Tricked Into A NewLife, God Must Be Screwing With Me!

1-4 Outside and Potions



Stahlia, Eleventh Month of 936

The revelation that I was now inhabiting the body of the character I spent the better part of eight hours designing shook me to my core. I knew I had been reincarnated into another world but the fact that it was this world, and this body was another matter entirely. Desperately, I attempted to drag up memories of the character creation, however, my memories after a certain point were fuzzy. Likely because of how tired I had been by the end; I couldn’t remember everything I had done perfectly. I remembered details about the Archetypes of creatures in this world, as well as the custom class settings I had set up, but for the life of me, I could not recall much of the myriad of classes, monsters, and talents I had browsed through. Maybe that’s why the so-called game was so sparse on detail. If I had had access to all the information, I probably wouldn’t be able to remember the important details.

Let’s start with what I know for sure. Classes and RPG mechanics exist in this world. At least, based on the character settings stuff I would have to imagine they do. I took a class that was still in development that came with a special skill. Then I selected Prodigy 1 as my talent and buffed my base stats. If RPG mechanics exist, that would probably explain how I learned a new language in only a few months; I recall Intelligence being my highest stat. My parents probably think I have a rare class or talent as well since I’ve been developing so quickly. Shit, I really shouldn’t have gone so fast. I hope this doesn’t make me a pariah or something in this world.

Striving to remember everything I could, I thought back over my character summary. “I seem to recall something about my Divine Authority skill… something about having access to the menu. How do I do that?” I tried swiping my hand through the air, like in that popular show where a bunch of people got trapped in a VR game. At some point, I had passed out from crying and been brought to my bed while my mother went off to find my father, likely to have him call the doctor again. In any case, I was currently alone so I could experiment freely without fear of being seen. However, try as I might, I couldn’t get my menu or whatever to open. Menu! Status! Character Sheet! Options! No matter what commands I tried nothing happened. Don’t tell me I have to give a verbal command; Jacqueline is probably posted right outside my room so I can’t make noise, or my mother will freak out again. Damnit! Every time the Isekai setting is an RPG world the player is always able to open the menu just by thinking about it! Useless Divine Authority! Show me the menu already!

I blinked. Displayed in my vision was a small menu detailing my character stats. Apparently, that had worked. Close. The menu closed. Divine Authority, show menu. The menu reappeared. It would seem I had to invoke the name of the skill before I could access its abilities. Thankfully, I could just think it, so I wouldn’t make anybody think I was insane. At least any more than they already did. Babies shouldn’t thrash around every waking moment; they should eat cry poop and sleep. I really hope I haven’t made my situation worse… The menu seemed to be floating off my vision. I waved my hand around it experimentally, but it superimposed itself over my hand, even when I was almost touching my eyes. So, this is being fed directly through my optic nerve then, which means only I will be able to see it, good. I read over the information, it looked a bit different than how I remembered, and had a new section.

Life Summary Screen:

Life Point Balance: 1

Name/Age: Stahlia, 0

Gender: Female

Class/Level: Custom Class, 1 Experience: 0/1000

Species: Human (Pureblood)

Social Strata: Fallen Noble House (Despita, Drakas Kingdom)

Starting Gift: Small Seed [locked]

Ability Values:

  • Strength C: 1 (50)
  • Endurance B: 1 (70)
  • Dexterity A: 1 (100)
  • Intelligence S: 150 (150)
  • Charisma B: 1 (70)
  • Mana B: 1 (70)

Talents 1/1: Prodigy 1*

Skills 1/1: Divine Authority[Class Features]*, Language Proficiency[Central Human]*

Talents Experience:

Prodigy 10/1000

This was a lot to unpack. Is it just me, or is this a lot more detailed than what it was originally like? Indeed, I could now see my experience amount for both my level and my talents as well as what I could only assume was geographical information about by social strata. I also earned a Life Point somehow, but I have no way of figuring out what I did. And there’s this Language Proficiency skill. I can assume I got that when I learned the language here, shouldn’t there be some kind of notification when I get new talents and skills? For some reason, it isn’t taking up a skill slot either. There’s also a numerical value associated with my ability values. Noticing the little symbol for Language Proficiency[Central Human] I tried focusing on it.

