The Villainess Is An SS+ Rank Adventurer

The light diminished as the knight prodded his sword back into its sheath.

“Allow me to provide my other title,” he said, his smile twinkling in place of his weapon. “Although I am known far and wide as the Knight of the Cresting Sun, those from my hometown of Heizholm simply refer to me as their hero.”

I raised an eyebrow in doubt.

In all the many minutes I’d spent devising my meticulous scheme to turn farm boys into heroes, few were spent considering how to outfit them. After all, the only armour they needed was luck and blind persistence. 

Yet here was a self-proclaimed hero outfitted with armour so polished that other knights would use it as a mirror.

“You are a hero of Ouzelia?”

“I am, indeed.” He gestured towards himself good-naturedly. “Do I not look the part?”

“I confess I expected the heroes of Ouzelia to involve more … overalls.”

The man gave a well-meaning chuckle.

“We have rugged heroes and heroines aplenty, if that is what you mean. Many of us are drawn from the humblest beginnings, our swords found buried in soil or beneath a floorboard. But we represent all the people, and mine was ever a family of knights.”

He patted the weapon by his side.

“Incidentally, my sword was gifted to me by a water nymph in a lake.”

I barely held back a groan.

To allow myself to be aided by any knight not my own was already highly unorthodox. But I could already tell that this one would have me rolling my eyes so much it’d be impossible to follow in a straight line.

Even so!

If it was for the sake of hastening my return to my blooming hydrangeas, then I could bear any knightley pompousness … within reason … of which the quantity had yet to be decided.

“Very well, then,” I said, massaging my ears for the endless smalltalk ahead. “I shall allow you to assist me.”

“Oh? And what assistance might I render such a fair maiden from afar?”

“I need to find a missing dragon.”

The hero merely nodded, no differently than had I informed him I required his back as a footstool.

“Is that so? Which missing dragon would this be, then?”

“Coppelia?”

“The big guy~”

“There you have it. The big guy. He’s in possession of a large and poorly hidden secret library located nearby. Do you know where he might be found?”

“I’m afraid I’m unaware of any missing dragons or secret libraries nearby. But I’m certain I’d be able to find this missing gentleman, wherever he might now be. Even those with wings leave tracks, provided one searches keen enough.”

“Excellent. When might you be able to begin?”

The hero offered a casual glance around at the bridge he was guarding against the same maidens he was luring away from their work.

“Well, I suppose I could set off once my immediate tasks are complete. My horse still needs grooming. And judging by the state of yours, that would be the first port of call for where a hero is needed.”

“I beg your pardon!” I said, thoroughly aghast. “Apple does not need grooming! More specifically, he does not need grooming by anyone whose hands were not trained anywhere less than a royal stables! I’ve looked inside his shaggy mane. Why, my eyes are still trying to unentangle themselves. I do not have time to wait!”

“A pressing quest, I see. As most involving dragons are.” 

The hero gave an unnecessary flick of his golden hair. More and more, I was already regretting my choice.

“Yet before I choose to seek a missing dragon, I would first need to know your purpose for finding him. A necessary formality, I hope you understand. Heroes in the past used to ask no questions, but we were often rewarded with the schemes of the wicked than the gratitude of the dispossessed.”

“Then you’ve little to fear. My goals are as pure as my smile.”

“You are not smiling, ma’am.”

“No. But I will be once I’ve successfully extorted … negotiated … no, extorted this dragon. And so shall you, for that matter. A grateful dragon will doubtless be generous. And this is one who needs rescuing from the claws of a wicked cult.”

“Ah.” The hero offered a simple nod. “So that’s what it is.”

I waited for some measure of surprise. Of perhaps at least one other question regarding why I would wish to rescue a missing dragon instead of celebrating that there was now one fewer to kidnap me.

Nothing came.

“Do you wish to make any additional queries … ?”

“This is more than enough. A dragon was abducted by a cult. And now a maiden wishes to see this evil deed undone.”

“Well, yes, I suppose that is the brief of it. Will you be able to provide directions?”

