I Raised Him Modestly, But He Came Back Obsessed With Me

Cersinia threw the doorknob, which was in her hand, on a table. May, who was following her, jumped at the dull sound and looked at the table in shock. Fortunately, the table was hard enough and fortunately didn’t break.

“Why did you break the doorknob?”

As expected, May didn’t miss the action and was waiting for the right time to ask. Cersinia plopped and buried herself on the sofa. She couldn’t control the anger that consumed her entire body and mind. She was angry to the point of not being able to control her strength and so she broke the doorknob.

“Are you angry that the Grand Duke smiled at her?”

“What do you mean? Why would I be angry just because of that?”

Cersinia glanced over May, who kept scratching her stomach with a smile plastered on her face.

“No? Then why are you angry?”

“That’s…”

She couldn’t answer properly and so, decided to keep her mouth shut. She clearly got upset when she saw Ben smiling at Aronia. As she tried to cool her anger down, her hands trembled. If she had stayed for a second longer, she would’ve broken more than the doorknob.

Looking back, it was her first time seeing Ben with another woman since he had always stuck close to her. So what was that? Why was he suddenly smiling? He never showed it to anyone other than her before, regardless of their gender.

‘Didn’t he even act cold towards the Crown Prince?’

‘Is that why I was angry?’

Cersinia was looking for the reason why she lost her temper.

“You’re angry, aren’t you?”

May winked as if she knew that Cersinia would act like that.

“He never showed such expression before, except when he was with me. It felt unfamiliar.”

He did something he never did previously, so is it possible she reacted like that just because it was an unusual sight? As Cersinia spoke, she felt strange.

“Hmm. You must be jealous.”

“What?”

Cersinia was so enraged at her words. May shrugged and said with a nonchalant expression.

“It’s obvious. You were jealous because the Grand Duke was smiling at another woman.”

“Jealous? Me? Please! Don’t say such nonsense.”

“You like him.”

At May’s words, Cersinia’s expression hardened for a moment.

“You like the Grand Duke.”

At May’s confident and firm statement, Cersinia wondered what kind of face she was making.

“No. Something like that…”

Cersinia denied. Ignoring her throbbing heart and her currently agitated state. She couldn’t stand still, she was fidgeting and fiddling with her fingers. She was clearly anxious about her feelings that remained and stuck to her like leeches.

“Trust me. Why would you be jealous, if you don’t like him?”

May had been talking loud and clear enough, but her words didn’t seem to reach Cersinia. Cersinia was already at war with her feelings and felt like May’s words were confusing her even more, so she stared blankly into space for a while.

“May, I want to be alone.”

Eventually, she sent May back. Because she didn’t want to hear anything that would only confuse her more than she already was. Sitting on the sofa alone, numerous questions arose in her mind.

‘Why couldn’t I deny May’s words at once?’

‘Why couldn’t I easily define my relationship with him?’

‘Why did I keep delaying my rejection until the Harvest festival?’

‘Why did I hate it when he smiles at other women, and why did I only want him to smile at me?’

Whenever Ben called her name, her heart fluttered. Her face would heat up as if on fire when she would make eye contact with him, and her heart broke as she saw his expression when she had no choice but to reject his heart and feelings.

“I…”

Her low, hoarse voice subsided. Her chaotic mind became more and more unorganized. Her head was aching terribly.

Cersinia looked out of the window, frowning because of her headache. The carriage she never saw was now leaving the Grand Duchy. Perhaps it was Lady Aronia’s carriage. Once again, she remembered how Ben smiled at Aronia. She shook her head hard trying to get the picture out of her head, she knew that if she kept thinking about it,  she would only get annoyed.

“Jealous.”

‘Is this the jealousy May was talking about?’

She hugged both of her legs, reflecting on the feelings that she currently felt but still could not clearly define.

“Do I like him?”

Words that felt awkward to say were coming out of her mouth.

“No, I don’t think so…”

The first thing that came to her mind was fear for unknown reasons. And with it, was a strong denial.

