The Mimic in Monsterland

The sun finally came out and melted the snow that covered the forest. Which I thought would be nice. That it would be a pleasant change, not having to trudge through a foot of snow to go out and gather or train. No, it just brought a whole new slew of problems. Slushy nasty mud that was left behind. Gross cold dirt that is especially hard to walk through; and, might I mention, fight in.

Groans left my throat as I rose from the ground, pushing the corpse of a monster off of me. I brushed some of the mud off my body, a fruitless endeavor seeing as all I did was move the dirt paste around. I sighed as I realized I was going to have to take a freezing cold bath in the mostly thawed river.

I just finished a fight with a big boar-like monster, except it was about twice the size of a normal boar and had a single tusk jutting out of the roof of its mouth. A tusk that just so happened to be coated in poison. Found that out the hard way, after spending the last week in agony. My mimic-adjacent body was apparently resistant to toxins, a useful and lifesaving property. One I was more than thankful for; it was how I expelled the toxins that caused the misery...Diarrhea on max difficulty. My soul weeps for those with IBS.

This was the eighth one of these bastards I’ve fought. They had rough and coarse gray fur with dark green splotches on its back and near the hooves. Ursa and Tigris could handle them well enough through overpowering or precise strikes, respectively.

But I beat this one in base form. For as annoying as Len could be, his notes were a godsend. And he put plenty of emphasis on the fact that my base form needed the same, if not more, training than all the other forms. Plus, it was the only form that got to properly utilize my badass mithril sword. The one currently smeared with muddy slush and monster blood.

I looked at my arms and saw some cuts along them. The boar had some ability which sharpened its fur on demand, neat power, but I didn’t think it was that useful.

After my healing ritual, which consisted of turning into a log for two seconds, I stood up. My body ached. My stomach rumbled violently as per usual.

“Dammit I know!” I yelled at no one in particular.

“I’m hungry.”

 

The morning after Len’s mystery flame went out was my first run in with the spikey pigs. Loud rustling noises reverberated off the walls of the cave while I was prepping for the day. I walked outside and found the pissed off piggy destroying my stone table. It noticed my appearance near instantly and charged. I jumped to the side just before its tusk impaled me.

Ursa form was my immediate reaction. It seemed like the wisest choice. I rose off the ground while the big pig ransacked my cave for a minute. It returned even more ticked off than before, charging once again. But I had recently gained another proficiency level in Ursa form and wanted to test out the new strength buff. In hindsight, terrible move.

I grabbed it by the tusk. The force from the blow displaced me ten feet from where I was standing, my heels catching stones and dirt, but I stopped it. The beast’s nostrils flared right in my mouth, and before I could gag at the awful smell and taste assaulting my senses, its tusk glowed green for a moment. Sharp pins pricked my pads and punctured them. The pain in my paws ignited Ursa-Rage. I used all the added strength I could muster and gripped the tusk, twisting and slamming the porker into the dirt.

While it was stunned from the throw, I rained claws down on its exposed stomach until it quit breathing. Eh, longer than that actually. I’d gotten better at controlling the rage ability outside of combat, but inside of combat was still a coin flip.

The boar’s insides, probably better classified as outsides now, littered my campsite. I turned off Ursa and inspected the damage. My table was ruined, split right down the middle, and covered in green saliva goop. That green goop caught my attention, but before examining it closer, I saw an icon under my health bar. A small green skull.

 

[Poisoned]

 

“CRAP! Tutor! TUTOR!”

“What!? Shut up. You don’t have to scream, asshole. I can hear you just fine.”

“I’m poisoned!” I said, panicking a little.

“And?”

“What do I do? How do I get rid of it? I’m going to die!” Maybe a more than a little panic.

During my meltdown, I rushed to the river. I was going to clean off the blood in case that’s what caused the poisoning. The cold water made me flinch as I submerged my hands. I still had the cuts from the hog’s tusk.

“First off, get your knickers untwisted.” But I could barely comprehend her words, splashing and cleaning myself in what had to be water at absolute fucking zero.

“Dude. Dude! LIAM!” Tutor shouted.

Her shout hurt the inside of my head but was effective in getting me out of my panicked state.

“You good now?” She asked.

“Yeah, sorry. Little scared of poison.”

“I can see that. Now deep breaths. Do it with me.”

Following her cue, I breathed in, then out. In. Out. In, Grumble, Out. My stomach felt weird but I tried to ignore it. GRUMBLE. But it did not wish to be ignored. I moved my hand to my stomach. The rumbles turned into a dull ache, and then the rest is history. A very shitty history.

Note to self: avoid poison. At any cost.

Once the worst of it was over I went back and examined the mangled pig corpse. The tusk had very small orifices with the weird green goop oozing out of them. I took an educated guess that was the source of the poison. Kinda screamed POISON, you know. I cautiously grabbed its legs after more inspection and dragged the corpse out of camp, keeping away from the toxic tusk.

“You know what, that would be a good name for him. Toxic Tusk.” I said after depositing him a couple hundred feet away from the camp.