“I am indeed able.”

“Wonderful” I gave my hands a tidy clap, offering a morsel of the smile all heroes cherished to see as a reward. “In that case, shall we set off at once?”

“No.”

“... Do you need to groom your horse?”

“Yes. But that’s not the reason. I’m afraid I have no jurisdiction over Witschblume. For this missing dragon, you would need to find Elise Rowe.”

I palmed my face.

For a moment, I merely stayed there, relishing in the warmth of darkness.

“Elise Rowe is on holiday,” I said as I slowly looked up. “For 287 days.”

“Really?” The knight blinked in surprise. “Goodness, that’s not a lot, is it?”

“E-Excuse me?! How many days in a year are there in Ouzelia?!”

“Not enough to ensure the protectors of the realm are well rested. If Miss Rowe is on holiday, then this is all the more reason not to lend my assistance. To be seen as taking advantage of her absence would mean the ruin of my reputation.”

“Surely that is irrelevant! If the current heroine is unavailable, others need to take her place!”

The self-proclaimed hero shook his head.

“Others most certainly do not. It would set a dangerous precedent. I’d never find rest again if calamities knew a different hero would simply step in when I was away. So with my apologies, I must decline this quest.”

Of all the expressions of horror I possessed, none were enough for this.

A knight … and a hero, was rejecting the opportunity to be my unpaid labour?!

“Y-You can decline quests?! From me?!”

“Of course.” He raised his palms in apology. “Heroes are in high demand and in short supply. Although I wish I could help every maiden in need, I must use my time pragmatically.”

“You are loitering on public infrastructure!”

“No. I am meeting a stranger from afar. One whose presence demanded my immediate attention. I now have a cherry bakewell slowly melting into a rather unappetising coulis, and a very sweaty horse.”

I looked at the horse in question. There wasn’t a drop of sweat to be found.

Meaning, of course, there should be no issue with it bearing its rider back where it apparently had the ability to do more than needlessly harass princesses on bridges.

“Ugh. Very well, then,” I said, already looking past the man’s insufficiently apologetic expression. “If you will not assist, then I shall go see if this Mad Prophet can offer his insight instead.”

I tugged on Apple to go around.

Once again, the man set his steed before me like a particularly shiny boulder.

“Excuse me … but why are you still obstructing the bridge?”

“My apologies, fair maiden. But you must not rescue this dragon.”

I took a deep breath, then peered up at the pearly blue sky.

So pretty. So far. So peaceful. Up there, no failed heroes or the shrieking of maidens could reach me.

And then I brought myself slowly back down.

“... Very well. Why must I not rescue this dragon?” 

“Because doing so would contravene the rules of understanding which both you and I know.”

“Excuse me? What rules of understanding? This is Ouzelia. There are no rules.”

“There are plenty of rules. One must use a knife and fork when eating with tableware, for example.”

“To eat using cutlery is as far as your civilisation has reached?!”

“No. We also have a chaotic, but established system through which heroes and heroines operate to ward away the ills of the land. And so here in the Fabled Realm, the propositions of the Adventurer’s Guild have been rebuffed repeatedly … as you doubtless know. I have no jurisdiction in Witschblume. But you have none in Ouzelia. This is why I am here.”

I raised my arms in exasperation.

“This is the reason you’re accosting me?”

“I’m merely ascertaining facts,” he said. “The Adventurer’s Guild has no presence in Ouzelia. To therefore find one of their own seeking to undertake a task very much considered a quest for heroes is both curious and unnecessary. I’m certain that after 287 days, Miss Rowe will see your dragon safe and sound.”

“That is not good enough!” I pointed somewhere to the horizon. “I need to see this dragon shedding tears of gratitude! This cannot be done if I’m not present to receive them!”

The man appeared torn between bemusement and doubt.

“I’m uncertain if dragons can shed tears. And I fear the process of discovering it would be an unwelcome prospect.” 

“Unwelcome?! Why, I am volunteering to do your job for you–with nothing in return other than the massive amounts of gold and gemstones I will extort for my time!”

