Self Insert as Spider-Man MCU

I finished up with May's private area and sterilized the needle again, then looked at her butt. With the position she was in, it wouldn't work. “May? Can you roll over? I can't get to... ah... your... butt hole.”

May let out a girlish giggle and carefully rolled over. “You're being awfully careful about saying bad words around me.” She said and then bent her legs at the knees and spread her legs once more.

“That's because saying I need better access to your asshole sounds so much worse.” Ben said and she laughed. “On the plus side, it's going to be a whole lot easier to keep yourself clean down here with the hair gone.”

“Oh, I know.” May said as I started to work. “After a full wax and the hair starts growing back in, the stubs tear up the toilet paper.”

“Huh.” I said and kept working.

“What is it?” May asked.

“I was wondering why we splurged on the triple ply when double ply is cheaper. It never occurred to me that it makes it easier for you.”

“There is a method to my madness, yes.” May said with a soft chuckle. “Tissues and paper towels, too. You get less per box or roll, with the trade off that they can handle tougher things easier.”

I had to appreciate her balancing being frugal with practicality. I finished up and wiped up the dead hair as I sterilized the needle again. “It's time to deal with your pits!”

May laughed and turned over to sit up. She pulled off her robe and laid down on her side to fold her arm up and over her head as if she was stretching.

“Perfect.” I said and May watched as I started poking her with the needle and the hair started falling out.

“Ben, how the hell are you doing that?” May asked as my hand moved like a sewing machine.

“Remember how I told you about my right hand's dexterity for typing?” I asked and she nodded. “I'm applying the same technique to the depth of the hairs inside the dermis layer. As long as I brace my wrist, I can work pretty fast in comparison to a normal person.”

May gave me a surprised look. “What do you mean?”

I gave her a knowing smile. “If I had to work like a normal person, it would take several two hour sessions to clear one area at a time. Like, one hair every ten seconds or so.”

“You're joking!” May gasped.

“Not even a little bit.” I said and finished her armpit and set the needle in the sterilizer and wiped her armpit off to show her the hair was all removed. “That's one of the reasons I have no problems with having this gift be exclusively yours. The training someone would have to go through to learn how to do this safely, not to mention having to practice a lot to get the technique right and the potential to hurt someone while doing it, is not worth the risk.”

May stared at me and didn't say anything.

“I'll do your arm before you have to roll over and I can do the other armpit.” I said and she nodded.

May's eyes watched as I picked up the wired needle again and she looked fascinated as my pace didn't slow down, even though I had a much larger area to work with. I quickly did her forearm and there was barely any hair on her upper arms, so I did the few I could see and then wiped her arm off.

She rolled over onto her other side without being asked and I did her other forearm and upper arm, sterilized the needle again and did her armpit. After I wiped it off, May laid down on her back and pointed to her chin.

I took the hint right away and lightly ran my fingertips over the skin to feel that there were tiny little hairs there. “You might want to close your eyes for this part.”

May nodded and did so.

“Also, don't talk until I tell you. I do not want to miss.” I said and she hummed.

I held her face steady with a hand and started to work. I went a little slower this time and let my spider-sense guide me as I focused on removing each hair. I did the front, the sides, and the underside of her chin. After I wiped it off, I did her upper lip as well. I checked her cheeks and there was a light smattering of hairs there as well, so I did those, too.

I put the needle in to sterilize again and cleaned off her face. “Do you want your eyebrows to always look like they do now?”

“Can you do that?” May asked.

“Sure. I just have to remove the follicles you've already plucked.”

“I haven't plucked them yet.” May admitted.

“That's okay. When you get the chance, make them how you want them to look, and I'll make sure that you can keep them that way.”

May smiled. “Thank you, Ben.”

“You don't have to thank me. This is my gift to you.” I said and moved down to her thighs. “Now the largest job and the most difficult.”

“Are you saying my thighs are big?” May asked and her voice held a slightly deadly tone.

“Yes, I am stupid enough to insult my only family.” I said sarcastically and rolled my eyes. “I meant that your thighs have the largest surface area I've worked on so far and like I said before, your shins and feet are the most difficult because it's so close to the bones.”

May nodded and closed her eyes, probably because she had seen enough of me working to reassure herself that I wasn't slacking off or missing anything.

I started on the front of her thighs and thought about her reaction to any implication that she was fat. I hadn't intended for my words to be used that way, and yet, taking it as an insult had been her first reaction. I would need to remember to never make jokes about her weight.