A new window opened in my vision showing me a description of Language Proficiency[Central Human]

Language Proficiency[Central Human]: Represents the individual’s fluency in the common language of the Central Continent.

So, it just indicates that I’ve sufficiently learned a language to the point of being considered fluent. Considering that there are still words I don’t know, it doesn’t give me anything like complete mastery over the language. Still, the fact that a skill like this exists will serve as a good progress indicator if I ever have to learn another language. Come to think of it, the default character it gave me also had this skill. If I had reincarnated as him, I wonder how it would have taken effect? The skill doesn’t say anything about an automatic effect, I can’t imagine just being able to suddenly speak a language fluently.

All my abilities were currently only at one, but I was reasonably certain that the parenthetical numbers to the right were the max values for each ability. So. the letters must have influenced my starting score, I guess the fact that they are mostly all at one right now probably has to do with the fact that my age is “0”. Nobody would expect a baby to be able to bench press. Why is intelligence already at its max though? The only explanation I could think of was that my high starting Intelligence was either a hidden effect of Prodigy or the result of my adult mind.

“Starting Gift” is locked for some reason, I think that section of the character creator said something about the tutorial but I can’t say for sure since I was so tired at the time… Still, not like a seed is going to be particularly useful. As I was lost in thought, I heard a knock on my door and heard my mother’s voice. She sounded tired. “Stahlia dear, I am coming in, we need to talk.” That didn’t sound good. Oh shit

★★★★★★

As it turned out, my mother had meant that the family needed to talk. Upon entering my room, she had scooped me up and brought me down to the dining area where my father, who looked fairly angry, was sitting at the table. Am I about to be executed as a heretic or something?! I sat in my mother’s arms and my father leaned towards me. “Stahlia, who showed you, their penis?” I blinked. This was not what I had expected. Actually, considering that I haven’t actually seen a penis in this life and didn’t even know the word for it, it would make sense that my dad is freaking out. I decided to try and play innocent to diffuse the situation.

“Daddy, what’s a penis?”. I put on a face that I hoped would pass as childishly curious. “Ah, right, your mother said you hadn’t known what to call it. Let me ask again. Stahlia, who showed you their ‘Hanging thing’?” His voice was steady, but I could still detect the hint of barely contained rage. Oh shit, they totally think I’ve been molested or something! I quickly listed off all the men I had met in my head. It wasn’t a very long list since the only man other than my father I could remember was the doctor. I can’t say anything that might get the doctor in trouble, he might be mean and poke at me a lot, but I know he’s only doing that because my mother was worried about me.

Thinking as quickly as my tiny brain was able to, I said the first excuse that seemed plausible. “I saw yours, daddy!” My dad fell backward in his chair, and behind me, I felt my mother stiffen. It may have been a figment of my imagination, but I could swear I felt her start shaking. Shit! Now my mother probably thinks my dad is the one who was molesting me! Hurriedly, I decided to add to my excuse. “You were going potty and came out with your belt undone!” I did my best to give off an air of childish innocence. It seemed my acting paid off, as I felt my mother relax behind me.

My father looked visibly relieved and sat up straight before addressing me in a firm tone. “Right. Well, you see Stahlia, that ‘hanging thing’ is called a ‘penis’ and it is something boys and men have. Girls have something else, since you are my precious little girl, you do not have a penis.” He was right. Discovering the menu had distracted me somewhat, but the reality of my situation sank in again. I was a girl now. I lost control of my emotions and started crying again, prompting my mother to rush me off to my room while trying to convince me that being a girl wasn’t so bad and that I didn’t need a penis.

★★★★★★

My father seemed to want to forget that the misunderstanding had ever happened and refused to touch on the subject, while my mother was as fretful as always. I spent the better part of a month listlessly going about my day by laying in bed, only getting up when my mother forcibly carried me somewhere. I was actually grateful now that the setting had me start as a baby despite the physical limitations that were imposed; if this was a setting where I suddenly awoke to memories of my past life then I would have to deal with a completely different set of hormones and biological phenomena. Baby boys and girls are actually fairly similar all things considered. I was not looking forward to my second experience of puberty.

