Reroll

The card I palmed from Ms. Fairchild looks like a perfectly normal business card: It has a name, business, phone number, e-mail, et cetera on the front.  The back is blank.

At least, to normal sight.

Under Darkvision, I can make out some squiggly lines, like there's something just barelytoo faint to see.

I wait until I'm well away from everyone to check it via other means.  Detect Magic?  That's where I see the real message. There's another phone number, and the name is LADY Elaine Fairchild THE 3RD.  And that can only be seen with magical senses.

Jackpot… or trap. Hard to say… still, I can make a proxy to check.  I let my current shadow minion dissipate as I stop on a rooftop to identify the card fully… I'm not seeing any curses… just the marking, a simple spell much like Arcane Mark, but allowing for arbitrary messages. Probably safe to take home: We'll be moving out pretty soon anyway.

Because, you know, a hundred grand a month can pay off some sweet digs pretty quickly. Of course, in today's market, it will still take more than six months for even a basic house, especially as we'll also want food, power, water… hmm… and it'll be owned by the hospital.

Still: Better shape than I was expecting to be in post-graduation by more than an order of magnitude.

I head home to share the news with my friends… and access my stuff; the big downside of running at the limits of my talents known are “no Warp storage” and “no detailed shape-shifting”... although admittedly, designing a host body comes very close to the same functionality.

Regardless, I open a voice chat with Ed and Betty; they pick up quickly, “So how'd the video turn out?”

“Pretty good; Betty is GREAT at those illusions,” that's Ed, of course.

“It's a two person job; I can't manage a camera while I'm doing that level of work.” Betty’s being modest.

“Look, we both know I'm here primarily because you'll want backup if we have a run-in with the Guardians; those shadow creatures of yours could hold a camera, no problem.” I can practically hear Ed shaking his head.

“Okay, yeah, you got me there: I need a big strong man to protect me. And fill me up. Are you recharged yet?” I can actually hear Betty licking her lips. That woman is INSATIABLE.

“How about we find out how negotiations went?” So that's a no, huh Ed?

Well, my turn, “Not only did he say yes, but I came to an agreement for working there one day a week for - get this - an expense account good for a hundred grand a month.”

“You got gypped,” Betty comments off hand.

“I know. One of my ‘Als’ said as much; but it's just a six month trial, and bird in hand, you know?” I pause, “This will be an immediate jump in our financial status.”

“Expense account, you said…” Betty seems thoughtful, “I'm guessing this means they also gave you a contact for managing it?”

“Once ‘Alice’ signs the paperwork, yeah.”

“Didn't give them your real name, huh?” Ed, I know you're just teasing…

…but I'm not in the mood. “I literally can’t.”

“Lay off him, Ed, that's not what I'm driving at.” Betty pauses, “The hospital handles trans patients regularly, right?”

“I suppose so; they have most of the surgical bays in town.” What are you getting at, Betty?

“Right… and I'm sure they said something about ‘anything you want’, right?” Betty’s driving at something….

“I'm incorporeal, Betty,” I'm shaking my head, “The surgeon won't be able to cut off my knockers or seal the sperm receptacle.”

“Sure, sure…” I think she's finally getting to the point, “But even if your contact doesn't, themselves, know anything about it… she'll certainly know someone who knows all about how they manage updating identity documents, right?”

Okay, that's… ah… but….

“I could have my life back?” Ed beats me to talking.

“Probably. He'd need to trust folks with our original identities, but… yeah.”  Betty stops there.

The line is dead silent.  I could go back to class, get a place of my own, maybe get a wife… but… we're in a war, of a sort, and the enemy has access to all our info.  If we do that… they could go after mom, dad, my sister…

I break the silence with a sigh, “I so want to be recognized as me again… but we have work to do first.  Our identities tie back to our families, and the idiots after us don't exactly have great morals.”

Betty curses, “You're right. I didn't think about that. Ugh.”

Ed sighs, “It's an amazing idea, Betty. And we WILL follow up on it… but now isn't the time.”