“Ehh. Sounds too video-gamey,” Tutor replied.

“Maybe. But knowing how this world names things, it won't be something cool like Porkus Maximus, the Piggly Wiggly, Swenom. Nah it'd probably be just Pigis. Man, I hope it's not Pigis. That sounds awful.”

I made my way back to camp and started cleaning up the place. There wasn’t much to my camp so it didn’t take too long. I picked up the broken pieces of my table and then buried any monster residue leftover from the fight. It took about half the day after all was said and done. I returned to the cave, munched on a leg quarter of the moose, and pulled out my stock of magical gardenias.

Their smell was intoxicating and the mere touch of them gave me goosebumps but these weren’t meant for eating. It was time to try to cultivate them. I found a spot on the side of the camp the pig didn’t ransack and dug out a square, making a plot for the seeds. I tilled it with my bare hands and dropped some seeds. Not all of them. Only four. It was going to take time to grow these properly. I didn’t want to use all of them in case they wouldn’t grow here for some reason. Gardening is a massive pain most of the time and I didn’t have my grandparents’ green thumbs. I was expecting failures on the first couple of tries.

But I had seeds to spare so I wasn’t too worried. I left them alone to do their germinating or whatever and trained for the rest of the day in relative peace.

 

That peace didn’t last long though. I woke up to more kerfuffling in my camp. One of the stupid poisonous piggies walked into my camp and wrecked the place. Which led to a repeat of yesterday’s events. Even the poison.

This proceeded to occur every morning like clockwork, even twice in the same day. I handled the first few with Ursa, repeating the same strategy of tossing and eviscerating. But the constant state of sickness grew tiresome quickly.

After the fourth morning I decided I might as well make the most out of it. I fought one with a mixture of Apis and my base form. Apis form’s mobility boost kept me away from the sinister tusk. I employed the simple strategy dodging its wild charges until it pooped itself out. And then slice through its hide with the help of my trusty sword while in base form.

The strategy worked out splendidly, until I carelessly rubbed my arm against the tusk celebrating the victory. “Yeah. Figures.” I said accepting my fate and walking over to the river.

I basically just bullied the poor things to death in Tigris form. It would charge and receive a long gash down its side as I gracefully side stepped its attacks while constantly berating them with ostentatious banter. Almost felt bad for them. That was until I found the reason for their constant attacks.

On the sixth morning, I woke at the crack of dawn, resolved to learn why these venomous swine kept attacking my camp. Were they purposefully attacking me or was it something else? I sat right where the flame Len left once was. It was actually a really nice spot to come and chill. I shifted into stone mode this time, for a change, and waited.

And right on cue, a hog stomped into my camp and proceeded to trample everything. It flipped my newly crafted table. Yes, it was stupid building another one, but I liked having some semblance of decorum. The beast knocked it off its legs and sniffed around. It sniffed and snorted around my camp for a while.

Its head shifted and it walked over to my little garden plot where it stopped. Ahh, that makes sense. They must be catching a whiff of the magical gardenias.

As if to confirm my suspicions, the boar stuck its face into the snow and dirt, trying to dig out the seeds I planted.

“Well we can’t have that now can we.” I shifted out of stone mode and made my way down in Apis form after jumping into a tree and climbing down. The pig was so enthralled in its search for my crops that it didn’t notice my presence until my sword was halfway through its neck.

The hog’s body slumped to the ground in a pool of its own blood and green goop. “God these things are revolting.” I looked down at the once tilled soil, now ruined and covered in weird saliva and snot. I had a sneaking suspicion this batch wouldn’t grow. “Stupid pig. How am I going to solve this?”

I lifted the boar's body in Ursa mode and tried to think of a new solution. Which wasn’t very productive as you can probably guess. I plopped him down with the rest of his fallen brethren. The smell coming off the carcasses was rough. Half of the pigs were decomposing at a rate way faster than back on Earth. It only took four nights for the first corpse to mostly decompose. It would probably have gone faster if the nights weren’t freezing.

“Burying them would probably be a better choice.” Tutor spoke up right as I turned to leave.

“You’re welcome to start digging anytime.” I replied.

“Seems cruel to just leave them to the elements.”

I just shrugged it off. I wasn’t going to worry about the bodies of dead monsters or their dignity. I needed to figure out a solution for my flowers. Should I make an enclosure? Nah the porkers would break down anything I could make. Different location then. But where?

I mulled over it while walking back to camp. An idea came to me as I made it back to the clearing in front of the cave. Len’s flame. That little patch of grass where I sat in stone form this morning would work. High off the ground and away from the boars. The quality of soil might not be great but these flowers grew in the middle of winter. I shrugged. “Might as well try.” I said while looking up at the location.

A sudden shuffling sound came from the direction of my cave, putting me on alert almost instantly. Another boar. I strained my ears, hoping to gather more information. Apis and Ursa are down but Tigris is up so it shouldn’t be that bad. The shuffling intensified, breaking my train of thought. The noises weren’t boisterous or accompanied by any snorting.