After nearly a month of this, my mother decided that enough was enough and picked me up a tad bit more forcefully than usual.

“Stahlia. You are nearly a year old. You are already capable of carrying on a conversation and walking about. Whether or not your father wanted a son as his first child does not mean he does not love you as his daughter.” She was looking straight into my tiny eyes the whole time she spoke. I guess my parents think that I thought I was a boy because my dad occasionally mentions having a son inherit the house. With that said, my mother positioned me into a baby carrier and marched to the front door where Jacqueline helped her don a coat.

“Where are we going, mommy?” I really had no desire to be anywhere other than my bed right now.

“Shopping, I think getting you out of the house might break you out of this tantrum you have been having. Stahlia dear, please try not to draw attention to yourself. Your father thinks it is for the best if we keep your unique disposition within the family for the time being.” With her brief explanation and long-winded warning, she hefted me up into a proper carry and set out.

I wanted to act upset and pouty, but those feelings gradually gave way as I looked at the goings-on in the town for the first time. There was so much stuff that you didn’t see in a non-fantasy place like Earth. On the surface, our little village looked like a European hamlet. Houses were made from wood with whitewashed walls broken up by dark crossbeams. The buildings were all capped off by a thatch roof. Brick chimneys extended out of the larger buildings, and some of them were emitting white smoke into the air. If I had one complaint about the scenery it would have to be that the air was a bit chilly. I seem to recall that my father was worried about it snowing early this year, so we must be fairly close to winter.

The first thing I noticed that made the world seem fantasy-esque, as opposed to an ordinary hamlet, was the smell. I had spent my entire first life in a town or city, the latter being considerably smellier. But this place did not smell like anything I could remember. It smelled fresh and clean. A general smell that I would compare to pine suffused the whole village, but it wasn’t quite pure pine; it had a bit of mint and some kind of citrus mixed into it.

We continued down the street, and I watched the windows of the houses we passed, as we moved further down the street, the houses got smaller and their interiors simpler. After a certain point, they lost their second story. I decided this was a good time to get some information about my surroundings, “Momma, why is our house so big?”

I had intended the question to seem innocent and inoffensive, but my mother’s face hardened. “Because your father’s elder brother was an imbecile and a traitor to the crown.”

 Her face quickly regained its normal disposition, but it was clear from the way she held me a bit tighter that I had rattled her.

I know from my settings that my family is fallen nobility, but it seems like there’s some major drama in the background of that. I decided to try asking one more question and watched her reaction carefully.

“Is that why we are not nobles anymore?” My mother stopped walking and met my gaze, her eyes were wide.

“I really need to learn not to be surprised by every little bombshell you drop… Stahlia, how did you know we used to be nobles?” I made another mistake, of course, my parents never talked about our extended family to me. The only reason I knew about my noble heritage was from my character settings. Oops. I needed to come up with an answer somehow, but before I could think of one my mother sighed, “Well, you are very perceptive for an infant, you probably overheard some hushed conversation between your father and I, it is not polite to eavesdrop you know.” She sighed and let out a dry laugh before she resumed walking, albeit slower than she had been before

As we walked my mother explained the short version of our family history. My father was a second son and thus was not able to inherit the house. Instead, his father had arranged a marriage between him and my mother, who hailed from a branch family and moved them into an estate where my father would be able to assist his elder brother by overseeing a region of the family dukedom.

The fact that our family was originally at the level of a dukedom was probably the biggest surprise of the whole story. Said elder brother had gone on to inherit the house after the death of my grandfather. Not even a year later, he was implicated in a scheme to steal tax money from the crown. As the crime in question was considered high treason, committed by the head of the family, under normal circumstances the entire bloodline would be purged.

My father and mother were lucky, as my father had a personal friendship with the third prince. The prince made arrangements with the king on behalf of my father, pardoning the crime of high treason to a lesser crime. Said lesser crime resulted in my father being stripped of his noble titles and duties. Normally this would result in my family being reduced to commoners with nothing to our names, but the third prince again intervened and arranged for my father to take up the post of mayor in a remote village located on the third prince’s own domain.

