, started lecturing like that.

"As the size of love increases, anxiety grows. Disappointment also grows. Do you get annoyed when Jihong acts petty for a few hundred won? But that's the end of it. But if you like Jihong, your disappointment becomes dozens of times bigger. The person you like is Such a terrible thing?! Besides, when you love, jealousy comes with it. I wonder who the person I like is with. If I find out that he or she is with another woman or man, I feel anxious. What if that person falls in love with me? I interfere by doing this. "There is a lot of surveillance. Love is complicated."

is it?

“Love is not 100% love. Of course, everyone starts off with 100%. But gradually, other things fill in proportion to the size of love. Love is half, and the other half becomes half.”

“What else?”

“It varies from person to person. It could be jealousy. It could be disappointment. Of course, there are people whose love is 100%. Flirts.”

“Oh. That’s not it.”

Ji-hong, who believed that her love was 100%, shook her head, but Cheor-won strongly pushed his argument.

“Hey. You really don’t care about anything and only see love, right? Then, even if the love cools down even a little, you leave without looking back. But you won’t do that, right? Even if your heart beats less than when you first met, you’ll keep seeing each other, right?”

"of course."

"That's right. Dating doesn't just lead to love. If 50% of it is sacrifice, you become a pushover, and obsession makes you a stalker. Loyalty becomes marriage. That's why I got married. Loyalty is 50%. But now that I'm married, loyalty is 90%. It increased to."

“Your wife will be 99%.”

"Hey, that's a joke..."

Cheolhwan, who was laughing and retorting, could not finish his sentence. I guess it's true. When the guy turned her head and bit her lip, Jihong comforted her.

“It’s okay. Your love is bigger.”

“Shiba. I’m a loser for life.”

Why are you a loser again? When I snorted, Cheolhwan opened his eyes.

“Hey, in relationships or marriage, the one who loves more loses. What is the goal of dating? It’s about winning love. You win by trying hard to get the other person to love you more. Dating is a fight!”

Victory? fight? Actually, I thought it would be good if the other person liked me more.

“That’s right. I plan to spend a lot of money in the hope that the other person will like me more quickly. This is a kind of investment.”

Looking at the expression on the guy's happy face, it seemed like he would just spend his whole life investing. But everyone thinks the same. Victory. So, is Woo Min-jae’s purpose also to make me love myself more? I narrowed my eyes. I can never lose. I took a gulp of alcohol with my fighting spirit burning. I already feel like a loser because of his video. Suddenly thinking about it makes me angry again! I was like, boom. I put down my soju glass and asked my friends.

“Hey. I know someone who is gay and has concerns. You guys, listen to this.”

“Do you know anyone? What’s going on all of a sudden? Have you even dipped your toes into the crab world? Damn. I’ll let you date men, but don’t drag us into that world.”

“Don’t worry. Even if you beg to let me in, I’ll kick you out.”

“So what are you worried about?”

That's a bit... It was difficult for me to speak, so I just cried out, glared at my glass, and opened my mouth.

“The person I like saw a video of me having sex with my ex.”

“Wow! Did you get caught on a hidden motel camera?”

“Or maybe they just filmed it themselves? What’s the title?”

Although the two were shocked, they were ready to search and download it right away.

“It’s not a pornographic video. Shiba. My ex-lover filmed it secretly. Anyway, the important thing is that I know Sarah, and she said she felt a little bad after watching that video.”

"Of course it's bad. Who would feel good seeing the person they like doing that to someone else? That makes them feel bad and they can't sleep with the other person?"

"no."

“No? You said you felt bad?”

“Yeah. But I don’t feel bad because I did that with someone else. It’s my ex-lover. It’s already over, so what’s the point of feeling bad?”

“Then what makes you feel bad?”

What makes me feel bad? as soon as........

“After watching the video, whenever he imagines someone he likes, he always finds himself in the position of his ex-lover. The one who gets fucked.”

"omg!"

"this!"

As expected, both were shocked and sad. But I felt sorry for myself more than anyone else. Seeba. Why am I the one getting fucked?! However, the only thing that comes to mind is Woo Min-jae. No matter how hard I try to imagine Woo Min-jae turning over and putting it in. What naturally came to mind was me, me... I took another gulp of soju. Why the fuck are you watching that video! Then my friends watched me with eagle eyes.

