Unlimited Isekai and Other Unfortunate Magic

"So… are there many princesses in Shandria or something?" Dave asked.

“Yes,” the singer nodded. “But soon, there will be only one."

The violin in Dave’s soul began to play the Highlander TV Series theme song.

“Is Oraniss a princess too?"

“Oraniss is a mindless Huntsmaw,” Stellaris shrugged. “Huntsmaws are simply lesser obstacles to be removed."

“Just so you know,” Dave pointed out. "I'm not exactly a professional killer."

“Alas,” Stellaris shrugged. “Only a Necromancer can remove someone like her from existence… permanently. I tried to vanish Astra from the Equation before using hired assassins, but she didn’t die.”

"I see," Dave said, feigning understanding.

“With you by my side, it will be much easier,” the dark elf nodded.

Dave’s stomach growled.

Stellaris tilted her head. "Oh, where are my manners? You must be hungry after such a long night. Shall we get some breakfast? You can shake my hand and begin your mission right after. I suggest amplifying your Charisma and focusing on becoming invisible. Astra or her caretaker might know that you're coming. Best stab her while her back is turned."

"Sounds good,” Dave lied.

"Excellent," Stellaris purred, quickly pulling her glove back on. "Let's go down to the kitchen and order something yummy.”

As Stellaris turned, Dave saw his opportunity. He had prepared for this moment, having quietly made a makeshift weapon during the night. Hidden in his gray sleeve was a sock filled with silver and copper coins, wrapped tightly in a strip of curtain to make it more sturdy - an improvised blackjack of sorts.

The moment Stellaris's back was turned, Dave pushed everything into Agility. Time seemed to slow as he reached into his sleeve, grasping the handle of his homemade weapon. In one fluid motion, he closed the distance between them in a heartbeat.

Just as Stellaris moved, perhaps sensing the sudden movement, Dave shifted all his points into Dexterity to begin the motion and Strength to conclude it. He swung the coin-filled sock with all his might, aiming for the back of Stellaris's head.

The makeshift mace connected with a sickening thud. The dark elf's eyes widened in shock, her mouth opening in a silent gasp as she crumpled to the floor.

Pulling out sliced sheets of rope from under the bed, Dave quickly tied up the singer and shoved her into the bag.

His heart raced as he fled the Nightingale tavern, the weight of the enchanted backpack heavy on his shoulders. With all his points pushed into Agility, he moved through the streets of Shandria like a blur, dodging carts and weaving between startled pedestrians.

Within minutes, he arrived at the familiar sight of the Cambria Snail Cafe, panting heavily.

Cedez was standing behind the circular counter of her cafe.

Her usual playful demeanor vanished as she stared at Dave with worry, blue eyes settling on his collar.

Murdoc leaned forward, hands tight on the ropes leading to the snail, his Kitlix glittering on his shoulder. Giant glistening eyes of the snail turned to Dave, lightning dancing between them.

“Are you here to chop my head off?” Cedez asked, dark cloud-rings flickering above her wrists as a dark ring floated over her head. “'Cus I’d prefer an amicable solution.”

Without a word, Dave reached up and unclasped the black collar from his neck, letting it fall to the ground with a dull thud. Cedez visibly relaxed, her shoulders slumping as she let out a long exhale.

"Thank the Abyss," she muttered, stepping out of the cafe. “Murdoc, we’re good, relax. He's not under her control. Soo… where’s Stelly?”

Dave pointed at the bag.

The eyes of the cafe maid went wide.

“What, really?” She asked.

Dave nodded.

The foxgirl quickly slid onto a chair across from him, a dark halo igniting over her head, cutting off the sounds of other customers.

Dave unzipped the bag and tilted it towards Cedez, revealing the bound and unconscious form of Stellaris. "Seriously, what the hell is this?"

Cedez swallowed.

"You actually did it," she whispered. "I didn't think that... I mean, I really hoped you wouldn't fall for her tricks."

“Tricks?” Dave raised an eyebrow. "Says the girl who sent me on a ridiculous dragon-slayin' quest in the first place."

Cedez winced, her ears flattening against her head. "It was supposed to be metaphorical, a way to guide you without... without putting you in direct danger because of me. I didn’t think that you’d end up in her pub. You were supposed to stay with Remicra… and stuff. Why did you go to Stella’s pub, Dave?”

“Remicra’s Overseer tightened the Ward and added Kitlix security, so I went to stay in a pub and have dinner,” Dave snapped. “With my friends. Your vague-ass metaphors nearly got me enslaved. Stellaris collared me and told me to kill you. What's really going on here, Cedez?"

The foxgirl sighed. "Stellaris and I, we're part of… a game, you could say, with very high stakes."

“Uh-huh, you’ve got a real Game of Thrones happening over here or something,” Dave crossed his arms. “Seriously, am I just supposed to avoid anyone with blue eyes and dark gray skin, is that it?”

“Yes?” Cedez offered.

“You don’t sound too sure over there, Miss Princess,” Dave said.

“I’m trying,” Cedez rubbed her head. “I’ve had a perfect plan laid out in my mind and everything, a dream I’ve had since I was young, a path that was supposed to sort everything out nicely. You arrive in Shandria, stay at Remicra’s place, make armor, we sell it… but it just keeps sliding further and further away because some things just aren’t the same as in the dream!”

