I Really Don't Want To Be A Stepping Stone For The Protagonist

Recalling the familiar but vague grandpa in memory

(Talk about the real life and housework, you can skip it if you don’t want to see it)

This is the first time I have experienced the death of an old man. It seems to be very depressing, and it seems to be a kind of family relationship. I want to cry, but I can’t cry!

I am the only eldest grandson in the family. Some things cannot be told to my lonely grandmother, nor to my parents who are aging. The only close relative is the wife who has not been married for a hundred days. I treat her even more. Unable to speak.

I can only write what I have in my heart and share it with the unrelated you and me in front of the screen.

This can be regarded as a kind of nostalgia for my grandfather, and it can be regarded as a memoir in my memory.

This chapter is not for fees. If you want to listen to it, let’s read on. If you don’t want to, you can skip it directly. There is a text in the back. Of course, it’s for a fee. After all, life has to go on.

In my memory, my grandpa has always been the image of a little old man.

He is a native of Northeast farmers.

But he doesn’t have the hot temper of the Northeast, and I have never seen my grandfather lose his temper.

Grandma and grandpa had never quarreled in their entire lives. Even if they were quarreling, it was only grandma who was tantrum alone, and grandpa would not say a word.

In the deepest memory fragments, I remember that grandpa lost his temper. It was my father talking back to grandpa at the dinner table, and grandpa said something Laozi taught his son.

The fragment is vague, I can’t remember it, but according to my guess, it should be my father who looked down on what grandpa did when he was young and said something to complain about grandpa.

Indeed, objectively speaking, my father’s abilities are outstanding and higher than my grandfather.

When my grandfather was a few years old, my grandfather and grandma were gone.

If I remember correctly, he was nine years old. Grandpa was still breastfeeding in Taima’s arms, and Taima passed away.

In the words of my old lady: “Your grandfather has a big heart, you are still sucking, and you don’t know if it’s so cold.”

The deceased is great, and I am not slandering my grandfather, but this is part of the existence in life, part of the facts, and no one can erase part of it.

Grandpa grew up eating a family meal, and the hardships we endured in this life are unknown to our generation. They did not take wedding photos, did not have a marriage certificate, or even honeymoon. At that time, they were extremely rare, of course. Without this money, after all, a full stomach is still a problem.

Except for his grandfather who went to Harbin for hemorrhoid surgery, he should have traveled the furthest distance from the village to the city.

He hasn’t lived in a building for a day, and he hasn’t even seen my wedding room.

Grandpa was able to marry my grandmother, because he concealed the fact that he was six years older than my breast, so he got into his son-in-law.

This kind of inversion is not what we said, the children all have the maiden name, it is simply the old age.

After all, none of the three children my grandfather gave birth to follow my grandma’s last name.

Of course, these are all my understanding.

Grandpa’s young things were all told from my grandma, father, and mother. I didn’t know the specific things.

I remember when I was a child when I saw the ID cards of my grandparents when I was young, I was shocked.

I asked: “Grandma, grandpa is six years older than you, why marry him?”

Grandma said: “Your grandpa concealed his age, otherwise I would not be able to marry.”

I asked: “Then do you want to spend time with him?”

I can’t remember what grandma said later, but what should I do? She is no longer the eldest daughter of Huanghua. Of course, this includes some of my understanding after adulthood.I didn’t understand these things at the time, I just glanced at my grandpa’s ID card curiously.

It was the first-generation ID card, black and white photos, and made of plastic.

I remember that grandparents’ hair was still black at that time.

Grandpa’s photo is almost black, because the hair and beard are already very long.

I don’t remember what Grandpa’s face looked like when he was young, he has no such impression at all.

Maybe the photo was too old at that time, I could only see the hair, the beard, or I could see it clearly, as time passed, it had faded out of my memory.

The production team was separated back then. Grandpa drove the ox cart to farm, or went out to do something. In short, he was not there. The rest of the team had already divided the production team, such as cattle, horses, and farm tools. Of course, this does not include it. My grandpa.

