My Room Has Become a Dungeon's Rest Area (LN)

「Thanks for the food.」

I taught the two from the other world some more of my eating habits. After eating dinner, it was teatime. When I asked what they wanted to drink, I was surprised when they answered Cola.

「At first, I had mistaken cola for a medicinal beverage, but I think I’m coming to enjoy the flavor.」

Seems like Ria has fallen into cola’s trap. Deet drank her cola and smirked.

「Right? And some of the cola that Thor lets us drink are particularly tasty! Hehehe.」

Ugh. Deet…She isn’t trying to tell Ria about the time I gave cola to her mouth to mouth right? I shouldn’t feel guilty about that right? I did it to rescue her after all. I just made her drink it like that to get rid of the poison. Deet grabbed my hands from an angle that Ria couldn’t see. The elf had a sly smirk. Well that kind of stuff happens, but anyways this was an amazing space to be in. Just relaxing here on the tatami floor with two beautiful girls wearing bloomers and schoolgirl swimsuits, drinking cola. And it was at that moment, a man came and ruined this splendid personal time of mine.

Ding-dong. The doorbell rang.

「What is this sound? It’s scary.」

Ria was frightened of electrical noises. But it’s not something you’d hear in the middle ages, so it was obvious. Who would come at now of all times?

「Mr. Suzuki? You’re home, right? I’m here for the NNK contract! 」

I stared at them with the puzzled looks on their faces. Looks like the NNK person came for the television contract. It doesn’t matter though; I don’t even watch TV. I play games on my computer and my phone can’t even get channels on it. I don’t need to be afraid of the NNK.

「W-What did he mean by “Contract”?」

But Ria was afraid. Why wouldn’t she be? Some unexplainable noise rings through the room, she’s in the middle of a Great Sage’s house in the depths of a dungeon, and some weird unexplainable guy starts babbling about a contract.

「It might be a dark wizard. You two, get to the other room now. I’ll deal with this. 」

If the NNK guy sees the weird golden-haired bloomer knight and the elf schoolgirl swimsuit fetish stuff going on in here, he’s going to think I’m a freak. I can’t let him see this. Or maybe he’ll look at me and think we’re some kind of strange comrades. Either way this is awful, it could even become newsworthy.

「A-Are you okay by yourself?」

「It’s alright. I’m a Great Sage. 」

As I got closer to the front door, it opened on its own. Beyond the front door wasn’t a stuffy, moldy smelling dungeon, it was the exhaust gas smell of Japan.

「Hello! My name is Enami from NNK. It seems as if you’ve recently moved in here, Mr. Suzuki! I need you to sign this contract! 」

「Don’t just open someone’s door!」

I had forgotten to lock the door. I may have gotten used to the dungeon, but that doesn’t mean it’s not dangerous. But more than that, why the hell does the NNK know as soon as I move to a new place? I don’t even have a television.

「I don’t own a television.」

「Huh? Really? No television? 」

「These days, just having the internet is good enough.」

「But isn’t your phone able to connect to the channels and watch them?」

「Not with this type of phone.」

I smirked and smiled but the NNK man did not relent.

「You live in such a nice location, but you’re saying you don’t even have a television?」

「I’m telling you I don’t have one.」

「Well, how about just a little peek…」

This Enami guy is trying to force his way into my apartment through the half open door.

「Wait a sec, wait a second!」

「If you don’t have a television there shouldn’t be any problem. Just a small peek, if you would just let me confirm. 」

「N-No way! You can’t just barge into someone’s house like that! 」

Inside the room was a bloomer knight and a school swimsuit wearing elf. There’s no way I can show him that. If things take a turn for the worse this could get reported on NNK. But this guy was like a sumo wrestler and crazy strong. If it keeps up, this guy will get inside my apartment. He made it completely inside and the door closed. At that moment, a golden-haired bloomer wearing character came and forcefully pushed Enami. Enami was completely pushed away into the door, which forced open, and he fell onto the pitch-black dungeon floor.

「Are you alright? You’re not dead right? 」

Ria had been leveling up her human bullet job class with her relentless attacks and legendary sumo techniques that surpassed even the strongest sumo legends.

「He’s a dark wizard so something like this is no problem, right?」

It’s probably fine. It works for me. Good luck NNK guy. However, it was just like Ria said.

「Mr. Suzuki! I’m upset! You actually have a television don’t you! You really need to sign this—wait what is this place?!」

That’s about the reaction I was expecting. It’s a dungeon after all. Moreover, Enami was pretty tough. But he might be seriously injured now.

「To go as far as this trick just because you don’t want to sign a contract, but you kind of overdid it! KYAAAAAA! 」

Before he realized it Deet was standing next to him.

「This is my stun shock.」

I knew from the name of the spell. It was a spell that was like a stun gun. For the time being, I took the motionless Enami inside the room. The door was pretty bent now and wouldn’t close unless I forced it. I should never try to make Ria angry.

