Secrets (Ruin My Life) – Lookism [BL]

“Gaa! Gaa!”

The cute little girl kept hitting Daniel’s head with her magic wand along the way. The other only smiled and let her do it, without realizing that they had become attractions to people. “Wow, isn’t he too young to be a father?”

“We don’t know for sure. Maybe he’s the older brother?”

“Oh my, I hope so, I want to be his wife,”

The whispers were ignored by the man as he talked gently to the little girl on his arms, “You were just crying, but look at you now. Really full of spirit,” Daniel rubbed her head and walked into a store. There, he bought a box of kids’ bandage, scar ointment, and also snacks. “What do you want to eat?” Although she hadn’t learned how to talk, she understood the kind stranger. She pointed some chocolate with her magic wand excitedly, “Ga! Ga!”

“Yes, princess,” Daniel laughed at her cute actions, “I’ll buy it all for you.”

Daniel put her down on the seat outside the store and spoke gently, “It’s not going to be hurt, don’t worry, okay?”

“Ga!” Hearing her cheerful answer, Daniel smiled widely and opened a chocolate snack for her. “Here you go. The first treat!” She took it happily and ate it with her small mouth. Watching a child ate obediently made his heart ache a little. He used to be like this too when his mother was still alive. He exhaled his breath and gently wiped the wound with clean water. Daniel made sure to observe the child’s reaction too, in case it was too painful for her. However, she seemed like a strong, well-behaved girl. She focused on her snack too much and swayed her legs a little, didn’t even care that her wound was treated.

Daniel perceived this as an okay and so, he put a little ointment on her knee, and lastly covered it with a bandage. “There you go. All done. What a good girl,” He rubbed her head lovingly and then she gave him another snack from the plastic bag. “Ga!”

“Huh? You want me to open this too? Sure,” He opened the snack and handed it to her, but then she shook her head repeatedly, “Ga! Ga!” She pushed back the opened snack to Daniel. Thus, he finally understood her words, “Oh, you mean this is for me? Hehe, what a good girl,” Daniel ate the snack and chewed it as if it was the most delicious food, creating a laughter from the girl. He muttered to himself, “Should we got to police or what?” He pondered for a minute, but then he noticed a little card on her front pocket.

“Excuse me, little girl,” He carefully grabbed the card to open it. Luckily, it was the guardian’s phone number! “Man, I should’ve done this earlier. They’re probably so worried,” He quickly dialled the phone number.

“Hello?!” The receiver panickily answered the call and almost screaming. The voice was somehow really familiar, but then Daniel brushed it off lightly. “Hello, sir. Um… I accidentally found your number,” Daniel purposedly didn’t elaborate more as he tried to test him.

“Are you with Yenna?! I put my number on her front pocket!”

Daniel was stunned by the trembled voice at the other hand and so he sighed, “Yes, I’m with…  Yenna.” The receiver was relief as he kept thanking him, “Don’t worry, sir.  I’ll text you my location now.”

Daniel looked up and poked her cheek, “So your name is Yenna, huh? It’s a pretty name,” He lifted the little girl and placed her on his lap. “Let’s wait for your daddy,” She probably understood the words and excitedly hit Daniel’s chest, “Papa! Papa!”

“Yes, papa is going to pick you up,” Daniel laughed loudly as it had been a long time since he was this happy. He spent his time waiting with Yenna as she leaned back contently. She even made a little burp, making Daniel giggled and rubbed her head. “Oh my, I think you eat too much. Look at your stomach,” Not long after that, Daniel realized there were foot that had stopped in front of him. “Papa!!” He looked up and stared dumbfoundedly at that person, “Huh? Eli?”

Jang Eli, the only man on the beauty department at J high school. He always attracted attentions from girls as he was really handsome. Now, his hair colour was blonde, making his presence really noticeable. “Daniel,” Eli looked straight at him. Then, he moved his gaze to the little girl and exhaled a long breath, “Thank you for finding Yenna…” He picked up Yenna to his embrace and hugged her tightly, “Yenna, I’m so sorry,” His face showed a mixed of emotions between sadness and regrets.

Daniel stood up and didn’t know what to say. He hesitated a little before saying, “Yenna is your… daughter?” Eli nodded his head to the other and replied trembly, “Today was our date to walk on the park, you know. I left her for a moment to buy her foods, but then she disappeared,” He really looked like he almost cried, but then he forced a smile, “Thank you, Daniel. Really…”

The feeling of losing someone important, of course Daniel understood it well. So, he tapped Eli’s shoulder lightly and smiled, “It’s fine, just… be more careful next time, okay.”

Looking at the clock, Daniel realized that it was already late and children shouldn’t be outside at this hour. He quickly grabbed the plastic bag on the chair and shoved it to Eli’s hand. “Here. Yenna’s hurt a little and I already bought the necessary things, so…” He paused for a second, “So, just use this and the snacks are also Yenna’s.” He could tell that somehow, Eli was awkward with this situation as he stayed silence. Daniel didn’t blame it though. It must be uncomfortable since a person in his school knew his personal life a little.