The whole time she was talking, I could feel my mother trembling. I listened quietly until the end absorbing everything she said; who knew what snippets of information might prove useful to me one day. By the time we came to the end of the street, she had fallen silent, after a moment she squeezed me tightly. “No matter what happened to our family in the past… You are my daughter, and I will always care for you as your mother.”

As we left the residential street we had been walking down, we entered into a large open space lined with a number of buildings that had signs hanging over the doors. These must be stores, which would make this the market or town square. The signs didn’t have any writing on them, but rather pictures that presumably illustrated what type of shop it was. The literacy rate must be pretty low if the stores still use picture signs, but I’ll have to see if my parents can teach me to read at some point. They should know how since we used to be a noble family, and even if it’s not something I get to use often, I would rather know how than lack the ability only to need it later. I just need to find a natural excuse to explain why I know what reading is.

There were people everywhere. I had thought we lived in a small village from snippets of conversation I heard between my parents, but there had to be at least a thousand people bustling about. It was nothing compared to the crowds I had seen in and around my university, but it absolutely betrayed my expectations of a “tiny village in the mountains” I turned my head from side to side wide-eyed and at a loss.

My mother followed my finger and her eyes landed on the building. “Oh, the temple. That is a place where we venerate the twelve gods and goddesses who oversee our world. We cannot go inside until after your dedication in a few years.”

I absorbed the information my mother gave to me, then asked a question, “My dedication?”

My mother smiled at me and explained, “Yes, every child goes to the temple on the third anniversary of their birth in order to have the priesthood oracle their class and abilities. It is a very important ceremony since knowing what your strengths and weaknesses are will influence what the future holds for you.” My mother gazed at me thoughtfully, “Truth be told, I am most curious to learn what class you were born with that allowed you to develop so fast. I am sure it is a very special one.”

You have no idea mother… Still, that was a very important discovery. Considering “Custom Class” was apparently unfinished when I picked it, I wonder what everyone’s reaction will be. Not to mention that it will also show all my stats are above the human average… This seems like it will be very, very, dangerous for me, everyone will know about my custom class. Still, that would explain my parents wanting to keep me a secret “for the time being”

Fearfully, I looked between the church and my mother, “What will happen if I have a bad class Momma?”

My mother smiled and started walking down around the square towards one of the larger shops. “Do not worry Stahlia, considering how quickly you learn new things I am sure you have a very special class.” That’s what I’m worried about!

I didn’t have much time to worry about the newly discovered doomsday clock, as the shop my mother took me to was absolutely fascinating. As an avid RPG gamer, I was well versed in this sort of place. It was an alchemist’s shop. I inhaled deeply, looking through the screen, I had oft wondered what the inside of a building stuffed full of drying herb bundles and brewed potions would smell like. It was a refreshing rich earthy smell. My mother watched me lovingly. “You were always so fascinated by the garden, ever since the first time you got me to hold you up to the window. I just knew bringing you here would help break you out of your shell.” I had known my mother dragged me out of the house to try and cheer me up, not that she could understand what I was really upset by though.

“Momma, what is in there?” I pointed at a large black pot that was set over a smoldering bed of coals. White steam with wisps of red woven through it was coming out from under the lid.

My mother leaned over and sniffed the fumes coming from the pot, “Some potion or brew I would imagine, I have not the faintest idea what it would do though.” I watched the lid vibrating over the top of the pot, each time it jumped up slightly more steam would leak out. The red wisps seemed to be emitting a faint glow. A man, presumably the alchemist came out from the back and approached my mother as I lost myself in the red streaks, following them with my eyes.

“Ah! Lady Rosalie, and Lady Stahlia I presume. It’s good to see you’re healthy enough to be brought out of the house now! I still remember all the potions I had to brew for your mother when you were only a few months old. Gave her quite the fright you did.” The alchemist was all smiles as he spoke about me, but I chose to pretend I wasn’t aware and continued to watch my smoke. That’s right, babies can’t respond to conversation, I’ll just pretend to be fascinated by the red steam like a normal child…

My mother gave the man a polite smile and fished around in her coat for a piece of paper, from which she started reading out a few items. So paper exists in this world, and my mother is able to read, I’ll have to ask her to teach me later. Still, between the picture signs and paper what’s up with the literacy rate in this world? Paper is usually an indicator of high academic standards in fantasy settings unless this is the sort of thing where paper is brand new and super expensive, but then why is my mother making a shopping list out of it? The names of the things she was reading were all terms I had encountered often enough at home. Just as she was finishing her list, my red steam wisps stopped coming out of the pot. A moment later, the whole thing started shaking violently. The alchemist hurriedly excused himself and moved over to the pot.

