I’m really not the Saviour! (我唔係救主囖!)

The woman in the cave uncoiled herself lazily and stood.

She was lanky, and infinitely elegant, with her long, fine white hair elaborately looped behind her head and slinking over her shoulders, in stark contrast to her deep brown robes. Taking a drag from the narrow, ornate pipe that she held between long-nailed fingers, she slowly exhaled the smoke with a sharp-toothed grin.

She was beautiful, and very, very old.

"Old White's disciple, huh?"

"Ha!" Gou Dzing grinned too. "I knew it!"

Chan Bik's head swivelled from one person to another anxiously. "Should... I have bowed lower? Who's Lord Gaam?"

"Calm down, little one. I'll explain in a moment. Disciple of Old White, come here."

"... Divine Majesty?"

"I want to see your eyes, child."

"... I never thought the Great Empress was into that kind of thing..."

Chan Bik froze in horror at Sek Gon's words, but the Grandmaster laughed aloud, causing tremors through the cave. "The same sense of humour as Old White, very good. Come on, come here."

That was a joke? Sek Gon was joking?

The comedian rose and stood before her. They stared into each others' eyes for a few moments, silver flecks meeting caramel brown, until Sek Gon dropped his gaze.

"At the level of Sword Eyes already... Hey, brat-" She turned to her own disciple. "- you need to hurry up, this kid has you well beaten!"

"Yes, Master..." Gou Dzing groaned, more like a junior disciple than the great Jade Exorcist. He realised Chan Bik was staring at him with the intensity of someone who desperately needed a toilet. "Uh, Master, should I...?"

"Yes, let's see how much you remember."

"... Master, why do you make me sound like a bad student?"

"Because you still haven't mastered the sight arts yet, and this kid has."

"Master..."

"... I'm twenty-six."

Three disbelieving pairs of eyes turned to appraise Sek Gon.

"... what?"

At the sharpness in his voice, Gou Dzing looked away hastily, but Chan Bik continued to stare in baffled confusion.

The Grandmaster raised an eyebrow. "Huh, I thought you were nineteen, at most. I suppose at my age you can no longer judge these things. Still, Year of the Monkey makes sense..."

"How old are you, Divine Majesty?" Chan Bik blurted out.

"As the universe," the woman replied immediately.

"Oh... I asked a rude question, didn't I? I'm sor-"

"No, Lady Bik, Master is being serious."

"... what?"

The Master in question laughed. "These wrinkles aren't just for show, you know."

"But... But... I thought Masters with high cultivation always look young! And if you're as old as the universe, you must have very high cultivation, so... but then you look old so you must be old..." Chan Bik's eyes were spinning.

"Ah, we'll have to explain properly. Sit down, everyone. Sorry I have no tea to serve you here." No sooner were the words out of her mouth than her doll-like servant popped up by her side bearing a steaming teapot and four cups. "Oh, never mind. Thank you, Ah Sik¹式 (sik1) - Ceremony, ritual, rite.."

They sat on the well-brushed cave floor and Chan Bik hastily poured the tea as the youngest member present, to try and rectify her earlier faux pas.

"I suppose you might know me as Wong Tang²黃螣 (wong4 tang4) - 'Yellow' and 'Flying dragon'., Grandmaster of the Fool's Way of the Mountain School of the Mount Fa Sect." She took a few disgruntled puffs of her pipe. "What a mouthful of nonsense, really."

"Grandmaster Wong?" Chan Bik raised her hand.

"Hm?"

"I thought the school was just the 'Way of the Mountain'?"

"Oh, ha, it's all that posing that cultivators like to do. Those old bats acting like youngsters... How embarrassing! If you're old, you're old, don't pretend you're not! Little one, do I look bad to you?"

"No, Grandmaster, you're beautiful and graceful."

"Good girl! And yet, I look old, right? It's the same with the school. Our guiding principle is yue gung yi saan³愚公移山 (yeu4 gung1 yi4 saan1)., 'old fool moves mountains', but someone was apparently offended by being called a fool and dropped the word out of the school's name. Idiots! We're all fools, get over yourselves! It means to have stubborn perseverance, above all things!"

Seeing Chan Bik's continued confusion, Gou Dzing picked up the explanation. “It's an old story. There was a man in ages past who lived in a remote village. In order for anyone to travel anywhere, they had to walk around a huge mountain, which added almost a month onto travel time. This caused problems for trade, but also when people required specialist medical attention, there was simply no way of getting it quickly. He decided to start, single-handedly, taking down the mountain.”

“The true definition of a fool,” the Grandmaster said affectionately.

