Reroll

I head to the hospital, and stop to send a text to both Ed and Betty once I'm there, “Headed to the hospital for some volunteer work.”

And… six messages coming in at once in rapid succession letting me know that no, my phone can't get calls in Warp Storage.  Which is good, because it means that looted phone isn't transmitting or receiving.  I read through them.

Ed: “ARE YOU CRAZY?! Never split the party.”
Betty: “You never know what the DM will spring on you when you do that.”
Ed: “Ping me back ASAP. We need to get the party back together.”
Betty: “You OK?”
Betty: “Seriously.”
Ed: “We're getting worried here.”

…OK, yeah, I maybe should have talked with them first.  Still.

I text back, “Relax, I was just doing some scouting. It's normal, if a bit hair-raising sometimes.  The DM had some surprises for me, and didn't want me spoiling things until he was sure it was all resolved. Lots to talk about when we meet up in character.  For now, I have some volunteer work IRL.  It'll be fine.  Reception isn't great, though.”

I put my phone back in storage so it doesn't give away my position (I'm invisible, my stuff not so much… it's why I'm naked in public).

And I'm getting excited about that.  

Great… well, here's hoping it doesn't get too bad while I'm working.

I find a map of the hospital… huh, this place has gone through quite a few changes over the years… I can't think of any other reason why things would be as split up as they are.  The campus has three buildings, two of which have additions that don't go all the way up, and are only accessible by going all the way back down to the ground floor. Fortunately for me, I don't need to follow the actual hallways or elevators, so the semi-maze nature of this place is a non-issue.  I start with the emergency room, on the theory that the folks there will be the most urgent.  

The Diagnose talent disabuses me of that notion very quickly.

Turns out there's a rather lot of people who visit the hospital for rather minor things because they don't turn anyone away for not being able to pay, which is a non-trivial reason for the long lines there.  I cure twelve colds, three hangovers, and leave the hypochondriac who’s actually perfectly fine alone.  I mean, I also fix up two broken legs, four cases of accidental poisoning, an influenza variant, one case of pneumonia, and a gunshot wound… and leave the girl with a really bad case of morning sickness alone.  Yes, I could make her feel better (the nausea is no problem for magic), but she won't get the rather important news if her 'ailment' just mysteriously vanishes along with everyone else's and she simply leaves (also: fixing the nausea would just be temporary).

And then I go through the folks who were actually admitted.

This hospital has about four hundred beds, and it takes a matter of seconds for me to clear each one: A swift action to Diagnose, and then one or two standard actions for applications of either Restore or Cure to fix them up, a Swift action for another Diagnose to make sure it worked (and I repeat if it didn't), and a move action to go to the next room: Two rounds (a round is six seconds, and I get one standard, one swift, and one move action each round), a twelve second routine: I visit every hospital bed in less than two hours.

Side note: Tooth decay is a disease.  While I can't fix fully missing teeth yet (the Make Whole talent requires a caster level of ten), a lot of dentists are going to be mighty curious why folks are missing not only their fillings, but also the holes they were in.

Of course, I don't skip the surgery bays… but I do handle them a little differently: I can't have them cutting open the person I'm fixing, after all.

First, I use both Diagnose to check out the person, and look at the paperwork for the procedure. I skip the girl who's getting implants, as my current talents won't really help there.  Ditto for the old guy who was just in for a routine rectal exam to make sure he's healthy (he was).

For the other two (a perforated bladder and some torn ligaments), I handle them the same way:

I wait until they have the person open, and start with an illusion: A nice, glowy androgynous person with indistinct features and bright blue skin appearing from seemingly nowhere, saying, “I will take care of this one… please back off a moment…” and have it simply ignore attempts to question, reaching out and touching the patient while I work… doing essentially the same routine I did for the hospital beds.  

When I'm done, I have the illusion say, “There… examine them if you like, but all is now well with their body,” and then I dismiss it.

The doctors get to watch the wounds seal themselves up - Cure effects work great on hot trauma like that - so they KNOW the message is serious. I end up fixing a heart attack for one of the surgeons, too.  Heart disease… nasty business, that.  She should probably change her routine so it doesn't come back, but she's going to be okay for now.