“How many competing princesses are out there?” Dave demanded.

“I don’t know,” Cedez shook her head.

“How many Huntsmaws are out there?”

“I don’t know.”

“What the hell are you and her?”

“I don’t know.”

“How do you not know what you are?" Dave asked with an incredulous look. "How can you not know something so basic? You and this bagged idiot obviously know that you’re Shandrian princesses or whatever.”

“Actually, that's just an assumption,” Cedes said. “One running between a few of us who are more or less stable and sane. There are others with other assumptions and goals. Look Dave, to be honest, I have no clue what I am or what she is.”

“How did you know my name?” Dave demanded.

“A dream I’ve had,” Cedez said, lowering her eyes.

“How did she know my name, know about my skills?” Dave pointed at the bag.

“The same… shared dream I suspect,” Cedez said. “A dream that skewers us, a dream that makes us what we are.”

“Which is?”

“We’re obviously quite… different from mundane citizens of Shandria. Wrong in some horrible way,” Cedez spread her hands. “We can’t be killed with mundane means, Kitlix can't see us and whenever I touch someone… they become amplified.”

"So you're telling me," he said slowly, "that you and Stellaris are some kind of... magical beings? And you don't even know what you are exactly?"

Cedez nodded. "It's not as glamorous as it sounds, believe me. We're... stuck. Trapped in roles we didn't choose, playing out a game we don't fully understand. Hell, we tried killing each other, but that just makes things worse.”

"Okay, let's start from the beginning," Dave said. "You said you had a dream about me. What exactly did you see?"

Cedez's ears twitched nervously. She looked around shiftily, before leaning in close. "I saw you, Dave. I saw you arriving in Shandria, confused and lost. I saw flashes of potential futures - you becoming a great hero, or a terrible villain, or... something in between. But most importantly, I think that you are the key to breaking this cycle we're trapped in. As long as you… survive.”

“Cycle of?”

“Undeath,” Cedez said simply. “Unlike mundane magi we are… immortal. Some like Stellaris think there’s a way to break this cycle with violence. She thinks if the competition is permanently taken out of the picture, then perhaps the last one remaining can ascend… to rule Shandria.”

“Oh?” Dave tapped the table thoughtfully. “And do you want to rule Shandria?”

“Not particularly,” Cedez shook her head. “Stelly does though.”

“Uh-huh,” Dave said. “Have you tried leaving Shandria? Don’t you have a giant snail to ride on?”

“I cannot leave the city,” Cedez shook her head. “Believe me, I tried. Murdoc and I tried everything. I am bound to the city… just like the rest of ‘em.”

"But why does Stellaris think she's a princess? Where did that idea even come from?" Dave demanded.

Cedez's eyes darkened. “Nineteen years ago, Shandria had a princess. Her name was Natalie Oppaz, but she called herself… Nilix Astrix. She was killed by a Necromancer. Since then, the High Lords of Shandria ruled the city in her name.”

Dave’s eyes widened.

“It is quite possible that Stelly and I are… ghosts,” Cedez said. “Persistent magical echoes left after Natalie’s death, bound to the city until… our mission of revenge is fulfilled.”

“So you think that you’re just gonna vanish or something once you get your revenge?”

“Maybe,” Cedez shrugged. “It’s just another theory. I can spout guesses all day, but it won’t make them any more or less real.”

Dave frowned.

“The Quest I gave you is unclear because I personally don’t have a clear path forward,” Cedez explained. “If I am indeed the result of a Necromage killing the city’s princess, then perhaps another Necromancer… One less insane and less greedy for power, can help sort me out. It all boils down to the simple fact that I need a hero, specifically one with incredibly illegal powers.”

A leather glove finger pointed at Dave’s chest.

“Why not just tell me all this from the start?" Dave asked with a frown.

“The more I tell you about us, the tastier you’ll smell to the Seekers of Knowledge who call themselves Huntsmaws,” Cedez sighed. “I’m sorry to involve you in all of this so quickly. I was hoping to take my time, but things just keep sliding out of my control. You didn’t shake her hand… right?”

“I did not,” Dave replied.

“Good,” Cedes exhaled. “That would have made you even tastier. She is higher level than me, so the kickback would have been worse."

“What should I do about her?” Dave eyed the bag under his feet.

“The safest path forward for you is to kill her and to eat her soul,” Cedez said. “Because if you don’t, she’ll just melt out of those ropes, reconstitute in her pub and then hire hunters to collar you. It won’t be a simple leather collar this time. She’ll probably bind you with greater magics and a magisteel collar. She’s not going to give up on her mission of unmaking her competition.”

“Gee, I really didn’t expect to become a local soul-eating demon in my second life,” Dave joked, trying to lighten the situation.

“You’re much too adorkable for that,” Cedez grinned. “More of a local friendly Ghost-buster if anything.”

“Right,” Dave sighed. “Not sure if I can just stab her.”

“She’s not a person,” Cedez pointed at the bag. “She’s a very angry ghost, one that wants revenge against everyone who slighted her. If you cut her up, she’ll bleed dark smoke… just like me.”

“And you? What do you want?"

“I want to be free,” Cedez confessed. “I want to live… I want to have many friends, I want to fall in love. I want to have a family. I want a lot of things… so many things that I cannot have because of what I am.”