“But why are you so distressed about your friend? Perhaps you?”

Startle. I quietly put down my glass and got nervous. What if?

“Isn’t that Namsu’s baby? Huh? Right?”

“......No. You’re stupid.”

“No? Or else.”

Cheolhwan coolly gave up and added some advice.

“And your friend tells me to just accept it. Do you know? If you try, maybe you’ll be right for it?”

“What exactly is it? I wonder how big that bastard is...”

I barely swallowed the words I was trying to say and drank again. Can not be done. Although it hurts my pride that I am the one getting screwed. It's no good to be scared in advance that it's going to hurt. Because that won't happen. However, no matter how hard I struggled, the only scene that kept repeating in my head was Woo Min-jae holding my butt and moving his waist while I was lying down. And the problem was that this was strangely exciting.

“Hey. Hey. Tell your friend to give up. If all you want to do is fuck your partner, that’s it.”

"What?"

“I was born that way.”

"!"

​

 

“I said there’s nothing I can do about it. Just admit it to yourself and it’s over.”

“No! No!”

I strongly denied it and drank alcohol again and again. The two of them looked at me and were happy, saying that it was true friendship that shared their friend's pain.

“Hey. Don’t just drink alone, let’s make a toast. Let’s just drink this glass and then go to my favorite store for the second round.”

Okay, cheers. All three held their glasses and clinked them together. And at that moment, I felt something was missing. Wait, why are we gathered today?

“......Ah. I think something is missing?”

"What's missing? We all have it. Like this, you, me, Cheolhwan... Huh?"

“Hannamsu!”

Cheolhwan shouted at the end and we got up from our seats at the same time. AC Pal! We gathered today because it was Namsu’s birthday! I have no choice but to curse. In other words, Namsu said he would finish work late, so we decided to gather here first, have a drink, and then meet Namsu and then have a full-fledged second party. In a bar where Namsu is currently waiting alone.

“Why doesn’t this guy call?!”

Someone complained and we simultaneously took out our phones to check. 1 missed call. omg! I was surprised and looked again and saw that it wasn't Namsu. However, it is only for a moment to feel relieved. I was nervous when I saw the person on the missed call. It was Woo Min-jae. As I was looking at my phone for a while, Jihong came over and took a glance.

“Did you get a call from Namsu? No? Dog Buddha? Haha. Who is Dog Buddha?”

"Just unlucky..."

What I said earlier when I was drinking didn't come out properly this time. I felt like calling a nickname that appeared on my phone and calling it unlucky was being directed at me. I was just looking at Woo Min-jae's nickname on my phone with frowning eyes, and Ji-hong was scoffing next to me.

"Are you unlucky? How unlucky are you? Isn't there a dog Jaesuk? Haha..."

"no."

“No? Then mid-term luck?”

"hey"

"huh?"

“You’re unlucky.”

"!"

At that time, Cheolhwan, who had gone to scout the inside of the store, approached me with an urgent expression.

“Come quickly. You can’t stay inside. I think I asked the store owner to set it up right away, so you can come an hour ago and pretend to drink and wait. Okay?”

“Go in first. I’ll make a phone call.”

I pushed Jihong, who was still shocked, into the store with Cheolhwan, stood in a dark alley next to the store, and turned on my phone. I was secretly nervous as I pressed the call button. Hmm. While I was polishing my voice, I heard Woo Min-jae's voice.

[huh.]

“Why did you call me?”

Without realizing it, a combative voice came out. Just casually say 'Did you call?' This is just a matter of arguing when you should just ask. But his reaction was unexpected. A light laugh was heard. Although it was low and short through the cell phone, it was a pleasant sound. I could imagine his smile.

"Why are you laughing?"

​

 

[just]

“Just what? Why did you call?”

[I just want to hear your voice.]

I couldn't criticize him this time. I swallowed silently. I licked my lips with my tongue for no reason.

[How is the birthday party going?]

“The main character didn’t come.”

[Didn’t I say you’re a friend I know too?]