I do have an “Oops” moment: I walk in on a few nurses showering and changing when I take a shortcut through a wall.  They don't notice (I don't interrupt the water or anything; you won't catch this invisible man with flour), and… honestly, they're a little old and wrinkly for my tastes… but I'm still walking in on healthy naked women.  Add that to the stimulation from just walking around naked everywhere from the necessity of staying invisible, and I'm panting a bit when I finally get back home.

Not that it helps; I don't actually need to breathe.

Still… I climb back into Fluffy, and change back into my “social” form that matches my ID… consider, and try adding the rod I have in my “default” form… successfully, even. Nice.  I can't get rid of the baby bakery, even with magic, but… I'll at least be able to have some fun the old way.

I look around for Betty… what? I want a booty call, she said she's open season… and find her eating breakfast.

I walk up behind her, wrap my arms around her, reach up (she's taller than my social form, by like two feet) and start massaging her chest, “So, Betty…” I push up against her a bit, so she can feel my ‘third leg’, “...up for helping me with some ‘stress relief’?”  Yeah, I'm not exactly being subtle here.  Or tactful.  

“You don't need to ask…” she speaks a command word to her armor and is instantly nearly nude, “Feel free to just stick… ooh…” she trails off, because I did just stick it in.  Yeah, she's two feet taller than my social form… but I can change my shape very easily within a certain range… and I started with a big sausage this roll. No reason not to keep that when I shoot up a few feet in height… might as well give myself a nice pair of tennis balls while I'm at it….

“Care… to make… it a… spitroast?” Betty calls to Ed between my thrusts.

Hmm… if she can talk, I'm not doing it right.  Fortunately, at this size, I'm working with a Strength and Dexterity of nineteen… I pick Betty up, looping my arms in under her knees and then grabbing her gargantuan globes with my hands and start thrusting faster.

Ed Shakes his head and stares, “No thanks, I'm still spent from the salty snack you swallowed earlier.  But you two have fun.”

He makes no move to leave the room, just watching.  Which… I find doesn't bother me.  Maybe it's from recently having spent a dozen-ish hours naked in public. Maybe it's because I've shared Betty with Ed before. Maybe it's because I've had Ed inside me a few times.

But now's not really the time for introspection.

I beat Betty’s baby box with my magically massive member as I manhandle her melons, holding her dark brown body up with my basically black one, using her like a fleshlight until she screams out my name (the wrong one - Katherine - stupid contract) and clenches up hard around my manhood, which lets me know it's time, and I spurt some serious spunk deep into Betty's baby bakery.  And for some reason, I'm feeling spent… in a good way, but still… strange. Maybe that's a quirk of my birth body after all?

As I bask in the afterglow and go about fueling up my animal companion meat puppet, Ed pipes up, “You ready to fix the lights?”

“Yeah,” I nod as I speak between mouthfuls, “I've had Everglow for over 24 hours now, I can do it whenever.”  I glance down and see my seed… well, my animal companion‘s seed, technically - seeping slowly out of Betty… I dumped a lot in there.

“Great,” Ed nods as well, and frowns, “I'm still not a hundred percent sure why the lights went out, but I am developing a suspicion.  Mind if I check you two for magic?”

I chuckle, “You know I've been suppressing our magical auras….”

Ed grimaces, “Yeah, that's why I need to ask. Mind dismissing those for a bit?”

I shrug, and do.

Ed casts Detect Magic, then closes his eyes and takes a breath, “Okay, that confirms it. Sorry, Betty.”

I frown myself, and cast Detect Magic too, looking both Ed and Betty over, then I get it, “You don't have the aura of Necromancy I'd expect.”

Now it's Betty’s turn to frown, “Spell it out for me, I'm not Intelligence based this go round.”

Ed explains, “Our contract gear crumbles to ash when we die. Those Permanent lights went out when the caster - Kenny, here - died. Those Bestow Curse spells we've been relying on were a spell from Kenny's equipment. And you no longer have the aura of Necromancy that goes with a Bestow Curse spell.  I'm sorry, Betty, but it looks like we've both been fertile again for a while now.”

Betty’s eyes get REALLY big as she looks down to see the big load of baby batter still seeping slowly out of her bakery.