Using a long stick with a hook he picked up the pot off the coals and set it on a large stone table. He used the same hook to pop off the lid and set it aside, before hooking the pot again and tilting it to pour out the contents into some sort of apparatus made of glass tubing and a funnel. A blue liquid poured out of the rim of the pot and into the glassworks. The glass apparatus evenly divided the blue liquid into six clear bottles connected at the end. Setting aside the pot, he then removed the bottles one by one. Each was filled until roughly an inch below the neck, he inspected the amount of liquid inside each before using a lit wick to ignite whatever gas was coming out of the potions, and capped the bottles with a cork. Placing each finished potion in a crate, he turned again to my mother to finish the business she had with him.

Unable to contain myself, the excitement I was feeling at having witnessed actual alchemy from a fantasy RPG boiled over and I made another mistake. “Mana potions!” I was staring at the crate with a massive unashamed grin, my eyes sparkling from excitement. Seeing real alchemy had ignited my inner RPG gamer spirit. The alchemist, on the other hand, was staring at me with his mouth hanging open and his hand frozen halfway outstretched towards my mother to collect payment. Realizing my mistake, I looked up at my mother to check her current condition. She was staring back at me with a look of resignation.

The alchemist cleared his throat and coughed before shaking his head as if to clear it. “Ahem, sorry about that Lady Rosalie, it seems I inhaled some of the evaporated mana concentrates and had a bout of hallucination. Quite an embarrassing mistake to make with how much experience I have.” Now it was my mother’s turn to stare at me. Her voice was monotone, and I felt the strength leave her arms.

“Stahlia, how could you possibly have known what those potions were?” My mother was now swaying on her feet. This isn’t good! If she faints backward, she’ll crack her head on the stone floor and If she faints forwards she’ll crush me!

Well, since I had already violated my mother’s warning, “Mister Alchemist! Momma is about to faint!”

“Wait I wasn’t hallucinating!?” Although he was mumbling something to himself and his eyes were wandering around unsteadily my words probably reached him, since he reached out and grabbed my mother’s arm as her legs gave out, lowering her gently to the floor. I struggled for a moment, extricating myself from my mother’s arms, before glancing at the alchemist. He was gazing into the distance and looked like he had seen a ghost. Well, at least he’s made of sterner stuff than my dear mother. You would think she had stopped fainting at every little thing by now.

I walked myself over to the crate with the mana potions and picked one of them up with both hands so my feeble baby strength wouldn’t drop it. I studied the bottle intently, admiring the blue liquid within, it was emitting a soft blue light and felt slightly warm to the touch. As I was tilting the bottle, curious as to the viscosity, it seems the alchemist had recovered his senses. He approached me and took the bottle away from me, placing it back in the crate.

“Those are very expensive; you can look but don’t touch them.” His complexion had improved a little bit while I had been examining the potion, so I decided to ask him a question. “Mister Alchemist, do you have any potions to fix fainting?” He looked over at my mother in understanding.

“I do have a potion that can relieve fainting effects, adventurers use it when hunting certain monsters, but it degrades quickly so I only make it when it’s ordered.”

“So, you do not keep it in stock…” Still, this was an alchemy shop. I started to turn in place slowly, looking at the walls for anything that I could use.

The alchemist was watching me look around. “What was that you called the mana concentrate? Mana concentrate? For that matter, how the hell did you learn to walk and talk? I remember making potions for your mother when you were born; you shouldn’t be any more than a year old.”

Right, he would be wondering about that. I weighed my options. To his credit, he didn’t seem put off anymore, in fact, he seemed genuinely curious now that he had overcome the shock. I decided I should give him an explanation to his second question that was in line with what my parents knew.