“Yeah. I’m a trainer at the gym you used to go to. My name is Han Nam-soo. Well, I work mostly in the afternoon, so you probably haven’t seen me….”

[Height 177cm. Weight 80kg. A hairstyle that looks like a man, shaves the sides, and has long bangs that are swept back with wax.]

“Huh? That’s right. How did you know?”

[I’ve seen it on the gym trainer’s notice.]

You're not seeing it now, but you've seen it before?

“But do you remember your height and weight exactly?”

[I have a good memory. I remember exactly what you said to me in high school.]

“Have I ever talked to you?”

Another low laugh was heard. It was strange. If it were before, I would have burst into tears and cursed, thinking they were laughing at me. That's normal, but I'm silently swallowing again. I could see him smiling briefly, the corners of his mouth curved, and his head resting comfortably on the sofa. The inside of his chest tingled.

[I told you. Although it doesn't happen a few times. Are the friends you are meeting friends since high school?]

“Yes. These are the guys I’ve been hanging out with since middle school. There are four of them, including me.”

[hmm. Right.]

The way he spoke somehow made it sound like he knew my friends. But there's no way we've met.

“What were you doing?”

[curious?]

“I’m curious. I asked out of courtesy because I was afraid you might be embarrassed.”

The guy laughed briefly again. thud. My heart felt strange. Why does this kid laugh so often?

[I was reading a book]

“Book? Another mystery novel?”

I remembered the books lying around his dorm. Books with swords and red blood on each cover.

[huh. that's right]

“Are you having fun?”

[not really]

“It’s not that good, why are you watching?”

[I’m curious about the end]

​

 

Come to think of it, this guy said he was watching the drama he was watching with me because he was curious about the end. If you're that curious, you should just look at the end first, right? I tried to spit it out, but held it back. For some reason, this method did not suit Minjae Woo.

“Then I guess you’ve unpacked everything.”

[huh. [I finished organizing it]

“What arrangement?”

[About exercise. I got rid of it right in front of my eyes before I had any regrets.]

“Hey. You think again...”

[I feel light now.]

“........”

[The reason was you. I've been thinking about quitting for a long time. I like exercise, but I was worried that this might just be my stubbornness. I am very greedy. Maybe I was just obsessed with it because I wasn't at the top. don't worry. If you want to do it, you can do it as a hobby, like playing early soccer.]

Shouldn’t I go back to Canada? I thought I should say it one more time, but nothing came out of my mouth. I didn't want to send it. It was actually very good because I said I wasn't going. It was very good.

“Hey. Even if it’s just a hobby, all of our organic members risk their lives to do it.”

[I already felt it in my body. So where are you now?]

'here? “There’s a bar called xx near your gym…”

huh? I paused and narrowed my eyes. Across the two-lane road from the bar, a familiar figure caught my eye. Today’s protagonist was Namsu. But I wasn't alone. I was with a man of similar height, and we pushed each other's shoulders and pulled each other's clothes as if we were fighting.

[what's the matter?]

“Hey, hang up. Han Nam-su is fighting.”

[Kwon Hee-chan. Don’t interfere.]

I heard some simple advice. Maybe he thought I would run ahead and use my fists without hesitation. What on earth are you looking at me for? How good is Han Nam-soo at fighting?

“I’m not going to intervene. I’m just going to have a look.”

I hung up the phone, checked again if it was Namsu, and quickly entered the store. Inside, Cheol-hwan and Ji-hong were drinking from bottles and inhaling snacks to show signs of what they had eaten during the period.

“Hey, stop eating and come out.”

“Kwon Hee-chan, why are you here now? Damn. My stomach is going to explode, so we’re trying so hard to pretend we were here beforehand….”

“You can just get an empty liquor bottle and bring it to me.”

I flinch. The two of them stopped drinking and looked at me. Why are you saying that now? Ignoring the angry looks from the idiots, I pointed outside with my hand.

“Han Nam-su fights.”

They both jumped up at the same time. And the three of us were excited and went to watch the fight. Should I take a video? If the opponent is pushed too far, should we tell him that Namsu's weakness is grabbing his hair? Will Namsu, who risks his life for his hairstyle, cry again this time? I went near Namsu with all kinds of expectations, but there was no fistfight as I expected.

​