This DCverse is Maddening

“I had a great time!”

Harley chirped as she skipped through the eerily quiet streets, her heavy footsteps echoing through the ghost town. Blonde hair tied up in pigtails, bounced in tandem with each powerful explosion of controlled muscles. She wore a tight blade bubble coat with the words ‘Bitch with an attitude’ scrawled across the back, with gray sweatpants that seemed a couple of sizes too big for her frame.

“Pamela is very good at it.” Albert had to acquiesce to that fact. Unlike his games, where things were chaotic, the nymph had taken a very methodical approach to it all. She had planned for the blondes nature and tied it into the story itself. Ivy wasn’t flummoxed nor floored by her extremely random actions.

‘Perhaps that’s a perk from knowing Harley for so long?’ He mused as his eyes raked in the ominously, freshly polished bat of her,’ Expect the unexpected?’

If it was, he could only eye that particular perk from a far for now and vie enviously for it like a gamer spotting a new skill tree option deep within that elusive fog.

“Yep!” She said with her chest puffed out in obvious pride, like a parent bragging to their other adult friends about how great and talented their kid truly is. The type of bragging that make them take a look at their own children and suddenly feel a wave of ineptitude. “Red is a-amazing! Ain’t she?! Like an onion, layers and what not!”

“She certainly is…”

He said absently, eyes taking in the street before them. Gotham had somehow gotten worse over the last few days, maybe it was just the fact that the city cleaners weren’t active for well over a week….and of course the looting. Every single storefront they came across had their windows shattered, leaving behind shards that made the break ins seem like a slathering maw all too eager to swallow them whole. Paper, cans, bottles, hell even ripped open boxes just laid littered all around the street.

‘The city certainly has a lot of work ahead of them…’

He honestly actually felt bad for the poor person who would be responsible for cleaning everything up, more so than the absolute fortune the insurance companies were going to be required to pay out. He was just glad that it wasn’t going to be his responsibility to get this city back in it’s scenic condition.

“You do that a lot, you know?”

Harley whistled, swinging around to walk backwards with a type of grace and ease that most people didn’t have while walking normally. Not even her large boots, that looked like it belonged in a character concept art from a game, could affect that grace. He had no idea how she did it and could feel a spike of envy at her casual show of athleticism.

“Do what?”

Albert asked after a few moments of silence that seemed a lot louder than if he were in the middle of a rowdy group of drunk college students.

“Do...that!” She waved a finger across his face as though in indication,” You just get lost in there! Like your constantly in a maze or something!”

He actually had to paused there in thought, mind pulling up every interaction that he’s had since coming to this world and could see exactly what she meant. He did have a pretty bad habit of closing himself up in the middle of conversations and leave the other party hanging as his mind races.

‘Huh….’ He thought sheepishly,’ I didn’t think that quirk followed me hear..’

Going back further, he noticed that this was a problem of his from even back in his old life.

“I don’t mean to.” He sighed with a scratch to the side of his head,” It just happens sometimes.”

“Hmmm.”

She murmured with a somewhat piercing gaze, eyes flickering across his finger in such a way that left him bare to the world. As though to strip him layer by layer, exposing all his uglier bits. Such a gaze caused his muscles to seize up in kind, like a little rabbit sensing the big bad wolf. And like that prey animal, he leaned further into his natural advantages to escape this tenuous situation.

Practically falling at the feet of Psychology, he let the two juggernauts to duke it out and hopefully have this bug no longer be on their radar. It was a tense for heartbeats, a still air between them and honestly, he wouldn’t have been surprised if a tumbleweed rolled in from between them. Whether or not she just got bored or decided that it wasn’t worth it the trouble, she decided to change the subject.

“Whatevs.” Harley shrugged nonchalantly,” It ain’t my problem or anything. Just don’t get so caught up in your thoughts that you get hit by a car. Anyway, let’s play a game!”

“A game?” He asked wearily,” What kind of game?”

