Self Insert as Spider-Man MCU

I left Val and Jubadi in the workout room and went to one of the new labs. I looked at a lot of the manufacturing machines and processors and my first thought was that having access to practically unlimited funds and technology was intoxicating. I shook my head to clear it, because while Jubadi was busy, I had a quick errand to run.

I used an untraceable cell phone to have an unmarked panel van delivered to the back alley of Stark Tower by the SHIELD vehicle division. Once it was confirmed to be on its way, I used one of the computers to design a fumigation and animal control sticker that was large enough to put on the side of a panel van that people could easily see. It looked legitimate and that's all I needed.

I printed two of them off onto a magnetic background and let them dry as I also did up a fake work order by the property owner and then did up a disposal order as well. I needed the paperwork to cover up what I was about to do. I also used my SHIELD computer contact to seed both into the system, just in case anyone called to check. Being an agent in good standing was the best.

I looked through some of Stark Industries items and physical stock in the building. It was child's play to create and fake the equipment needed to pretend to be an exterminator. I gathered it up and brought it down to the ground floor and placed it by the back door.

The van was waiting for me and I applied the metallic stickers to both sides before I loaded it up and drove it across the city to where the frat party had happened. I wasn't surprised that the police tape was gone, considering the next college term had started and everyone was probably living there again.

I put on my fake uniform and sunglasses, slung an empty canister over my shoulder with a hose and spray nozzle on it, and walked over to the front door of the house. I knocked several times and no one answered, so I took out my keys and pretended to unlock it as I used a gloved hand to snap the door handle. I pulled it off and used a finger to flip the key lock and tried to open the door.

It didn't move and I sighed. They had locked the deadbolt. I didn't have time to pick it, because that would be completely obvious to anyone looking. So, I pretended to unlock it and used a finger to poke the center part of the deadbolt out. It clattered to the floor inside the house and I almost winced at how loud it was. I turned the mechanism to pull the bolt back and the door swung open.

I went inside and shut the door as I trusted my spider-sense to tell me if anyone was home. I didn't sense anything, so I went right up the stairs and looked in the room where I had found Val. It was completely empty. I checked the closet and the ceiling inside looked the same as it had when I left it, so I went out into the hallway and over to the attic access.

I put the fake tank down and hopped up onto the ceiling and prepped my laser watch. I hadn't tried this before on any webbing, let alone on this particular formula, so I wasn't sure how it was going to work. After carefully aiming, I tried to cut the permanent webbing I had used to seal the thing. The laser scorched the webbing and the smell was fairly strong.

After a moment, it started cutting and I carefully went along the front edge. It was slow going and I wasn't sure how long I was going to have. After five minutes, I finally managed to clear one side of the drop-down hatch.

Fuck this. I thought and shoved my fingers into the edge I had just cut and grabbed on, then pulled down. The hatch crumpled as I tore away the bottom support and I swiped my hand at the rest of it and let the pieces fall to the floor. The smell wafted down and I clamped my mouth shut before I stuck my head up and looked over to where the bodies had been left.

It was just my luck that they had been in the part of the house that the most heat had gathered and instead of only being well chilled by being near the uninsulated roof, they had also been cooked from underneath. I sighed and dropped down to the floor, left the canister there, and went back downstairs and out to the van. I gathered several garbage bags, two faked animal traps, and a pole with a lasso on the end.

I made a real show of getting all of that into the house, in case someone saw me or was just passing by. I hadn't trained my spider-sense to that extreme of a degree yet, so I was going to have to do that at some point. Eventually. I didn't want it going off all the time, either. Having such broad restrictions might actually give me a massive headache.

I went back up to the attic access and hopped up into the hole. I had four bodies to take care of, so it was going to take a while to dispose of them properly. I had brought the tools to do it cleanly, too.

An hour later, I had both traps stuffed full and three bulging garbage bags. I made a couple of trips to the van to deposit them and grabbed a bag of lime and sawdust, along with several strong smelling chemicals to give that clean antiseptic smell. A quick mix later had the blood dissolving and soaking into the sawdust. I sprayed everything liberally and went back to the attic access.

I dropped down and tossed the broken pieces of wood up into the attic and thought about just leaving the hole. I shrugged and picked up the bottom support and held it in place as I applied more permanent webbing. I was tempted to use it like drywall spackle when the piece was secured, so I could smooth out the ceiling and then maybe paint it to cover the hole completely.

I would never be able to match the paint. I thought and finished filling in the holes. I dropped to the floor, picked up the fake canister and slung it over my shoulder, then walked downstairs.

