The not-immortal Blacksmith

46.2 A Tale of Ghondish III "H&H 2. I still hate my Muse."

“Okay, goat. I've heard a few rumors that you are up to something.” Maximilian said.

Ghondish just gave him the side eye from inside of his pen.

“I want in.” Maximilian said.

Ghondish raised an eyebrow; an interesting feat for a goat. “You sure?”

“I'm stuck up here for a century, thanks to the Heretic.” Maximilian replied. “I'm up for almost anything.”

“Then let me tell you the story of Humans and Highrises.” Ghondish said with a smile.

*-*-*

There were four of them gathered around a table; two gods and two small gods. A table that was covered in snacks and a couple of bottles of green bubbly liquid. A map of a “Luxury Town home Complex” laid out before them.

“So, I use my new 'Garden Tractor 3000', with the optional glass-packs, to mow the lawn. I start it up at exactly 7:30 in the morning, and race around the yard.” Maximilian said. “I will show that Soccer mom

what it's like to be woken up too early in the morning!”

“Alright,” Ghondish rolls dice, “A few minutes after you start mowing, Sarah comes out on her back deck in her housecoat and yells harsh words at you. Of course, you haven't a clue what she is yelling because of the noise.”

“Good!” Maximilian replied, chuckling. “I finish the lawn, then I head in for a breakfast beer.”

Ghondish turned his head, looking at the next player, “Okay. Kocha, What are you doing?”

“I'm so glad that I'm on the other side of the complex. I'll get up around 8, have breakfast, and read the morning paper.” Kocha said.

“Alright. The only real news is that the Wombats won the hockey game last night in a penalty shootout.” Ghondish replied.

“Hells bells! I lost next months rent on that game!!!” Kocha almost yells. “Okay, I call my bookie and ask for a repayment schedule. It's been a few months since the last one, I'm pretty sure he will do it.”

“Roll your 'Persuasion'. And you better roll high. You know he isn't fond of morning calls.” Ghondish said with an evil grin.

“Shit! Can I take that back?” Kocha said, eyes wide and mouth slightly agape.

“RAW says that you cannot. I'm sorry dude.” Ghondish responded.

“What's 'RAW' again?” Pendleton, the other small god at the table asked.

“Rules As Written.” Kocha replied, head shaking. “If we ever want to get into tournament play, we have to follow them.”

“Of course we would also need another player. Preferably female.” Maximilian said, miming drinking a beer, but actually taking a swig of the green liquid. “The more diverse the party, the better.”

“Doesn't being a Gnome count?” Pendleton asked.

“Not really.” Kocha said. “Gnomes, like gods, are a dime a dozen at these events. We have to have a better mix of players.”

“100XP to Kocha for using in game slang in the real world.” Ghondish announced.

“SWEET!” Kocha yelled. “Almost makes up for my screw up.” He proceeds to roll the dice. “I got a 12. Adding my modifier from 'Persuasion', that's an 19!”

“Okay. Good.” Ghondish said. “You call, the phone rings once, and Brash answers 'What you want?' How are you going to play this?”

“I tell him 'Hey, how you doin'? I need a little favor. I've got a rent payment due next week, is there any chance that I can make some kinda arrangement for paying what I owe you?' I hope this works.”

“Very on point. You hear the sound of breathing for a moment, then he responds, 'I suppose, but it's going to cost you.'” said Ghondish.

“I respond, 'Anything I can do, buddy!' I hope it isn't another case of that Hammies Beer. That stuff is nasty.” Kocha said.

“Oh no, it's worse. 'I want you to set me up on a date with that soccer mom. The one over on row 6? Next to that redneck dude.' Is his request.”

“He wants a date with Sarah the Ice Queen?!?” Kocha asks, eyes wide. “He's asking the impossible!”

“Well it's either that, or get what Johnny one nut got.” Maximilian replied.

“What did Johnny get?” Pendleton asks, voice a whisper.

“His lawn got forked, just before the ground froze.” Kocha said, unable to keep his voice from shaking. “The fines he accrued. It almost bankrupted him!”

“Dear other lords in heaven!” Pendleton said, jumping out of his seat. “That's worse that getting your trees TP'd! You better take him up on it!”

“Okay, you got this Kocha. You got this.”Kocha said. “Dice don't fail me now. I want to use my 'Barter' class ability from being an acquisitions agent to talk down the price. Maybe offer him an introduction to Sarah instead?”

“Roll it at disadvantage.” Ghondish replied.

“Okay. Two dice, take the lowest...” Kocha rolls the dice. “A 15, and...” The second die spins on the table for a few more seconds, “A 17! Sweet!”

“What's your bonus on 'Barter'?” Ghondish asked.

“Double proficiency, plus Charisma bonus... total bonus is +10, for a whopping total of 25!” Kocha, and the other player, let out a relieved breath.

“Okay. You just made the DC by 1.” Ghondish replies. “Bash tells you 'Okay, I get it. But make it for tonight. I got business the rest of the week.' What do you tell him?”

“I say 'Of course Brash! The least I could do for a good buddy like you!' I hope he buys it.” Kocha said. “I'm so dead. I'm going to have to spend all of my 'Social Cred' to get this to work.”

*-*-*

“Alright guys, that's a wrap for tonight!” Ghondish said with a huge grin.

“Pendleton, where did you learn to do that?” Maximilian asked, “That speech you gave at the meeting was a masterpiece!”

“Oh, that was from a stint I did a while back at that bard's college.” Pendleton said. “It was a blast. I even got the starring roll in Romeo and Orgasha the Orc Maiden!”

“Oh, wow! That was an awesome opera!” Ghondish said.

“What I can't believe is that Sarah didn't slap Brash on their date!” Pendleton said. “That man must be a monster! And then Tiffany at the impromptu association meeting? I almost slapped her myself! I'm starting to think Sarah might be worth not messing with anymore.”

“You weren't there for the open house. Sarah is a complete bitch. If it weren't for my 'Blue Collar Code of Conduct', I would have punched her, right there, in front of the police! Consequences be damned!” Maximilian said.

“So, see you all next week?” Ghondish asked, and was answered with an enthusiastic “YES!” from everyone. “Okay, 7pm sharp!” And with that, the players departed.

“I miss Gob. He would have loved this group.” Ghondish sighed. “At least he gave me his books before...” He trailed off into silence. “Okay, next week is the Garden Party, and the road work. This should be fun!”