Unlimited Isekai and Other Unfortunate Magic

"I appreciate your concern, Master Healer," Dave said, "but we had an agreement. I'm renting this Kitlix for one hour, as we agreed. Until that time is up and I've finished healing myself, I can't afford to be distracted."

Sylphaera's emerald eyes flashed with annoyance. "This situation is highly irregular. We can't just ignore-"

Dave made a pleading face, looking at Dumpich. His puppy-dog eyes worked on the friendly apprentice Healer.

"Oh, come on, Master Sylphaera!" Dumpich interjected. "Do we really need to make a big fuss about this? All the good Scrutimancers are tied up with that whole Highborn Lord Vexarius scandal! Oh, I think I know how to handle this! Truth Seeker Jimirr has a Veritix. I can bring him in to interrogate Dave!”

"Apprentice Dumpich, I think that-" Sylphaera crossed her arms.

“You’re not thinking ahead Master,” Dumpich pressed on like a freight train. "If we call for a full investigation, we'll be stuck with the B-team Scrutimancers. You remember what happened last time, right? Poor Healer Finnigarr was questioned for several days straight about why his Kitlix was 'suspiciously purple.'"

Gaius, the Kitlix handler, nodded solemnly. "He's not wrong, Master Sylphaera. The paperwork alone is going to be a nightmare."

Dave could see Sylphaera's resolve wavering.

"And let's not forget," Dumpich added, "if we call in the Scrutimancers, we'll have to deal with Junior Scrutimancer Pibbles. You know, the one who always asks 'why don't you people just use Kitlix to mass produce healing potions and heal adventurers with that'. Dumpich finished, his voice a perfect, whiny imitation of what Dave assumed was the Junior Scrutimancer.

"Fine," Sylphaera huffed. "I'll hold off on calling the Watch," she added, fixing Dave with a piercing stare. "Consider yourself lucky. I'm going back to the Adventurers Gate. Iron Dave is your responsibility from here on, Dumpich, since you're so... energetic about helping him. Gaius, you figure out the Kitlix bond issue. I've got actual healing work to do."

"Yes, Master," Dumpich saluted.

As Sylphaera turned to leave, muttering something about "paperwork" and "irregular procedures," Dumpich slid over to Dave, a mischievous glint in his violet-brown eyes.

"So," Dumpich said in a low voice, "now that the boss lady's gone, care to share the real story? I'm dying to know how in the Astral you managed to bond with a level thirty four Vitalix!"

Dave glanced at Healy, who was still diligently working on healing his wounds, her crystalline body pulsing with soft green light.

"It's... a long story," Dave began, choosing his words carefully. "Let's just say I've had some unusual experiences since arriving in Shandria."

Dumpich's ears perked up with interest. "Unusual experiences, eh? Like what? Dungeon diving? Secret magical rituals? Ooh, did you make a deal with a mysterious entity?"

"Last one, I think," Dave sighed, thinking of the sly dark fox that shook his hand.

"Really?" The apprentice's violet eyes went wide. "You ain't pulling my leg? Wait, am I right about you bonking your head in the dungeon too? I knew that I had some Foresight in me!"

Gaius, who had been quietly observing their exchange, scratched his head. "Well, whatever the case may be, it's clear that you and this Vitalix share a remarkable bond. I've never seen anything quite like it in all my years as a Kitlix handler. It’s as if I performed the bond myself! How remarkable!”

"So... Can I keep her?" Dave asked with a hopeful look.

"Do you have the bond paperwork registered in the Shandrian Kitlix bond database? Is she registered on your ID tag?” Gaius asked, eyeing Dave’s ID token.

"No," Dave shook his head, glancing at his token which irritatingly didn't seem to note the existence of Healy unlike his system stats.

"Then, if you want her back, you'll have to buy her from Healer's Hall for 340 silver," Gaius spread his hands.

Dave's heart sank at Gaius's words. The thought of parting with Healy filled him with a profound sense of loss. He looked down at the Kitlix and petted her, making Healy produce a soft twinkle in reply.

"I... I don't have that kind of money," Dave admitted. "Is there any other way?"

"There might be one option. It's not standard procedure, but given the unusual circumstances..." Gaius began.

Dumpich perked up. "Oh! Oh! I know! You were gonna suggest that Dave works here at the Hall to pay off the Kitlix?"

"Yes, apprentice Dumpich. We could always use more hands, especially those with a natural affinity for healing," Gaius nodded.

Dave considered the offer. The prospect of working at the Healers' Hall was tempting, especially if it meant keeping Healy. But then he remembered Cedez and her wacky Quest. A single word from the dark fox could send him to the slammer.

"I... I appreciate the offer," Dave said hesitantly, "but I'm not sure I can commit to that right now."

Dumpich's ears drooped slightly. "Aw, come on! It'd be great to have you around. You seem like a swell guy. Just think of all the cool healing techniques we could learn from each other!"

Dave smiled weakly. "It does sound great, but..."

Gaius raised an eyebrow. "Is there something holding you back, young man? It would be a shame to waste your talent elsewhere."

Dave sighed, feeling the weight of his secrets pressing down on him. "It's not that I don't want to," he explained carefully. "It's just that I have some... obligations... a Quest to finish."

Dumpich leaned in. "A Quest from a higher power? Sounds extra-mysterious! Come on, spill the beans! Is it a secret mission? A daring rescue? Ooh… maybe a forbidden romance?"

"It's more of a... personal quest, I think,” Dave sighed, not wishing to divulge things.

Gaius stroked his chin thoughtfully. "Is it from the Adventurers' Guild?"

"No," Dave hedged. "It's a... private arrangement."