“Papa!” Yenna reached her little fingers to Daniel. Looked like she wanted to stay with him longer. He held back her small fingers too and embarrassingly said, “W- well, you should go home now with Yenna. She needs rest,” Eli suddenly went out from his trance and answered, “I’ll treat you something good later.”

“No, you don’t have-“

“I insist.”

Staring at those determined eyes, Daniel sighed and smiled sweetly, “Alright then. You already know my number, right. Just call me or whatever,” Finally, Eli said his goodbye and spoke to his daughter, “Yenna, say goodbye to Daniel,”

“Papaa! Hweee!” She was indeed smart. She knew that they were going to separate and so she bawled her eyes. Children were like this; they could be really clingy even though they only spent little times together. Nonetheless, that was the charm of children. They were innocence, cute, and easily be friend with people.

Daniel awkwardly tapped her head to coax her, “Aww, we’re going to meet again, don’t worry, Yenna.” As if understanding the signal, Eli finally turned his back and left. Yenna, in his embrace, kept waving her magic wand behind his back. It was probably her way of saying goodbye. The other waved his hand too and shouted, “Bye, Yenna! Bye, Eli!” He stood there until he couldn’t see the sight of Eli’s broad shoulder.

…

Daniel strolled around his neighbourhood for a few minutes. It was already late at night, but he hated the thought of going back to an empty house. He sighed and unlocked his phone. It was 11:55 PM and still no new notification. Suddenly he felt really angry at the older for lying to him.  “Am I some kind a joke?” He muttered heavily. He kicked at a small stone on the ground and couldn’t hold the urge to text the older. Thus, Daniel typed really quick on his phone and pressed the send button.

After that short message, he walked away from his neighbourhood and went to his second ‘home’. Ever since they became sex friends, Gun decided to buy an apartment so that he didn’t have to book a room anymore. He also told Daniel to live there, but the younger rejected the offer. Back then, he didn’t want to be tied to Gun too much. Nevertheless, this apartment naturally became their secret place to meet. Sometimes Daniel would rest here if this place was closer than his own home and so did Gun.

Maybe this place was the reason that made their sex became regular… At first, he thought that the chances to meet Gun was low, but apparently, he was wrong. Gun also considered this place as his rest stop. They met each other often and then spent their time doing this and that. Before he knew it, Daniel already developed a new habit - to foolishly wait here, hoping for the other to come. And tonight, he wanted to do this forgotten thing. He missed the other so much, he couldn’t even think straight.

Not long after, he had reached the front door and entered the password. He looked at the dining table, where Gun had fucked him mercilessly out of anger. His expressions were complicated as he sat down at the sofa. At some point, Daniel felt that this place had started to suffocate him. It knew too much of his secrets and pains. Every room probably had witnessed how he loved the heartless man unconditionally.

He waited and waited for some time, until finally the front door was unlocked from the outside. Daniel couldn’t contain his happiness as he stood up and wanted to welcome the person that he missed the most.

“Shit, Gun, you’re so drunk,”

Daniel’s eyes became bigger as he heard an unfamiliar giggle from a man. His entire body was cold from a sudden realization and he quickly jumped behind the sofa. Daniel clenched his fist as tears filled his eyes. “Wow, your house is so big,” His voice was really excited, “Let’s see… Where is your room, babe?”

“Babe?” Daniel whispered as he sharpened his hearing. He held his breath as he sensed two people passed by the living room. He was upset, knowing that Gun had a high tolerant for alcohol, but looked at him now! He couldn’t even walk properly. However, he didn’t know what hurt him the most. The fact that Gun was so drunk that another man had to support him home or that this place was no longer their secret place anymore. For the first time ever, Daniel thought that… maybe since the beginning, this place was not a secret. He was too naïve to think that he was someone special.

Now, the two people had entered the main room, the place where Gun and Daniel had countlessly made love. Please, please, just go home. Daniel desperately prayed in his heart. Please, go home so that he could save his poor heart. Yet, the truth was so cruel as it wanted Daniel to see by his own eyes. That he was never special, that he was the same as the whore Gun had slept with, that he only deceived himself, thinking that he could get a happy ending.

He listened from his hiding, how the man chuckled as they fell down on the bed, how their clothes scattered down to the floor, how the stranger called Gun’s name intimately. He could hear everything.

Daniel bit his lips so hard in order to conceal his sobs. He should get out from here. However, as if he wanted to torment himself, he glanced from the small gap, how Gun had changed their positions so that the man was on his lap, riding him slowly from top. He dug his nails into his palm and quickly walked outside the door.

He couldn’t erase that last image on his mind. How that tattooed hands gently held the stranger’s waist.

Turned out Daniel was nobody. He looked up as he covered his eyes that dripping with tears. Fuck, he really wanted to scream, but he held it in. His body trembled all over as the emotions were prevented from pouring outside. Then, he walked away aimlessly. As long as he could get far – far away from this damned place.

To be continued…