Unwilling Eldritch Horror of Fortune

The three of us stepped right outside Site 1100’s boundaries and strategized. Well, maybe calling it strategizing might be stretching it a bit since none of us tried very hard to think up even the semblance of a plan. Generally speaking, individual city-states were run by menials who were near the bottom of the totem pole in terms of authority. Given the fact that the Restus were considered low-priority goods, pretty much only good as meatshields and cannon fodder even after Ascension, then it's fair to assume the amount of resources that 1100 had at their disposal was practically nonexistent.

It wasn’t like every city was like Pandora and its very unique inhabitants; most Sites were responsible for hundreds if not thousands of similar locations, and with the recent budget constraints, only the bare minimum of staff were assigned to watch over each city. In other words, it would take a lot of commotion for anyone to notice the three of us. I was slightly amused by how cautious I was when I first came here; as if anyone would care about such a tiny city for an equally tiny race.

“So what’s the plan?” Bob asked with glee as we took in the view of the city; he had always enjoyed the start of a new project - or adventure in this case - more than any other being I’ve ever met.

“Well,” I answered hesitantly, “If you two weren’t here, I’d just infiltrate all of the Restus and mess with their minds a little bit. Plant a trigger word so they’d just stop functioning correctly for a while in case things go south. Not really subtle, I know, but I don’t have the time to do anything else.”

“Wait,” Xalla added, “Aren’t you looking at the whole thing wrong?”

I arched an eyebrow, “What do you mean?”

“You said that the goal was for humanity to survive the oncoming clan war, right?”

“Yeah?” I nodded dubiously.

“But no matter how I analyze it,” she continued, “The humans are absolutely, for lack of a better word, screwed. You’d have to make all the Restus go braindead if you hope for Pandora to survive, and that’d look awfully suspicious on our part, even if we avoid the surveillance.”

I winced. She was right, but I had very little choice in the matter there. My plan was to ensure Pandora’s survival first, then figure out a way to explain the strange condition the Restus was in after. Now that I had some time to really think about that plan, I’d readily admit that it was flawed. Very much so given what I now know about the Overseer and Central.

“Do you have a better idea?” I asked.

She grinned. “I work as the head of security for one of the most influential Sites this side of the universe, Walter. I think I can come up with a better idea to undermine the very security that I work to protect. You’d be surprised how many loopholes and defects are around Central’s infrastructure.”

Big Bob chuckled, “Alright, Xalla, let’s hear what you have in mind. I’m sure some of Walter’s crazed ideas have rubbed off on you by now! I’m down for a nice bit of chaos!”

Her frills wiggled in anticipation as she spoke, “Well, my thoughts were that even if Walter’s idea goes through, the best-case scenario would still be a pyrrhic victory for the humans. Like I said, I’ve been monitoring these Aspirants as part of my job, and their current form is… um, bad.”

“Yeah…” I agreed with a frown, “That’s one way to put it.”

“So why take the risk of having them fight at all?”

“What do you mean?”

Xalla chuckled lightly, “Sometimes you miss the most obvious approach, Walter. Just have the Restus rebel against Site 1100. If they do something that stupid, then there’d be no war at all to worry about. Just looking at this city. Anyone can tell it’s made from one of the lower-end Carmen products; security’s just as shoddy as the Restus as well. All we need to do is sneak in any make sure that they do exactly what we need.”

Big Bob squinted a bit and shook his head, “They’re also employing my surveillance systems, although it's an obsolete version. Three cycles out of date if I'm not mistaken. Easy for even a half-competent individual to break into, let alone the man who made them!”

“And with the Origin Matrix out of commission dealing with more pressing issues…” I added with an ever-growing grin.

“They won’t even know we’re here,” Xalla finished.

“We’ll let you take charge of this operation then,” I said, “I want to see what the famed Xollon huntress can do!”

Xalla grinned, “Well, this is hardly the normal type of prey I hunt for, but I think I can manage either way." She let out a happy chuckle. "Oh, it’s been way too long since I’ve had a chance to unwind! Alright, here’s the plan!”

We gathered around her and listened. Just as I thought, Xalla’s strategy was simple and straightforward but effective in its execution. I ran through her ideas one last time in my mind and smiled. Yeah, I think this will be quite fun, one way or another. Once everyone knew what was involved, Xalla and Big Bob went to do the preliminary work; they had to make some slight adjustments to Site 1100’s various security measures before we could start properly.

This left me with a little more time to myself. I took that chance to check in one last time with the Director, Molly, and the others, mainly to update them on the change of plans on my end. Evidently, Abigail was quite capable of taking on the role of an Arbiter, no real surprise given her normal role as Director, and she had most of the more headache-inducing parts of working at Central contained. People were even praising the Lord Arbiter’s administrative prowess.

It was good to hear that I could continue to count on my Hospital friends to look after Q’s site in my absence, and Abigail even agreed - rather enthusiastically - to meet Xalla and Big Bob. She had been way too busy for socialization since Central’s invasion of her home plane, and speaking with other deities would be a welcomed change to her routine now that Alice’s situation was settled.

To their credit, Abigail and Molly didn’t question anything that I said and readily agreed to help where they could. That was to say, they were ok with ensuring that the surviving Aspirants in the Training didn’t die in catastrophic numbers any longer. Their main goal now was to just challenge them, and Molly assured me that Abigail had a good measure of the Aspirants' abilities now.

