Suddenly A Succubus

The roof of Amara's apartment complex was flat, covered in gravel, with its only notable features being a couple of air conditioning units and the door to the stairwell. One corner of the roof extended higher than the rest, solely to house the entrance, and it was on top of that highest point that Amara now sat, closer to the center of the roof than the actual edge.

One leg dangled off the edge, the other rested atop it. She leaned against her raised knee, burying her chin in the crook of her arm. She felt a heavy breeze dance across the roof, ruffling her hair and passing over her horns. She sensed the air pressure, felt it change, and understood its temperature just as intimately as she did her own body's. She unzipped her hoodie, let it slide down until it was resting on her waist and her elbows, and manifested her wings. Angling them towards the wind, she closed her eyes, and imagined she was flying.

The sun had set hours ago. Nick had originally been over for dinner, but they'd spent quite a bit of time catching up, among other things.

Quiet footsteps echoed from the staircase, and the door pushed open.

"Amara? Where are you? I got your text." Nick said, looking around.

"Up here." Amara said. She didn't know if Nick had a way up, and she moved her tail closer, gesturing for him to grab it.

"You really should have put those away, what if I'd been someone else?" he said, grabbing her tail. She wrapped it tight around his wrist and pulled him up to join her.

"I could smell you."

"Ah. I always forget you can do that."

"Mmhm."

Nick settled in, his legs hanging over the door, and he took a deep breath. "It's nice up here."

"I've been coming here a lot lately. It's pretty high, and it's the only place I can feel the wind on my wings." Amara sighed. "I like watching the clouds. I think about flying up to them, then I wonder how high I'd need to climb before nobody could see me anymore. High enough where I could just... be. Just riding the wind, not a care in the world."

"You're awfully... contemplative tonight. What's on your mind?"

She didn't respond. Her eyes were fixed on the sky, tracing shapes in the clouds. They both sat there for a while, the minutes passing in silence as her wings shifted with the wind.

Her tail curled around her raised knee, and she squeezed herself tight. Another deep breath, another sigh.

"Am I... different?" Amara finally asked, eyes still locked on the sky.

Nick looked at her, his eyes moving from her tail, to her horns, to her wings. "Is that a trick question?"

"I'm not talking about all this," she said, gesturing to her various demonic limbs. "I mean... me. As a person."

Another breeze passed across the roof, the rustling of nearby leaves filling the silence while Nick thought about his answer. "You seem... brighter. Like there's more of you than there used to be, if that makes sense."

"Honestly, it kind of does." She paused before speaking again. Her words came slowly, carefully, as if she were scared of saying the wrong thing. "Recently, I've been thinking a lot about... before all of this. Back when I thought I was just a regular college student, with nothing to worry about other than homework, or losing my virginity."

Amara smiled, wiping her nose on her sleeve before continuing. "If you'd asked me then if I was happy, I would have said yes. Without hesitation. But when I think back, when I put myself in those shoes again, I feel like I knew something was off."

"Off?"

"Just... different, somehow. It's hard to explain."

"Give it a shot. I'm not going anywhere."

"It's... ugh, I'm terrible at this. Like, pretend everyone is a puzzle. You spend your life trying to put together the pieces, to figure out who you are, and eventually you see the picture. Everyone else? They've finished their puzzle, but not me. They clearly know who they are, so am I doing something wrong? Maybe I just haven't figured out where all the pieces go yet. Maybe they're all faking it, and everyone feels the same way I do."

The wind died down slightly, and Amara tucked her wings behind her again.

"And then suddenly, WHAM. It turns out there's a missing piece, it's been in the box the whole time. I had no idea it was there; it didn't make sense to look when everyone else had all their pieces from the beginning, but suddenly everything makes sense. The piece clicks into place, and I see... myself."

"But that's a good thing, right? You're happier now?"

"Well, like you said, it's like there's more of me. I feel more connected with myself than I've ever felt before. When this whole demon puberty thing started, I sometimes worried that I might lose myself, turn into something I don't recognize. But recently, I've been worrying about the opposite; that I'll be myself the whole time, but blind to how much I'm actually changing because it feels so natural."

