The Gate of Shadows

The storm raging within me was unstoppable, like a typhoon headed towards an island; I wouldn’t veer away from the angered Lycan. Melody had called this alpha intimidating, yet to me, he was…

"It’s not my job to protect you?” I mumbled, gripping my dress tighter. “Whose is it? Layla's? Sorry for stepping into something I don’t belong in!" I snapped back, trying to hold the agony surging within me.

Trying to hold my tears was hard, though; I didn’t know how long I could do so. My heart wasn’t strong enough to fight him.

I... feel rejected.

This wasn’t how I wanted things to go.

"Lily... You don’t understand me. That isn’t what I mean." Fenris tried to back off from going too far, but it was too late.

My heart ached in ways it had never done before.

All I want is for you to trust me and allow me into your heart.

Perhaps I wasn’t worth it in his eyes.

Even though I tried to be positive...

My true nature shone once again when negative thoughts bombarded my mind. It was something I couldn’t escape from.

There’s no use in being like Melody. I can never be as pure as her.

"I think I get you perfectly, Fenris," I breathed, trying to get off the bed, only for him to grab my arm before I could do anything else.

"What’s that supposed to mean?" he questioned, triggering me to smile, one of those he hated the most.

When he saw it, his grip loosened, allowing me to pull away from him.

"I forgot where I belong. Your duty and nothing more," I answered, shifting my eyes away from him. “That’s right, I’m nothing more. No matter how many times you hold me, I’ll be the abomination that took everything! The thing you have to protect everyone from!”

My voice broke, feeling a single tear escape me. Fenris’s face warped into melancholy at that moment upon seeing my expression.

How I wish I still had that bracelet. It’s much harder to do it by myself, and it hurts.

"No, that isn’t true, Lilith. You—" He tried to explain himself, only to be interrupted by me.

I didn’t want to listen to him anymore.

It hurts to do so. No matter how much I love you. You’ll never be mine. Being your equal is only ever going to be a dream. Ah… I’m tired.

"No more lies, Fenris! I can’t handle them anymore! Please, just let me be!" I cried, feeling the same hollow feeling within my chest.

His expression changed the moment he realized that, by trying to protect me, he had hurt me.

"Lily, let me speak." Fenris sighed, grabbing me by my arms before straddling me from behind.

"I don’t want to hear it." I refused, trying to compose myself, but I couldn’t.

"Lilith... Please listen," He breathed, gently caressing my arm.

"Don’t touch me!" I snarled, jerking myself away from him and out of the bed.

After a few steps, I stopped, knowing that even though I wanted to flee the room, that would only lead to disaster. My emotions were stirring inside, and his presence kept me in control.

 Even though I didn’t want it now, he was my anchor. My words and actions seemed to have stunned him as I had never rejected him this way before, and his expression hadn’t changed either.

"Okay..." he breathed.

Before I knew it, he pinned me to a wall, avoiding touching my skin.

"I won’t touch, but you got to listen to me." Fenris tried to convince me.

I shook my head, trying to push him away, but it was like attempting to move a boulder.

"No... Let me go! Do you even know how frustrating this is?!" I cried, turning my gaze down towards the floor.

Control... I need some, but I have none!

"If you don’t tell me, I don’t know anything, Lily," He whispered, holding me against the wall.

There was no escape from my wolf.

"I don’t want to see you die, Fenris!" I snapped finally, unable to shake the feeling the dream left on me.

Stella finding out about me was just the cherry on top of the sundae that my life had become.

"Why do you think I’ll die?" he asked, leaning closer to me.

Lycans were always thinking they were stronger than anyone else. He didn’t know what I saw that night.

Why can’t I put it into words?

"You aren’t invincible!" I pointed out the obvious, triggering him to shake his head.

Stop beating around the bush and say it, Lilith. Maybe you’ll listen. Or maybe you...

"I know I am not, but I’m not the same pup who was helpless back then!" Fenris growled, sliding his hands on the wall, ensuring my gaze met his.

I desperately grabbed his shirt, wincing because of the stings in my chest.

You aren’t taking me seriously! I know you aren’t the same boy before the fall!

I couldn’t take that dream as anything other than a warning. It wasn’t like the others I had before; not even in the old Lilith's dream felt like it.

"You don’t understand! Now that there’s something like wolfsbane out, they can easily take you down!" I clung to him dearly.

He sighed, “Lily, there isn’t any around.”

Instead of letting him win, I shot back at him. "I know, Ryker told me, but I don’t believe him! I saw it with my own eyes!" I screamed, feeling my body tremble in ways it had never done before.

All I wanted was to make him understand.

Why is it so hard for you to believe me?!

"When did that elf speak to you?" He questioned, focusing on the wrong thing.

"That doesn’t matter! Listen to me, please!" I pleaded, feeling helpless.

Why can’t I say what I want to him?

Perhaps it was because of the fear that it would come true if I said it out loud.

Releasing a sigh, he shifted his weight towards me. "Okay... I believe you. I promise you I won’t die." Fenris tried to comfort me.

This wolf wasn’t being entirely truthful. He believed something was wrong, but not exactly what I wanted him to know.

"No... You don’t get it." I tried to get his attention.

Please listen... Please! Just say it, Lilith... Say it. Don’t be a coward!

"Can I please touch you?" Fenris asked, focusing on other things.

I tightened my grip on his shirt. The concern in his voice was so certain, yet he worried about the wrong thing.

Me. I want you to worry about yourself. You are their primary target!

The only thing in his eyes was me. Nothing else mattered, but he was the only thing that counted in mine.

"No..." I muttered, not happy that he wasn’t listening to me anymore.

"Lilith... I want to hug you. I will do nothing else unless you want me to." Fenris assured me.

Don’t give in... Be strong. Make him listen.

I shook my head. "No."

We were at a standstill, but he gave in to me, which was not how I wanted.

"If the red moon is bothering you this much. I’ll tell you, but only if you let me touch you again." Fenris proposed a compromise.

One he could have avoided in the first place if he had allowed me in. Yet I couldn’t complain since my original goal was in sight. It wasn’t like I was blameless either; I didn’t tell him everything I could.

I didn’t have to tell you everything, so this is good. Even if you don’t want my protection, I’ll give it.

Taking a deep breath, I calmed myself, glancing towards him.

"Only if you tell me the truth." I lay out my condition.

It caused Fenris to chuckle. "Hah... You’re turning into a devilish woman. Not that I mind it." His words were followed by a smile that left me flustered right where I stood.

You’re much more of a devil than I. You’ve bewitched me since I first saw you, even when I didn’t know it.

"Will you?" I whispered, getting back to the topic.

I hoped I could at least meet one goal today.

"Yes," he assured me.

"Fine... You can touch me then." I glanced away from him, feeling skittish at the words that left my lips.

He wasted no time in swiftly picking me up in his arms.

"Good... One thing first, though." He announced an addition I hadn’t agreed to.

I grabbed onto his shoulders, surprised by the sudden lift.

"What’s that?" I asked, holding myself steady.

He carried me over to the nearest bed, which was his.

"I’m going to make you regret calling yourself my duty and an abomination. You’re much more than that, Lily. So, you better listen to my story through your moans." Fenris declared, dropping me off on the bed, baffling me with his words.

Do you mean? You can’t do that. No... you wouldn’t!

"Wait, that isn’t fair!" I tried to complain, but it was too late.

I was getting exactly what I needed from the wolf who owned my heart.