When my grandfather came back, he found that there was already a cow cover left in the warehouse.

This thing, because of my age, I don’t know it well, and I haven’t seen this thing. The name is also added on my own based on my own understanding. This thing shouldn’t be called a cow cover.

According to the parents’ description, this thing should be a piece of wood on a cow. You should ask the old people to know it.

I didn’t know if Grandpa was angry at the time, but after he tied the cow directly, he took this worthless thing back.

My grandma is also a very kind person. At the time, I didn’t know if grandma had said that grandpa was not good for anything, or if she used the words she used to say: “The sweet melon grows up.”

I asked my grandma when I was a kid, and my grandma said, “What’s so angry about this, I don’t think they are rich, nor did we starve to death.”

According to my understanding, it is impossible to say not to be angry, but the character of grandparents is this kind of uncontested appearance.

They often say that suffering a loss is a blessing, but my personality is a bit like my mother, and I am a kind of petty person. So now I can’t understand how my grandparents endured this breath.

The head of the village (it’s the official in a village, I don’t know who the head of the village is) sent his grandfather to look at the grain, and he was alone all night, and the grain depot could not be counted.

Many people were sent to watch food at night. At that time, everyone was not full of food. There were also many people who secretly took out one or two bags of food, and it was impossible to find out.

You must know that my grandfather’s three children at the time, my father’s second child, couldn’t eat rice and white noodles at all at that time, and the most ate was potatoes and corn. Corn is called Bangmi in the Northeast dialect, which is transliterated.

My mother used to scold my father in her early years: “Eat to help Mila to help rice.”

Of course, eating corn every day does not digest it.

This is not a disgusting person, it is a fact, as I was a kid.

At that time, my grandfather looked at the grain, but he didn’t get a bag back home.

I think this is not to say that my grandfather has noble character, but that he was afraid of being discovered, so he didn’t take it.

Faced with so much rice and white noodles, and when his wife and children are still not full of the whole grains, who is not tempted?

I must be heartbeat.

Perhaps grandpa is such a person who is not greedy for petty gains. It’s because my structure is too small. I don’t know these things, but it is true. Grandpa didn’t take it.

At that time, I was in elementary school. It is no exaggeration to say that my grades have always been stable first, and of course it is a positive number.

I can score 100 points in Keke, which makes my grandparents very happy, saying that I will be a college student in the future.

My childhood ideal was to be a college student.

The dream of growing up has come true, Pheasant University, college student!

But at that time, I became a show-off capital praised by the elders.After the autumn harvest, the grain harvest was abundant.

Grandpa sold some bags of grain to neighbors.

My grandparents don’t know much, so I asked me to settle the account, add, subtract, multiply and divide the decimal point, these have not troubled me. So I asked me to settle the account.

The biggest problem with me is sloppy. I can still put the key in the door and go out.

Five yuan was wrong at that time.

At that time, five yuan was a lot.

After the money and goods were cleared, it was discovered that there was five dollars missing. Grandparents went to look for it, but the other party refused to admit it!

You must know that this is a neighbor. A distant relative is not as good as a close neighbor. For the sake of five dollars, the backhand has to be denied. I think this is definitely bullying, and my grandparents don’t know how to count.

If it’s a village tyrant, or someone with some power in the village, how dare this neighbor do such a thing? After returning home, if he finds that he has missed five yuan, he will still send it over.

I’m the kind of person who bears grudges for this kind of little sex, and I can remember this for a lifetime.

However, grandparents didn’t take this seriously. The two sides continued to communicate. There was something serious about others, and grandma always bought a few catties of eggs as gifts.

But if I, I’m not at their house anymore, if you cheat me, can I still play with you?

But grandpa and grandma are always teaching me that suffering is a blessing.

They may automatically block other people’s bad things to themselves, and always think about other people’s good.

And this way of life, a life is a lifetime.

My grandfather has already drawn a full stop, and my grandma is still a question mark, and it will become a full stop if I don’t know what is right.

