Reroll

Oh Pelor.  My chest is EVEN BIGGER. And I'm black? Not just dark brown: BLACK.  Weirdly, it's a shiny black, like I'm made of polished obsidian or something… even the palms of my hands… I'll need a mirror to check my face, I'm sure.  And… why's everything so big? Ah, I'm short. I'm looking up at Ed… he's about four inches taller than me now?  Jim's still shorter, by a good eight inches I'm guessing… my waist is no longer inhumanly thin… arms look like a gym rat's… and… huh. I have a tail now… thick as my arm… ends in a heart.  Really? Weird.  Oh yes, and I'm nude… at least I'm not leaking everywhere now… I give my chest a cursory squeeze… and my knees buckle from the sensation as a stream of white milk exits my tap… oh that felt good….

“Not that I don't enjoy the show…” Ed begins, throwing a tent in his robe, “but are you done feeling yourself up?”

Oh, right: Other people.

I call my dog Rover over (yes, my dog is Rover), I pause: Can I loot my old starting equipment?

I reach for my old cloak… and it crumbles like cigarette ash at the lightest touch. Okay, that’s not going to work… pity.  Still… I probably wouldn't want to leave magical doodads lying around for just anyone to grab, and while I hope I never die again… if nothing else, old age will get me eventually, and I won't always have easy access to my old body. This is fine.

I do go through my old stuff… my copy of the contract pops out of the Handy Haversack when it crumbles, as does my phone and keys… huh. REAL items are okay? I wonder where the line is drawn on that, given that I took Craft Wondrous Item to double my gear allotment and Spark of Creation for another few percent… but that’s for later.

I open the pack saddle on Rover, and pull out a very cheap magic item: Sleeves of Many Garments. They have a market price of just 200 gold coins, but they do something very valuable: Transform my outfit (nothing, currently) into any outfit of normal clothing (which reverts away from the Sleeves, but still). I slip them on, and am instantly dressed in a nice set of jeans, a sports bra, hiking boots, a white blouse, and biker leathers.

“Oh, Edward, you mind checking the label on the bra for me?” The magic clothes are normal, and they fit perfectly… which means I can skip the fitting… I just can't take it off to look myself.  But I am curious what size the giant globes are.

Ed seems surprisingly hesitant, “Err… you want me to find the label on your… ah…”

I roll my eyes, “You already saw me naked when I rerolled, it's not like you don't have the same anatomy yourself at the moment, and I can't take it off to check it myself: It would vanish. I would prefer to find out now with someone I mostly trust than have a stranger help me with a fitting later.”

“...WHILE you're wearing it, then.  That's… you realize I'm going to have to….” Ed is shy about that?  Really?

“I expect some handling, yes. Now get over here,” Ugh. Some people.

I take off the leather jacket and blouse, which instantly vanish, to give Ed access to what he needs.  He starts at the back, looking through the straps, and slowly works his way forward, looking for the tag, sliding his hands along my skin… that feels good, actually… ah, right; Rachel seems to have been a Succubus, and I think that influenced the body more than a little… and when he gets to the front, he STOPS?!

“There's nothing in the back, and no visible tag… up front…” he begins.

I'm breathing a little hard as I respond, “Check the cups, then.”

“All right…” he carefully, slowly, and gently slides his hands between my globes and the magical sports bra.

And I thought his hands on my back felt nice… the gentle massage of the globes? That has me aching for something to fill a hollow deep inside… and I think I'm feeling a little trickle down my thigh? Weird.  But nice…

“There doesn't seem to be anything here…” he reports.

“You haven't checked thoroughly. All modern bras have labels…” I pant out, “look more.”

Ed smiles a bit, “All right Kenny…” and does so, rubbing his hands through my cups, making me weak in the knees, and when he reaches those saucers under my milk taps… well… honestly, just that’s better than the feeling of the little adult toy I keep around for when I'm feeling stressed out.  And when he actually touches the taps…

Jim coughs when my knees give out, “Ah… maybe magical clothing doesn't have tags? Those are modern inventions as a matter of convenience when working with mass manufacturing… which that clothing certainly is not.  I mean, if you want to continue the foreplay, you can, but you probably shouldn't do it here.”

“You're probably right…” I slowly get up, take off the sleeves (which leaves me nude again). I then get the rest of my daily kit out (a Vest of Resistance +1, a Headband of Inspired Wisdom +2, a few other odds and ends), and armor up Rover.  No, I don't have a Haversack this time: As a Quadruped with a decent strength score, Rover makes a fine pack mule with a simple pack saddle… and as I can cast Dream Feast (feeds a person overnight), Create Water (does what it says, six gallons at my level… and it's an Osiron,  so it's at will) and Endure Elements (protects against ‘normal’ extreme temperatures: -50 to 140 Fahrenheit; I’ll be fine at noon in August in Death Valley or in the dead of winter at the north pole) basic needs are covered, so I don't actually have much in the pack; mostly spare spell component pouches, holy symbols, rope, a tent, sleeping bag, and other mundane items one might need on an adventure… not that I plan to sleep anywhere but the dorm for now.

But I'm not sure how long I can stay there: I don't look ANYTHING like my student ID card, barely look human, and am missing the dangly bits needed for a boy's dorm.  I have NO idea how I'm going to get that sorted out.  But I am crazy horny right now.

As I put the sleeves back on to finish dressing (I go with a simple white blouse, blue jeans, and sneakers, not that I'm going to fly under the radar with this body), Jim whispers under his breath, “So jealous…”

I let him know I heard him, “Dying sucks, Betty… Jay. But we know it works. If you WANT a different body, you can get one… they'll always be within the constraints of the contract doing things that way, though.”

Ed considers, “Rachel did mention ‘tables’, so theoretically there's only so many combinations to get… which means you can get anything possible eventually if you really want it.”

Jim pauses, “You heard that, huh?”

Ed shrugs, “Got Perception in class from a trait, and it's the most important skill in the game.”

I shrug, “Wisdom based build, and I have Perception as class skill.  Yes, I heard you quite clearly.  I also saw after you helped Ed.”

Ed crinkles his brow and takes a breath, but I interrupt, “Nothing dangerous or insulting, and not my place to say in detail.  Wait for him to volunteer,” or maybe her, I suppose.

Jim sighs, “Okay fine… I'm gay… or maybe was?  I'm a girl now… I like guys… that makes me straight, I guess… this is confusing.”  He pauses, “Regardless, I LIKE spunk, and… well… licked it off my fingers, after.”

I consider, “Would you prefer I call you Betty, then?”

“I…” Jim pauses, “...will need to feel that through. But… this tail is ridiculous. Now that we know it works, do you mind…” he pauses.

“I don't think I'm quite ready to slit your throat, no,” I reply, “I mean…did you SEE my reaction to my corpse?” Which is NOT on the list of things I expected to say, ever.

Jim nods, “Right.  Okay, that makes sense.  Ed?”

He shakes his head, and his shoulder length green hair waves, “No, and for the same basic reason you're not going to do yourself in. I just wasn't raised with casual violence.”

Jim considers, “Okay, yes, you have me there. It's one thing to know intellectually that stepping in front of a truck is going to be a brief inconvenience, quite another to actually do it.”

“Right.  Well, what are we going to do about my…” I point at my serpentine corpse laying in a pool of blood.

“Right, umm. I have no…” Ed doesn't get to finish his sentence.

Because we never closed the door, and one of the ladies who actually BELONG here chose that moment to walk by, glance in, and scream.