“Alright,” Xalla waved as she jogged back to my position with Big Bob in pursuit, “We’re good to go! The situation in this city’s even worse than I first thought.”

I frowned, “Worse as in it’s bad for us?”

“Other way around,” she laughed, “They have a total of 5 full-time staff to supervise the Restus here, and a skeleton crew of contracted workers filling in the rest. There’s no security detail to speak of either. I could probably attack the city in my Prime form and they’d barely notice; it’s that bad.”

“My side of things is even worse if you could believe that,” Big Bob mumbled, he looked more dejected than I’ve ever seen him, which could only mean one thing, “The sacrilege that Site 1100 has inflicted on my precious equipment, even if it’s out of date… it’s too horrible to say.”

I shook my head. Bob was always very particular about his mechanical inventions. It seemed that he hadn’t changed that part of him even after my long absence.

I shook my head, “What, they forget to service the stuff once or twice?”

“Worse!” Bob answered in all seriousness, completely oblivious to my jest, “They’ve been ‘serviced’ - and I use that term very loosely, Walter - by outsourced technicians! My precious inventions have been defiled by idiots! Those fumbling morons made inane modifications to my precious devices, Walter, they modified it with low-quality mass-produced garbage! Parts can’t be replaced now, warranties are voided… it’s blasphemy!”

“Right…” Xalla whispered as she distanced herself from the weeping god, “Is he always like this, Walter?”

I nodded grimly, “Unfortunately. This is relatively tame all things considered. You should have seen him when those rebels vandalized one of his precious trains a few cycles back.”

Xalla glanced back at the wailing fat man and shuddered, “Master Babylon is rather, um, eccentric, isn’t he?”

“I think you have to be a bit weird to be an inventor,” I chuckled, “I mean, just look at myself! Quite the mess I’ve managed to land in!”

Xalla smiled, “But your kind of eccentricity I can get behind. Then again, I’ll take any excuse to stretch my feelers these days.”

Bob finally composed himself and marched towards the two of us with fire in his eyes. Like, literally. There was heavenly fire smoking out of his eye sockets, so violently that were even burning parts of his eyebrows off. It was quite unnerving actually.

“Xalla, Walter,” he stated as he looked at us with a frown, “We march and we destroy these heathens. They have spat on everything that is sacred to me, and they must be annihilated for their sins. My vote is to scorch this city to the ground, but I am willing to hear your opinions as well, my friends.”

“Um, he’s joking, right?” Xalla whispered to me, “Right?”

I looked at my old friend and memories of our past came to mind… memories of him obliterating entire civilizations and with plague and flood. Now, I’m not saying that those particular species didn’t have that coming to them, Big Bob’s generally a pretty chill and jovial dude, but when he’s angry…

“I’m sure he’s mostly joking,” I answered and saw that there was that unmistakable glint in his smoldering eyes that showed he wasn’t completely serious, “Probably.”

“Alright Bob,” I said to him, “Let’s not destroy half of the Main Stage now. We’ll punish them, just uh, more subtly.”

“But punish them we shall!” Bob answered with a smile, “Alright, let’s head out!”

The big man bolted towards the city at breakneck speed, and Xalla and I had to sprint to catch up to the fleeing god. Big Bob certainly was a handful when he got fired up like this, but I kind of liked that about him. It was certainly never a dull moment with him around.

“You do remember the plan though, right?” I asked as I caught up to his position.

“Don’t worry, Walter,” he answered with a chuckle, “I’m not that angry. They were using old tech; now if they had destroyed my newest models…”

I rolled my eyes.

“Just remember what you need to do,” Xalla added as she joined us, “I can disable the Site’s internal security, but I can’t help us if we’re caught on camera after.”

Big Bob shook his head and sighed, “I’ll be thorough. I have to put my poor creations out of their misery. They’d want it that way, after what the lizards did to their hardware.”

“How long do you think you’ll take?” I asked again, “On your side as well, Xalla.”

Big Bob spoke first after a moment of thought, “If I have to get through every device in this city, and hide my tracks, then maybe 3 or 4 hours maximum.”

“I’ll be done before you, Babylon, I’ll need an hour tops,” Xalla replied, “Do you need me to help out on your side when I’m done, or Walter’s?”

He thought again for a moment before answering, “Go with Walter; you’re better served there. No one should have to witness Site 1100’s tech atrocities. It’s… it’s too much for a young untainted Xollon like you to handle. Save yourself from the horrors.”

Great, it seemed like Bob’s love for technology has only worsened since my disappearance. I’ll have to fix that part of his brain one of these days before he infects me with his enthusiasm as well.

“He was one of your inspirations for creating me, my Lord,” Noe added with a cheeky chuckle, “So perhaps it is not so bad to love technology as he does.”

I stifled a sigh. Not you too, Noe!

A soft laugh was my only answer.

“Uh… thanks, Babylon?” Xalla started, unsure how to exactly respond to Bob’s strange behavior, “I’ll meet up with Walter after in that case. I trust you can find us after you’re done as well?”

“Yeah, I can find you two, and please call me Bob, Xalla. My full name’s got too many syllables for my liking,” Bob added with a nod, “Anyway, so about that-”

“Alright then,” I interrupted before Bob could go off on another tangent, “Let’s split up for now and get things done. I got a meeting with my brainwashed Restus, and everyone else has their jobs to do. Let’s see if we can’t get this all wrapped up by tomorrow so we can check up on Q.”

And with that out of the way, our first official operation as a trio began. Central won’t know what hit ‘em!

 

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