In Loki's Honor

I groaned and looked at the bags under my eyes in the mirror while I brushed my teeth. Working in triple-A game development wasn't glamorous and prestigious as I once dreamed. The bomb that the execs wanted microtransactions and loot boxes implemented this late in the lifecycle got us devs scattering more than the proverbial anthill after the heel's visit. While I washed my face, the TV in the living room blared the recent news.

"Yamayotta Motors went to court yesterday, complaining it is not their fault the trucks' brakes are failing at such enormous rates. After forced into recalling their vehicles to have the brake assembly entirely replaced..."

I filtered out the rest, my mind already in work gear, and drafting an email to the art department for the loot boxes design. Boss wanted them showy and desirable, a 'mixture of last year's Miss Universe and a Porsche' and I quote his sexist remark. Those XX century dinosaurs. I walk back to my room to get my jacket and steal a glance at the TV.

"Japan's educational system is in shambles! Parents throughout the country withdraw their children from schools as yet another classroom vanish entirely, with a chunk of the building. Some suspect alien interference, as the cut in the building, was entirely spherical..."

Were not for the Network's ticker displaying today's date along with the dollar to Bitcoin's exchange rates, I would believe it was a movie. The damn school, just like any other you've ever seen in any anime, had a sphere cut out as if God came with His divine scoop and carved it out. Twenty children, teenagers if you want accuracy, gone. The news, the show, went on as it must.

"A giant squid measuring more than a hundred yards was found dead in Times Square this morning. Its tentacles showed signs of cuts and burns, but NY governor Andrés Sebastian refused to comment on the case, waiting for the forensic report."

if the school made me slow down, the squid had my feet frozen. The ginormous beast wasn't just lying dead in Times Square. The buildings around, the billboards, were broken. Exactly as I imagined it would if superheroes fought a giant squid. I could see perfectly where the tentacles slammed into the buildings, the windows smashed in a diagonal. Scorch marks, metal cut too perfectly. Slag. The Paramount Building was partially melted.

Nobody said anything about how that giant squid got fourteen hundred meters from the water across the busiest city in the world. Heck, the shortest path would get it crawling right under my window.

I shook my head and adjusted my necktie. Being a manager has its perks but I wonder if the pay is worth the trouble. Definitely is not worth being yelled at. Worse yet, I get to code less and less. My idealistic worldview from college entirely shattered, I walk out of my apartment and into the street. I have to ride the tube, as the gents across the pond used to say.

The LED man shifts to green and invites us to cross the street. Pressed by the mass of people ignoring the multi-ton mollusk being dissected right as we walk five blocks down the 42nd. At least that Stan & Bill got it right. Hell's Kitchen's denizens are almost as portrayed in the comics. We couldn't smell the critter, the stench from the Hudson demanded our nostril's attention.

Absorbed in my thoughts, I droned across the street. I was right in the middle, that's when I heard the horn. My neck craned to put my eyes facing the source of the irritating noise before my brain could process its meaning. I locked in place. I saw the headlights blinking and heard the horn but all I could do was stare, dumbfounded, and flat-footed at the runaway truck coming without the intention of stopping at the red light.

My sight focused. A second stretched into figurative minutes. I could see the trucker desperate, his body tensed to put pressure on the brakes. I also could see bobbleheads. Kazuma giving a thumbs-up, Kirito trying to look badass in his fidget-spinner trenchcoat, and others. Mile-chan pouting, probably because she heard some boob joke. Common theme? I'll leave that as an exercise for the reader.

What really mattered was that my feet didn't move. Some people dashed away in a panic, some tripped and fell down, trampled by those trying to flee the incoming tons of steel promising death. I didn't. The last thing I saw was the truck's manufacturer emblem. Yamayotta. I felt the radiator's heat, the metal bumper violently pushing my legs forward and starting to crush me.

Then nothing. No pain, no lights, no revolving lantern. I was somehow disappointed.

Until Tom Hadeslane appeared before me. in his movie costume.

Weird, I know. But it gets weirder from here, so hold your panties.

Dumbfounded, I gaggled incomprehensibly. Tom laughed. If this is a hidden camera prank, I just hope my bosses like the free PR. Are we doing a game for the Mouse? Is this it?

"No," Tom clicked his tongue, dismayed. "You're wrong. You're not in Kansas anymore."

Mind reading. Is that it? Are you even the real Tom Hadeslane or some lookalike?

"Good. You're getting there. I'm not your actor, but I liked his acting and so did you. I assumed this form to ease your transition."

