Sleeping Princess

 

 

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Koda Mari’s Perspective

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“It’s nice out here…”

I said, trying my best to lighten the mood. But I knew what had to be said wasn’t going to be whisked away by the light breeze of the winter day. Instead of responding, the meek girl just sat there, standing taller than me. But in this way, it felt like I was her teacher, calling her into the office to give her bad news.

"Mihara Yuko-san, I wanted to start by saying that I’m sorry.”

I turned to her and bowed deeply.

 

 

“Huh?”

Meekly, she replied with a bit of surprise.

“I won’t try to avoid it anymore. I… did a terrible thing to you. When you came to the hospital with those beautiful flowers for Madoka, the carnations…”

I stopped. My chest tightened from the shame of it all. But I had to be honest, so I pushed myself forward. There was no stopping things anymore, and I had to confess what I did to her.

“I was jealous, Mihara-san. Nothing more, nothing less. I was so jealous that you were in the position I wanted to be in.”

I admitted, shamefully. Mihara-san looked away for a bit… then stood tall and faced me again.

“W-What do you mean, Koda-san?”

I stood up straight too and looked at the girl, her white hair dancing in the winter breeze. The dusk of the evening captured her hair in the winter late afternoon.

“You were, in my eyes, the perfect person for Madoka.”

I confessed.

"Mihara-san, every one of Madoka's friends moved on, but you knew she was special. A-And that scared me."

A cold breeze washed by, causing me to pull up my scarf. The chill of the winter only made what I did to her feel all the colder.

“I… I got rid of your gift, Mihara-san. And I’m so sorry for hurting you.”

 

 

Mihara-san scoffed.

“I knew it was you. ”

The venom in her realization was unmatched, and I deserved every bit of it.

“I felt terrible after doing it, but that doesn’t excuse the fact that I did it. I chased you away when all you ever wanted… was to be with someone you cared deeply for.”

Mihara-san clenched her fist.

“S-So why? W-Why are you b-bringing this up now, Koda-san?”

I put my hand on my chest.

"I'm not asking you to forgive me. What I did… was deplorable. But I need to tell you that I'm sorry. You deserved that much from me."

“W-Why did you do it in the first place?”

The sides of her eyes started watering. I put my fears aside and confessed.

“Isn’t it obvious?”

I sighed and without realizing it, I smiled.

“It’s because I love Madoka, too, just like I knew you did back then.”

Mihara-san's eyes opened wide at my confession… no, it wasn’t my confession that caught her off guard, and I knew it.

“Too?”

I leaned up against the fence with my hands behind my back. I was resolved in my feelings, unlike how I was when we first met in that hospital room. There was a story Madoka told me one day. A story about Mihara-san and her.

Something happened and Madoka confided in me about it.

“You don’t need to hide it from me. I know what happened between you two before her coma, Mihara-san. I mean, Madoka confided in me about it.”

Mihara-san held her body as the cold wind blew stronger between us. Our hairs danced in the twilight as our feelings started to connect. Our secrets were finally being exposed.

“S-So… you told Madoka-chan about that?”

I sighed and shook my head.

"No, that's not my place to talk about something personal between you two. Honestly, when she met you again… I hoped you two would have discussed it already. But as time went on… I realized that wasn't the case."

Mihara-san looked away, guiltily.

“W-Why are you bringing this up, K-Koda-san? A-Are you… are you going to chase me away again? I-Is that what you’re trying to do?”

Mihara-san shook her head and clenched her fist. Her chin burrowed into her scarf, and I could hear the venom come from her words. I shook my head and put my hands out.

"No, you… you misunderstand why I wanted to talk to you about it. I'm far beyond how I was back then."

My chest ached, thinking about how horrible I'd been. How I let my jealousy do the most horrible things to others. How I'm doing my best to change. She went quiet, waiting for me to speak further.

“I’ve lied a lot to Madoka for a long time, Mihara-san.”

I held my chest and… it felt warm.