Of course, the three things I said are the most true stories, and they are also the three things I remember most fully when my grandfather was young.

I am not saying this to say how noble and noble the character of my grandparents is, or to complain about how cowardly my grandparents were when they were young.

They are just a member of the world, the most honest people.

This is an attempt to bully honest people in society.

A bear is a kind of animal, but speaking to a person in the Northeast dialect, it means that the person is too awkward, not level, and bad.

My grandfather is such a person.

Instead of me, I can say generously that the production team is divided into family properties, and I must have a share.

I must steal food. Of course, I know that this is wrong. But at that time, it was a happy thing to be able to eat potatoes. If it weren’t for being impatient, who would want to be a thief.

Five yuan must be returned to me. If you don’t return me, I will harm your family’s five yuan things. Even if you steal me, you will also steal back five yuan worth of things!

Maybe I don’t know how grandparents live. I am still young and emotionally extreme. I am also a newcomer who has just caught fire. I am still groping for life experience.

To sum up, it is the life of grandpa, but the following things are family ugliness, great family ugliness! ! !

It is for this reason that I have to publish this article, and I want to find someone to vent it.

In 14 years, when I was still in high school, my grandfather fell ill and suffered a hemiplegia.

When I heard Grandpa’s hemiplegia, my whole body felt like the sky was falling.

I have the best relationship with my grandpa.Since I was a child, I have lived and boarded at my grandfather’s house, and my parents went out to work. Grandpa is the memory of my childhood.

Spring and autumn tunic, summer red vest plus an open button T shirt similar to summer monarch outfit. In winter, I wear a woolen waistcoat with a padded jacket made by my grandma, or a padded jacket I bought. The coat is a tunic.

This is the clothes of Grandpa Four Seasons, and his Chinese tunic suit was also burned to ashes by the fire in front of his grave yesterday.

When I saw Grandpa, his state was the same as before, no different, except that he was a little unclear about what he said.

Grandma said that grandpa sat on the kang and fell directly to the ground.

At that time, grandpa could still get up by himself, saying that he was old, but who would have thought that it was a sign of hemiplegia. That afternoon, my grandpa was already on the kang and couldn’t get up.

For nearly seven years, my grandfather has been lying on the kang, and his grandma has been waiting on him, carrying shit and peeing. The little old lady of the year left to take care of the people, and she became thin and skinny from tiredness, and bent down.

In the past few years, except for my father who used to serve my father, the remaining aunts and old aunts can basically break the number of times they come back with their fingers.

From that year on, I will celebrate the New Year with my grandparents.

Grandpa still had the strength to beat me and quarrel with me.

What a nostalgic time that was.

I never thought about these questions at the time, if Grandpa died, what would happen to me, would I not, I looked really far away at that time.

I often dreamed that my grandpa would cook for me like a normal person.

Dream is the opposite, this sentence is right.

Grandpa doesn’t know how to cook, nor is he like a normal person.

It should be 19 years ago. Grandpa fell while walking while holding on to the wall. This time it was very serious. Grandma called directly and said that grandpa might not work.

This is the first time I think of the horror of death!

At that time, I didn’t have a partner. When I think that my grandfather didn’t even see his grandson and his great-grandson, he suffered all his life and never enjoyed a day’s blessings. It’s a pity that I didn’t even do a day of filial piety when I was a grandson. , It’s really a pity!

After that, my grandma called again and said that my grandpa had come over, and this made people feel a little bit of peace of mind.

Because there is no bus to go back, we are going to get up and go home tomorrow morning.

That night, I stayed up all night, thinking about death, thinking about death, and regretting not fulfilling my filial piety.

After this fall, Grandpa couldn’t stand up at all. It was impossible to walk by supporting the wall, but he still had the ability to perceive, his mind was clear, and his body was still healthy.

My grandfather’s spirit is very good, which made me forget death.

Old people don’t often say, Seventy-three or eighty-four, the King of Hades does not ask himself to go.

I used to write some superstitious novels, and coupled with my own personal experience, I believe in such superstitions.