“Nothing too difficult or anything!” She smirked,” Just a little icebreaker is all! This is our first time being one on one like this! The game’s called: Two Truths and One Lie. The rules are pretty self explanatory. We each three things about ourselves. And it’s your opponents job to pick out the lie. Easy right?”

“I think you have the upper hand here….” Albert felt her ability to tell lie from truth was severely underplayed in the comics and games, she was a nightmare for any dungeon master who wanted to keep some secrets to themselves. And he knew that his own skill was nowhere near enough to completely shield him from her.

“It’s just a game!” The blonde twirl, blonde hair and bat swinging like a tornado,” Plus besides, there’s no winning or loosing here! C’mon! It’ll be fun and informative!”

While she did have her own advantages here, so did he. Especially with her entire character, past to present to future, all laid out for millions of eyes to see. She was a very popular character back on Earth so there honestly wasn’t a lot that wasn’t known about her. But therein lies the problem, him exposing exactly how much he knew about her would throw out all the progress he’s made with her so far.

It would make him suspicious beyond imagine, and he wouldn’t be surprised if he was paid a visit from Ivy to whisk away his memories of the last week completely.

And it wasn’t like he could lie about knowing which was truth or not, that wouldn’t work with her exception deceit detector of hers. And could possibly even turn her hostile towards him.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

He said after throwing off the sudden shiver that overtook him in that moment, that possibility was the very thing he was trying to avoid. After all, unlike Batman; she didn’t have any scruples about killing.

“Why?” She quirked a single brow, before pouting petulantly,” You don’t wanna get to know ol’Harley here?”

‘I think she needs as many good friends as she can get.’

Despite the blonde’s teasing attitude, he only got a mere flickering scent of hurt just beneath the surface. He didn’t know if that was intentional or not, but those words Ivy had said to him just kept bombarding themselves into his mind. Her situation like hot coals in the pit of his stomach; a war of self-preservation, apathy, and empathy raged endlessly.

No, Harley Quinn was an awful person. Someone responsible for the death of many, tragedies that could’ve been avoided but not because of her own twisted feelings of love/obsession towards a monster that couldn’t see her as anything more than a tool. A tool to be used and discarded once it’s duty had been fulfilled. Exactly that had happened multiple times, and it wasn’t pretty for anyone to see.

“I don’t want to lie.”

He said carefully, picking his words with such care that it was more akin to dancing through a mine field.

“….” For the first time since meeting the blonde, she was silent. Looking as though she too were sifting through her own words. “I guess I can see that. Starting off any kind of relationship on a lie, never tends to go well.”

Albert was a bit thrown after hearing the usual bubbly woman sound so serious for once, it was like seeing someone only wear blue their entire life before they showed up one day in all red. A simple impossibility. A wonder, something to be recorded in the halls of history.

“Hey!” She barked, that same old smile slipping itself back on her face with just a thought,” You don’t gotta look so shocked! I can for sure spit out some sage advice! In fact, I do it all the time! People just don’t listen is all! I’m sure that they could put some of the things I say on fortune cookies and make an absolute fortune!”

He could only shake his head at her words, a sense of relief filling his body as they continued down the silent street. Feeling as though he had passed through some kind of boundary and entered into a brand new zone. He knew the challenges that would fall ahead of him if he were serious about becoming one of the blonde’s people. The Joker, Batman and even the future Amanda Waller if he wasn’t careful enough. But looking at the bubbly blonde chatter on, he just knew it would be worth it in the end.

***********************************************************************************

“I wanna cig.” Harley sighed as she slammed shut yet another freezer with an obvious air of annoyance,” And I don’t even smoke….anymore! This is ridiculous!”

“Good luck finding any around here.” Albert snorted,” I’m pretty sure they were the first items being snatched up. Nicotine withdrawals aren’t all too pretty to look at.”

“Yeah, don’t I know it….” She murmured absently,” It’s been months since I last touched the stuff. Don’t start smoking, else you’ll grow up to be like me.”