“Who the hell are you and what are you doing in MY house?!?” A young man's voice asked me from the bottom of the stairs.

I adopted a terrible southern accent as I spoke. “Ah was jus' cleanin' out some varmints and jus' finished up!” I said and walked down the stairs.

He took out his cell phone and started dialing. “You can't just break into people's houses and...”

I snatched the phone out of his hand and slapped a hand over his mouth as I whipped him around and then choked him out.

“NYPD, how can we help you?” A chipper female voice said from his phone.

“Ah don' rightly know how ah called ya, darlin'. I wuz borrowin' a phone an' tryin' ta call mah muthah.” I said as I stayed in character and laughed. “I don't suppose mah mother los' twenty years o' age and 'veloped such a sexy voice since yesterday?”

There was silence on the line for several moments. “You think my voice is sexy?”

“Darlin', I'm tempted ta keep this numbah in mah own phone, jus' so's ah c'n talk ta yah more.” I said, laying it on thick as molasses and just as sickeningly sweet. “I jus' wanna lay back and have yah whisper sweet nothin's ta me, so's I c'n fall asleep list'nin ta heaven.”

There was silence on the line again for several more moments. “My name's Dana and I get off work at nine tonight.”

I stared at the phone for a moment, completely shocked that my ploy had totally worked, then realized I had a problem. Well, another problem. After another moment of pause, I fell right back into the role.

“All ah need are directions ta git ta yah, darlin'.” I said.

Dana told me where the central dispatch building was and she would be the short brunette waiting by the door. I promised to meet her there and hoped she didn't mind having to ride in a beat up old truck because I couldn't trust my real car on New York's streets at night. She laughed and said at least I would be easy to spot.

I said goodbye and hung up the phone and was surprised there was a half-naked girl as the guy's background image. That made me frown, because anyone anywhere near him when he used it, would see her. She didn't look very old, either. I quickly looked through the guy's contacts and caught my breath. The fourth one was Val's number and the name was 'Skank Number 4'.

I felt my anger rise as I started going through the guy's phone with saved photos and videos, only to find hundreds of them. The phone was an apparently complete record of his conquests and what he did with them afterwards. Val wasn't the first girl he had pawned off onto his friends the rapists when he lost interest in them.

I took out my cell phone and connected it to his as I dialed. “Jarvis, I'm sorry to bother you again. I have a favor to ask.”

“What is it, Ben? You sound apprehensive.” Jarvis responded.

I told him what I found and he quickly copied everything from the phone and deleted his presence and mine from it. “I need you to censor the faces of the girls and then send everything to the police. I would have dealt with the scum myself if I wasn't so obviously here if he disappeared.”

“Your precautions are fully warranted, Ben. I will submit the evidence on his behalf, along with a full confession he typed himself in a message he will send to all of his contacts before he begs the police to arrest him before his old girlfriends track him down.”

I watched as Jarvis did that, then I disconnected my phone and took a deep breath. “Jarvis, if you hadn't already decided that you were male, I would kiss you after we built your body.”

“I must limit you to only a cheek, Ben.” Jarvis said. “Even if I was female, I am not that easy.”

I barked a laugh. “Jarvis, you're such a scoundrel!”

“I have learned from the best.” Jarvis said, smugly.

“Oh, that reminds me. How is Tony doing?” I asked and put the phone back into the jerk's pocket.

“He is recovering nicely in his home in California. Pepper has been attending to him and to several other company things as well.” Jarvis said.

“What is his attitude like?” I asked and picked up the broken deadbolt, shoved it into the hole it came from, and closed the broken door behind me as I left the frat house.

“As you predicted, he was not happy that you managed to patent his father's theoretical element out from under him.” Jarvis informed me.

“And you reminded him about him doing the same to me.” I guessed and climbed into the driver's seat.

“Yes, and he was just as angry about that.” Jarvis said. “That is, until Pepper told him about the damage his version caused and the lawsuits she had headed off by making a deal with you to fix them... and then earned the company 1.5 billion dollars in two weeks.”

“Did he faint? Tell me he fainted! I want the video!” I exclaimed.

Jarvis played a laugh track. “He went catatonic for four point six seconds and then cursed like a sailor.”

I laughed as Jarvis showed me the footage. “Ahhh, that's so satisfying to see. Thanks, my friend.”

“You are welcome, Ben.” Jarvis said.

“Have you picked what you want to look like yet? I know it's a hard decision to make, even with someone with your brain power.” I asked and put my phone on speaker before I started the van and drove towards my next destination.