I was so naive to think that after the 73rd hurdle passed, I would be able to live to the 84th hurdle.

My grandfather was already over 73 years old that year, but he didn’t make it to 84 years old.

In order to facilitate the care, and grandparents are indeed older, so my father paid for my grandma to rent a bungalow near my house.

Very close to my home.

I can visit my father often, which is the greatest relief in my life.

On November 16, 2020, I got married. The only regret is that my grandfather can no longer participate and cannot see my new house. We can’t take a family portrait once.

The only time a family portrait was when I was still in my arms, there were grandpa, grandma, my parents, and me in my arms.

On February 10, 2021, the Chinese New Year will be tomorrow. This is the first year my daughter-in-law has spent in this family.

I asked my grandfather: “Father, can we go over to my house for the New Year, let your eldest son pick you up and take you to my house? Can we celebrate the New Year together?”

“Row.”

At this moment, when I typed this keyboard, I remembered what my grandfather had said in my mind. One word contained how much he wanted to celebrate the New Year. When I saw children and grandchildren.

Grandma wants to be strong, she said that she can’t go, because grandpa is already wetting the bed sometimes, grandma is afraid that when eating, my grandpa suddenly urinates on his pants, or pulls it up, making everyone have a bad year.

I want to praise my daughter-in-law for this. She has never despised my grandfather. She originally belonged to a person with a heart (single sound). In the squat pit in the countryside, she basically couldn’t get rid of it, and retched when she smelled it.

But my father’s room was full of urine, and she could still hold it back and talk to my grandfather.

Marrying her is my blessing.

On February 11, 2021, I went to call my milk again in the morning, but my milk said that it was really not going to go.

On the morning of February 12, 2021, when I went to pay a New Year’s greetings, my grandfather gave a hum, and his voice was very loud, just like before when I ran into my grandfather’s arms to pay the New Year’s greetings.

It’s really strange. At that time, I didn’t think of so many things in my mind, but now all the pictures are really like movies, flashing in my mind.

People really know how to cherish only when they are lost.

Grandpa can’t sit still today, and some squatted around. Grandma said that grandpa didn’t eat basically all day yesterday.

I fed my grandpa four dumplings for more than an hour.

At that time I didn’t think Grandpa would leave me.

On February 14, 2021, I took my wife to visit my grandpa today. My grandpa was already confused and confused. When asked who I am, he called my dad’s name.

After returning home, the wife finished talking to her father and went back that night, calling my mother Li Haixia this time.

Li Haixia is my old aunt’s name.

Mom said: “I miss who I call. His old girl hasn’t said it for so many years to see Dad. Does he still think about it?”

On February 16, 2021, after dinner, my parents and my wife visited Grandpa.

Grandpa is already very serious today, so serious that he can’t hear what he is saying, but he does speak again, but no one can understand it anymore.

Blink when you ask.

Ask the big girl, blink, ask the old girl blink.

When we talked about who blinked, Grandpa blinked desperately.

When she left, Mom said to Dad: “You see that these two girls from Dad are pure white-eyed wolves. They never said to serve Dad one day. When his old girl comes back, you see that the old lady has to serve her. You say Now why does he still say he misses his eldest girl, the old girl?”

Father was silent for a moment and said: “Our dad may be over!”

When I heard this, I couldn’t help but chuckle. After all, this matter came, and it came too fast. I haven’t prepared yet.

On February 17, 2021, Mom called and said that Grandpa was going to do it.

Grandma said that today when I asked Grandpa to find that Grandpa’s eyes were tightly closed, it looked like it was going to work. But when his father arrived, Grandpa opened his eyes. The physical condition is the same as yesterday.

At 7 o’clock in the morning on February 18, 2021, she was lying in bed. His wife said that she saw someone standing at the door yesterday, crouching and bowing to her.

