Self Insert as Spider-Man MCU

I used my palm to access the extra buttons in the elevator and chose B1. Instead of going down like I expected, it went up two floors instead and the elevator doors opened to reveal Maria Hill.

“Priority override. Very nice.” I complimented her.

Maria's lips twitched before she waved for me to follow her. We went back to her office and she shut the door.

“I'll get you to smile again someday. I just know it.” I commented and she ignored it.

“I wanted to deliver this to you myself.” Maria said and took out an envelope from her tunic.

“You've conscripted me into your reverse harem, haven't you?” I asked with a grin. “I knew you couldn't resist the temptation.”

Maria's lips twitched again and she raised a single eyebrow at me.

“What? I can always hope.” I said as she handed me the envelope. I opened it and whistled. “Please excuse my cursing.” I said and she nodded. “Jesus H. Fucking Christ! This is a TWO WEEK PAY?!?”

Maria let a chuckle escape before she could stop herself. “At $150,000 a year, broken down by-weekly, comes out to be $5,769.23 for the gross. With taxes and deductions for the government to cover your pensions, medical, and life insurance, it knocks you down to $4,289.75 for the take home pay.”

“Fuck.” I whispered. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

“What is it?” Maria asked.

“How am I going to explain this to Aunt May?” I asked.

Maria reached over and put a hand on my arm. “It's only for the three weeks that you're working for the holiday break. You'll drop to half pay when you go back to school and the accounting department will switch to automatic deposit to your bank account for that.”

“Oh, thank god.” I said and briefly put a hand on hers. “No wonder you wanted to deliver this yourself. If it had been anyone else, I might have freaked out about them playing a practical joke on me.”

Maria looked a little pleased at that. “Then I am doubly glad I brought this, too.”

I stared at her as she pulled out another envelope. “Oh, fuck me.”

Maria's lips twitched again and she handed the envelope to me. “This is for the keyboard patent.”

“I... I don't know if I want to open it.” I whispered and she looked expectant. “I assume you bought me out, because you don't want to market it until it becomes too prolific to keep under wraps?”

Maria nodded. “We've included a provision for future sales, just in case we do decide to change our minds. You won't get as big of a cut as you would have if you owned the patent, however.”

“I'm surprisingly okay with that, considering you could have cut me out completely.” I said and slowly opened the envelope. I sucked in a sharp breath at all of the zeroes on the check. “Maria, you're killing me here.”

Maria gave me an actual smile and I didn't react, because she had pulled out another envelope to hand to me. “For the noise clickers.”

I took it without a word and opened it, only to see the same number of zeroes as on the second check. I didn't know what to say. I really didn't. I had thought I knew what owning a patent meant and I thought I had some idea of how much it would be worth if it was presented right and sold well. I had been very, very wrong. I closed all three envelopes, tucked them into my inside breast pocket, and I gave Maria a very significant look.

Maria's smile disappeared and her eyes widened as I stepped close. “Agent Parker, I suggest you reconsider your next action...”

“Please, call me Benji.” I whispered and I wasn't surprised to see that she was exactly my height, even wearing nearly identical boots. I gently took her into a hug and tenderly kissed her like she was an old lover.

Maria remained stiff for several moments, even though her mouth moved to accommodate my ministrations, then her muscles relaxed and her arms went around my waist. I knew I really shouldn't be kissing my boss like this, then mentally berated myself, because she had just made me a millionaire.

We stayed like that for several minutes and enjoyed the feeling of each other's lips. Neither of us tried to push it to be more than that, and for some reason, I was perfectly fine with that.

*BEEP*

I broke the kiss and took out my cell phone. “Damn, I completely forgot I was supposed to meet Agent May to drive me home.”

The look on Maria's face was difficult to read, because I had admitted that she distracted me that much.

“Please excuse my behavior. I had to thank you for making some of my immediate dreams come true, which just so happened to make another dream come true.” I said and her eyebrows rose, because I had implied kissing her was what I meant. “I'll accept any punishment you see fit for crossing the line at work, Deputy Director Hill.”

“At work.” Maria whispered.

“Of course. Outside of work, all bets are off.” I said and ducked my head slightly as I gave her the best inviting smile that I could. “I fully expect you to call me about our date as soon as possible and you should fully expect me to ravish you afterwards.”

Maria stood there with a blank face and stared at me as I walked by her and opened her office door.

“Have a great evening, Deputy Director.” I said and left her office as I closed the door behind me. I rode the elevator down to B1 and met a slightly irritated Melinda when the elevator doors opened.