“I am not sure, I just did. My parents think I must have a special class but I have not had my dedication yet. This is all supposed to be a secret, but I was so excited about the potions I forgot and accidentally spoke. Could you please not tell anyone?” After a moment’s consideration, I decided to add “My parents would be ever so grateful.” I then gave a big smile and tilted my head slightly, trying to look as cute as possible.

The alchemist seemed to buy my act and scratched his cheek. “Well, I suppose you would want to keep something like this to yourselves, no telling what would happen if the wrong people got wind of it. Alright, I’ll talk to your mother when she wakes up and let her know I intend to keep this to myself.”

The wrong people?! Holy shit mother, why didn’t you tell me it was for a scary reason like that! I would have been way more careful! I somehow managed to keep my internal thoughts from showing on my face, but the alchemist wasn’t finished. “Still, how did you know about the mana potions? Even if you have a special class, you need training for advanced stuff like alchemy.”

I wish this guy would forget about that… I really have no way of answering that question! I know about it from playing so many RPGs! It’s just common knowledge that Red equals Health, Green equals Stamina, and Blue equals Mana. I had to give him an answer, but I couldn’t come up with a believable excuse at a loss, I decided to just do my best to bluff my way through, “I thought it was a mana potion because it was blue.” I watched him to see if it looked like he believed me.

“Because it’s blue…?” It looked like he was on the fence as to whether or not he would believe me. Now he just needs another push. I put on the most innocent smile I could, “I really do not know why, I just got the feeling that the color blue meant it was mana.”

The man sighed, “If you say so. It must have something to do with your special class, maybe you got some sort of magic sense with it.”

He believed me! Phew. Hearing a rustling noise from behind me, I turned to see my mother coming. She was looking around confused at her surroundings until she saw me standing next to the alchemist. She frowned and rose to her feet. “Stahlia, what were you thinking?! What did I tell you before we left the house!” Her voice was chilling.

“M-mother, I…” The alchemist cut me off before I could make any excuses.

“Lady Rosalie don’t get too mad at her. I figure you and Mayor Fynn have some fairly unique circumstances, but I am quite satisfied with the situation of this town and do not want to cause the both of you any troubles, I intend to keep this situation a secret.” My mother eyed him warily before taking a few coins out of her coat and handing them to the man. Without another word, she grabbed ahold of me, collected the crate the alchemist prepared for us, and started to head for the door. The alchemist called after her before she could open the door, “You have a very special daughter milady.”

I felt my mother relax a bit and she smiled. “I know, thank you very much, you are very skilled at your trade.” Looking over my mother’s shoulder as she walked out the door I saw the alchemist visibly relax, so I risked giving him a small wave as thanks for agreeing to keep our family’s secret.

On the way home my mother was silent, it would seem she was still mad at me. I held my tongue as well; I knew better than to needlessly rock the boat. Eventually, as we reached the residential street, she spoke up to me, “How was the town?”

I waited a moment before answering, “I liked it a lot, there was so much to see.” She smiled and adjusted her grip on me a bit before continuing. “Everyone makes mistakes Stahlia, so believe me when I say I am not mad at you… but the world is a dangerous place. If Sven was a more unscrupulous individual, then he might have decided to take you while I was fainted.” I shivered in her arms. It’s that dangerous?

“Why would he want to take me?” My mother frowned and walked past a woman heading the other way down the street before answering. “Children with rare ability would fetch a high price on the black markets. With the right buyer, you might be worth enough for the average person to never have to work another day in their life.”

Wow. That really is dangerous. I need to be way more careful than I have been. I nodded meekly. “I am sorry mother.” We arrived at the door of our house and Jacqueline let us in, hung my mother’s coat, and took the potions my mother had purchased. My mother brought me upstairs and laid me down in my crib. She gave me a kiss on the forehead.

“I need to talk to your father but seeing as this excursion seems to have helped you overcome whatever was bothering you, I do not see any reason you cannot come out with me from time to time, but you have to make sure to avoid being strange in public and drawing attention to yourself like with Sven.” I thanked her and bid her goodnight before falling asleep almost immediately, I had likely only made it all the way home because of the adrenaline from the incident at the alchemist’s shop.


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