Side Note

Hello there! It's me, gracefully falling through the sky, Parachuter Madeleine. Yes, you heard that right. I am gracefully falling through the sky. You see, the giant rock lobster Mila spotted ran towards the castle, dug around it, and then threw the castle into the sky. If that weren't bad enough, the glass castle hit a dragon, completely shattering it and making everyone who was in it go into freefall. Fortunately, maid skirts can be used as parachutes… I think. Unless your skirt is short. Unless my teachers were lying about that usage of maid skirts. It wouldn't be the first time they lied to me.

"Hey Mel, a thought just came to my mind."

"Is it a specific reference you shouldn't know but still make?"

"How exactly are we going to get out of this?"

I looked around at the general chaos we were stuck in the middle of. The dragon and the giant rock lobster are fighting, the sky is still raining men, and the broken shards of the castle are falling alongside Mel, me, and everyone else that was in it. 

"Madeleine! Now would be a great time to reveal another hidden skill you have!"

"Are you saying you want me to show-off?!"

"No, it means I want you to save us!"

"Oh… I don't really have any other hidden skills, honestly."

"Well… shit." 

"I know! We can get Myka to save us! She can warp reality."

"She's gone."

"She's what?!" I looked around to find Myka. Mimi and the Princess are hugging each other, Mila is too busy watching the giant rock lobster, which has just beheaded the dragon, and Merry… where's Merry?

"Merry grew demon wings."

"Why didn't she save us?"

"You've seen Merry's sad attempts at lifting us before."

"Good point," I remember that day. She dropped me from the top of a flight of stairs. It was an enjoyable fall.
"Couldn't you use magic, Madeleine?"

"My magic is terribly weak if it isn't a foot tap… also, shooting out a fireball from my hand wouldn't help."

Mel stopped to think for a moment, then pulled out her bow. "You know what, I'll just fire my bow into the random chests that are falling, and you grab the first thing that catches your eye, Madeleine."

"I like this plan."

Mel fired in rapid succession at the chest that were falling around us. Why were there chests? It started raining chests as well as men. Men with chests, chests with men, chest men, men's chests, the whole kaboodle. Many chests broke apart, revealing mundane things like gold, clothes, or skeletons, until finally, a chest exploded, revealing a very shiny key with a skull as its head. Me likey! I swam over to it, grabbing it and finding a familiar blue screen.

Skeleton Key You can summon 99 keys. Side Note: 99 keys.

"I have a key!"

"How is a key supposed to help us?!"

"It has a Sacred Power!"

"Then use it!"

"On it, luv!" I grab the key and… uh… how do I summon the keys? Do I just thi-

"WHY ARE THERE KEYS COMING OUT OF IT?!?!"

"It's Sacred Power summons ninety-nine keys!"

"HOW DOES THAT HELP US?!?!"

"Calm down, Mel!"

"WE'RE FALLING TO OUR FUCKING DEATHS!!!" At that moment, the keys around us stopped moving. Actually, everything stopped moving. "Oh… I guess we're no longer falling to our deaths."

"Death isn't that bad, you know."

"I know, we've died before, but I would rather not die anyways."

"Oh, okay."

We looked around to see if everything else was suspended in the air. The broken castle, the headless dragon, the… giant swirling black and red hole in the sky… that doesn't look good.

"The giant what?" Mel also looked up and couldn't hold back a look of confusion. "What the actual fuck is that?"

"Hey, Mel."

"What?"

"You didn't tell me how Myka left."

"I didn't?"

Looking back through my memories… yep, she didn't. "Yeah, you didn't."

"Oh. A portal opened next to her, and then a tentacle wrapped around her and dragged her through. She also grabbed Lina. Something about if she's going down, she's taking at least someone else."

"I hope they have fun."

"Ah, yes, because tentacles are fun."

"Good point, they're… is it me, or are we going up?" I looked around and saw the countless keys being sucked upwards faster than, alongside the smaller shards of the glass castle. Mel and I were also floating upwards at a much slower rate. In fact, even the giant rock lobster was being sent upwards, despite it trying to dig its claw into the ground.

"We're being sucked up by that wormhole. This is somehow getting worse and worse."

"Could be worse."

"Did you have to say that?"

"Say what?"

"'Could be worse.' You do know you basically jinxed us?"

"Huh."

Suddenly, a giant hand came out of the swirling vortex, stopping beside me. On top of the hand was the man who tried claiming revenge on me earlier.

"Once again, I attempt my revenge!"

"It says gullible on the ceiling!"

"Huh? Where?" The man looked up. What a dummy.

"Mel, fire a light arrow at him!"

"On it!" Mel shot a light arrow right at his face, knocking him out immediately. Two-zero in my favour. I'm so good at combat. "Who was that, Madeleine?"

"No idea."

"Whatever." Mel shrugged. "Should we grab onto the giant hand so we… never mind." The giant rock lobster cut the giant hand. If I had to guess, Mel wanted us to hold the hand, so we don't end up going through the scary vortex thing in the sky.

"Hey, Mel."

"What?"

"I love you."

"A death flag? Seriously? Haa…" She sighed before speaking in a quieter tone. "Love you too."

And into the vortex we went.

---

Item profile: Skeleton Key

Sacred power: Skeleton Key 

Value: 2 Silver (The merchant is unaware of its Sacred Power)

Description: The skull key that summons more keys. The Creator is a big fan of The Binding of Isaac, which is why this Sacred Power Item exists.

Chapter namesake: Rock Lobster by The B-52's