"But I can't tell you how wonderful it feels, to be able to tell the truth and only speak the truth with her, Mihara-san. And… seeing you upstairs earlier, made me want to tell you this."

I sighed and all my fear escaped and a smile came over me. An… honest smile.

“What happened between you two, I’m sure she’ll forgive you. So, be honest with her. I mean… it was just you expressing yourself, right?”

Thinking about it more, when Mihara-san came into the hospital room that day, I felt I had to protect Madoka. I knew what happened between them and used that as an excuse… to hurt Mihara-san. But as my mind cleared this past month I was able to look into a mirror and tear down all the lies I told myself.

I knew when I had the chance that I had to face what I did to Mihara-san too. What Madoka told me wasn’t anything bad. No, honestly it was sweet. And I think that it would be fair to play on an even field. Even though I was scared, I’m not anymore.

Hm? I wasn’t doing this for my sake, was I?

“Hehe… maybe I am that simple.”

I chuckled under my breath.

No, I wasn't doing this to relieve my guilt. Yet again… I was doing this for Madoka. It just took me a bit to realize, wouldn't it be nice for Madoka to realize how much Mihara-san cared for her too?

“Nnngg...”

Mihara-san fistballed as she looked down at the cold ground.

“I-I don’t like you, Koda-san.”

With contempt, Mihara-san said.

I nodded.

“Yeah, it’s okay if you don’t like me, Mihara-san. I earned your ire. I did something horrible to you. But I also know that what happened between you two was only because you cared for her. And… maybe I’m overstepping my bounds but...”

Mihara-san closed her eyes.

"Y-You just want Madoka-senpai to h-hate me! That's all you want! That's all you've ever wanted!"

 

 

She screamed, surprising me.

“No, I…”

I pleaded to her.

“No, I just want Madoka to know everything that’s happened before her coma, Mihara-san. I just don’t want her to be lied to anymore.”

Mihara-san’s eyes fell to the ground and her voice grew faint.

“Koda Mari-san…”

She whispered.

“Yes?”

Finally, she looked back at me. Her eyes were like blades, slicing into my soul.

“Y-You don’t know everything t-that happened. You think you do… but you don’t! You don’t know… Y-You only know what Madoka-chan told you.”

She closed her watering eyes.

“B-But if you knew the truth… If she knew the truth…”

Eyes flooded with tears, Mihara-san cried out to the sky.

“N-Nothing would be the same. I-I could never be with her. S-She would hate me for the rest of her life for what I did!”

In tears, Mihara-san shook her head.

“A-And I’m not r-ready! I-I don’t want to be hated! N-Not after all the work I put in these last few months!”

She coughed as if gasping for air. I reached out to her but she backed up further.

“M-Mihara-san.”

I tried to calm her down but she backed up.

"Y-You know what I hate about you, Koda-san? Y-You stayed by Madoka-chan all that time… A-And…"

I watched silently. My intention wasn’t to make her cry… but to give her the push I needed also. But it was clear, I overstepped my boundaries.

"When I left that day… I knew it was the right thing to do. Because I didn't deserve to be there! Not… not after everything I did!”

 

 

That’s when it hit me. Mihara-san wasn’t talking about what I was. We were talking about two different secrets.

Mihara-san’s body shook like a tremor as she screamed at me.

“I’ll keep this secret for the rest of my life! I-It’s the only way I won’t be h-hated!”

She turned around and ran.

“Ah, M-Mihara-san, wait!”

I reached out to her but it was too late. She was already down the street, not turning back. I just wanted her to know my feelings, apologize to her, and tell her that it’s okay to be honest. Mihara-san in some ways reminded me of myself.

 

Scared...

Afraid...

I worried that my truths would shatter any bond I hoped to have with Madoka or anyone else for that matter. But that isn't true. Madoka isn't like that, and it took me years to figure that out. I thought I knew the truth behind what happened between them… but maybe I was wrong?

“What secret are you holding that you’re so afraid of, Mihara-san?”

I didn't have the whole story of the enigma, Mihara Yuko.