“People tried to tell him he was stupid for attempting such a thing, but he would always say that, if he spent his life chipping down the mountain, perhaps he would never be able to remove it, but if his children, and their children, kept going, one day the mountain would be gone and people would be able to travel more quickly, perhaps saving lives in the future.”

“Stubborn man,” the Grandmaster sighed. “It was clear he wasn't going to change his mind, so I moved the mountain a bit for him." A drag on the pipe. "Anyway, you can call me Granny Leoi Wo⁴女媧 (leoi5 wo1) - Leoi meaning 'female' is a common prefix to the names of goddesses. Wo is a word of unknown meaning, but it contains the elements of 'female' and 'helix' or 'to rotate'. Suggestions for meaning, strangely, include 'lovely' and 'frog'. if you want."

"Master! You won't even let me call you that! Hey, Lady Bik, this is a big honour- Lady Bik?"

"... Huh... W- WHAT?! DIVINE MAJESTY EMPRESS WO? The- The Mother Goddess... who created... humanity?"

"... is she broken?" Sek Gon asked disinterestedly.

Chan Bik threw herself face down on the hard cave floor, banging her forehead in the process. "G-G-Great Goddess! Your Divine Majesty!"

"Stop stop stop. Heavens, it's times like this when I understand why the others act like hermits."

"O-Others..." Chan Bik looked as though she were about to faint. Instead, she burst suddenly into tears.

"Lady Bik! What's wrong? Did you hurt yourself?"

"I'm s-sorry," she cried, wiping desperately at her face as tears streamed down it. "I'm sorry I was so rude! Please don't be angry at me!"

Gou Dzing and the Grandmaster were immediately at her side.

"Lady Bik, it's okay!"

"I'm not offended, little one. Don't cry, child, no one's angry."

"Hey, Sek Gon, you say something too!"

"... get stronger so you don't have to care if you make someone angry."

"What kind of advice is that?"

Surprisingly, Chan Bik sobered up at these words. In fact, she spluttered a little laugh as she reined in her tears. "No... Sek Go-go's right, isn't he...? He doesn't care what others think. He might be clumsy and rude and anti-social..."

"..."

"... but he doesn't care."

"Still, offending Empress Wo is a bit much..."

Without warning, the Grandmaster made a sudden fist with her free hand. A cage of rock, similar to the earth barrier that Gou Dzing had trapped the Rat King Demon within, crashed into existence where Sek Gon was sitting.

Had been sitting.

He stood behind Gou Dzing now, dusting himself off.

"Metal and Fire attributes have always been the fastest," the Grandmaster said, sounding a little disappointed as she returned to smoking her pipe. "Earth is, unfortunately, the slowest attribute. We make up for it with strength. And at Ah Gon's level, he can dodge something like that fairly easily. Do you know what level you are?"

"... I was Second Daan-tin Adept when Master left."

"You're well beyond that now. Third Daan-tin Apprentice, I think. Hey, Disciple Gou-"

"Master! I've got it already! I'll go and train as soon as I can!"

"Learn from this kid. Why don't you cultivate together?"

"... Your Divine Majesty, you really are perverted-"

Chan Bik had never seen Sek Gon move so much. As he jumped about avoiding chunks of rock hurled by the Grandmaster, Gou Dzing picked up explaining without paying them any attention.

“What...?”

“'Cultivating together' can also mean having sexual relations.” Gou Dzing laughed. Chan Bik blushed bright red.

"Technically the five schools of Mount Fa are overseen by the Ng Dzeung⁵五象 (ng5 dzeung6) - 'Five Images'.,” Gou Dzing continued hurriedly, “but in reality they rarely ever come here. In the past, they've sometimes chosen direct disciples to teach, but mostly their techniques and knowledge are recorded and passed down to others through the direct disciples or teachers who have achieved high levels in their practice." He gestured to the still-dodging Sek Gon. Oddly, he and the Grandmaster seemed suspiciously as though they were having fun.

“Ng Dzeung? I'm sorry, I don't really know anything.”

“That's alright, Chan Si-mui. You've led a civilian life so far. The Ng Dzeung are the five divine ones who rule the elements of the world. Grandmaster is the Yellow Earth Dragon at the Centre of All Things. Then there's Sek Si-hing's Master, Lord Gaam Bing, White Metal Tiger of the West. The others are Lady Ling Gwong⁶陵光 (ling4 gwong1) - Something like 'to overcome the light'., Vermillion Fire Bird of the South, Lady Maang Dzeung⁷孟章 (maang6 dzeung1) - Means 'Eldest of siblings/First month of a season' and 'Piece of writing/System/Emblem'., Azure Wood Dragon of the East, and Lord Dzap Ming⁸執明 (dzap1 ming4) - Means something like 'To grasp light/dawn'., Black Water Tortoise of the North. As far as we know, Sek Si-hing and I are the only direct disciples at the moment."