“I already rejected him, so I shouldn’t…”

For her, this was just a fleeting feeling that would pass as fast as a breeze. Cersinia just wanted to believe those statements. She sat in the quiet room, where only her breath was heard, without moving for a while. How many hours have passed? When she finally raised her head, the sun had already set and night had come.

“It’s already time.”

It was well past midnight. The whole room was in complete darkness. Cersinia got up from her seat, glancing at the parlour doorknob that she had placed on the table.

She stopped thinking. The more she spent time thinking about it, the stronger she wanted to deny it. She just needed time to catch up with her shaking heart. Stretching her body helplessly, she headed to her bed.

First of all, she had to sleep so she can have a fresh start tomorrow. She hadn’t yet solved the secret that Limapheus had shared with her, so she had to look for it tomorrow as well as today. The moonlight was covered by the clouds not allowing her to see well, so she walked whit her arms extended and fumbling around.

Cersinia turned on the lantern on the table. She was trying to quench a burning thirst that woke her up due to not drinking water before going to bed. She picked up the glass of water that appeared under the light. Vernehad brought it while she was sleeping. When she tried to drink from it, she only felt two drops touch her tongue.

“When did I finish the water?”

The glass was empty. She thought about going back to sleep right away for a while, but she wanted to prevent the probability of waking up again from being thirsty. She quickly used her power and sparked a flame on a candle. The mansion’s hallway was dark at night, even with the lights on. 

Cersinia didn’t want to wake Verne up for something as trivial as this. Now that the mansion was somewhat familiar, she went to the kitchen by herself and drank until she was full. She didn’t forget to fill up the glass just in case she needed to drink again overnight.

Because the chilly air penetrated through her thin pajamas, she shivered and walked back through the path she had come from. The hallway was so quiet that only the sound of her breath and footsteps could be heard throughout the way. After walking for a while and turning to the last corner, she found a figure standing in front of the door, so she quickly hid behind a wall. She could recognize that person in a glance, even from the dim light.

‘Ben…’

Perhaps because she had been thinking about him all day, her heart was now pounding fiercely. She held her breath, fearing that the sound of her beating heart would leak out into the hallway. She didn’t want to be discovered. Somehow, she didn’t dare to face him.

‘Why, here…?’

Why is he standing in front of her door at this hour? Shouldn’t he be sleeping?

Cersinia peaked over the wall. She could see Ben was fidgeting around in front of her door. Looking closely, he got there without slippers, his hair was disheveled, and his outfit was disorganized.

“Cersinia.”

He called her name and leaned his forehead against the closed door. His voice sounded very painfully sorrowful.

“I like you.”

Soon his confession filled the quiet hallway. After the Harvest festival, Ben had been hiding and never mentioned his confession. Cersinia knew the reason. He was afraid that she would feel uncomfortable and leave him because she felt burdened.

“…I like you.”

A sincere confession, one that was made for no one to hear. He was whispering, but his words were clear. Standing alone in the empty hallway, Ben stayed for a long time, leaning on the door that wouldn’t open.

“…”

Cersinia turned her head away. Her legs lost all their strength. Not having the strength to stand, she sat on the floor. She couldn’t watch anymore. Because his expression overlapped with hers, which was left alone three years ago.

She remembered herself sitting in front of the door, waiting for the door that didn’t open. She waited for him as if he would come back today or tomorrow with a smile. There was only one reason why she looked at the unopened door every day.

‘I already knew.’

She couldn’t help but know. Cersinia has realized it for a long time. She closed her trembling eyelids trying to calm herself down.

‘I…’

From the moment she rejected his confession because she felt uneasy about their future, and because she didn’t want to feel like she was indebted or regret it. So she constantly denied it. She forced herselfto believe that it was right and that her decision was for the best. Since only then she could feel less guilty.  She wanted to believe that it was for everyone, that her choice wasn’t out of fear and selfishness. But it was now useless to deny it. It was a feeling that could no longer be hidden.

‘I like him…’

At that moment, the dam that had been blocking her heart until now, collapsed. And all the emotions she tried to subside this whole time, rush and hit her like a wave.