Melinda gave me a pointed look as she stepped inside, so I took out one of the patent purchasing checks to show her. Her pointed look turned to shock.

“Yeah.” I said and put the check back into my pocket. “Deputy Director Hill took me to her office to give me that and my first paycheck.”

Melinda nodded and we left the building, quietly talked about what to make, and made another grocery run to her favorite spots for the best ingredients. We went back to my apartment and started cooking. I skipped doing chores this time and stayed in the kitchen with Melinda. The food needed a constant eye kept on it and we shared tasks easily.

May came home and the three of us had a very enjoyable meal and even better conversation. After dessert, I was glad to have Melinda there for support when I told Aunt May about the office buying a new patent idea that I had. The look on her face was a mix of disbelief and anger, until I reassured her that they had their own patent registry and lawyers whom had filed all the appropriate paperwork for it to not be stolen.

“What was it?” May asked.

Melinda took something out of her pocket to show her.

“A pen?” May asked and then gasped when the thing was unrolled to reveal a keyboard pad.

“You carry one on you?” I asked Melinda.

“It's very versatile, Ben.” Melinda said and quickly rolled it back up and tucked it away. “Everyone at work loves these things.”

May looked from her to me. “I don't want to know how much they bought that for, do I?”

“Are you prepared to faint?” I asked her and her eyes widened. “Because it's a lot. Like, a lot a lot.”

May took several breaths and nodded.

I handed her one of the checks and she barely had it out of the envelope before she fainted and slumped in her chair.

Melinda softly laughed and then coughed. “I really shouldn't laugh.”

I chuckled and took the check back before I carried May over to the couch and laid her down on it. “It's okay. I did warn her, because I knew she would take it like this.”

Melinda sat beside May's feet. “You really care a lot about her, don't you?”

“I really do.” I said and lightly pet May's hair to get it out of her eyes. “Having family... having someone care about you more than you care about yourself... really puts things into perspective.”

Melinda nodded and her hand took my free one. She gave it a tug and I took the cue as I moved down to May's feet, lifted them, and sat down beside Melinda with May's feet on my lap. The look in Melinda's eyes was conflicted, as if she didn't really know what to do with me, now that she had me right there beside her.

“We will always be good friends, Melinda.” I whispered and put an arm around her shoulders.

Melinda gave me an odd look. “I've never had a male friend that didn't want to do more than be friends, Ben.”

I smiled and leaned in to kiss her cheek. “You know what I do with May practically every night when I'm not working, so you know it's possible.”

“Yes, that... I'm not sure why I...”

“It's okay to be envious.” I said and she looked unsure. “There was some sexual tension between May and I for a while, until we made it clear that even if we do get turned on, nothing has to happen. That's not the point of spending time together. It's the comfort and closeness that we need. That our bodies have a normal biological reaction to each other is no reason to be embarrassed.”

“You... you both...”

I nodded. “I've been tempted to call her Aunt Hottie a few times and I didn't, because I don't want her to be uncomfortable. I tell her she's beautiful all the time, though. She needed to realize that even if I do find her extremely attractive, I don't have to act upon it and I never have.”

“Never?” Melinda asked and I shook my head no.

“I haven't kissed her on the lips, either. That's not really something best friends and roommates do.” I admitted and then chuckled. “Unless, you know, they are those kinds of roommates.”

“Best friends?” Melinda asked, catching the key words in my statement.

“I know that sounds a little weird, considering our apparent ages.” I said and Melinda nodded. “It's just... I promised her I would be the best roommate in the world... and it's kind of hard to not also be best friends. We go shopping together, we hang out as much as possible, and we joke and laugh and carry on... it's the best friendship I've ever had in my life. If that doesn't mean she's my best friend, I don't know what would ever qualify.”

“Ben.” May whispered as she sat up and she had tears in her eyes.

“May, are you okay?” I asked and she didn't say anything as she pulled her feet off of my lap and leaned close to wrap her arms around my neck.

“I'm perfectly fine, Ben. Perfectly fine.” May said and cried as she hugged me close.

I took my arm from around Melinda and hugged May back as she lightly sobbed on my shoulder. “It's okay. It's okay.” I whispered and rubbed her back.

May eventually stopped crying and let my neck go. “I feel the same way.” She said and wiped at her face. “Dammit, now my make-up is ruined.”

I chuckled and pointed up the stairs. “Go ahead and make yourself look pretty again. I can wait for however long you think that's going to take, even though you know I don't believe you need it.”

May shook her head and smacked my arm. “You're not supposed to tease me, remember?”

“I'm sorry I'm not sorry.” I said and she softly laughed.