‘I think you’re missing a few steps there…’

Were the words he wanted to say but decided receiving a bat to the back of the head wasn’t worth the snide remark.

“Got it.”

He said instead and they fell into silence once more, only the sound of them searching the abandoned liquor store their only companion. The store had already been thoroughly ransacked and completely stripped bare of even the faintest drop of fire water, probably even on the first day in fact. Alcohol would always be a hot commodity in this post-apocalyptic hell he was in now, and not just for it’s recreational use either. Liquor could be used to clean wounds, dull pain and even help falling asleep quicker.

Too bad such a useful substance was equally as destructive, a double-edged sword against the neck of any who relied too heavily on the concoction. Don’t even get him started on how overpowered alcohol was in both Call of Cthulhu and Pulp Cthulhu….

“Okay!” She said suddenly, breaking the silence with a sudden exhale of breathe,” I’m gonna smash these pretty shelves if I keep looking. Break time!”

Sighing, he down onto the cold floor with his back pressed uncomfortably against the shelves attached fixedly into the wall itself, protruding pieces of wood stabbing ruthlessly into his back at odd angles. It would do for now, but he got the feeling that staying there would definitely result in him developing some kind of weird pain that would be a bitch to get rid of.

After rummaging around in his nearby backpack, that had frankly became his lifeline in this new world, he took out a pack of trail mix Darnell had found prudent for everyone (besides Ivy of course) to take with them and a bottle of water. At first, Albert hadn’t really thought that such a snack would be required especially since they would be out scavenging for food.

‘Guess that proved me wrong…’ He thought self-deprecatingly as the nutty and chocolate taste exploding across his tongue, small bits of dried fruit crunching and getting stuck in his teeth before washing it all down with a few sips of water. ‘Yes, definitely wrong.’

While all this was happening, he was counting down in his head as the silence stretched on. If there was one thing he learned after spending so much time with the hyperactive blonde, it was that she could not stand silence in the least. It was almost like it was her arch-nemesis that she chased away with a metal stick wrapped in bloody wire.

‘...8..9..10...11...12-’

“Sooo..” Like always, Harley started slowly. Her words having that slight teasing edge that he had frankly assigned to her normal way of speaking by this point,” Red told me you wanted to be a PI?”

Honestly, he wasn’t surprised the red head hadn’t kept their conversation to herself. The two were best friends, it would’ve been foolish to assume otherwise.

Swishing another mouthful of water in his mouth, he swallowed and answered the attentive blonde,” Yeah, she’s right.”

‘Not like there’s any reason to try and hide it now..’

“That’s soooo cool!” She smiled, leaning back into the empty shelves behind her,” Buuut, your missing something!”

“Like what?”

Now he was genuinely interested what she thought was missing, given her insane observations skills maybe whatever she had to say could be of great help i-

“A bowlers hat!” And just like that, his expectations went down the drain,” No-no. Hear me out first. You got the beat-up trench coat down and all you need now is a hat of some sort. A whole lot people will tell you that a fedora is the way to go here, they’re wrong! Completely an utterly wrong! I know it’s a classic for noir films, but bowlers don’t have the same reputation as fedoras do now. Instead of people assuming your gonna slap a broad before kissing her, they’re gonna expect you to say M’Lady!”

Even Albert had to flinch there as the truth got hammered home. No matter how much it hurt to admit that, she was right in the end.

‘I was way to naive…’ He thought,’ Of course internet culture would develop this fast..’

Fedoras were often closely associated with the term ‘neckbeard’, a word to tie to anyone that someone could be deemed a loser in some way. Usually depicted as an obsessed man with patchy facial hair, especially around the neck area, and often tipping the beloved hat. It added points if they carried a katana along with them also.

While all this was true in his old world, he honestly hadn’t expected the term to gain traction here also.

“I can see your point.”

Albert said glumly, despite knowing the hat would get mocked out of most serious situations it still somewhat crushed his ambitions.