「Does this spell do lasting damage on the body?」

「He’s fine. But it will tingle for a while. 」

After hearing that, I opened the window from the Japanese style room and carried out Enami. I brought him down near the street and made sure he wasn’t in a position to be hit by a car.

「S-So heavy…」

I sat him near a garbage can and stacked a bunch of empty beer bottles on him to make it seem like he was just a normal drunk.

「N-Next time, I really will make you let me confirm whether or not you have a television in your room!」

This guy is unbelievable. Rather than seeing a golden-haired girl in bloomers and an elf in a schoolgirl’s swimsuit, he was more focused on the fact of me having a TV or not.

~*~

「Now then, if you’ll please let me have a look.」

A few days later Enami came back. No matter what I do this guy wants me to sign his contract. This time I had planned to let him examine thoroughly.

「You’re really persistent aren’t you? Isn’t it illegal to force yourself into other people’s homes? 」

「You said it was fine, didn’t you, Mr. Suzuki?!」

If this guy turned up when I was gone and had a Q and A session with Ria and Deet, he’d probably end up dead. I don’t want the girls to become murderers. And thanks to Enami, I learned that my door can be used normally from the outside. It’s fine if he just wants to check if there’s a television here. After all, I don’t even have one.

「Alright alright, get in here. And when you go home, promise me you’ll use the window instead of the door, okay? 」

To my disdain, this guy probably wouldn’t even realize it if he saw the golden-haired bloomer knight that hit him in here last time.

「I haven’t yet searched the bathroom.」

「There’s no way you think I have a television in my bathroom…」

Enami searched for a television, even in my bathroom. Ria was standing between myself and Enami so she could protect me.

「It doesn’t appear like there’s one here. But more than that, Miss…. 」

Uh oh. Did he finally notice the golden-haired bloomer knight?

「You have quite a strong thrust. You seemed like a sumo wrestler; I was quite surprised. 」

So that’s it. Well she does have a strong body build and looks tough too.

「Not here either…」

I’ve been telling him the whole time, I don’t have one. Enami continued searching the tub, the sink, the dining area, and the living room for a television. And finally, he came to the Japanese style room.

「I haven’t had a peek in this room yet. It could be inside the closet. 」

「Hold it right there.」

「Is something the matter? I knew it, it’s in the closet! 」

「It’s not that.」

「Then what’s the issue?」

I leaned in and whispered to Enami.

「Listen, inside of this closet is my porn—I mean my doujinshi. There’s no way I can let my girlfriend see that kind of stuff, right? 」

「That’s something that any healthy young man would have. There’s no need to hide it. 」

This guy isn’t all there. It’s hopeless, you can’t reason with him. I took Ria and left the room.

「Is this alright? Inside that dresser are the forbidden texts! What?! The dark wizard isn’t after the texts? 」

「It’s fine. Let’s let him do what he wants. 」

After a while, Enami came outside the room. His shoulders were completely slumped so that he almost looked pitiful.

「It really wasn’t there…」

「Oh really? Well, that’s fine, cheer up. 」

「In my younger days I did Sumo wrestling, NNK would sometimes even broadcast my matches. But I damaged my knee. I thought by doing this I could repay the NNK, but I can’t even get one contract…」

I don’t really understand what’s going on, but to be at a level where your matches are broadcasted on TV is amazing.

「But I will not give up. When the time comes and you buy a television, I will surely return. 」

「Well I can’t force you to not come back, but when you do please make sure that I’m here. If you come when I’m not in, you’ll probably die. 」

Enami, unsure of whether he understood or didn’t understand my words, walked towards the doorway to head out.

「Ahhh, I can finally go home.」

That reminds me, where was Deet at this whole time? Ria was busy doing laundry, she called the washing machine an artifact at first, but it seems like she’s gotten used to it.

「Hey Ria! I’m gonna go look for Deet. 」

「Alright!」

I left Ria in the dressing room and went to look for Deet. When I walked into the Japanese style room, Deet was there cleaning something up. Enami must have left the room like that when he was searching for a television. As I was about to give an explanation, Deet carried on like it was no big deal and put all my porn books away in the closet.

「You need to hide these in the very back. If Ria sees these, she’ll hate you. 」

「Uhm, actually those, uhm… are nothing…」

「But I really don’t care. Maybe I’ll even borrow one or two of your favorite ones to study. 」

「Huh!?」

So, when I give her a book, she’ll copy it and do it with me?! No wait, if it’s Deet, I should give her this book…

「H-how about this?」

For now, I’ll give her a book about a strong girl who slowly becomes more obedient and docile. It’s perfect for Deet, and for my path to victory! Deet grinned.

「Well, I suppose I’ll take this book and head home.」

「Huh?」