I continued to work and May's breathing eventually slowed down and evened out, which meant she had fallen asleep. That was okay, because I was past her knees now and into dangerous territory. I took my time once more and carefully cleaned out all of the hairs on her shins and from the top of her foot. I even did a few from around her toes, which could have been funny if I brought up the Sasquatch joke again.

Instead, I sterilized the needle and put everything away and turned to look at May... and finally realized she was now completely naked. She had taken her robe off to give me access to her arms and I hadn't once noticed her breasts were completely bare. I smiled at the confirmation that I was just as comfortable around her as she was around me.

I wrapped her up in her robe and carried her up to her bedroom. I was tempted to give her a quick bath to wash her off completely, then shrugged. She could handle it herself in the morning. I tucked her into bed and kissed her cheek before I left her bedroom and shut her door. I went to my room and had to stop my laugh before it escaped.

Jubadi was on the bed and gave me an exasperated look, because Val was sprawled across her as if she was the only person in the bed, and she was lightly snoring.

“You did say you wanted Val to feel the strain.” I whispered and walked over to the bed. “How long has she been out?”

“Almost as soon as we laid down.” Jubadi whispered back.

I leaned over Val and gave Jubadi a quick kiss. “You're being a good sport about this.”

Jubadi nodded. “She is very rough around the edges; but, she will make a good addition to your guard.” She whispered. “She is almost as dedicated to you as I am and she deeply regrets how she reacted to me, especially now that she had gotten to know me.”

I nodded as well. “That was why I wanted everyone to meet you and Shuri. I was sure you all would have hit it off, especially when they saw how high the both of you are in your society.” I whispered and rubbed Jubadi's head roughly. “You worked hard to get where you are and you would have been a fantastic representation of what any woman can achieve with dedication and drive.”

Jubadi almost purred as I rubbed her. “Did the grooming go well?”

“Better than I thought it would and it was a lot more revealing than I expected.”

Jubadi smiled. “She refused the covering.”

I nodded. “After I explained what it was for, the first thing she asked was if I was going to punch or kick her down there.”

Jubadi lightly laughed. “Everyone asks that the first time when they are let in on the secret.”

“In any case, May's cleaned up enough that she should be really happy in the morning.” I said and looked at the still sleeping Val. “It's getting late and I didn't get to entertain her.”

“I believe inviting her to eat a heavy meal had unintended consequences.”

“Yeah, it was for May to relax and it worked on Val, too.” I said and moved my hand to rub Val's head. “Hey, sleepyhead. It's time to go home.”

“Mmm... no, I... thank Ben...” Val mumbled.

I gave a questioning look to Jubadi and she nodded to my nightstand. I saw a different cell phone and picked it up. The display was split and on one side was the apology text from her ex for setting her up and the other side showed a picture of the arrest of the guy claiming to be completely innocent.

“She would be all over you if she was not so tired.” Jubadi whispered. “You brought justice where no justice was expected.”

“It's thanks to Jarvis. He really came through with a little scheme to expose the bastard instead of me just making him disappear like I did with the other bastards.” I said and read the story. “Oh... oh, that...” I chuckled. “He's being charged with human trafficking and running an underage sex trade. There's no way they are letting this get covered up, no matter how rich the guy's dad is.”

“Yeah.” Val's sleepy voice said and she opened her eyes to look at me. Her hands reached up to pull me down into a slow and passionate kiss. “Thank you, Ben.”

“There's a special place in hell for people like them.” I said. “I can just imagine several very large demons with enormous penises as they make snide comments about how those guys are going to enjoy it after a while.”

Val gave me a surprised look before she laughed. “I like that idea!”

I sat up and helped Val climb off of Jubadi. “It really is getting late.”

Val looked at the clock and sighed. “I wanted... when you asked me to come over, I...”

“Me, too.” I said and she blushed a little. “We'll have to try this again later when we both have a bit more time.”

“I'd like that.” Val said.

“Jubadi, please escort your chosen protege to her home.” I said and both of them looked ready to protest. “If her parents say anything at all to her for being out all day, make it clear to them that Val is under our protection. If they have any complaints about their daughter, they can file them with the Wakandan Embassy before bringing it up with her.”

Val sucked in a sharp breath and Jubadi smiled.

“That's how government works, remember? Lots of red tape to screw people over.” I said with a smile. Val gave me a longing look and then kissed me passionately again.

I walked her and Jubadi down to the apartment door and dressed them both up warmly, even if Jubadi gave me a stern look over having to wear a knitted hat with a big yarn ball on top. I bid them a good journey and wasn't worried, because Jubadi was practically an expert in the public transit system after a week of exposure to it. Also, no one wanted to mess with her.

