Magic Murder Cube Marine

When Willow came back she had an entourage. Two men Francis recognized as knights followed behind her. They had the same shaven heads and close cropped black beards Auldric's men sported. He saw the look they were giving her, and he didn't like it. There were shitbirds like that in every military.

They were taller than Willow, but not as big as him. They were also wearing swords and daggers on their belts. Francis stood up and intercepted them, grabbing his beer from Willow as she passed by. He held the tankard in his left hand. Relativity lay propped up in the corner giving off murderous vibes.

“Howdy.” Francis said, surprised to see Willow take up a position on his left. They squared off against the two knights. “My name's Francis.”

“What, you're going to run to your fruity mage boyfriend?” The first knight ignored Francis and talked at Willow. “I just asked if you wanted to join us for a drink.”

Men like that always traveled in pairs because they had a half brain cell each and needed to share. The other one took his turn with the braincell. He pointed at Relativity. “I've heard of wizards' staffs having knobs on the end, but ribbons are new. This one must be a bit light in the sandals.” He gave his friend the cue to laugh.

“Oh I'll bet you know all about other men's staffs.” Francis chirped back, cutting their laughter off. “I bet you're real popular on cold nights and long patrols.”

The knights looked at one another. That wasn't how wizards were supposed to talk.

Francis continued. “So how about this, you two chuckle dicks fuck off. Or, I'll shove that staff, which does have a knob in the end, so far up your ass I could stick it in the ground and use you for a scarecrow?” Francis took a pull from his beer and looked at the tankard. “This is a damn fine brew.”

“You think you can just threaten us?” The first knight asked, his face going beet red.

“No, of course not.” Francis replied. “I can do a lot more than threaten.”

“Come on. Let the wizard keep his pet goat.” Said the second one, right before all hell broke loose.

“Don't call me a goat, fuck boy.” Willow said in Grunt.

Francis felt a change in the air as she changed her stance. Willow was lowering her head, angling her horns at the second knight. The system touched his mind.

An ally is melee attacking an enemy within reach. Would you like to Boost their Melee Attack by your Tier?

YES/NO

A split second later, three things happened in rapid succession. Francis hit yes, Willow hit the knight, then the knight hit the floor.

Her Kiss of the Ram ability did twenty + Physical per Tier. The knight had a deflect four which his ally boosted by one. She had a Melee Attack skill of three which got boosted all the way to 10 by Francis' assistance, making it an auto crit. The crit multiplied the total damage by her Tier.

The enraged Death Cleric headbutted the knight like a battering ram for a total of 750 Physical Damage directly to the face. His head snapped back and he dropped like a stone. He wasn't dead. But only because Willow had chosen to subdue rather than kill when she made the attack.

The remaining knight went to reach for his sword but Francis stopped that bullshit with a right hook. He clocked the idiot in the jaw for a total of 1519 Magical Damage. System recognized his intent and subdued the knight instead of killing him.

Two more men with matching haircuts ran across the beer garden. Francis took control of the situation before something truly stupid could happen. He started barking orders and pointing.

“You! Yes, you! Get your dumb ass friends to medical.” He switched his attention to the one on the right. “You! Bring us to Sir Auldric. I've got a bone to pick with him about the conduct of the men under his command.”

The one on the right started to protest. “But-”

Francis gave his best Marine NCO glare. He hated being reminded he was an officer or having to act like one. But he hadn't risen to the rank of Corporal, against his own better judgment and will, to take lip from shit birds like this.

“No buts!” Francis shouted, the veins on his forehead visibly throbbing. “Now drop and give me twenty-five perfect pushups!”

The knight looked to his friend. “But-”

“Now! Not tomorrow, right fucking now!” He demanded. The knight caved to the pressure of authority and got on the ground. He started banging out half decent pushups.

Francis was pleased to see some things were universal. He walked over to the knight. “And every fucking one had better be perfect! Or sure as God wears sandals, I'll shit kick you back up into your father's balls and tell him to do better next time! Do you understand me?”

“Yes, Sir!” The knight was ten in and feeling gassed already. He was only Tier 1.

“Don't call me sir! I work for a living!” Francis roared as a new alert from System worked its way into his brain.

Congratulations! You have learned the skill Instruct!

Congratulations! Chirp has leveled up!

Congratulations! Vahnissian Common has leveled up!

Francis processed the new information that he could level up skills by using them. That was very interesting. He liked the idea of numbers going up. It gave him a tangible way of tracking his progress.

The sound of hooves on cobblestones pulled him back to the present. Sir Auldric was riding towards the beer garden at full speed. He came to a halt and dismounted. Auldric froze mid step when he recognized the mountain of a man standing in front of him.

“Sir Auldric!” Francis called out as the knight below him finished banging out his twenty-five pushups. “Got any dip?”