“It burns me too,” I shake my head again, not that we have the video on, “I SO want to do exactly that. But I want to keep my family out of this Charlie Foxtrot more.”

“Okay,” I'm pretty sure Betty’s nodding? I think she's nodding, “But as soon as we clear this STUPID Bureau, we go for it?”

“Oh yes,” wait… is that an echo… no, Ed's voice overlapping mine… okay.  And then just me: “Oh, also… text me a link to the video?  And I ran across an unexpected bonus at the hospital.”  

“Sending now…” I get a text notification flashing up on the screen from Ed, “And what's this bonus?  Better than money?”

“Possibly. It's a business card, with two phone numbers and a title,” I'm smiling, I really am.

“How's that better than money?” Betty seems curious.

“The title and one of the numbers only shows up for people who can see magic,” Yeah, I know they can't see the grin.

…but they can hear it in my voice, Ed bites: “Okay, we have GOT to follow up on that. What's the name?”

“Lady Elaine Fairchild the 3rd.”

Betty seems taken aback, “The witch from Mr Roger's Neighborhood?”

Hey now! “She wasn't a witch she…”

Betty cuts me off, “Has a boomerang shaped wand that she uses to move buildings, turn back time to fix things like fallen cakes, and she teleports by traveling ‘the purple way’... oh yes, and she studied under a Wizard. She's a nice witch, but she most certainly is one.”

“So if Fred Roger's based her on a real person, this would be her granddaughter?” Ed's thinking faster than I am.

“Perfectly reasonable,” I'm guessing Betty is shrugging? Maybe we should turn on the video… but then, I don't have a face right now, “Considering she first showed up in The Children's Corner, which ran starting in nineteen FIFTY FIVE. If the original inspiration was an adult back then, then if anything we should be looking for a ‘great’ or ‘great-great’ granddaughter.”

“More if she was older at the time…” I get it. “So she was telling me she's a witch.  Everyone, really, but it's an old reference… “How do you know that level of detail on the show?”

“I was a kid, it was fun… I decided to look into it a bit when I got older… who cares?” Okay Betty, I'll let it go with a lampshade.

“So we're all agreed to go visit, then?” Just to be clear.

“Worth the risk, yes, especially if we use a proxy,” Ed jumps in, “Did you ever follow up on that mirror?”

Oops, “Ah… no.  I’ll call Bambi when we get off the line.”

“Great… we're done here, we were just about to head out when you called. See you soon,” Ed disconnects, as does Betty.

I possess my Animal Companion, take on my preprogrammed ‘Kenna Smith’ form, and place the call to Bambi, waiting for her to pick up… which doesn't take long at all: “Welcome to Bambi's Beautiful Booty, how can I help you?”

“Ah, Bambi, this is Kenna Smith, and I am looking for a silver mirror that meets certain criteria to borrow for a while.”

“Hmmm… most of the items here aren't actually mine, so no, ai can't do that. That said, I have several mirrors in stock and you can certainly buy one.”

“It specifically needs to be silver….”

“Pfft, that's a non-issue: Silver is one of the more common reflecting agents for mirrors.  At least half the mirrors I have in stock will meet that.”

“It also needs…” to fit a completely arbitrary definition of value that's based very loosely on a badly-researched economy that's a mishmash of several different regions and centuries, “...a certain ‘je ne sais quoi’, but I'll know it when I see it.” Mostly because I have an ‘Al’ with Appraise.

“It's for magic, isn't it?”

Ears, Bambi, “Like magic is real. Nah, my sorority has a project and I need some old timey decorations. The mirror doesn't need to be magic.”

“Yeah, nobody's listening. But sure, come over and take a look.”

I chuckle, “Be there in a bit.  Oh, and got any bites on the restoration stuff?”

“I just got the paperwork finished, haven't had anyone use the new form just yet.  Soon, though.”

I nod, “That's fine; see you soon.”

“See you soon.”

We hang up, and I head over.