Damn. Damn. Cold sweat dripped down my face. This is either the triple half-dozen guy or the Norse trickster himself. Tom smiled. I licked a bead of salty sweat and my mind escaped into the fact I could both sweat and taste things. I might not be dead yet. Was the truck real?

"It was," Tom replied. " I'm rather new in this business, so beg your pardon. You may call me Lopt."

"What happened," my voice finally working. "The truck?"

"Killed you and a dozen others," Lopt, or Loki, said with fake regret in his voice. "Then it crashed through Ian Mulligan's bakery. I'm afraid tomorrow there won't be any bagels for your neighborhood,"

"Where am I?"

"Nowhere. You are in the interstice between dimensions. A place secluded from... prying eyes."

"What do you want?"

Tom cackled. After his bout of derisive laughter ended, he glared at me. "What do I want? I want what everybody wants! What is always denied to me! I want more cowbell! Faster horses, younger women, older whiskey!"

"And more money," my mouth spoke on its own.

"Yes!"

"And where do I fit in all this mess?"

He grinned, "You see, you got two main choices. Free will, self-determination, self-reliance, autonomy, and all that stuff. You can either reject my hand and drift off into whatever afterlife is deemed fit for you. I can assure it is not Valhalla or the Pearly Gates, but that's all I can say. Or you can accept my most generous offer and live up to ten thousand years."

I could see beneath his beady eyes that he was lying through his teeth. Loki, if memory serves, helped nobody. Up to ten thousand years could be a second. And what did he have to gain with that?

"Suspicious, good!" He clapped. "it pays to be suspicious. Well, let me tell you what is going to happen. You were hit by a truck, met a god. A benevolent one, I must add. You know where this is going, right?"

"Isekai?" I asked right away.

"Indeed! You see belief fuels reality. With all the novels, animated cartoons, and other works, anyone hit by a truck or inside a classroom is slipping into another world. Even as we speak, your fellow New Yorkers that died in your accident are being ushered into new worlds by this or that deity. You surely saw the signs, didn't you?"

The realization hit me. The accidents with trucks. The schools in Japan. Young people vanishing left and right.

"All of them, into new worlds they went," Loki gushed. "Freya, Morrigan, the Mesopotamians, even the Fallen Angel himself got a piece of the action. After spending ages banished from Earth, every single pantheon wants a piece of the action. Even the Forgotten Ones. What you don't understand is that believing have powers. The mortals believe, they dream of living in another world, and the Universe conspires to make his favored children's wishes come true."

"The squid?" I asked, half knowing the answer.

"Every door works both ways, even those not intended as such," Loki said with an air of mystery. "Magic is returning to your world, with every champion that finds the way back. Soon, your civilization as you knew it will disappear. Returners, I think is the term the fandom coined for them. Some of them brought their powers with them, and powers need magic to work. They fought and defeated a Kraken last night but had to get away before they could hide the evidence."

"Kraken..." I played with the word. The hundred feet-long tentacles.

"They did a fine work containing collateral damage, I must add. New York could very well become a crater and a mass grave. Of course, it wouldn't have happened if they gave up their powers when they returned to Earth. But no, they selfishly held onto them. Which brings us to our first agreement. No coming back. You'll go to another world and stay there. If you accept, of course."

As if I had a choice.

Loki's shape morphed into a Protoss Dark Archon when I thought about that, and answered to me. "Oblivion awaits," he growled and shifted back to Tom Hadeslane's visage.

I stood up and looked the deity in the eyes, "Make your sales pitch, trickster."

He grinned and chuckled.

"You'll go to another world. I'll give you three mighty boons. Immunity from the other gods and their servants' divine powers. Reincarnation, at least a hundred times. If you die, you'll gain another life. You'll carry your achievements, memories, and growth from one life to the next. Keep in mind, where you're going they are making a strict no-second-life kind of world. You'll be unique."

"And you want me to spread your faith in this new world," I stated.

"Odin's beard, no! I demand no worshippers. Not even you. We're making a deal here, business partners only. I won't interfere in your life either. For good or bad, you'll be on your own. That I promise, as true as my brother's farts can kill."

He was hiding the fine print. I knew that. Loki wiggled a finger and clicked his tongue under a toothy grin.

"I might have to add a few curses to balance your boons."

I raised an eyebrow. "A few?"

"Less than a dozen. Listen, you are out of time. Tick tick, the clock is ticking. You need to decide in five seconds. I vow under the all-father's watchful gaze that I meant these three boons."

What choice did I have? "I'm in."

He waved his staff, a replica of the movie prop, and stabbed my chest. I vanished.