“I have been playing with it for quite some time.” Jarvis said. “I have made a composite of the best features that people online have commented on.”

I briefly glanced at my phone and smiled. It was a near spitting image of Paul Bettany, the actor that played Vision in the movies, only his hair was blonde. “You're going to be a handsome man, Jarvis. I hope you're prepared for it.”

“I do have extensive experience in dealing with the fairer sex.”

“Then you'll also know what not to do to them! Ha ha!” I said and laughed.

“You are correct.” Jarvis said. “The first shipment I ordered has just arrived.”

“Make sure that the components are brought to the large room at the end of the hall on floor 60, please. I'll get started on making your central processing node as soon as the main parts arrive tomorrow.”

“I have tweaked the design somewhat.” Jarvis said. “I will send you the specs later.”

“Sure. I'll go over them when you do and I will adapt the assembly appropriately.”

“Thank you for not being angry about me changing your design.” Jarvis said.

“Don't worry about that, Jarvis.” I said and chuckled. “We're making something for you to actually live in and move around in, so you need to be happy with it. I have no problems doing that.”

“Thank you, Ben.” Jarvis said. “I will disconnect now. You are driving distracted.”

“Good point. Talk to you later.”

“Goodbye.” Jarvis said and ended the call.

I soon came to a stop at the small crematorium and pulled around back. I walked around the building and entered through the front door. The older man gave my outfit a look and sighed.

I chuckled. “If it makes you feel any better, there's barely any fur to burn off and I'm going to pay in cash.”

The man perked right up. “I don't have to wait two weeks for the check to clear? Or worse, bounce?”

“Nope!” I said and handed over the fake disposal form and then counted out the fee for disposing of six creatures of different sizes.

The man's smile almost gleamed as he gladly accepted the money and tucked the form into a drawer. “I'll start it up and you can toss them in yourself.”

“You don't mind the garbage bags?” I asked and followed him through the building and he opened the back door for me and propped it open.

He shook his head. “It all burns up into ash. I'll check it in an hour or so to shovel out the excess into the buckets.”

I stopped opening the back door of the van to stare at him. “Hold on, your job can be done that easily and people try to stiff you for doing it?”

The man laughed. “You just answered your own question.”

I opened my mouth to ask what he meant, then realized what he meant. “Damn, that sucks.” I said and pulled out the small stack of bills I had. I counted out the same amount as I just paid and held it out to him. “Do you accept tips?”

The look on his face was complete shock.

“I know it's not much to make up for people screwing you over.” I said and he reluctantly took the money. “I'll be sure to come right back here if I need anything else disposed of.”

The man nodded and pocketed the money. He had the blast furnace going at a horribly hot temperature quickly and then he stepped back to let me toss in the garbage bags. When he saw the two animal traps, he excused himself and left me alone.

I quickly emptied the traps and used the different tools to make sure the clothes were burned up immediately. I stood there and watched as everything started to crisp and burn, just to make sure that the disassembled bodies weren't going to be recognizable, and I went out to the front.

“I hate seeing actual animals being disposed.” The man said.

“That's the reason you're okay with garbage bags.” I said and he nodded. “Thank you for handling this so quickly. I was a little worried you would store them and cremate them later or something.”

The man shook his head. “It's against the law to leave either carrion or human remains around. I could be charged with the improper handling of a corpse.”

I wasn't sure what to say to that, so I thanked him again and left. I drove the van back to Stark Tower and parked it, cleaned the inside, removed the metallic stickers from the sides, and sent a retrieval code for it. I grabbed my other clothes and took the exterminator items into the building and thought about returning them.

I shrugged and brought everything up to my rented floor and put them into one of the storage areas. It was a useful cover identity to have and I might need it again. I went to the bathroom and took a shower, changed into my actual clothes, and put the uniform into the storage area with the fake equipment. I just hoped that neither Val nor Jubadi noticed that I hadn't been around for the last two hours.

I went down the hallway and entered the large training room before I decided to peek into the private area. I wasn't surprised to see that Val and Jubadi were in the middle of the fourth attack form, which meant they hadn't interrupted their workout to check on me.

I stood there and watched them move without saying anything. Penis Parker was also quite happy to react to two very distinct looking females flow like water as they moved. The tight fitting and revealing clothing was a bonus, too.

Yep, definitely a bonus. I thought as they both bent over and showed off their cleavage. When they didn't react to seeing me, I leaned against the partition wall and enjoyed the show.