I Am A Carnivorous Plant

Humans aren’t very good in the dark.

All I have to do is watch the cabin until night time comes and they all get a little sleepy~

Then the fun starts!

Apparently this world hasn’t invented glass windows yet? Or maybe these criminals just can’t afford them. Doesn’t look like any used to be in there before, either, so it’s not like they had them and then the things just got smashed out or something. You know what they do have though? Locks. That’s why it’s so nice that their windows aren’t really sealed in any way. I can wiggle a long slender tentacle in through the holes in the barring pattern on the windows and undo the latch with only a little (okay I’m lying it was actually a lot) of difficulty!

If this is how easy it is to break in in this world, then I might just be cut out to be a master thief! I could break in at night and demand their money or their lives! Nah, I don’t really have any use for money, do I? Okay then their lives or their lives! But first I’d have to figure out a way to communicate with them. Maybe some kind of tentacle sign language? I can make ‘hands’ with them I suppose, but I’m not sure they could do such intricate movements… Ah well, it really doesn’t matter. I wouldn’t go about thieving anyways, especially not after that one time with the bear.

Death to all thieves!

Isn’t that essentially what these kidnappers were? Just child thieves? That means I definitely have to eat them, then. Sorry, them’s the rules. It’s nothing personal, I just happened to catch you at an unlucky time.

Yeah so anyways, I made it into the cabin.

I don’t really have eyes, so the darkness doesn’t matter to me. They had candles or torches or something burning (turns out I can’t see fire so well, just like I can’t see reflections, weird), so there was a little bit of light, but there were still plenty of dark corners. Well, probably anyways; I can’t actually tell what’s lit up enough to see and what’s too dark. I’m basically doing guess-work here. It really doesn’t matter, I already know that no one is in this front room. If they were, I don’t think they would have taken kindly to my tentacle rummaging around the door area and fumbling around trying to open the latch. Took me like 5 minutes to do, so they would have had plenty of time to try and cut it off or something. No, most of the baddies were hiding out in the basement of the place. Can you believe a small little log cabin like this has a basement? That’s crazy to me. But what do I know? I’m just a plant, and I’m new here.

I went down the stairs to the basement as quiet as a spider! Or at least that was the plan, but actually I made a few creaking noises on some of the lousier steps. I managed to get down fast though after that first creak, so at least I didn’t give them too much time to be startled by me. The child was all roped up and gagged in a corner, two of the kidnappers were sleeping on some blankets in an opposite corner, and the last two were sitting near the stairs to keep watch. Or, well, one of them, the one with the beard, was still keeping watch. The other younger looking one was clearly nodding off. He sure woke up when the bearded one heard me and stood up, though! Maybe he was still groggy, but it was still really admirable how he did his best to get up too.

The bearded one drew out some shabby looking saber. Guess these weren’t the most well funded kidnappers, huh? Perhaps that’s a good thing, means they haven’t been doing this for long, or at least not very well. The younger one next to him also tried to draw his saber, but he fumbled like he was new to this, or maybe he was just still really groggy. I’ll give the guy the benefit of the doubt though, since he might still turn out to be dangerous. Anyways it’s not like I was standing still like some kind of idiot, so I readied my tentacles and lashed out with them before they could get into any kind of a good stance. The man with the beard seemed to know to try and slash at my tendrils, after all they are just made out of plant fibers no matter how fibrous and thick I’ve managed to grow them. The younger one just kind of vaguely flailed his saber about and tried to swat them away. It was actually kind of really cute! Still, they are thieves, and they must die. Plants can't feel remorse, no matter how much of a shame it is.

In the end, the weakness of an incompetent partner was the bearded kidnapper’s downfall.

He may have chopped through about two of my tentacles, but while he was busy fending off the ones that I sent after him, the ones that I’d let get smacked away by the younger guy behind him managed to snap around and stab the bearded guy in the back. Seems he wasn’t expecting to suddenly get speared from behind like that! How sad for him. I managed to dig around his ribs and pierce his lungs, so the guy didn’t really have much fight left in him after that. He tried, though! Oh man did he try. Too bad he could only try for less than half a minute before I managed to whip him in the head and snap his neck. Oh well.

The younger one stood absolutely no chance.