“I'll be back in a few minutes.” May said and stood as she looked at Melinda. “I'm sorry you saw me break down like that.”

Melinda shook her head. “You don't have to apologize. I almost felt like crying myself.”

May smiled and went upstairs.

I waited until I heard the bathroom door close before I turned to look at Melinda. “Like I told you before, it's okay to feel envy about that.”

“It's more than just envy, Ben.” Melinda whispered and took my hand to put my arm back over her shoulder. “Desire, need, want, greed, and a few other emotions that I really don't want to admit to right now.”

I chuckled and hugged her with the arm over her shoulders. “I'm going to focus on the desire part and ask you if there's a pool nearby where I can stare at you in a bikini.”

“Ben!” Melinda said and then chuckled herself. “I'll only wear a bikini if you wear speedos.”

“Deal!” I said and she looked surprised before she leaned into my side. “This is going to be the best Christmas ever.”

“Oh? Why is that?” May asked as she came down the stairs.

“I'm going to rent a hotel room for the three of us and we're going to enjoy some relaxing winter swimming in a heated pool.” I said and she looked surprised. “What? It's not like they'll let us use the pool without buying a room first.”

May lost the surprise and nodded as she sat down on my other side. “I suppose I could dig out one of my old swimsuits from the storage bins in the basement.”

“Bite your tongue, woman! We're going shopping for new stuff tomorrow!” I proclaimed loudly and both May and Melinda let out laughs. “You can both help me pick out some reasonable presents for my friends, too.”

May and Melinda exchanged happy looks and nodded.

*

Unlike the last time I deposited money into my bank account, it took the account manager half an hour to confirm that the $500,000 check was legitimate and the funds were available from the proper accounting firm.

The woman looked fairly relieved when she hung up and finished the transfer. I waited until she asked if there was anything else she could do for me before I took out the second check and handed it to her.

“Oh, fuck me.” She whispered as she stared at it.

“Surprisingly, that was also what I said when it was given to me.” I admitted. “I also kissed her for about ten minutes to thank her.”

The account manager looked surprised, as did Aunt May.

“To be fair, she just made me a millionaire and she is a strikingly handsome woman.” I said and both women nodded in understanding.

The account manager put the check through without bothering to play phone tag again to confirm it. She opened her mouth to ask me if there was anything else and then shut her mouth as I pulled out a third check.

“Relax, this is just my holiday pay.” I said and the woman accepted it and started the deposit process. “I would like it in cash, please.”

“That's not a problem, sir.” The woman said and did some typing. “I've also increased your draw limit to five thousand a day or one major purchase. That you will be called about, however.”

“That's great, thank you.” I said and she smiled before she left to get the money.

“Ben, why are you cashing that last check? That's a lot of money to carry around.” May whispered.

“I intend to spend a good portion of it, that's why.” I said and May looked surprised. “It's Christmas and I'm a millionaire already. I've already called Matt and he has the corporation forms for us to sign.”

“I almost forgot about that.” May said.

“I didn't.” I said and took her hand. “Selling those patents doesn't change my plans. I'm still going through with everything and you're going to be right there with me, Miss CEO of Parker Incorporated.”

May shook her head. “I still can't believe you can do that and I haven't even taken one business class.”

“Money talks, May.” I said as the account manager came in with a thick stack of bills in her hands. She counted out the amount of the check and I was quite pleased to see all of the different denominations.

“We deal with several clients that want the cash for quick and easy purchases.” The woman said and sat down behind her desk. “Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“I might call later to transfer some money into another account for my lawyer and my checks from work will be going direct deposit from now on.” I said and she nodded as she made a note of both things. “I also want to thank you for being a great sport about all of this.”

The account manager gave me a huge smile. “I'm always glad to help a preferred client, especially because you received the money legitimately.”

I nodded in understanding and stood. “I appreciate you ensuring that was true.” I said and held a hand out to her. She took it and shook it, then shook May's hand. We left the office and met Melinda in the main waiting area.

“Any problems?” Melinda asked and joined us as we walked out through the bank's doors.

“Just the red tape over such a high denomination check.” I said and she nodded. “You're driving, so where do we go first?”

“I distinctly remember someone on their hands and knees as he begged to see me wearing a gold colored bikini.” Melinda said and unlocked the car.

“Hey, it was one knee... and I was praying, not begging.” I corrected her.

Melinda gave me a satisfied smile and May let out a laugh.

“Just get in the car.” I said and climbed in myself.

Both women laughed and we drove off to somehow look for a bikini in the middle of winter. This was New York, though. They sold everything here and we were sure that our search would be fruitful.