Beside me, Coppelia let out a discreetly hacking cough.

“–And also for a matter concerning my loyal handmaiden, yes.”

The hero was unmoved. Literally so. 

Far from leaping off his horse in joy that I was saving him a dragon to rescue, he merely tapped idly at his reins.

“As generous in deed and in spirit as the Adventurer’s Guild claims their members to be. To offer your own time to do this with only the rewards you yourself might claim is a far cry from the bureaucracy of modern adventurers. And so I will be frank–your presence endangers our livelihood.”

The knight’s smile didn’t fade. But his cheeks did harden, the oil shifting with the skin. 

My response was to point directly at his nose, forcing him to lean away.

“I am not part of whatever industrial dispute you have with the Adventurer’s Guild! I am here for my own purposes, and should you claim even a whiff of either chivalry or heroism, you will do all you can to ensure my task is made simpler! That you would block my path is an outrage to your profession!”

The hero paused.

Then, after a moment, his shoulders and even his golden locks drooped. The genial smile turned into one of defeat. And a look of shame came upon him.

“You are right. To stand in the way of a heroic deed is an appalling example. What right do we in this realm have to deny those who would lend their valour? To do such a thing is to defeat all that we stand for. I offer my apologies, and hope you will not hold this against the good people of this land.” 

I leaned away slightly, my lips tightly pursed.

“... Yes, well, as long as you do not bar my way, this is all that is important.”

“Of course.”

The hero nodded seriously.

And then he leaned down and reached into a small saddlebag. Out came an even smaller bag. One which jingled with the tinkling of coins.

He offered it out to me. I returned the gesture with a tilt of my head.

“Excuse me, but are you offering to reimburse my travel expenses?”

“No. It is your reward.”

“For what?”

“For your assistance in informing us of a missing dragon.”

He smiled. I smiled as well.

And then I accepted the small bag of coins, before tipping its contents into my bottomless pouch.

“Now, I trust that will be all?” said the hero cheerfully.

“Indeed. It was a delight to meet you.” I offered a polite nod. Then nudged Apple onwards. “Now, please excuse me.”

The man did not, in fact, excuse me.

“Ma’am, I just gave you gold.”

“And I just took it. As payment for attempted bribery.”

His regret came in the form of a further delve into his saddlebags. Out came a second bag.

I was appalled … as was Coppelia, who stepped up to roundly point at the shameless charlatan.

“How dare you!” she said, a rare scowl creasing her expression. “To attempt to pay off this fair maiden is an insult unworthy of any of us!”

Coppelia!

Of course, this was her homeland’s reputation being desecrated! She would not stand for such sullying!

“This is not any adventurer!” she said, gesturing passionately to me. “This is an A-rank adventurer! That means her bribery rates are higher!”

“C-Coppelia?!”

Suddenly, the knight’s posture stiffened. He appraised me with narrowing eyes.

“An A-rank adventurer? … I see. Then it’s as I suspected. You were deliberately sent here. And yet I’m afraid I lack the funds to properly reimburse someone whose wealth likely exceeds mine. Heroism is not a profession which rewards crowns, but gratitude. And so I must ask firmly that you pay heed to wisdom and allow others to tend to this dragon problem.”

I matched his upright posture, if only to prevent the natural trembling as I battled the shame.

“O-Oh? And what will you do? Bar me from performing my deeds of charity?”

Thus, I raised my hand to my lips, barely covering my smile.

“Ohohoho … you are a hero bound by naivety and a knight chained by chivalry. I am the fairest maiden of any land. You are simply not permitted to stop me. To forcibly do so would be a travesty.” 

The man rolled his shoulders.

“True,” he said, offering a gentlemanly smile as worthless as the pittance he considered a bribe. “Which is why this will instead be a test to ensure you are worthy to brave the dangers of Ouzelia. After all, I cannot in good conscience allow you to pass, knowing what lies ahead.”

He allowed my appalled expression to fully set.

And then– 

A sword boasting enough radiance to burn away the sun was drawn from its sheath.