"Ah," Gaius nodded sagely. "A noble's errand, perhaps? Those can be tricky business. Those Highborns are cheeky bastards. It’s hard to weasel out of a Quest bestowed by one of the Lords of Shandria.”

"Is it to a beautiful maiden? A wise old sage? A talking God-beast?" Dumpich began to speculate.

Dave hesitated, weighing his options carefully. He didn't want to reveal too much, especially about Cedez. Sherlock's violin in his soul held up a tense note as he considered what to say and what to keep to himself.

“What’s in the bag?” Dumpich eyed the bulging, raggedy bag sitting at Dave’s feet.

“Metal bugs and a Felislice that I killed in the wilds,” Dave explained.

“Groovy,” Dumpich commented. “I had my share of adventuring and stuff, before I signed up to apprentice here. Listen, I’ll be back. Don’t go anywhere, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Dave nodded, focusing on his healing.

He felt a surge of relief as the last of his major wounds closed up under Healy's ministrations. The Kitlix chirped softly, her crystalline body pulsing with a satisfied glow. With a grunt, Dave pushed himself to his feet, wincing slightly as he tested his newly healed muscles.

"Thanks, Healy," he murmured, gently stroking the Kitlix's head. She trilled in response, nuzzling against his hand before settling comfortably on his shoulder.

“I’ll… um, go in the hall, stretch my legs, make sure everything’s working again,” Dave turned to the Kitlix Binder.

Gaius squinted at Dave.

“Where’s the bathroom?” Dave arrived at the perfect question.

“Left, 4th door down the hall. Also, don’t think about running off with the Vitalix,” Gaius pointed at the wall where a number was floating above a Kitlix. “You’ve got only twenty one minutes left with her. If you try to steal her, the Watch will catch you and then you’ll end up bonded to Healers Hall for life.”

“I… I won’t,” Dave said with a gulp. “Just going to use the bathroom. I can’t run very far in my condition anyway.”

“Uh-huh,” Gaius nodded.

. . .

Dave limped into the hallway, Healy perched comfortably on his shoulder. As he rounded the corner, he froze, his heart skipping a beat. Coming up the stairwell were two familiar figures: Apprentice Dumpich and Truth Seeker Jimirr, complete with a Veritix sitting on his shoulder.

The sight of Jimirr sent a jolt through Dave's system. He recognized the man from his vision, the interrogator who had questioned him in that potential future. They hadn't spotted him yet, engrossed in conversation as they climbed the stairs.

Sherlock's violin began to play in Dave's mind, a tense, urgent melody that screamed danger. The phantom detective's warning was clear: avoid the interrogation at all costs. No good would come from being questioned by the truth-detecting Kitlix and its handler.

"...and I'm telling you, Jimirr," Dumpich's voice drifted up the stairwell, "this guy's story is wild. A level thirty four Vitalix just bonded with him like that!" He snapped his fingers for emphasis.

Jimirr's response was skeptical. "Apprentice Dumpich, in my experience, when something seems too incredible to be true, it usually is. I'll get to the bottom of this, don't you worry."

Dave's pulse quickened. The violin's melody intensified, urging him to act.

Suddenly, he spotted a partially open door a few meters down the corridor. Without hesitation, Dave hobbled towards it as quickly as his healing body would allow. Healy, sensing his urgency, clung tightly to his shoulder.

Just as he reached the door, Dave heard Dumpich's voice growing clearer. "I'm telling you, Jimirr, you've never seen anything like it. This guy's got some serious mojo!"

Dave slipped through the door, easing it shut behind him with trembling hands. He found himself in what appeared to be a storage room, filled with shelves of various healing supplies and magical ingredients. The air was thick with the scent of herbs and antiseptic.

Pressing his ear against the door, Dave held his breath, listening intently.

"Apprentice Dumpich," Jimirr's voice came through, tinged with exasperation, "I appreciate your enthusiasm, but let's approach this logically. No one just 'bonds' with a high-level Kitlix without proper training and the binding ritual."

"But that's what makes it so exciting!" Dumpich insisted. "It's like something out of 'The Chronicles of the Seven Heroes'! You know, when Zerimotsh the Windwalker accidentally bonded with the ancient Wind spirit?"

Dave could almost hear Jimirr's eye-roll in his response. "Riiiight.”

The storage room was cramped and musty, filled with shelves of empty potion bottles, bandages, and other healing supplies. Healy, still perched on his shoulder, vibrated softly as if sensing his anxiety.

He saw the apprentice and assistant approaching the Kitlix Chapel, going inside.

"Gaius!" Dumpich declared. "We're back! Eyyy… where's our mysterious healer?"

There was a deep pause.

"Ah, Apprentice Dumpich," Gaius said. "Our guest... stepped out for a moment."

"Stepped out?" Jimirr's voice was sharp. "What do you mean, 'stepped out'?"

Dave held his breath, pressing closer to the door.

Gaius sighed audibly. "He said he needed to use the facilities. Limped down the hall less than a few minutes ago."

"And you just let him go?" Jimirr demanded.

"He's still got time left on his Kitlix rental," Gaius replied defensively. "Plus, I can sense exactly where the Vitalix is. I warned him about the consequences of trying to steal her. Besides, in his condition, I doubted he'd get far."

There was a moment of tense silence before Dumpich spoke up. "Well, where do you think he went? We've got to find him! Jimirr here is dying to ask him some questions."

"I am not 'dying' to do anything, apprentice," Jimirr said tersely. "I am simply here to ascertain the truth of this unusual situation."

Gaius cleared his throat. "Given what I’m sensing… he's probably hiding in one of the storage closets down the hall."

Dave's heartbeat accelerated. He glanced around the cramped space, suddenly feeling very exposed.