Once the door was closed, I ran up the stairs and grabbed my work bag with my construction equipment in it, put on my old dark clothing and improvised mask, and leapt out of my bedroom window. I swung like crazy to cross part of the city and landed in the driveway next to the work truck Adrian Toomes usually took to work during the week.

I glanced inside and as luck would have it, the keys were in the ignition. I wasn't stupid enough to start it up right there in the driveway, so I wrote out a text to Adrian's phone about borrowing his truck for a date and would fill it with gas before I brought it back. I picked the thing up, which was surprisingly easy, considering it was a half-ton truck and I had been exercising with about 1,300 pounds.

I was definitely going to have to up my game quickly, because I couldn't web swing while holding this much weight. I quickly walked down the driveway and out onto the street, down a short ways, and put it down. I hopped in and started it up, sent the text, and sped away.

*

A five foot tall woman named Dana left the central dispatch building and she kicked herself mentally for practically jumping on the first guy to ever compliment her voice. It had been over the phone and she was so flattered that she agreed to a date and had no clue who the guy was. He could be a completely horrible person, even if his attitude and voice seemed super friendly and happy.

But, dammit if she didn't love the sound of a southern accent on a man. When he had called her darlin', she nearly wet herself. Just the thought of a down home and naturally muscular man wanting to hear her whisper sweet nothings to him as he falls sleep, made her wetter than the best romance novels on the market. She owned a lot of romance novels, too.

Dana caught her breath when a beat up work truck came to a stop on the street in front of her. It's really happening. Am I really going through with this? She asked herself.

The driver's side door opened and Dana's mouth dropped open when a fairly handsome and very young man wearing a construction vest, harness, and hard hat walked around the truck to open the passenger side door for her.

“Howdy there, darlin'.” The young man said with a roguish grin and held a hand out to her. “Yer chariot awaits!”

Dana took several breaths and accepted the hand. He helped her climb in and shut the door for her, then he ran around the truck and climbed in. She stared at him as he pulled out into traffic.

“It's a little late ta git somethin' ta eat at a proper restaurant.” He said and took the corner. “Would ya mind a bar and grill fer some grub or would ya rather go dancin' er somethin'?”

“D-dancing?” Dana asked, surprised.

“Shore! I'm up fer anythin' ya wanna do.” He said and came to a stop at a red light.

Dana finally got a good look at the young man's face and she caught her breath. She knew that face! “I... I think...” She took a breath and let it out. “Can you take me home?”

The young man startled slightly and looked at her. “If'n that's what ya want... I don' rightly have a reason ta say no.” He said, a little hesitatingly. “I'd much rather take ya ta yer own home, though.”

It was Dana's turn to startle slightly. “Oh! That's what I meant!”

The young man relaxed and beamed a smile at her that made her catch her breath. “Then ah'll follow yer directions and git ya ta yer place in two shakes of a lamb's tail.”

Dana nodded and told him where to go and the young man drove her there. He had a pleasant smile on his face the whole time and it wasn't until they parked that she realized he had been enjoying listening to her talk. It made her blush and she tried to hide it as he hoped out of the truck and ran around to open her door for her.

“Ya look a little flushed, darlin'.” He said and helped her climb down to the pavement. “If'n yer havin' second thoughts...”

“N-no, I... I need you to come inside.” Dana said. “I was just embarrassed that you were listening to my voice so intensely.”

The young man beamed a smile at her. “Ah wasn' lyin' when ah told ya what I told ya before.”

“I know that now.” Dana said and blushed a bit more.

“Yer darn cute when ya look like that.” He complimented her and led her up to her condo.

Dana fumbled with her keys a little and his gentle and slightly callused hand on hers steadied her and the locks were opened and the door swung inwards. They were barely inside with the door shut before he started kissing her expertly. She couldn't stop her moan as his tongue lightly fought hers and she hugged him close.

The kiss seemed to last forever and then it was over and she stared at him as he pulled off his safety vest and harness, then his sweater.

Oh, sweet lord. Dana thought at the rippling muscles in front of her. Her hands went right to his abdomen and she caressed him as she ran her hands up to his chest.

He was about eight inches taller than her, so she felt a little overwhelmed that a handsome young man like him was even looking at her, let alone letting her fondle him like this... then she realized what she was doing and caught her breath.

Dana took a step back and looked up at his face as she took his hand. “Come with me.”

The young man nodded and followed her deeper inside the condo.