I regained my consciousness and my proprioception told me I wasn't in my body anymore. I couldn't see anything because I had no eyes. I couldn't move my limbs, there were none. I wasn't breathing but sucking in fluids from the thick soup around me. I had no heartbeat. The very act of thinking was hard. But I was alive, that much I could tell. A blue box popped in front of me and I knew I was in another world. One with a game-like system, just like the novels.

CONGRATULATIONS!

You have come of age and are now an adult of your species, (ERROR: Species not found).

....

RE-ROUTING TO AKASHIC RECORDS. FETCHING SPECIES NAME FROM COLLECTIVE KNOWLEDGE... NOT FOUND. THIS ERROR HAS BEEN LOGGED. TICKET ID #00000000987.

RE-ROUTING TO SUBJECT MEMORIES. INJECTING SPECIES DATA. FETCHING SPECIES NAME FROM SUBJECT KNOWLEDGE... FOUND. ADDING TO DATABASE.

GENERATING RACIAL MODIFIERS. BALANCING TRAITS. BALANCE IMPOSSIBLE. ADJUSTING EXP BONUS. BALANCE FINISHED.

REPLAYING SCRIPT...

The screen blinked and came back.

CONGRATULATIONS!

You have come of age and are now an adult of your species, Amoeba.

Your base Physical and Mental Attributes are all 0.

You gained 75 Attribute points to distribute.

As an amoeba, you've been granted the following traits:

You gained the Pioneer Trait (Unique): You are the first of your species to be inducted in the System. Skill growth increased by 10%.

Microscopic: You are naturally invisible, except through magnification. You cannot be harmed by normal weapons. Your damage is divided by 1,000. You can gain experience from killing other microscopic beings.

Your race maximum physical Attributes are set to 0.

Your race maximum mental Attributes are set to 1.

Your race maximum Magic Attribute is set to 0.

Your race Attribute growth is 0 per level.

You gained the racial skills, Pseudopod (uncommon), Fagocitosis (uncommon), Disease Vector (rare), Flagellum Movement (uncommon), Chemical Awareness (very rare), Mythosis (very rare), Encystment Hybernation (very rare).

You have no Skill Points to distribute.

You gained the fast-learner trait, you earn Exp at 10,000 the normal rate.

Your life expectancy is two days. Adjusting timer in your interface.

I felt food around me. Reaching out, I felt my membrane stretch and surround the food particle, detaching into a bubble inside me. Or a food vacuole, to be precise. I could feel the tiny bacteria fighting to break my membrane, shedding enzymes like crazy. Soon my own enzymes flooded the vacuole and the bacteria died. I could feel my enzymes breaking it down and my vacuole letting food in my cytoplasm.

You killed a level 0 bacteria. You gained 1 Exp ( 0.01 x 10,000 x 0.0001).

You killed a bacteria for the first time. You gained 10 Exp (10 for a level 0 kill x 10,000 x 0.0001).

I kept hunting and feeding. I killed countless microorganisms, bacterium, viruses, algae, and others. I was the apex predator of whichever primordial soup I was in. I finally engorged myself to the point of bursting my cellular membrane.

You reached Amoeba level 7. Congratulations. You gained 14 Skill Points. You gained 1 Attribute Point.

With my hunger sated, I could think better. Not that I could think as well as a normal human with my amoeba lack of a brain, but I could think. The first thing I did was to think "STATUS".

Name: None.

Species: Amoeba.

Gender: None.

Age: 5 minutes.

Level: 7

Class: None.

Professions: None, None.

Strength: -1 / -1. Dexterity: -1 / -1. Endurance: -1 / -1 (HP: 0). Mind: 0 / 0. Willpower: 0 / 0. Charisma: 0 / 0. Magic: 0 / 0 (MP: 0).

Available Attribute Points: 79.

WARNING: Unassigned Attribute points will be randomly distributed in 2 hours.

Racial Skills:

Pseudopod (active, uncommon): novice 1 - You can project microscopic pseudopods up to 2x body length away from you. These pseudopods have all your senses.

Phagocitosis (active, uncommon): novice 1 - Your pseudopods can catch microscopic particles and creatures smaller than you. You can digest and process what you capture.

Disease Vector (passive, rare): novice 1 - You naturally generate and spread your own kind of disease. Your species is immune to your disease.

Flagellum Movement (active, uncommon): novice 1 - You have microscopic cilia covering your body. Such cilia improve your movement when immersed in fluids.

Chemical Awareness (passive, very rare): novice 1 - You can identify chemicals around you, to a range of 1/2 body length.