I said she had a nightmare, but she said it was true. I slept too hard. She saw the figure bowing to her and did not dare to call me loudly. I was not awake, so she pretended to turn on the flashlight of the mobile phone and found that there was no one. She turned it off and found that there was still someone bending over and bowing. Later the person disappeared.I said don’t be superstitious.

After that, I fell asleep again.

I vaguely heard the mobile phone vibrate and woke up. It was my mother who called. Seeing that she had missed several calls, she said, “Your grandfather is not good at first, so he called you and didn’t answer the phone. He died in a hurry. There is nothing more to do now. .”

So I hurriedly dressed with my wife and visited Grandpa, and found that Grandpa was already panting as if he was pulling a bellows.

The grandmother said, “Yesterday, I still didn’t eat. I said you missed your eldest girl or old girl. Your girl is all rushing back. You hurry up and eat something to wait for them to come back. That’s pretty good. So, I ate some cake and drank several mouthfuls of milk.”

Going home, I feel depressed, just like this day, with white snow falling.

Mom said, “I and your father still have to make money, and your father is only a few days away. You should spend more time with your father and do your filial piety for your father.”

I have to thank my mother. If it weren’t for her reminder, it might be the last time I saw my grandpa in the morning.

The novel was played until more than two o’clock in the afternoon, and after nearly two-thirty after getting dressed, I went to visit my grandfather.

I asked Grandpa: “Are you uncomfortable?”

Grandpa was speechless, but he gestured his body with his already thin hands, meaning that his body was uncomfortable.

I said, “Is it uncomfortable all over?”

Grandpa didn’t do it, which meant that his whole body was uncomfortable.

Grandpa said he wanted to lift him up. As soon as my grandma and I lifted up a little bit, my grandpa leaned his head directly on my arm. I thought my grandpa was watching the door.

I said, “Master, what are you looking at?”

Grandpa didn’t say that when I looked at his eyes, the boss, who was already open, seemed to be rolling his eyes, but he didn’t roll his eyes, his eyes widened.

My voice was trembling, and I said, “Milk, milk, look at my grandfather, my grandfather may be out of order.”

Upon seeing this, grandma said quickly: “Quickly, put your grandpa on the kang flat.”

Then he put his grandpa down again and rubbed his chest for a long time, his grandpa took a breath.

Seeing Grandpa’s appearance, resisted the urge to cry.

Grandma shouted: “You can’t die now, don’t you miss your girl, you have to wait until your girl comes back.”

Grandpa said to wait for them to come back.

At about four o’clock later, my father came over to take care of my grandfather.

Because my wife said in the morning that she bowed alone yesterday, she said she was afraid of being alone at home after dark.

My father and I were going home at five o’clock.

Grandpa began to whine, saying that he would not let go.

How I wish I didn’t leave at that time. If I didn’t leave, I might have to see Grandpa for the last time and be by his side.

Unfortunately, there is no if. This cruel fact is unacceptable.

Father tricked grandpa into sweeping the snow in the yard, and then grandpa let go.

At 7:55 p.m., my mother called and said that grandpa really did not work.

Ran hurriedly with his wife and found that Dad, Mom, and Grandma were wearing shrouds.

Grandpa opened his eyes slightly, as if moving again, he was no longer alive at the moment.No one told me that Grandpa was gone. I did feel that Grandpa’s eyes moved again. I hurriedly shouted, “Master, grandpa, look at me!”

The father said, “Don’t shout.”

Because this is a rented house, crying in others is not good for them.

I’m not calling, just watching my father, mother, and grandma dressing grandfather in a calm manner.

Do i want to cry? I don’t know, I didn’t know what I was thinking. I looked at Grandpa, and I thought that Grandpa could suddenly catch his breath, even if he turned back to the picture, and talked about his last words.

Withdraw money from his wife and add more than 8,000 to the usual pocket money.

Suddenly regret, why should I buy a mobile phone for my wife today, otherwise WeChat can really collect more than 10,000.

If it is not enough, you can only go to the bank tomorrow to spend the dead time.

after come back.

See Mr. Yin Yang.

Mr. Yin Yang is a grandfather whose eyes are open and his mouth is open.

