The Priest Wants to Retire

EP.112 Winter (3)

Three days have passed since then.

It was enough time to recover my physical strength, but far too short to disperse the dark clouds looming over my heart.

Was it the anxiety of the blessing ceremony happening tomorrow?

Or was it the guilt of coldly turning away the desperate voices longing for my touch?

With my mind filled with tumultuous thoughts, I couldn’t hastily conclude.

Even while I could feel the regret that my judgment had been emotional, I also felt a sense of relief that I should have acted like this from the start.

I couldn’t precisely define what color my heart was.

So for now, all I could do was repeatedly chew on my wavering resolutions.

It was certainly too late to turn back now. This had to be the best choice.

I shut my eyes tightly, solidifying this cowardly decision, not knowing how my future self might reflect on it.

“Hoo…”

After slightly easing the pent-up emotions lodged in my throat, I leaned against the wall for support as my body swayed for some unknown reason.

Yet, I still cautiously held the small tray in my hand, making sure nothing spilled over.

It wasn’t something I was proud of.

What I was doing was less of an achievement and more a habit ingrained from days of unceasingly helping her with meals.

Honestly, I felt relieved to have a moment of respite.

Even in such a state of turmoil, my body moving on its own was a comforting thing.

“Regis Priest…!”

Just then.

A frantic voice from behind jolted my scattered thoughts awake.

“There you are… I have been searching for you for quite a while…”

“Sister Marianne…?”

The source of the voice was none other than Sister Marianne, who looked distinctly fatigued.

Since that day, while my health had fully recovered, for some reason, Sister Beltein, whose consciousness still hadn’t returned, had left all her duties to Marianne, who had noticeably lost weight.

It was understandable.

The workload of Sister Beltein, who was in charge of all operations at this monastery, was enough to make anyone dizzy, as I experienced even just part of it before.

Moreover, with the grand blessing ceremony taking place, Marianne had to work extra hard to fill that enormous void.

It was evident what kind of hell she was experiencing.

“The Hero is causing another ruckus! Apis and Dawna seem to have no intention of stopping him! At least Bigtim is helping a bit, but given the circumstances, it’s slow going. So, Priest! Could you please come over here as soon as you finish what you’re doing…!?”

“Ah, yes…”

Faced with Sister Marianne’s desperate plea that looked like she would burst into tears if I refused, I could only nod my head.

I could clearly imagine the chaos the Hero was causing.

After a recent assassination incident, the so-called Hero, who had claimed he would never overlook an intruder out of respect for his desires, had suddenly locked himself in his room, vowing to cut off his lust and began an unclear training ritual.

What kind of training this Hero was doing was still a mystery.

However, based on what Bigtim had previously reported, about taking some of my spare clothes and personal items with my scent right before he locked himself in, I could vaguely infer that it wasn’t legitimate training.

Fortunately, he would come out if I desperately begged him.

While it was quite an embarrassing and, depending on who you asked, awkward method, it was the only approach I had right now to persuade a Hero who was determined to uphold his decision.

“Please tell Bigtim I’ll be there shortly…”

“Th-thank you, Regis Priest…”

A sigh of relief escaped Marianne as if a heavy burden had been lifted.

As her flustered composure began to settle, I threw a question I had been holding onto.

“By the way, how is Sister Beltein doing? Is she feeling any better since before?”

“Yes, she still hasn’t entirely recovered from the shock of the incident, but she’s gradually showing signs of regaining consciousness. I think she’ll be back to her usual self by the end of the ceremony.”

“Hah… Thank goodness…”

A wave of intense relief washed over me from deep within my chest.

I was the first to heal Sister Beltein when she was on the brink of unconsciousness.

Of course, I had done my best within my limits, and I had even heard later from Marianne that my prayers were perfect, but as long as Sister Beltein’s consciousness remained unclear, the shadow of unease lingered deep in my heart.

“Uh, um, Regis Priest… If it’s not too much trouble, may I ask what you’re doing right now…?”

“Yes? As you can see, I’m bringing breakfast to the Saint.”

Even with such a predicament happening, serving her meals was still my duty.

While the difficulty of the task was trivial with countless capable hands around, it was unavoidable as she wouldn’t eat unless it was from my hands.

“The meeting room is directly opposite from here, you know…”

“…”

The uncomfortable silence that was hard for both of us to bear only subsided as I turned red and dashed towards the meeting room with my suddenly returned clarity.

◈◈◈

“Saint, it’s meal time.”

Perhaps out of subconscious desire to make up for the awkwardness earlier, my voice naturally grew heavy without any effort.

Cold and indifferent. Relentlessly ruthless.

The emotionless tone with no trace of warmth must have felt even colder to her, who had been accustomed to my usual friendliness.

“Oh, big bro…”

Yet she clung to that frightfully cold greeting.

That pitiful voice, as if gently stroking my ear with thin feathers, would have horrified me just days ago.

But maybe it was because I suspected this was all a facade to stir my sympathy.

Instead of my heart racing, it was gradually calming down.

The emotionless demeanor she always wore was nowhere to be found.

It seemed she was both scared of my unfamiliar appearance and mustering her little courage to approach me hesitantly, and it looked incredibly fragile.

However.

“I told you not to call me big bro, Saint.”

“Eep!”

From the firm tone that left no room for mercy, it was clear that the shock showed on the Saint’s face.

“Here. Fork and knife. I’ll just watch you eat until you finish today as well. Again, I must remind you, I won’t be feeding you anymore. Understand?”

“Huh! Eep…”

“Your response.”

“Ah, uhh… Aah…”

“Your response.”

“Ugh! Yes, yes…”

She would have to eat on her own from now on.

Just a couple of days ago, she had cried as if the world was ending when I first brought this up.

But the moment that she burst into tears, I had resolutely walked out of the meeting room without a single word.

Ever since that hard stance, she wouldn’t dare throw a tantrum again.

In the first place, it was my fault for giving in to all her little whims.

Even if I had been just a little tougher on her, at least if I had ingrained it in her that such tantrums wouldn’t always yield good results, this terrible situation wouldn’t have occurred.

Of course, it wasn’t entirely her fault.

I also acknowledged that ignorance is a sin, but it is universally accepted that a child’s ignorance falls under the responsibility of the nearest adult.

Therefore, to correct that mistake, I needed to toughen my heart from now on.

“Now, hurry up and eat. It’s not going to work if you intentionally take your time like last night. Once the time is up, I’ll just leave.”

“Ugh, uhh!”

“You need to respond.”

“Yes, yes! Yes…”

With that final warning, breakfast for the Saint finally began.

The sight of her, desperately attempting to eat her tear-soaked breakfast with a tightly clenched wooden fork, was a scene I could barely bring myself to witness before.

“Huh! Ugh! Hah! U-uuh…”

Thud. Thud.

She dropped more food than she managed to eat, and the continuous tears smeared over her beautiful face, mixing with the sticky sauce all over it.

Yet, despite witnessing such a pitiful scene, not even a hint of sympathy stirred in my heart.

No, I shouldn’t feel any sympathy.

This level of suffering couldn’t even be considered suffering for someone who had carelessly toyed with another’s life.

To deeply instill in her the weight of life, only this degree of corporal punishment was insignificant.

“Stop crying and eat properly. Don’t leave anything behind.”

“Yes, yes! Yes! Ugh! Yes!”

Just a few minutes had passed.

Why did that fleeting moment feel like an eternal moment of enduring hardship?

I don’t know.

I decided not to know.