“Don’t be so down!” She said quickly after seeing the teen’s slacking expression,” I’m sure you’ll look the part without the fedora! Plus besides, bowlers hats feel more intimidating! I would mess with someone any day of the week if I saw someone wearing a fedora, a bowlers hat? Nah, that’s that old school gangster.”

‘But I don’t wanna be a gangster…’

“Anyway…” Harley started,” Since you’re a PI, you must have some stories you can tell?”

He was grateful for the topic change, but still paused before answering. He had a certain brand he wanted to establish early on. No one would want to hear a private investigator if they blabber to anyone who would listen and at worst, he could be seen as an informant or something.

‘I wouldn’t survive a week.’

“I really shouldn’t…” Albert murmured,” I want to be known for my ability to keep my mouth shut.”

“Sorry to burst your bubble hun,” She did not sound sorry in the slightest bit,” But if you’re gonna be an unlicensed private investigator, there’s gonna be some folk who’ll just kill you to keep something hidden. It’s not a secret if two people knows about it. But I won’t push!”

‘Yeah,’ He snorted with a fervently beating heart,’ But you’ll scare the hell out of me instead!’

He hadn’t honestly thought of things in that way, what would happen if one of his clients just decided to ‘silence’ him just to keep whatever he found in the dark? Sure, he had his gun but he couldn’t sleep with it in his hands at all times. It was both unregistered and he was a minor (emancipated or not) after all, the cops would quickly sweep him up and slap a massive charge on him.

Why hadn’t he thought of that possibility coming up?

‘Because I thought of this world as a game..’ He answered his own internal question, wishing to slap his own forehead at his foolish thoughts. There were plenty of betrayals in noir plots all the time! And while those protagonists could shoot or guile their way out of trouble, Albert wasn’t so lucky. He couldn’t charm his way out of a wet paper bag, and if he were actually kill his own client then that would hammer a nail into his agency’s coffin. No one would want to work with someone who kills their clients. Self-defense or not.

Maybe this wouldn’t be a problem later on his career, especially after he got his skills as high as possible. But until then, he was vulnerable.

‘How can I protect myself from people like that?’ His mind spun, senses growing dead to the world as he sunk deeper in contemplative silence,’ I could make them sign a contract? Like a two-way NDA that gives them the protection of the law against me speaking out? Put in terms that makes it prohibitive for me to say anything? No that won’t work. The moment they get a subpoena, it’ll make anything invalid and after that I would have no choice but to spill my guts less my past client decide my death was worth the price.’

‘What else can I do? Maybe blackmail them after the case is done? Use the knowledge and secrets I hold to keep them at bay? No. Not only would that eat me up inside wielding a guillotine over their necks, but what if they got desperate enough to kill me anyway?’

‘Maybe I could do like a middle ground? Tell them upfront that I would be keeping copies of all the evidence I found in an undisclosed location for my own safety? And if that scares them off, then it was for the best for both parties? Yeah, let’s do that instead. It’s not blackmail if both parties agree to it..that just sounds wrong..’

Albert sighed as the world came back into focus, only to hear the heavy smattering of rain outside. Looking up, he saw a sight that definitely did send a shiver up his spine. The dim street lights, the heavy rain, the dark room; all of it came together to make the wildly grinning blonde less than a foot away from his face all the more terrifying. Her wide blue eyes glinting with a look he normally attributed to cats catching a mouse, her pale skin seeming to glow ominously under the dim beams, blonde pig tails that looked more like the horns of some sort of fey creature.

He froze like a rabbit before a wolf, like a youth forced to introduce himself to the class. The anxiety and fear coalescing into a sensation that left him helpless. His lungs stilled, heart faltering, eyes opened wide. He didn’t dare move, not even blink as the tense silence filled the store. The heavy pattering of rain his only companion in that moment.

Suddenly, Harley fell backwards in a fits of giggles that shattered the haunting environment into millions of infinitely small pieces. Her face reddening as she clutched at her stomach.

