NotSoHero

I'm in trouble... and, what’s more, big ones! You know, not the type you would come upon by bad luck, nor the one you’d cause with a slight little mistake,  repair  with an excuse and wrap it under the pretext of the moment, and then forget about… … no... now that I think of it, IT WAS.

“We are here today to give a clear verdict regarding the charge discussed and retained against the accused during our last trial session.”

A small inadvertence from my part.

“To reiterate where we left, after having received all complaints and claims, collecting proof from witnesses, retaining on file all pieces of evidence. It was decided to stop the indictment to further examine all elements in detail and evaluate the fine. Furthermore, the court already held a closed door debate to discuss the different course of actions available to our choosing.”

A simple oversight that every man could’ve made in the heat of the moment. 

“All victims were taken into account and will receive satisfying moral compensation as well as financial support according to the number of ‘consequences’. Moreover, the indemnity will be guaranteed directly by this here international court and the several other involved parties. To name a few, the Saint Kingdoms of stainless soul, the Northern Union and of course, the Rana empire who instigated this judgment.”

It’s just that it has happened too often. Way too often!!!.. If not all the time...as long as I can remember, I don't even know If I had ever NOT done it once… … Have I? 

“The court has already finished deliberating beforehand and is ready to rule...”

So, how often would you Ask?

Well...on a basis of once or twice a day, let’s say one and a third on average during working days, 2- 3 times per week. To which you add rest days, with a good standard of 2?...no, let’s not be barren here, 2 and half. So 2,5 times, 1 day a week.

Oh yes,  we must not forget public holidays! 

How many again? 6? Yet, I distinctly remember 11...or was it more? Well, I can’t mind all of them anyway. There were times where simply showing up in town made it a public holiday, making any precise assessment null and void, so I guess it was a little higher than this.

Let’s say 50.

"The accused is found guilty of all counts! Him and all his possible future official descendants will have to repay off the upcoming debt up to full reimbursement or otherwise decided!"

Modulo the Time I was too busy or couldn't make it, but let’s not bother with details,

For a total of approximately 425 a year, and that during 3 years and-half...

I'd Say around 1500. 

Wait, it seems I miss something, holidays likely replaced working ones in most cases so I should remove…

“All 3723 victims to date shall receive 58 silver and 33 copper coins a month for a total sum of 7 gold coins per year.”

Oi Oi Oi-i...WAIT A MINUTE. IS that even possible?!!

“In addition, extra aid will be procured for victims with ‘multiple’ occurrences in the amount of 3 golds a year per occurrence of ‘double and triple’ cases and one gold for any more than that.

Cases with 3 or more will be given special care and additional help in the form of favors will be given, all accommodation including lodging and food will be free of charge and provided by your respective kingdoms according to access criteria which remains undetermined for the time being. I’ll take this opportunity to mention, I’m already aware of these distinct cases that were reported to me, with an ‘abnormal’ number of occurrences, particularly the troublesome one that’s up to 7. I shall assure you that we will support you and your everyday-life with all our power and will not let you alone in your torment.”

Did he just say seven???? SEVEN? Are you sure that’s not a coup monté here? OBJECTION!!! Your grace!! … …Now that it crosses my mind, I don't think they took into account the ones yet to be...did they?

“Moreover, a budget will be secured to relive all future potential victims that are yet to be discovered, do not worry!”

Nope, no they didn't! But really, how did the total reach this much? Again, how IS it even possible, even if I did THAT every day it doesn’t account for this many. Unless....

Ah! Alright... It’s true that I inadvertently forgot these times that counted double...or triple...or…

I think I should stop here, I can’t figure how high the multiplier goes. And I don't want to!!.

OKAY j'avoue! It might be possible that time like those (*5) would help to add some to the balance.

Or those rarely seen (*10) or Even that Time I can't remember well with 29 or so (it should’ve been more but at least 4 were inept, they told me it themselves!)

And maybe, I said maybe, in the smallest possible way, times it seems I can't recall at all, for no reason, black holes in my memory, could exceed this number.

In no way....

“The perpetrator shall repay for his life a total debt of at least 41 133 gold coins accounting for current approved child care and moral support, accommodation and future victims add 25 000. Considering the hero’s help and diligent work over the years, altogether, it will be reduced to 65 000 gold coins per year for 15 years, with a rate of 1,5% per year of the unpaid amount.

Moral compensation will be reassessed every three years from today onward. Note that a moral support plant is currently under discussion too, so the final amount may vary to an extent.”

That can’t be real, with these numbers,  it’s the same as if I was a natural walking ART with 100% fertility rate!!  And what about infantile mortality! Ah…. Right, with healing magic it’s practically impossible to die during childbirth… not gonna be helped from that part too bad... 

How the FUCK did I FUCK myself into this (these) FUCKING situation(s)! 

Like... Literally…

I should have taken mom’s words more seriously and used contraceptives after all.