He closed his eyes with his hands and opened them again.

Mr. Yin Yang said: “Son, go and close your dad’s eyes.”

My dad went to meet and muttered: “Dad, you can go away with peace of mind. Don’t worry, my mom will support me.”

Eyes closed.

Mr. Yin and Yang said: “I don’t believe it, it’s really evil.”

When Grandpa died, he opened his eyes and opened his mouth. He heard that his chin had fallen off. He wanted it to be his last words. Grandpa’s last words must be to take good care of my breast.

The above remarks are true in the eyes and do not promote feudal superstition.

Pulling the body of his grandfather back to the entrance of the village, he said that the dead cannot enter the village.

So three to four hundred meters in front of the ancestral grave, a shed was set up.

Here comes the funniest joke.

At this moment, it’s probably around ten o’clock.

The aunt who was out hurried back.

He cried directly: “Father, why did you leave like this…”

After two beeps, there was no sound.

As a junior, I really don’t want to black the elders, but I haven’t raised my father once in these years. I have counted the money I have put out in the past seven years.

My aunt even came back to count, but didn’t take a cent.

Of course, I have taken the land subsidy for a few years. There is one thing to say about this, but it is not willing to give it. I wanted to go back several years ago.

After that, the aunt left and said that she would drive the car in a while to warm the spirit guard. The voice is extremely reluctant.

The car appeared from ten o’clock in the evening to three o’clock in the morning the next day.

Help Grandpa keep the incense and burn the paper, and talk to Grandpa what our grandpa knows best. A whirlwind appeared in the paper cone, and people said it was Grandpa who withdrew the money.

Find a house to warm up for a while. Come out and see Auntie.

Grandpa’s grandpa said to the aunt who just came: “You burn some paper and cry a few times.”

Aunt: “Everyone is dead, so why cry?”

What I heard probably means this.

My heart is cold, people say that after death, the soul is still in the body and can hear outside voices.

Grandpa, you are alive in the sky, so take a good look at the girls you think about day and night. The eldest girl came back, but the old girl was never seen.

At 7:10 a.m. on February 20, 2021, the sky is clear and spiritual.

Father carried the flag and walked in front. I was behind the coffin and suddenly found that my father’s back was hunched and his figure was very lonely. Although he didn’t cry, this kind of thing can only be experienced by men.

Maybe now my father and I are in the same mood.

But what is my mood now?

do not know.

I thought I would cry, but I didn’t.

Very calm.

The grandfather was buried in the pit, behind the grandpa and grandma, and the grandpa and grandma.

Everything is restored.

Everything works as usual.

It’s just that there is one missing person on the kang who has been lying on the kang all the year round, and there is an extra tomb bag in the ancestral grave, that’s all.

Go home by car.

The mother said: “When your grandma passed away, your father used to say, “Mom is really unlucky. Look at how life has become better now. There is a big TV and you can eat rice and white noodles, but Mom left.” ”

“Your father is not lucky either. Now the national policy has changed, and it costs no money to treat illnesses, but your father is gone.”

I didn’t speak, just looked at the scenery outside the window.

Yes, everything changed for the better, but regret left.

I looked at the aunt, there was no sadness, anyway, I didn’t see any sadness.

Grandpa, I want to ask you, are these really the two girls you think about day and night?

Your eldest girl is here, and your old girl first said that she finished nucleic acid, and came back on the 21st. After hearing that you died, she said she had gotten in the car, and in the afternoon when you went to the grave, she said, “Since you have been in the land for safety” , Then she won’t come back. She hasn’t done nucleic acid yet.

Grandpa, you have suffered for your whole life, and in the end you won’t have all your children to send you off.

They are all your own flesh and blood!

Grandpa, I hope you will look at them well in the sky, stare at them.

At this moment, I would rather believe that there is a soul.

Grandson wishes Grandpa go well all the way. May there be another life, I am your grandson.

Written at 11:30 on February 20, 2021

Ends at 4:35 on February 21, 2021