Reincarnated as the God of Shitty Life Counseling for Defective Washed Up Waifus

Consultation 70.



Consultation 70.

“God, how do I assassinate somebody and make it so it can’t be traced back to me?”

“That depends, who are you trying to assassinate?”

“Do I really have to say?”

“Of course.”

“It’s a bit troubling to say who it is.”

“Is it somebody high up in society?”

“Yes.”

“I see.”

“Do they have a lot of guards?”

“Yes.”

“Hmmm… how many we talking here?”

“A lot.”

“Are they guarded around the clock?”

“Yes, 24/7.”

“Do they hold a lot of power?”

“They will soon.”

“Will? So they don’t yet?”

“Yes, that’s right.”

I had a bad feeling.

“It wouldn’t be-“

“Yes, it’s probably exactly who you’re thinking.”

“This is quite the request you have. If it was just ruining their life that would be easy enough, but assassination without being caught... that’s a pretty big jump.”

“I understand that, which is why I came to you.”

“Why do you want to kill that person?”

“Why? Obviously because I want to take all his power for myself.”

“What would you do if you got that power?”

“Hehehe. Why of course, burn everything to the ground and kill all the men in the world.”

“Why do you want to kill all men in the world?”

“Because they should all die.”

“But why should they all die?”

“Because I said so?”

“What did men do exactly?”

“They existed.”

“Uh… there’s got to be more than that, right?”

“There isn’t.”

What a pain in the ass. “Haaaaaaaah. To take his power after he is dead implies you’re next in line to take power should he die and you’re already close to him, right?”

“You could say that.”

“Well, I think you’re mistaking things a bit. There’s no need to try and conceal his death being linked to you.”

“What do you mean?”

“The person you’re trying to kill, they’re rather old in the latter years of their life, am I correct?”

“Yes, that is right.”

“Great, you’ve got the perfect crisis going on right now to achieve your goals. The ideal invisible noose is already around his neck and he doesn’t even realize it.”

“What, how?”

“It’s pretty simple, just contract a certain airborne virus. Ensure you’re around him a lot and make sure the initial inoculum he receives from you is as high as possible. All you need to do is breathe a lot on meals or drinks he might be offered. Though unlikely, if you get a chance, it would be even more effective if you cough on it a lot in secret when alone. Hell, just infect everyone while you’re at it and turn the place into a breathing ground for that airborne virus. Oh, right, be sure to contract the most deadly strain of the virus though. There’s more than one after all. With proper treatment, you should be fine as you’re not anywhere near as endangered by this virus as he is. With his old age and past medical complications, the virus would do a great deal of damage to him.”

“But God, there’s a big problem with that, his guards are sure to test anything he consumes before he does.”

“Hehehe. But the thing is, this sort of virus is very selective in who it targets. The guards around him are typically younger and in peak condition, right? Their immune system is sure to be much stronger than his. They’ll likely end up asymptomatic and won’t even realize a thing. The virus also isn’t going to show its effects on the person testing for poison within a short period of time. Unless they directly test his food and drinks for the virus, they wouldn’t even realize a thing.”

“By the time one of his test results show up positive, with the high initial inoculum he’s exposed to, it will already be far too late for any treatment to save him from death’s door. With such a large inoculum, he’ll be a goner. His health will rapidly deteriorate faster than anyone can react. Even if by some off chance he survives, he’d be left with irreversible damage to his health. It would be to the point he’d no longer be able to effectively perform in the position he holds. When it is discovered that he caught the virus from you, people would only think it was an unfortunate natural event. Nobody would ever think it was an assassination. ”

“That’s… true… they wouldn’t. What reason would there be to think it was an assassination?”

“Exactly. If he just mysteriously died, all sorts of conspiracy theories would spread no matter what you said and being the one next in line for power, people would immediately suspect you as being a potential perpetrator anyway. But if he dies an explainable natural death that can be traced to a source, people can more easily accept it as just being an unfortunate turn of events. You can even use his death to try and unite the people under one banner. He’d be seen as a martyr who’d fallen in the war against this nefarious virus. You’d control the narrative and turn everyone’s hatred and resentment toward this invisible assassin, the virus.”

“God, that’s it! That’s exactly what I need! This is too perfect, I need to get to work right away and plan this out properly. I can’t make a single mistake. He absolutely needs to die from this virus. It’s the only way for everything to play out as I want it to. I don’t have any time to waste. Thank you, God. I’ll be on my way now.”

She rushed out the door with a hurried pace, not looking back for a second. The only thing she had her eyes on was the top. What would happen when she got there, only time would tell.

The only thing I knew was men would have it tough if she was successful.


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