"And I can't believe my disciple is falling behind Old White's..." The Grandmaster had settled down again, not a hair out of place.

"Master... I'm younger than Sek Si-hing!"

"That's right, did you pick that name yourself?" The Grandmaster blew fragrant smoke in Sek Gon's direction.

"... yes." He had seated himself firmly and awkwardly between Chan Bik and Gou Dzing as human shields, with the greatest air of dignity anyone could have seen.

"What kind of name is that for the direct disciple of Gaam Bing? If I didn't know better, I would have thought my daughter was your master."

"Lady Azure Dragon," Gou Dzing whispered by way of explanation to Chan Bik.

"Right, Divine- Grandmaster," Chan Bik said eagerly. "Such a name is-"

"Why not Sek Yan⁹碩刃 (sek6 yan6) - 'Huge' and 'Sword', essentially another juvenile euphemism like Sek Gon, but now with a metal element instead of wood!?"

“'Yan' as in 'Sword'?”

Chan Bik shut her mouth.

Sek Gon looked thoughtful. "Should I...?"

"NO NO NO! Grandmaster! Sek Go-go! Please, choose a decent name for all our sakes..."

The Grandmaster laughed so heartily that tears gathered in her eyes. "Disciple of Old White, did he not give you a new name?"

"..."

"Master, it must be a bit complicated. Sek Si-hing sometimes -"

"Yes, I can see that, you brat. His eyes are darting backwards and forwards as though powering his brain. Don't tell me, that old fool wanted you to attain a certain level, and then wandered off before you did?"

"... yes."

"Typical. I'll find him and slap him over the head for you. Oh, and I should probably find Ling Gwong while I'm at it. I think you have some aptitude for fire, little girl."

Chan Bik was speechless. Gou Dzing clapped her on the shoulder. "Chan Si-mui! Wow, three direct disciples in one generation! Can you imagine if there were all five of us? We'd make a great team!"

"Don't get ahead of yourself, brat. You still need to master Dragon Eyes and reach Third Daan-tin level. Now get going." The Grandmaster stood and stretched. "When I return, come and play again, disciple of Old White."

"... maybe."

Gou Dzing swore he caught the barest hint of a smirk on Sek Gon's lips.

"Wait, Grandmaster, weren't you doing seclusion training? Didn't we interrupt?"

"Not at all, little one. That was just an excuse so I could take a nap."

Is that really something the Great Goddess should be saying?

"Let's go find Cheng Si mui," Gou Dzing said, helping Sek Gon up. "We need to organise your entries into the Clear Sight and Reflective Arts Schools, and she's good with administration... Chan Si-mui?"

Chan Bik tugged hesitantly at his sleeve. "Does that mean... I can't stay with you all? I have to go to the Clear Sight School alone?"

Gou Dzing spoke gently. "You'll still be able to see us when you want to, Chan Si-mui. We'll only be next door."

"Ah... Yes..."

"You need training in the techniques that suit you best, and the Clear Sight Practice is for those with aptitude for fire. Doong yeuk gun fo¹⁰洞若观火(doong6 yuek6 gun1 fo2)., 'Clear as a blazing fire' is the root of their teaching. It means to have great insight. You'll have to work hard, but you'll know, Chan Si-mui, as soon as you start, it'll just feel right."

Chan Bik hung her head. "I... know, Gou Si-hing. I just... haven't really had... friends... before..."

"Chan Si-mui..."

"... wait, who's your friend?"

"..."

"SEK GON!"

The offender ducked quickly outside, followed by an irate Chan Bik. Gou Dzing bowed to his master. "Apologies, Master. We will take our leave."

"Go on, brat. Look after those two, I can see you're fond of them. And they of you, it seems. That one in particular."

"... Master?"

"Don't act dumber than you are. Go!"

With one last bow, Gou Dzing left quickly. The tips of his ears looked a little pink.

For a minute afterwards, Grandmaster Wong Tang of the Fool's Way of the Mountain School of the Mount Fa Sect, the Great Mother Goddess Leoi Wo, Yellow Dragon of Earth and Centre of All Things, puffed on her pipe until the cave filled with sweet-smelling smoke. She listened to the chatter of the children fade as they headed down the mountain. The sound brought another sharp grin to her mouth.

"I think I'm looking forward to this age of the world."