Putting that one down was actually quite sad...

Let’s not talk about it!

Now the problem is that when they were being killed, although I did do it quite fast, the two of them let out some screams. Them screaming woke up the other two who were sleeping, which is kind of really a pain. I guess it’s not such a bad idea getting more practical fighting experience against humanoids in, but I’m down two tentacles and I kinda really want those back before I do any more ‘practicing’. Oh well, life’s not always gonna be fair, I know that. Just like how it’s not fair that I whipped one of the guys in the neck before he could fully get up. One on one sounds fair though, right?

As soon as the guy next to him flopped down dead, the remaining kidnapper jumped up and got into a fighting stance. He was quicker than the others, how dangerous! We stared at each other for a while, except, you know, I don’t have any eyes so I can’t really stare. Eventually he got tired of waiting and decided to attack me first. He lunged and brought his sword down at my head with a sweep. If that were truly my head it might have really been a dangerous attack! Too bad he didn’t know where he should be aiming. It’s also too bad that I’m just a teensy bit faster than him! My tendrils caught hold of his arm and yanked it away before his saber could manage to cut me. They coiled around it, slithering over his biceps and up his shoulder until they grabbed hold of his head, and then there was a small snapping sound.

I’m a deadly octopus!

Or at least, I am until I fix my two cut off tentacles.

Then I’m a… tentapus?

No, I don’t think I like that one at all.

Let’s just forget it!

I probably shouldn’t start regrowing anything until I’ve got some nice nutrients inside of me. Let’s see, which one of these guys should I eat first? Eenie, meenie, mienie… Oh yeah, that kid is still here. Looks like he saw me killing those guys too, huh? Oh man, I don’t want to be the reason this kid ends up needing therapy in the future! Or maybe he’d turn into some kind of nature hating forest burner or something... Yeah, let’s take care of him first before he gets any more messed up.

My tentacles tugged off the ropes around the kid pretty easily. Maybe these kidnappers were kind of bad at tying knots? Or maybe it was that young one who tied them. They probably should have rethought bringing that one along. Hah, but I guess it’s too late anyways, isn’t it? Oh well.

The kid didn’t move even after I freed him. Guess that’s a universal response, huh? That super hot girl I saved did the same thing. Once again, I must lament my lack of a voice. I should really look into that, ‘cuz it’s kind of becoming a problem. I waved my tentacles from the boy to the stairs in a kind of ‘get the hell out already’ motion, but I didn’t really get much of a response. Maybe he’s too scared to understand what I mean? Should I just turn away and start eating and hope that he catches the hint? Ah, but I still don’t think he should see such a thing…

Stupidly enough, I like to gently tap my ‘cheeks’ with the tips of my tendrils when I’m thinking. Maybe it’s a habit I brought over from my time as a human. I’ve done it enough in my life as a plant that I don’t think it’s something I’m going to give up anytime soon, and it’s not like it’s bad for me in any way, so why not keep doing it? I’m a smart plant, I think lots of thoughts, leave me alone! Anyways, it’s because of this habit that I had a particular idea. Two of my little tappy-tentacles weren’t quite long enough to reach, and it reminded me that they needed regrowing, and that I needed a way to make this kid settle down. So, after much debate, I did what any sane person would do: I picked off my camellia flower and gave it to him.

Did it hurt? Yes.

Was I sad to give away my little flower that I poured so much love and nutrients into? Yes.

But hey, at least it’ll grow back and the kid’ll leave so I can eat, right?

My plan worked, the kid sniffed it and smiled. It smells great, I know. Thank you. Now maybe leave...? Go? That way? I tried waving my tentacles towards the exit again, but instead the kid just cocked his head and said something to me. It was like ‘Why are you doing that?’ but weird. He had such a thick accent that I almost couldn’t make it out. Is that the way people talk here? I don’t know that I like it. Maybe it’s just because this kid came from some backwoods town or something? Let’s hope that that’s the reason. Anyways my patience is getting a bit thin, so let’s just get him out of here. I loosely took hold of his wrist and gently dragged him over to the stairs. He looked at me mystified for one more moment, but he got the idea once I gave his back a tiny push.

After he disappeared up the stairs he was no longer my problem.