“Yo-” She struggled between a storm of giggles,” You should’ve saw your face!”

His own heart began to beat normally and body finally shaken itself from the fear that held it prisoner. Fingers still shaking, he checked his pants just to be on the safe side.

‘Still dry.’ He sighed in relief, having no expectations that she would’ve ever let him live this down if he actually did wet himself. But after a few moments of fitful giggles, his face flushed in embarrassment as it just went on and on. It never felt good when anyone laugh at you, especially when it was someone attractive.

“C-com-” The blonde fell into another fits of giggles as she wiped at the tears at the corner of her eyes,” C’mon! Let’s get a move on back before the rain gets worse!”

***********************************************************************************

Gotham was normally always a rather dark and gloomy place, the rain nor his mood helping that perception of the place in the slightest. Instead of large neon signs that indicated signs of activity, only the overhead street lights acted as the only source of light. Puddles forms on the cracked sidewalk, making his shoes squish somewhat uncomfortably as water seeped in.

Cold rain smattered down across his shoulders as he held up his backpack as a makeshift umbrella, etching lights of fatigue through those muscles. So it was safe say while he was cold, hungry and annoyed; he wasn’t having a very good day.

“C’mon!” Harley whined, her own dufflebag well above her head as they walked,” It was just a joke! A prank! No reason to feel so sour about it! It was just a little bit of pee!”

“I did not piss myself.”

Albert snapped back automatically. Yeah, he could admit it. He was definitely grouchy and thoroughly done with the blonde for the day. Week or even month.

“But your pants are wet?” She teased, her blonde pigtails now drooping from the rain,” There’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Sure, most serial killers are known to wet the bad past the age of twelve but that doesn’t mean anything!”

‘Yeah,’ He thought darkly, eyeing the blonde who happily skipped and jumped into every puddle they came across,’ I can see it.’

Acid bubbled up in his chest as he saw that sadistic joy run through her body, seeming to rejuvenate her after almost a week of inactivity. It took everything in his power not to just rip and tear her apart. There were so many things he could say that would slay her way she stood, information he could scream out that would make her collapse in on herself. Things that would pierce at her inner most self and irreparably scar her very soul. And just as those venomous were getting ready to spill out of his lips, he swallowed them down.

‘I’m not like that.’ He told to himself, forcing the vitriol down to a corner in his mind and into a metal crate. He cou-no wouldn’t become that kind of person. Someone who would tear down others just because he could. Especially for such a harmless prank that he himself had down in his old life. Instead, he took a few deep breathe of moist air to calm himself and paused.

‘That doesn’t smell good..’

Normally, he could smell garbage from even the nearby alleyways. But now, under that he could just barely catch the scent of iron in the air. A sickly feeling began to bubble up from his guts as the corner leading back to the shelter took on a much more sinister edge and judging from the sudden silence from besides him, Harley had also caught a whiff of the scent.

Stepping closer, she allowed the dufflebag to swing to her side and had her bat read in hand. As they stepped around the corner, a nightmare laid before them. Turned over cars, broken in doors, shattered windows, rumble from broken down walls laid littered across the road. But despite the destruction that wasn’t what caught his eye. Bodies. Half-chewed up corpses were sprawled everywhere.

Man, woman, child, young, old, brown skin, pale skin. It didn’t matter in the slightest. All along the surrounding buildings, it was quite. Even more so than normal. Instead of the quiet that came about from people trying to not capture the attention of looters or wandering bands of thugs, this silence reminded Albert of only one place he’s been to before. The cemetery.

Blood mixed with the rain as it was all drained into multiple storm drains, giving it the appearance of some sort of a macabre crimson river. The stench itself had grown overpowering after they stood stock still before the massacre before them.

“Red…” Harley whispered softly before sprinting forward without hesitating, her heavy boots splashing through the bloody puddles and stepping callously over splayed body parts with jagged wounds.

[SAN: 37/45]

“Fuck…”