I crept up to the entrance of the cave and placed a hand on the side wall. I retracted it almost immediately. There was a strange slime coating on the side and the ground. Why is everything sticky and slimy lately? But now wasn’t the time to worry about that. Need to focus on whatever is invading my privacy.

With my sword at the ready, I ventured farther into the cave. The sounds came from the direction of my storage area, where I left a few gremlin weapons, the roc feather, and my adventuring bag. The one filled with magic flowers. It clicked.

Without thinking, I yelled in a low guttural voice, “MINE,” completely throwing away any stealth advantage I might have had. The shuffling quit and was replaced by a hissing sound. Great. A snake. I twirled the blade in my hand once and prepared myself for a tussle.

The hissing became louder and louder but I couldn't find its source. I checked my storage corner but nothing was there, aside from some slime on my bag. I clutched my sword tighter as I searched. The hisses bounced around the cave wall making it hard to pinpoint. I held my breath and stood still, trying to mute myself and focus. The hissing paused.

A drop of something fell on my shoulder. I inspected it. More slime. “Great.” I said with a big sigh while I looked up at the ceiling. Two giant glassy purple eyes stared back into mine. The slime in question dripped from its head. A weird growl/grumble/humming noise came from its throat.

I was staring at a giant gecko. Its skin matching the stone it clung to perfectly. Its tongue stuck out of its mouth and hissed. That’s right, its tongue hissed at me. Its tongue was shaped like a snake but no eyes or nostrils, just a mouth with an even smaller tongue. “What the fu…” was all I got about before its tail came down and found the right side of my torso.

The blow knocked me off my feet for a second but didn’t send me flying. I found my footing quickly and readied myself to strike back. It let go of the ceiling with its hind legs first. I swung for the fences on its exposed belly. The gecko’s tail swiped in my direction and a ball of gloop collided with my sword, slowing the attack but not enough for the blow to miss its target. The sword collided with the overgrown lizard, except it didn’t slice through. It slid right down the monster’s side. I inspected the sword as it finished climbing to the ground. The slime the monster threw with its tail had hardened and dulled the blade. “Sweeeeeeet.”

As soon as the gecko had all of its feet on the floor it rushed at me mouth wide open revealing a row of no less than 500 tiny teeth. I threw the blade away while I jumped to the side, narrowly avoiding the sea of teeth. I was about to shift into Tigris form but some more slime flung my way. I dodged the brunt of it but some landed on my shin and hardened immediately.

If that gets in my claws I’m screwed. Two more barrages came my way, forcing me to jump out of the way again. I landed near my stockpile of gremlin gear. “That might work.”

Grabbing two daggers, I shifted into gremlin form. I took a peek at my status bars; health was only down 20% and stamina maybe 10%. Not bad. I hope these crappy daggers will hack it.

Another shot of goop was coming my way but I dodged it. Gremlin’s increased agility made it much easier than before and allowed me to close the distance. I rushed past its mouth and aimed a slash at its hind leg. Its tail lashed out catching the dagger swipe. No slime this time, so the edge actually made contact and sliced right through the midsection of its tail. Good, low defense.

The cut off tail wiggled on the ground before shriveling instantly. The gecko jumped up and flipped in the air before landing on the ceiling again. Its tongue shot out and hissed at me.
Hopefully no more slime shots. But before I could celebrate my small victory its nubby tail twitched and shook violently. A new tail grew instantaneously out of the stub. And then shot another ball of slime at my dagger, knocking it out of my hand.

I shook my head, I threw the remaining dagger at the lizard’s head and ran to get more. The handle of the dagger smacked its forehead and fell to the ground. Magic moose missiles would be great right about now. I grabbed two more daggers and threw a spear while a few more slime shots came my way.

The slime hit the spear out of the air and stuck the spear to a wall of the cave. An idea bloomed in my head after seeing it. I looked at my stamina again. 75% full. Time to test it out. The gecko got off the ceiling after I threw more daggers at it. One actually scored a hit on its back. I clutched two spears. I activated Fight and Flight and feigned throwing the spear. It predictably slimed the spear. But with FnF turned on I could react faster to the projectile. I spun the spear and blocked the slime with the base. Before it could harden I shoved the spear into the dirt below me, pointed toward the monster, and clutched the other spear in my hands. The gecko hissed once more and charged at me. I stood my ground waiting for its assault. Its mouth opened just before it got to me and with the added speed I shoved my spear in its agape mouth. Its mouth closed, crushing the wooden spear before any real damage could be done. The gecko’s head slammed into me and threw me into a wall. But its momentum carried it directly into the spear that was stuck in the ground.

The spear impaled the gecko’s head, going straight through its brain. Its body flicked and shivered before finally calming down. I felt blood trickle down my back before going log mode to heal it.

I walked over to the hopefully dead gecko with a dagger in hand and cut through its throat. “Gotta double tap.” I said through labored breaths. My stamina was down to 25%. I sat down on the ground of the cave, right into a moist pile of slime. I heard Tutor chuckling in the back of my head. ”Shut up.”

I went to get up but couldn’t. The slime congealed, leaving me stuck there.

“Awesome.”