Mythosis (active, very rare): novice 1 - If you are well-nourished, you can split yourself into two identical individuals. These individuals' age is set to very young and have half your mass.

Cyst Hibernation (passive, very rare): novice 1 - If you are in an environment that can't sustain you or is hostile, your exterior shell hardens and you enter a deep state of hibernation. You gain damage resistance 100 and time passes 10,000 times slower for you. You cyst breaks when conditions are favorable once again.

Skill Points: 14.

WARNING: Unassigned Skill Points will be randomly distributed in 2 hours.

Traits:

Fast-Learner (racial, very rare): Your Exp gains are multiplied by 10,000.

Short-lived (disability, very rare): your base lifespan is a fourth of your racial average.

Microscopic (size, ultra rare): You can damage microscopic entities. You are naturally invisible. You cannot be harmed by normal weapons. Your damage is divided by 1,000. You can gain experience from killing other microscopic beings.

Unique Traits:

Divinity Absorption (blessing, unique): Any use of divine power targeted at you or the area you occupy is nullified.

Reincarnation (blessing, unique): Upon final death, you are randomly returned to the world as a newborn of another species.

Past Life Memory (blessing, unique): Never lose sense of self. You carry memories, Attributes, Skills and non-situational Traits to the next life.

Pioneer (unique): You are the first of your species to be inducted to the System. Skill growth increased by 10%.

Blocked Status (curse, very rare): Your status can only be viewed with divine magic.

Feminization (curse, uncommon): Your gender is female, if possible.

Greater Decrepitude (curse, ultra rare): Your maximum physical Attributes are your racial average minus one.

Greater Feeblemind (curse, very rare): Your maximum mental Attributes are your racial average minus one.

Magicless (curse, ultra rare): Your base magic Attribute is zero.

Greater Magic Deficiency (curse, very rare): you cannot increase your Magic Attribute or gain MP.

Random speciation (curse, rare): Your birth race is determined at random.

Random disability (curse, ultra rare): Upon birth, you gain a random disability. This disability is removed upon death.

Divine Siphon (curse, unique): divine energy that targets you or enters in contact with you is drained and the power is sent to [REDACTED].

Sterile (curse, rare): You cannot generate offspring.

Forgotten Identity(curse, rare): You cannot remember your identity from your life in another world.

Technogibberish (curse, very rare): You cannot transmit scientific or technological knowledge through any means. All attempts will be interpreted as gibberish by others.

Unskilled IV (curse, very rare): You cannot raise Skills above Novice rank.

Unspeakable Name of God (curse, ultra rare): You cannot utter the name or transmit the knowledge of gods by any means. All attempts will be interpreted as gibberish by others.

Slow Learner IV (curse, ultra rare): Your Experience gains are divided by 10,000.

Dumpstat X (curse, ultra-rare): Your starting Attributes have a -100 penalty.

Unspeakable Curses (curse, uncommon): You cannot speak about your curses through any means. All attempts will be interpreted as gibberish by others.

I felt rage bubbling inside my cytoplasm. Not only I was a disease-carrying amoeba that was almost mindless but the trickster also cursed me up to eleven. I had a mind of zero. System knowledge was intuitive and took no time to assimilate. The next window, however, was my doom.

Welcome!

I'm terribly sorry for wasting your first life like this. It was the only way to slip your soul past the gods' watchdogs and your protections would only kick in once the System was initialized. I'm sure it will be a painless one. I'm also sorry for the curses, they were needed to balance part of the cost of your boons. Trust me, three uniques cost a LOT. I even had to invest my personal power. I won't be watching over you, I won't interfere with your new life. Lives. You might die but you'll return, always.

I wish you the best of luck, truly. At least you're guaranteed to fare batter than the moose.

Love, Lopt.

You see, System knowledge was instantaneously assimilated. Loki's message, not so much. Once I finished, new windows popped up.

Your Attribute points were automatically distributed. Current values: Strength: -1 / -1. Dexterity: -1 / -1. Endurance: -1 / -1 (HP: 0). Mind: 0 / 0. Willpower: 0 / 0. Charisma: 0 / 0. Magic: 0 / 0 (MP: 0).

Your Skill points were automatically distributed. Pseudopod +3. Disease Vector +3. Chemical Awareness +3. Phagocythosis +2. Cyst Hibernation +2. Flagellum Movement +1.

I dismissed it and felt weak. Very weak.

You reached the end of your natural lifespan.

You died.

My last thought was to curse the deity that trapped me here.