"What changed?"

"...I've been getting angry recently. I've snapped at people more in this last month than I have my whole life. And then, after I stepped into that weird angel trap, I... I hurt Tessa."

"What did you say?"

"Well, I yelled at her, but that's not what I meant. I actually hurt her, my fingers became like, claws, and I drew blood. I didn't even know they could do that!"

"But it was an accident, right? I'm sure she understands, and believe me, I would know if she were angry with you."

Amara sighed in frustration, falling back on the rooftop behind her and splaying out her wings. "Ugh, I know, it's just... my mind has been all over the place recently. And now I've got this great costume that you threw together, and you're telling me to be proud of what I am, which made me wonder if I even should be proud of all this, and--"

Nick interrupted her, placing a hand on her leg. "Hey, I've said this before, but you're a good person. If you really were changing into something else, something evil, we wouldn't be having this conversation. You wouldn't be thinking twice about accidentally hurting someone. That's more than enough proof for me."

She leaned forward, her wings propping her up, before looking at Nick. "Have I thanked you yet? For everything?"

"Hey, that's what friends are for."

"No, I'm being serious. Your best friend turns into a demon, and you barely even flinch. You've been here every step of the way, every weird change, helping me make sense of it all. I might never have figured out I was a succubus, or realized that my tail can be helpful, and now it's like my favorite thing about me. You had a thousand chances to bail, and you didn't. So... y'know, thanks. I really appreciate it."

Amara finally sat up all the way, moving next to Nick and wrapping a wing around him. Then leaned against each other, looking out over the campus, the occasional car horn or train whistle peppering the soundscape.

"You want to hear something funny?" Amara asked.

Nick looked at her, waiting for her to start.

"So, I mentioned that my anger's been a little... unpredictable recently, but honestly all my emotions have been like that, to a lesser degree. The other night I had a dream, and it wasn't even that weird. There was this dog, and he got separated from his best friend, and he was trying really hard to get back to her. Anyways, that's when I woke up, and for some reason, I was devastated. I bawled my eyes out for like, 10 minutes."

"Because... the dog couldn't find his friend?"

"It's ridiculous! I felt so silly afterwards, but in the moment, it was just the saddest fucking thing I'd ever seen!"

After a moment of stunned silence, Nick's composure finally broke. He started laughing, harder and harder, until tears ran down his face. His arms clutched his ribs, and Amara wrapped her tail around his shoulders just to make sure he didn't fall. Eventually, his laughter infected her, and they both fell backwards on the roof while they waited for the fit to end.

It was several minutes before Nick finally managed to speak again. "Wow, I needed that. I'll be sure to warn you if that Sarah McLachlan commercial ever starts playing."

"Ha ha, very funny Nicholas." Amara said dryly. "By the way, what's your costume for tomorrow?"

"I've got an old Beetlejuice suit that still fits, probably just going to do that. I, uh... didn't have the money for anything new after I threw that belt together for you."

"I knew it! You did run out of money!" Amara said, jokingly punching Nick's arm.

"I don't really care, to be honest, Halloween is just another party. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love seeing everyone get creative with their costumes, but I guess it's just not that big a deal to me."

"You mean you love seeing how slutty all the girls dress?"

"Your words, not mine." Nick paused for a moment before speaking again. "Speaking of slutty, what are you wearing tomorrow? I hope it's more than just that belt and a smile."

"Psh, you wish. I've got a few bodysuits that might be cute, and a whole bunch of tights and shoes to sort through. I was thinking of pulling those out tomorrow, unless you want to watch me try them on now?" She winked at Nick, always happy to fluster him.

"I haven't got any plans, so sure!" Nick planted his hands on the ledge and pushed forward, effortlessly catching himself as he turned back to Amara. "Want any help down?"

Rolling her eyes, Amara stood up and jumped. Her wings caught the air, and she landed on the other side of the roof, dozens of feet past where Nick had landed. She took her time walking back to him, de-manifesting her wings before opening the door with her tail.

"Showoff."

"Nerd."